&&.
when i was still little, my mom would scold me if i don't smile so i smiled.
and smiled.
and smiled.
and smiled.
but mom, i'm sorry for not following what you have told me.
i have cried down my knees earlier, knowing my best will never be enough.
i have cried inside my room earlier, knowing i still have many things to do and i don't know how to handle 'em.
i have cried down my knees and sobbed silently, being aware that no one should know i'm breaking down.
so mom, i'm sorry.
i lost the smile you always told me and my smiles are already turning into lies.
i promise, i'll smile after my last tear, not because i want to but because i always have to.