Chapter 42
With only a couple weeks of school left, everything really felt like it was changing. Bennett found out that he could make up his lost time with one month of summer school, so he was signed up for that. But when he told his parents, they didn't even seem to care. I stood there beside him, as he excitedly told them that he could still graduate, but his dad sighed heavily instead of showing any reaction on his face. His mom changed the subject quickly, and began talking about the paint colors for their new house, which they were moving into in July. Bennett was heartbroken.
"I guess I'm just a disappointment to them," he said, while we ate dinner with Caleb, that evening.
"It's a big deal, you're working hard to still graduate," Caleb told him. "If they can't see that, they are the problem."
I squeezed Bennett's hand under the table.
"I just thought they would... be on my side. They were, when I got arrested. Twice," Bennett answered, shaking his head.
"Well, they were mostly just trying to make it go away," I said.
"That's true. Which is what they are doing with me, now."
"We are here," Caleb said, smiling at him. "I'm proud of you, for what it's worth."
Bennett finally smiled. "Thanks."
"And you're coming on the big NYC trip, right?" Caleb went on.
I swallowed hard, glancing at Bennett. We hadn't talked about it much. The weekend after my graduation, Caleb, Fox and I were leaving to drive to New York, tour the campus and the dorm. It was going to be a whole weekend in the big city. I wanted Bennett to come, but he was hesitant.
"I... I'm not sure." He shrugged, looking at Caleb.
"Oh, sorry. I thought -"
"He hasn't decided," I told Caleb.
"I don't want to go on your big trip and then come home, to summer school and being homeless," Bennett said quickly.
"Bennett, you won't be homeless. You are always welcome here," Caleb told him.
Bennett sighed, dropping his fork. "It's just going to change everything."
"Yeah, but-"
"Iris, I can't go on your trip because I can't go to New York with you, in August. I'm stuck here, and you're leaving."
Bennett pushed his chair back, dropping my hand. I just stared at him, not able to speak. We both knew what this meant, but we hadn't wanted to talk about it. I would be moving in August to the NYU dorm and he would be here, finding a job and a place to live. We would not be together.
We spent the next week pretending it wasn't true. I didn't talk about New York. We got through our last week of high school together. My exams were the following week; he had classes into June and he would write his exams in July. We would still have four or five weeks together before I had to leave. But it wasn't enough. Not even close.
My graduation ceremony was great. The day went smoothly, even my mom drove down for the day. But Bennett sat with Caleb, forcing a smile, watching me, his twin sister and our classmates graduate without him. He kept a good attitude for the whole day, but I could tell it was killing him. That evening, he broke down in my bedroom, crying, struggling to catch his breath. He told me how he had ruined his life and had nothing to show for any of it. He couldn't even look at me afterwards - he just curled up in my blankets and fell asleep. The next day, it was as if it hadn't happened at all.
I woke up the morning that we were leaving for the New York trip, and Bennett was gone. He'd spent every night in my bed for weeks, so I was surprised to wake up without him fast asleep beside me.
When I called him, he didn't answer. We were leaving soon - it was a six hour drive and we wanted to check in to the hotel before dinner - and I had to find Bennett.
Fox had been over every day for the week leading up to this. She'd been planning everything, especially after I told her that I didn't want to talk about it with Bennett. Caleb was excited, but I could tell he was nervous for me. Or maybe for Bennett.
Now, I realized quickly that Bennett had disappeared so he didn't have to watch me go. He was struggling, and it was obvious now. He needed me, but I couldn't save him.
HAVE YOU SEEN BENNETT? I texted Kelly, twenty minutes before I really had to leave.
HE CAME HERE EARLIER BUT LEFT AGAIN. HE WOULDN'T TALK TO ME, she replied.
FUCK. IM LEAVING FOR NY FOR THE WEEKEND AND HES UPSET ABOUT IT.
ILL CALL HIM, she told me.
THANKS.
"Almost ready?" Caleb called down the hallway at me, as I put my phone down on the bed.
My bag was packed and by the door. I was excited, but yet I was not ready to go. Not until I knew Bennett was okay.
"I'm just... waiting to hear from Bennett," I told Caleb, stepping into the hallway.
"Okay," he nodded. "We just have to get on the road soon."
"I know."
My phone buzzed again. SO, HE DIDN'T ANSWER. IM SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY, I sent back, my heart dropping.
But within a minute, I had an idea. I dropped my phone again and bolted out of the apartment. I took the elevator down and ran towards the pool, pushing the door open. Relief flooded over me as I realized he was there, doing laps in the pool.
I walked over and sat on the edge, dropping my bare feet into the water. When he came up for air, he glanced at me.
"Took you long enough," he said plainly.
"Why are you hiding from me?" I asked.
"I'm not hiding, I'm swimming. And I figured you would know where I was."
I smiled. "I should have known sooner."
"You have to go?" he asked, now coming closer.
I nodded. "It's only three days."
He touched my leg. "Please, Iris, have a good time. Seriously, don't worry about me."
I forced another smile. "Okay."
"Take pictures. Call me..."
"Of course I will," I told him, reaching out to touch his face.
He hopped out of the pool and sat beside me. "I know I've been a crazy person for the past week, but I swear I want you to enjoy your trip. I'm okay."
"I'll always worry about you," I told him, squeezing his hand.
"Well, I'll be fine. It's just a weekend." Still, it was obvious he was putting on a tough face for me.
"Okay. I love you," I told him.
He leaned in close, still dripping wet. "I love you."
"I'll call you when we get there." It was hard actually leaving him, now.
"Okay. Yes."
I kissed him, then again, then finally stood up and started walking to the door. Why was it so hard to walk away and leave him there? I turned back, just to see his face again. He raised his eyebrows and hopping back into the pool, going right under, so he really didn't have to watch me go.