"I can't believe I just did that." She laughs to herself as she makes her way to Jaehyun's car. She hopes her dramatic exit left had an effect because now she has to wait for Jaehyun to realise that they came together, which means she needs to leave the same way too. Knowing him it wouldn't take long anyways, there's no way he'd want to be there after that awkward situation.
"You're so brave all of a sudden." Jaehyun comments as he unlocks the car. She lets herself in, a smirk growing into her face.
"That felt nice." She says as he turns the keys, starting up the car. He let out a chuckle, showing off his fangs.
"I haven't seen them mad at you like that in years." He adds. "I think the last time was when you hit that chick." He brings up.
"I deserved that." She says, remembering the way her fist drove its way into Tami's face. It didn't feel as good as she had hoped, and she deserved all the yelling from the school and her parents. Luckily it was just one punch. Otherwise it would have left a huge stain in her record, and Tami herself tried not to make too big a deal out of it, knowing she wouldn't be able to get away with the bruises she left Jaein the day after. It was the only time she had been physically damaged by Tami.
"No you didn't." He says as he kept his eyes on the road. "It was an act of self defence."
Jaein stares into his side profile, her brows furrowing.
"You don't know that." Jaein states, knowing she had never told him, and he never seemed to care that much about her in school, which was fair as neither of them wanted to be associated with each other.
"Of course I do." He replies surely. "You're not the type of person who would do that for fun. I also know how far that bitch drove you." He says, his eyes falling onto the tall buildings.
Jaein quickly turns up the radio before her mind had the chance to remember anything he was referring to, letting one of her favourite voices filing the car.
"They deserve a full album." Jaein says referring to nct dream, their song dream run playing as she tries to change the subject.
"Also I heard you didn't fully decline the offer." He brings up again. "I over heard the director talking. I wanted to ask before dinner but yeah, what's that about?"
"Ahahah about that..." She let out a dry laugh. She was scared about him finding out along the line. "I asked them to give the collab to someone else, cause I was already there and I told them I was still willing to collab if it was someone else."
"Wow you- uh okay." He stumbles, not exactly sure what to say to that. He stops at a traffic light, turning to face her. "I swear if you do something like what Doyoung did with star blossom it's going to be so hard to watch, especially with one of my members...eew"
"You're in for a surprise dear brother." She smirks, suddenly excited for him to find out who exactly her soulmate is. "I recommended Renjun, but they'll get back to me about it."
"Ooh you and Renjun." He says as he presses on the exhaust as the light turns green. "I think you guys would have nice contrasting voices. I actually like the idea...of you two."
"Hmm you do? That's good to hear." She tries her best not to sound too enthusiastic about it. The car stops in front of Jaein's dorm, a bright streetlight shining above the car.
"Well it's been an interesting night." She sighs, looking over to her brother.
"Oh wait." He says, reaching out to the backseat, picking up a small gift bag. "Here's your gift." He hands her hands her the bag before she looks into it, pulling out an airpod box, not surprised by the gift but very much grateful for it.
"This is very rich of you." She laughs. "But thanks."
"There's more." He gestures to the bag. Jaein looks into it, pulling out a plastic packet, inside it holds a new pen drive. "I remember you crying about losing your old one."
"That was like three years ago." She's surprised that he even remembered that, she almost forgot all about it.
"You were so annoying about it that it became the only thing that came to mind when it came to buying you a gift."
"Wow how thoughtful of you." She rolls her eyes.
"Did you ever find it?" He asks curiously. Jaein remembers going through all five stages of grief when it came to it, and in the end she had to accept that it was probably never coming back to her.
"No." She sighs, shaking her head. "I wonder what ended up happening to it though."
------
Renjun stares at the group of keychains he had fished out of one of his many storage boxes, holding the object he's been looking for for the past hour. The glitter face is just as happy as the day he found it, and the fox keychain did end up collecting some dust. He turns his attention to the pen drive, running his finger over the letters. 'J.J'. He remembers wanting to give it back, asking Mark to give it to his girlfriend, saying that she had dropped it. That never happened. He wanted to be the one to give it back to her. He promised to apologise if he were to see her again. He ended up keeping it as a souvenir from that moment, seeing as he was never able to come across her again. He felt guilty, especially after he had looked at what was in it. He ended up burying it in his stuff, forgetting it completely, forgetting the guilt.
But now he's found her.
The girl he had only known as Mark's girlfriend.
The stranger he wanted to learn about.
Is his soulmate.
He plugs the pen drive into his laptop, shrugging off the guilt that came back the moment he did so. He looks over at his phone watching the notifications ding.
6 new notifications:
innie <3
hey how are you?
innie <3
i had dinner at my parents place and they yelled at me :D
innie <3
are u alive ?
innie <3
theres some things i need to tell you
innie <3
renjun?
innie <3
yo wth talk to me
He shuts his phone, throwing it aside as he waits for the files to load. Somehow ignoring her feels worse than being mad at her. But he knows if he talks to her he'd end up saying things he'll regret.
He watches the screen as each file pops onto it.
ghostchild.mp3
selfcontrol.mp3
imnotyunoh.mp3
mark.mp3
toska.mp3
fuckyou.mp3
Renjun wanted to apologise to her, not only for snooping through her stuff, but with these 6 songs, he learned so much about her life that he had felt sorry for her. He had never felt so connected to a stranger in his life. Her words. Her voice. They were filled with so much emotion, he knew she was drowning, and all he wanted to do was save her.
The songs were like taking a look inside her, her true and honest feelings she had never shown anyone.
He clicks on the first file, letting the creepy instrumental fill his head as her voice comes in, pulling him into another world, a world filled with her and her words. He understands that the song describes her relationship with her parents, which explains a lot about why he barely hears about them.
You raised a ghost child,
You think know me though you have never seen me,
I float around, never to feel your warmth,
You walk right through me as you say,
I love you, my sweet ghost child,
The words feel like tears, tears that she never got to spill and here he is, listening to it. They are raw feelings about them, how she feels ignored by them, how she wants to argue with them, how she wants them to fuss over her. He wonders if anything has changed ever since she wrote the song, but he doubts it.
He presses the song titled imnotyunoh.mp3, probably one of the only songs which meanings has changed now that he knows who Yunoh is. This song is a lot more upbeat than the previous song, there's a consistent bass as well as a fun retro type beat.
I'm sick of the name,
It's suffocating,
I'm not as perfect as he,
As nice or as talented,
What do you expect from me,
No matter how hard I try,
I'm sure you know,
I am not Yunoh,
The song is way more blunt than the other. The quick and snappy lyrics goes perfectly with the beat she chose. But the song makes him realise that their sibling relationship isn't as perfect as they make it look, at least Jaein doesn't show it. She's had a love-hate relationship with him this whole time, always feeling inferior but at the same time still wanting his love as a brother.
The last thing he wants to listen to is a love song about Mark, so instead he skips to the song titled toska. He remembers crying to it, though he forgot everything about it. He turns up the volume as he lets the dramatic piano play, accompanied by a solo violin. It consumes him in his own feelings, putting him in Jaein's point of view as she sings her heart out. Renjun feels his heart beat faster, gulping down a sad feeling that flows through him with the song.
Is it better to be soulless?
It feels so lonely to know,
That my soul aches for something it can never have,
A dull world, where falling in love is the worst feeling,
And being loved was like being choked,
I say it's better to be alone,
But to be alone forever,
Is the worst stage of despair,
To be born without a soulmate,
Is to be born without a chance at love.
Tears prickled at his eyes as the song ends, the words resonating within him. He had felt the same way before he met her, believing you can never be loved for most of your life hurts a lot, and Jaein was somehow able to put it into words. Every single one tugging at his heart. He pulls his knees into his chest, resting his chin on them as he replays the song, wanting to listen to her emotions all over again, letting himself cry. He is the answer to Jaein's heartache, the same way she is the answer to his.
"Renjun what do--" Haechan let himself in, Renjun quickly shutting his laptop, taking off his headphones as he wipes he wet eyes. "Uhh you good?"
"What do you want?" He snaps, his voice wavy from just crying.
"I just wanted to know what you wanted to get for dinner?" Haechan asks as he walks into the room, walking towards Renjun who is still sniffing.
"Just get whatever." He answers, turning away from Haechan.
"She found it." Haechan says in disbelief. Renjun looks over to what he is looking at, the glittery pen drive connected to his laptop. "And she gave it to you..."
"Uhh yeah." Renjun lies.
"No way, she wouldn't let anyone see what's on it." Haechan's eyes still stuck on the device. "She got so sad when she had lost it." He went on, making Renjun feel even worse. A phone rings, relief rushing over Renjun as Haechan picks it up, saving him from more questioning.
"Oh Jaein." Haechan says into the phone, before putting it on speaker. Renjun's eyes widening as he realises he isn't being saved.
"Is Renjun okay? He hasn't answered any of my texts and I just wanna know that if he's fine." She says with worry in her voice. Haechan stares at him, forcing him to process the situation. Renjun shakes his head, urging him not to say anything.
"Yeah. He's okay." He says simply.
"Ah okay, I thought he was crying for a sec."
"He was." Haechan answers as Renjun swallows, running a hand through his hair. "But he's living."
"Uhh...I'm missing something." She says, Haechan let out a loud sigh.
"He's ignoring you cause he found out you dated Mark." Haechan confesses. Renjun clenches his jaw, he's panicking, he is the one who should be mad but he isn't sure why he's scared of what Jaein has to say.
"Oh." She let out. "That makes sense. Thanks for letting me know." Her voice fell quiet. Her answer somehow makes Renjun more frustrated than he already was. It wasn't what he wants to hear.
"Ah Jaein, what happened to your special pen drive you lost a while ago?" Haechan asks, eyeing the already stressed out Renjun. Renjun's heart stops, hating how bad this day keeps getting.
"I was actually just talking to Jaehyun about this, but I never found it, it's just gone forever I guess." She replies, Haechan cocking his head in Renjun's direction.
"Ah I see, well good night Jaein." He says sweetly. "Happy birthday." Guilt rips through Renjun. It's her birthday. He had almost forgotten.
"Bye." She says before hanging up, Haechan poking his tongues to his cheek, scoffing at the guy who had his hands over his head, rushing his hands through his messy hair.
"You have no right to be mad at her." Haechan scolds. Renjun stays silent, knowing he's right. "Going through one of her most private possessions without consent is worse than her not telling you about her ex. Hell, I don't even see why that's something you need to be mad about!"
"Because it's frustrating!" Renjun snaps. "To see everyone else know all these quirky facts about her when I feel like I know absolutely nothing!"
"So what, you find out her life story by invading her privacy?"
"You make it sound horrible." Renjun shakes his head, just wanting to be left alone.
"Because it is!" Haechan argues. "Why can't you just wait till she's ready to tell you all these things? You've only been dating for like a month!"
It seems strange to Renjun, it feels as if they've been dating for years, and he needed his friend to spell it out for him.
"I actually don't know."
this chapter annoyed me so much i just had to get it done with lol.
anyways have a great day everyone !! thank you for all the love and support you give my stories, i really appreciate it 💕💕🥺