Luke sat in his car and stared at the dashboard. He had to get out of the house after reading the diary and held the vodka bottle tightly in his hand. The words he had read lingered round his mind. Jessica loved him. She had told him. Why then had she done this to him? Luke felt used and worthless, and worst of all, she had made him drink. He barely touched alcohol. Now he was becoming a drunk. Over the last month, he had consumed more bottles than he had ever drunk in his entire life. Luke knew he had to get a grip, but it was becoming harder and harder.
The words from Jessica's journal echoed round his mind. Each sentence hit him like a sword striking his heart. Luke felt hazy and his stomach was in knots. All he wanted was to forget Jessica's words, yet they were lodged in his brain.
'Can't believe it's my wedding day. Luke is a wonderful man, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him. But I also love Alan. I really tried to break up with him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm a coward. I should choose. Is it possible to love two men? It must be because I love two men. I chose to marry Luke, and I want a family. Alan is part of that family, but I can't tell Luke.
I managed to see Alan last night. He was furious, but he understood. I will have to juggle two lives. My married life, and my secret life.'
The burning vodka slid down Luke's throat. He felt the rush from the liquid, as it settled inside his stomach and started to dull his senses. He turned the ignition and put the radio on. He was going to forget Jessica's words: Is it possible to love two men? Those words seemed familiar. He wondered if he had read her diaries before. No! He had been deceived. Another gulp of the burning alcohol and Luke was starting to feel better. Is it possible to love two men? He willed the words the go away and kept drinking until the bottle was virtually empty.
Finally, the words had gone. The alcohol had helped, and Luke could not remember what he was so angry about. His vision was blurry, and he laughed to himself, twisting his head back and forth to the song playing on the radio. He needed more bottles. He felt good and wanted to forget everything. Luke remembered the shop was only down the road. If he was careful, he could drive the car and buy more bottles, then sleep until all his troubles had disappeared.
The blue Kia pulled off the driveway, clipped the curb, and bounced onto the road.
'Wow!' laughed Luke, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He opened the window and allowed the freezing air to flood the vehicle. It was fresh, and quickly pulled him back to reality.
'Steady! Nice and steady,' he told himself, slowly moving down the street.
Even in Luke's drunken state, he managed to keep the vehicle on the road. The sun was dipping as it started to set over the horizon, and the clear blue sky was slowly turning a golden yellow, with a red horizon. He carefully joined the main road, watching the other cars.
The residential street was quiet. Traffic was light and only a few pedestrians were walking. The houses here were grand, and Luke wondered how he would afford the mortgage. Without Jessica's income, could he pay the bills? Before they were married, Jessica insisted they stay close to the school, and she loved to walk. The river was close by, and the scenic walks were picturesque on a summer's day. Oak trees lined the path and they had often strolled hand in hand, following the river as it disappeared into the city. The thought quickly vanished, and Luke listened to the song.
A jolly song was playing on the radio, and Luke pulled off down a side street. Even though his vision was hazy, he knew he had to avoid heavy traffic. Luke had drunk too much and did not want an accident. Somewhere, there was a quieter shop, away from the busy high-street. Even in his drunken state, Luke struggled to avoid thinking about Jessica. She consumed his thoughts and he wanted to forget about her.
A woman walked down the street, and Luke slowed down. He was stunned momentarily. She looked just like Jessica. Blond hair, pale green eyes, and wore the same shade of red lipstick Jessica wore. No! It's not her. His mind was playing tricks and he pulled his focus back to driving, swerved unsteadily across the lanes.
'Come on, man,' he told himself. 'Get it together.'
Luke did not have it together; he was struggling to see. The dimming light from the sun was affecting his driving. The glare on the windscreen made it harder to see, and Luke peered forward hoping to aid his vision. He should have stayed home. Luke was in no condition to drive. Another car pulled out, and Luke reacted slowly by slamming on the brakes. He barely missed the vehicle. The driver glared at Luke and disappeared down the road.
By now, his adrenaline was pumping, and every muscle was tight. Luke was concentrating hard, but the vodka had rushed into his bloodstream, and was attacking his brain. He felt sleepy, unfocused, and stupid, and worst of all, he could not stop giggling. After nearly hitting a stationary car, Luke laughed to himself, and then started singing along to the song.
'Because I'm happy, clap along... la la la.la.'
He did not know the words but tried anyway, singing out of tune, and slurring his words.
A few kids from the local school were walking down the street. The school day had ended, and packs of children would soon be pouring out from the nearby school. The school that Jessica used to work at.
One fat kid and two skinny beanpoles lingered near the corner. They were kicking stones, pretending they were balls, and laughing the way kids find everything funny. The fat kid ran after a stone, and stopped, puffing heavily, kicking the stone back to his friends. He past it back and then cheered after scoring an imaginary goal. Luke cheered with them, thinking he was at a stadium enjoying a game.
The blue Kia continued down the road. Luke needed to pay more attention. He did not want to have an accident. A group of children were coming out of a small alleyway, and Luke was unfocused and sleepy, started to accelerate, believing the road ahead was empty.
'Happy, clap along if you...' he sang, getting the words wrong.
The children were crossing the road up ahead. Smiling, laughing, glad to be heading home. Luke was still singing, oblivious to the obstacles in front. He sped down the road, enjoying the blast of fresh air pouring through the window. The group of children safely reached the other side and walked away, except for one kid, who was lagging.
Orange hazard lights flashed either side of the crossing, warning Luke of the impending danger. He was oblivious, and was approaching the crossing too quickly, still singing, still unfocused. He did not see a lone child step out of the alleyway and cross the road.
'Here come bad news...this and that...' he sang, unaware of the danger.
The child was now halfway across the road, kicking dirt with his feet, when Luke suddenly noticed the small figure in the middle of the street. The Kia was roaring down the road. The reaction time from Luke's brain to his eyes and feet took longer than normal, and even though Luke noticed the child standing in the street, looking at the speeding Kia, he did not react. The child was frozen like a deer staring at headlights, scared, and confused. Luke finally registered the danger. The child realised if he did not move the blue Kia would hit him and send him flying into the air. He yelled and started to run. Luke reacted by pulling the wheel, hoping to avoid the child. He was on a collision course.
Slamming his foot hard on the brake, the car locked as the brakes engaged, and the tires gripped the tarmac. The wheels shook and the vehicle slid across the road, while Luke tried to keep control of the car. It was still moving forward, directly into the crossing. Time had slowed down, and Luke watched in horror as the kid tried to head to safety and he tried to keep the car away from the child. His senses were now on full alert. The threat of danger had somehow pulled him out of his drunken haze and given him a clearer mind.
Despite his clearer mind, he could not control the vehicle and the car was losing traction. Luke could feel the pull on the wheel, threatening to go into a skid. All he could do was keep his foot firmly down on the brake pedal, and twist the wheel, hoping to avoid going into a spin.
The blue Kia shot through the crossing. Luke's knuckles were white as he gripped the wheel tightly, pulling it gently left and right, trying to keep the vehicle steady as it slid across the tarmac. He looked out of the open window to briefly register the child dive off the road and hit the ground with a thud. The kid was safe. With the car losing control, Luke did not have time to feel relief. He was struggling to keep his car on the road.
Observers were now watching the vehicle, and Luke wondered how fast he had been going. The car was slowing down, but it was taking too long. Despite the freezing air, Luke could feel the sweat glistening on his forehead. He had lost control and the car was pulling to the right. He pulled hard to the left and knew he should have turned into the skid. The blue Kia instantly launched across the road, filling the air with the sound of screeching tires, and slammed into a lamppost. The car had finally stopped. The impact had not been too drastic, and Luke sat shaking, his hands still gripping the wheel, and listened to the engine gently rattling. He had nearly killed a kid. What was he thinking?
The sunny haze and settled into a red hue, merging daytime with night-time, and the temperature was plummeting fast. Luke stared out of the front windscreen, shocked and unable to move. Wind was blasting into the interior of the car, and outside, the chilling air whipped up the branches of a nearby tree and brown leaves tumbled onto the blue Kia. Luke watched as they gently fell onto the car. Somehow, he had stopped the vehicle from smashing into people, and avoiding other cars.
He opened the driver's door, leant out and vomited onto the road.