..
past
harry goes with zayn to the airport. he tries not to be emotional as he watches his boyfriend leave to his hometown for the holidays. but he couldn't help his emotions spilling out when he sees how sad zayn looks to be leaving him.
it's the first time they're spending time apart since they started dating. they've been very inseparable.
"i don't want to leave anymore. i want to stay with you," zayn whispers in his ears as he hugs him.
"zayn, you've been talking about how excited you are to see your sisters. and your family is already expecting you," harry tries to persuade him to go because he knows that zayn does want to go and he doesn't want to be the reason he stays and ends up regretting is decision, leading him to slowly start to resent harry. he's overthinking but zayn is really close to his family and deep down harry is slightly jealous of him over that.
"doesn't matter," zayn mumbles, acting like a child. "i want to be with you."
"and you will. it's a two week break, i'm still going to be right here when you get back," harry says.
"you promise?" zayn says in a soft voice. harry nods, giving him a chaste kiss on his lips.
"i promise," he says. zayn makes the kiss deeper so harry pulls away because they're in public. "you're running late, you've got to go babe."
zayn grumbles as he pulls away. "i really wish you could come with me."
harry feels guilty.
"will you come with me next time?" zayn asks, he can't help himself. "or i could come with you to visit your family. i don't mind any, i just don't want to be away from you the next break."
harry swallows at the mention of his family. he decides to change the subject because he isn't ready to handle it just yet.
"zayn, you have to go," he says. "you really don't want to miss your flight."
zayn looks at his watch and realizes that in fact, he's running late. he kisses harry again one more time, and sneaks his hand to harry's ass and smacks it.
harry squeals in surprise, not expecting that.
"we're in public dummy," harry chastises his boyfriend. zayn gives him a wink and runs off to go catch up with his flight. harry shakes his head as he watches him leave.
later, when harry's back in his apartment and zayn had long gone, the full weight of his loneliness crashes down on him. everyone else he knows had gone home for the holidays. even niall, his closest friend. he has no one to talk to.
he decides to text zayn.
harry: i miss you :p
zayn: of course you do ;)
harry: jerk, like you weren't crying about how much didnt want to leave me at the airport
zayn: i was not crying 😤
zayn: okay, maybe i cried a little when i boarded the plane
harry: really? now you're gonna make me tear up
zayn: i really do miss you harry
zayn: you know justin didn't go home for the holidays too, he can keep you company when you're bored
harry: 🤮🤮🤮🤮
harry: i'll rather stab my eye with a fork
zayn: i knew you'd say that 💀🤣
zayn: don't worry, i'll make sure you'll never be bored. i'll text and call you all the time
harry: you better!
and zayn did try to keep his promise for the first few days. but at time went on, their contact began to dwindle. harry knew zayn was probably occupied with his family and he doesn't have time to talk to harry all the time. he understood that.
but he still felt neglected and lonely. and whenever he feels like that he tends to engage in his self-destructive behaviors.
he couldn't help it when doubts made their way into his head. he began to doubt his relationship with zayn, fearing that when zayn comes back he wouldn't even want to be with harry anymore.
and he began to remember his past and feel like he wasn't worthy enough to date zayn. he hated thinking that way, so he started going out more to avoid being alone and filling his mind with fear.
then one day, as he went out he got into contact with julian, the french exchange student that niall wanted to hook up with.
seeing an opportunity, he decided to be closer to julian so he could get a chance to talk to him alone and tell him about niall.
he planned to introduce them by the time niall gets back from his holiday.
but it backfired in the end.
...
present
zayn sat there and listened as harry tells him everything about his family. well, not necessarily everything but enough.
he doesn't mention the sexual relationship he had with zeke. he's too embarrassed, the story he tells zayn is almost the same. but not quite.
he tells zayn about how his mother remarried when he was a teenager. he tells him that zeke used to bully him for being gay and he was the one that sent the text message to zayn.
it's the truth, but also as vague as he could make it. he can't stand to see zayn's reaction if he finds out harry used to have sex with his step brother. harry wouldn't be able to handle it if he shows a sign of disgust.
it's bad enough that as he tells zayn the story, he can also tell that zayn is pitying him. he hates that.
"where is he now?" zayn asks after harry had finished explaining. he didn't say anything as harry was talking, he didn't ask questions or interrupt him. he just listened, the only clue that what harry was saying was affecting him was when he clenched his fists in anger as he mentioned some of the things that zeke had done to him. and how his mom basically abandoned him.
"i don't know, sometimes he disappears but he always comes back," harry responds.
"next time you see him, call me," zayn says.
harry nods, he doubts he's going to do that. zeke is very unpredictable he could reveal something and turn zayn against him.
"i knew there was something up with your family, you never told me anything about them and i didn't want to pressure you," zayn says. "i'm sorry harry, you deserve better."
"i really don't," harry says, looking at his fingers and feeling insecure. zayn moves closer to him, lifting his jaw up and staring at his eyes.
"don't say that," zayn says. "you do deserve better. and i'm going to get you to believe it, okay?"
harry nods, getting breathless with the way zayn was talking to him.
"if you don't feel safe at your apartment, you should stay here with me for a while," zayn offers. harry's mouth goes dry, the opportunity to stay with zayn?
even when they were dating, harry had always wanted them to live together. it was going to work too, but then harry had cheated the first time when zayn was just about to move into his apartment, so he changed his mind and got himself a new apartment during their first breakup.
ever since then, talks of moving in together had been halted. they never really spoke about it again. during their periods where they got back together, harry would sometimes spend some days in zayn's apartment and vice versa but it was never permanent as they found something to fight about and the other would leave in anger.
so for zayn to offer this is kind of a big deal to him. he doesn't know if he should accept it, but then realizes that zayn is right because he'll never know when zeke comes back. he could literally appear in the middle of the night, and harry knows with that thought he wouldn't be able to fall asleep comfortably in his own home.
"don't even think about saying no," zayn adds after he's gone quiet for a while.
harry smiles. "i'll stay."
"great," zayn says. "we need to think about our next move."
"our next move?" harry asks, though the word that's really on his mind is the 'we' and 'our' that zayn said.
"we can't let this keep happening," he adds. "i think you should file a restraining order."
"i don't... can i do that?"
zayn nods. "my older sister is a lawyer, all you need is proof of him harassing you."
"i can get that," harry says. it wouldn't be hard for him to find proof, but he doesn't believe that a restraining order will be enough to keep zeke away from him. but zayn's encouragement has him feeling calm enough to want to attempt that.
"great," zayn says. "you can do this, i believe in you."
hearing that from the person he cares about the most makes him experience a feeling that he doesn't know how to describe. he feels it in his stomach, it's like butterflies but not quite. it makes his eyes water but he stops himself from crying.
"i love you," he says. and he means it more than anything he's ever said, and he means it more than ever.
...
someone commented that i should update and tbh it has been a while so here yall go 😚
let me know what you think! vote and comment!!