summary: poe dameron + 'i think we should take a break' 'you're right - we'll get some food, cool down and then we can talk about this' no, i mean a break from us'
warnings: language
Would you just listen to me?!'
You ignored the calls of your boyfriend, violently kicking open the door to the air hangar. You stormed inside, a scowl on your face - you didn't notice Jessika and Snap jump back at the sight of you. You breezed through the base, boots thumping into the concrete floors, steps like thunder. You couldn't even look at Poe - you might throttle him otherwise.
You usually embraced his rebelliousness. His courage was one of the many things you loved about him - but this was your mission. You were the commander. It was a different story when he was ignoring your orders. The whole operation had been blown up because he couldn't listen for once in his life.
'Baby, please-'
You stopped in your tracks, and Poe crashed into your back with a grunt. You turned to face him, and for a split second, he held out his arms. The action, however, was quickly retracted when you jabbed your finger into his chest. He silently thanked whichever god was up there that looks couldn't kill - if they could, yours would have been a weapon of mass destruction.
'The one time I need you to listen!' You snapped. 'The one fucking time, Poe!'
'I said I was sorry-'
'- sorry doesn't get me my mission back!' You continued, cutting him off. 'Sorry doesn't change the fact you ignored me. Sorry doesn't change the fact you went against my direct orders!'
There was a little bit more to it than his disobedience. You weren't a superior behind a comms link, barking orders at him. You were his partner - the one person you'd hoped would be the exception to his insubordination. That was what was causing most of the fuel behind your rage.
Poe bit his lip, nodding. 'I'll make it up to you.'
'How?' You snorted. 'You find a time machine and go back and unfuck this up for me?'
He grimaced, hopelessly scrambling to find something - anything - to say that could possibly calm you down. 'I'll explain it to Leia. I'll take the fall.'
'That was gonna be the case anyways.' You murmured.
Poe reached out to grab your hand, but you swatted it away.
'Don't.' You shook your head. 'Look, I'm gonna go to my quarters and get the mission report done. I need time to think - and maybe a wall to punch.'
'Wait,' His mouth dropped open, and that was when the magnitude of his actions finally seemed to click. 'This isn't gonna change anything is it, for us?'
You knew the us that Poe was referring to - and he didn't mean your professional relationship. He meant the us, us. The us that had sneaky kisses and escapades in broom closets. The us that laid together at night in each other's arms, discussing everything from from work that day to theories about the deepest, darkest galaxies. The us that might have been the only stable thing in Poe Dameron's unpredictable life.
'I don't know.' You sighed. 'I just need time to think.'
You paused, the volume of the situation beginning to cause the descend down a slippery slope of misery and rage.
How could he do this to you? You knew that the flyboy was capable of some exceptionally dumb things, but this one took the crown. This was the grand finale that completed The Chronicles of Poe Dameron's Dumbassery (patent pending).
Poe grabbed your arm, glancing around at your co-workers. Most of them had left the room when you entered - news of the mission had quickly spread about the base and people did not want to get in your way. Even Threepio had made a point to not go near you. Still, the pilot dragged you from the walkway and towards an empty space behind his X-Wing. The ship was splattered with dents and chips from the TIE fighters that had chased you out of the planet you'd been on. Perhaps that would be the epilogue in the aforementioned book.
'Baby,' his voice almost broke, desperate as he grabbed your face in his hands. 'I would give anything to go back and undo what I did, literally anything, but I can't-'
'- I know you can't.' You moved his hands, momentarily intertwining your fingers. 'It can just be so exhausting, Poe. I love you so much but you don't think about the people around you.
You moved away from him, propping yourself up against the ladder of his jet. Your feet swayed back and forth for a moment as you thought. You were hurting- teetering on the edge of pure insanity, ping-ponging between your intense love for the man in front of you and your frustration at the situation.
'I think we should take a break.'
You knew that you didn't mean it. The second the words left your mouth, you wanted to swat them out the air, throw them to the ground like dead flies. Some childish part of you just wanted to scare him, to make him feel what you'd felt.
'You're right,' Poe nodded. 'We'll get some food, cool down and then we can talk about this-'
'- no, Poe.' Your voice cracked slightly. 'I mean a break from us.'
'You're breaking up with me?'
'No, not a break up. Just a break.' You stood up.
You saw the hurt on his face; the anguish, the torment. More than ever, you wanted to wrap your arms around him; to hug him, to run your hands through his stupidly soft hair and hold him and promise to hurt whoever it was that was causing his distress. But it was you. Was love always this much agony?
'I gotta clear my head.' You whispered, slipping by him as you walked away.
–
A few hours later, you were even more angry that you had been when this whole thing started. You were no longer just enraged at Poe - you were now pissed off with yourself. Why had you said that? Why had you let the heat of the situation push you over the edge and say such stupid things?
Three hours without Poe by your side felt like a lifetime - a long, sad, empty lifetime. You'd been sat on your bed, handing resting on the empty space where he should have been. You were still furious at him but that didn't mean you wanted to be without him.
You let out a sigh, watching as BB-8 circled the floor in front of you. He'd followed you back from the hangar, beeping something about relaxation methods. But aside from that, he'd been pretty silent. You felt like he was a kid who'd seen his parents have a fight.
'Where is Poe?' You asked quietly, moving down to kneel in front of the droid, fixing his antenna. 'In Finn's room? I know right, where else?'
Grabbing the nearest jacket from your desk, you tugged it over your shoulders. As the heavy leather fell over your torso, you realised it with Poe's - he'd lent it to you on your third date. It occasionally lead to a few awkward situations where you, Finn and Poe all turned up wearing matching jackets, given that the pilot had also gifted one to his friend.
You made your way to Finn's quarters, BB-8 rolling behind you. He'd perked up a bit at the prospect of his parents you and Poe working it out. Nobody liked to see you guys fight. You knocked on the door twice - usually, you were close enough with Finn to walk in unannounced, but with the given circumstances, you didn't want to just swan inside.
A few seconds later, the door opened, and he greeted you with a smile. 'Y/N!'
'Hey, Finn.' You greeted him. BB-8 nudged past his leg, rolling inside without waiting for an invitation.
'Poe's inside.' He said, stepping aside. 'I'll give you guys some space, but please don't do anything in my bed.'
You rolled your eyes. 'Finn.'
'Just saying!' He ruffled your hair as you walked by.
Poe was sat on Finn's bed, a holopad in one hand and a cup of caff in the other. He'd clearly heard the exchange at the door and was trying to play it cool - something at which he was failing miserably.
'Hey,' you greeted him quietly. You gently took a seat on the bed next to him, pulling the holopad from his hands. 'Wanna talk?'
'Is there much to say?' His voice was cold, and you almost did a double take.
'Poe,' you sighed. 'I don't want to break up, or go on a break, or whatever it was that I said.'
His brown eyes lit up slightly, and he finally turned to look at you. The last three hours had been equally painful for him - he thought he'd lost you. There was a lot of things that terrified him but there was nothing that scared him more than the idea of life without you by his side. He would have rather gone up against Kylo Ren with a pencil for a weapon than let go of you.
'I got caught up in the heat of the moment,' you continued. 'You hurt me, and I think I was reaching for something that might make you feel the same.'
'Well, you made me feeling something that was deep, dark and pretty terrible.' Poe tried to joke, but he couldn't hide the wavering in his voice. He reached to take your hands in his, and your heart broke when you realised they were shaking. 'But that's not a lot compared to what it feels like to lose a mission - especially because of me.'
'I don't care that we lost the mission. That happens all the time - it just hurts that you didn't listen to me.' You explained. 'I guess I felt like you didn't respect me.'
'I do!' Poe's eyes widened. 'I would...I would do anything for you. You know that, right? You tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it-'
'- I just want you to listen to me.' You cut him off. 'That's it.'
'I can do that.' A smile finally fell onto his lips. He pressed a kiss to your lips, and you felt yourself finally relax. You were going to be okay.
'I'm still fucking furious at you, though.' Your words didn't quite match your actions; with one hand tangled in his hair and one resting on his face, you seemed to be more sweet than intimidating. 'But I love you, and whatever this is, we're gonna work through it.'
'I love you too.' He pulled you in for another kiss. 'And I will never, ever do anything stupid again.'
'I give it five minutes tops.'