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The Madder flower. A Eurasian herb that was formerly used in dyeing. Every flower holds a meaning. This one is of Calumny.
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Jennie's POV
It's been weeks.
I'm not sure anymore. I could probably grab my phone and look but that would mean that I would have to leave the comforts of my bed and get it from the study table across the room.
The day of our talk kept replaying in my head all this time so I wouldn't really know the time of day if you had asked me.
—
She hummed. "I... I didn't mean to keep it from you."
Rosé sat down and let my hand stay on her wrist, to my surprise. She was sitting on the couch with me now and so I moved from holding her wrist to fidgeting with her fingers.
"I'm sorry. I- I should've told you sooner." I finally got the courage to look at her. "There was this person a long time ago. I.. think I told you about them before. I did everything for them. I had loved them unconditionally and would do anything and everything they asked. I was just so in love with them. I told them about the arrange marriage after a year or so because I thought that they were the one. That they'd understand but then they got mad at me for wasting their time. I begged and begged but they left me. Blocked me on everything. Avoided every place I knew they'd go to and then I find out that they moved. I- I was scared after that and didn't get into anything serious. I didn't think I could ever patch myself up but then you came into the picture."
I could feel the tears streaming down my face. "I- was scared you would do the same thing she did i-if I told you."
I have to tell her. I have to tell her now in case I won't be able to later on after this.
"The gap between our relationship and my previous one was where I gave up and just broke everyone else's heart before they got to mine. I stopped in high school because you.. you showed up and proved me wrong. I- I felt different with you. Anything and everything you did was.. enough. All the small and big things you did was enough to make my day better."
I've never opened up about my feelings towards her before. I wasn't a very verbal person when it came to my feelings, but I had a feeling I needed to be today.
I'd always summarize it to an 'I love you' or an act of giving her flowers or the good morning texts I sent.
"I was scared that our time together would end just like my previous relationship so I kept it from you so I could savor the little time I thought we had left."
I dropped my head onto her shoulder. "I was being selfish and I didn't think about anything else but myself."
"I'm sorry"
I kept repeating a trail of apologies that I knew weren't enough to get her to forgive me.
—
And now I'm here in my bed. I haven't moved from my spot since I got home that day. I think I only got up to go to the bathroom and at the same time eat something. There's probably an indent in my mattress with how much time I spent laying on it.
Jisoo unnie and Lisa would visit me every week to get to me to eat or go out with them.
Usually, I would decline and then they just ended up keeping me company on my couch. I finally let them drag me out today, so in a few I'd have to get up and actually make myself look presentable.
My phone went off. I sighed knowing exactly who it was that was calling me. I got up and walked to my study table.
"Hm."
"Yah. Are you off your ass yet?"
"Now I am."
"Good. Hurry up and get ready. Lisa's on her way."
"K"
It was silent for a little while. I waited for anything else she had to say.
"Jen?"
"Hm."
"How are you." Her tone softened.
"I'm ok. Don't worry I'll be presentable."
She sounded like she was gonna say something else but chose not to.
"Alright. Lisa will be there any minute so I'll leave you to it."
"Hm."
She bid me goodbye and ended the call. I put my phone back down and walked to my closet. I changed my shirt, grabbed a hoodie and some sweatpants. If my outfit was too comfy then Lisa will tell me.
Lisa had a spare key so when I was finished changing and walked out to the living room, she was rummaging through my fridge.
"If you're looking for something to munch on then go to the convenient store down the street."
Her head popped up behind the fridge door with a pout.
"You're fridge sucks."
I rolled my eyes and walked to the front door. She followed after me with a bag of chips in her hand. She manage to find my hidden stockpile.
The ride to wherever the two were taking me wasn't long. It was just at the restaurant that Jisoo's dad owned. Jisoo looked at me weirdly when she saw my outfit. I think Lisa got a scolding about it because she told her to change my outfit if it didn't fit the setting.
Seeing them bicker again made me feel a little better so I was able to enjoy the little get together. We stayed a little longer after we finished eating. I don't think that was a good idea.
The one time glanced out the window, I see Rosé walking down the street holding onto someone's arm with a smile on her face. I felt something shoot my chest.
"Take me home."
The two stopped talking. I heard Lisa pouting, "Huh? We still have lots plan-"
"Take. Me. Home."
"Jen, I-"
Jisoo unnie stopped talking when she glanced out the window. What happened after that, was a blur for me. I just know that the two took me somewhere else.
—
Rosé was holding back her tears when she lifted my head and placed her forehead on mine. Her eyes closed and the tears dropped.
"I think we should take a break, Jen."
"W-what..?"
She opened her eyes and pulled back. Rosé moved her hand to cup my cheek. She took a visible breath and stared straight at me.
"I... think we need some time apart Jen." Her tears continued to fall one by one. "I love you so so much but- but it hurts too much, Jen."
"Chaeyoung-ah" I heard my voice crack.
She wiped the tears from my cheek, "It's only for a bit, my love. I know you didn't mean to but I just need some time for myself. We'll come back to each other. Let's promise, ok?"
It hurt me to hear her words even if they were true. We had fights before that were caused by me and by her but this time I went too far.
The feeling of my heart breaking just like my previous relationship came back but only this time, it was tenfold.
—
I found myself sitting on a towel at the beach. I glanced around and I found the two not too far from me, just doing their own thing. Something caught my eye when I looked at them.
They were holding hands.
Lisa looked back at me and saw me staring. It looked she said something to Jisoo unnie and then they were both looking.
Jisoo unnie had a small blush on her face while Lisa was just smiling as they walked back to me.
"Look who's back to reality." Lisa sounded so giddy.
I rolled my eyes, "Look who dragged me out here only to be a third wheel."
"Well, you were out of it and I bet, you don't remember the car ride here." Jisoo unnie and Lisa sat down.
I just rolled my eyes again and leaned back on my elbows. I looked to the sky in front of me. The sun was setting.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"Kai called me a last week." They raised an eyebrow at me but they let me continue. "He told me Rosé was hanging out with some guy and they seemed really closed. I told him to f off and asked how he got my number. All he said was that he was looking out for me since Rosé did that a lot in their relationship. I told him off again and ended the call."
"Do... you believe him?" Jisoo unnie looked perplexed.
I got off my elbows and opt to hugging my knees. "I... I don't know. I don't want to but-"
Lisa stepped in, "No buts. Kai is bad news. Lets just ask Rosé later."
I stayed silent.
I think Lisa was gonna say something else but I heard her yelp. We didn't talk about the topic after that. The sun was setting and we just sat there looking at it.
We drove back after staying there a little longer. They dropped me off and I was back to the comforts of my house.
I unlocked the door and walked in. I went straight to my room, changed to a new set of comfortable clothes and laid back down onto my bed.
I didn't really know what to think. It's only been a few weeks and I could clearly remember her words that day. So why does it hurt? Is this how she felt when I was on the other end of this scenario?
I turned to my side and curled up into a ball snatching the blanket from under me.
—
I woke up earlier than usual.
I didn't like it. The feeling in my chest. It was constricting. How did Rosé manage.
My phone rang again. I sighed and got up to get it from my study table. It was a message from Kai. Well a photo.
It was Rosé, I think. I could barely see Rosé because of the person who had their back to the camera. The photo made it look like they were about to kiss.
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A/N: This is shorter than the usual chapters but I can't think of anything else to add in her perspective T^T
Lol, I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far.
Until the next chapter ~~