♜
i would never get used to the glaring.
even now, dressed as any other person would be in the town of aeston, i still stood out. every eyeball had been steered in my direction as i sat down on the sidewalk, patting down my leggings.
at different spots the flickers of wood had burned through the thick material, leaving a black ring around the hole. the skin beneath was flaming red, stinging like was it boiling.
my hair was black at the ends, the rest of the strands crispy from the intense heat it had endured. i had removed it, pulling it back into a low bun to get it away from my face, as i waited for hayden.
he had been laying on the floor in the exact room his sister had mentioned, and his father had carried him out. his clothes had been untouched, indicating he hadn't attempted to escape the house, but perhaps passed out before he could.
two men, guards, were wrapping him in blankets on my instruction, as i calmed my thoughts enough to focus back on him. he was breathing, but barely.
hayden millans was my age, having just turned eighteen as well. his father was kneeling by his side, a concerned expression washed across his dark face. his cheeks and nose were red, overheated from inside of the house, and his breathing was deep, like were he struggling to inhale anything useful.
"he is supposed to join the army when i leave for the summer training," the father, spoke, running a hand over his son's cheek.
i glanced upwards, pausing my check on his son. physically, he was unharmed, my only concern would be his breathing. inhaling smoke for longer periods of time did, in some way, burn you from the inside.
my mother was the only physician of norbery, and when i had been younger, i had been on many home visits with her, to check on her patients. i had always been interested in medicine, and i had remembered quite a bit from back then.
"commander millans, correct?" i ask, frowning for a moment. "aziel millans,"
"yes," the commander nods respectfully, almost as if being reminded of his title makes the years of training stir inside of him. he corrects his posture, his tone goes a foot deeper, and he seems to pull himself together. "half-year commander, however." he corrects.
"i understand," i say. "and i hope, you understand that your son should be dead,"
"i do," the commander nods, taking in a shaky breath, as he takes back his hands, distancing himself from the boy laying before him. "my position in the army has sacrificed too much for my family over the last years, but i never thought it would end here."
as he speaks, i run over the boy, before pressing two fingers into the depth of his throat. only, slightly. suddenly, he gasps, as if having held his breath for days.
as a pure instinct he pushes himself up, trying to get up from the ground, but i quickly place a palm on the middle of his chest, pushing him back down in one motion that slams him directly back into the ground. this blow to his back, empties his lungs completely, as he coughs violently.
"roll him onto his side," i order, and the commander obeys, rolling him towards me.
hayden millans continues coughing as he shakes, finally, spitting out the grey mass that was obstructing his airways prior. the mass, mixed with spit and some blood, runs out of his mouth as he coughs, attempting to spit it out.
"he should be checked by a physician, but i believe, rest would allow his body to heal on its own." i smile, meeting the father's eyes.
"thank you, your mayesty," he bows his head for the time it takes him to address me, my mouth opening a slight before i close it again.
i attempt to form words, but they all seem to stumble off of my tongue with no meaning before i can gather them into sentences. i had not even told him my name.
"your eyes," he whispers. "they resemble the king's," he nods, respectfully, before i suddenly feel a sharp pain spread in my right hand. i i bite my hand, keeping a whine from escaping, behind my teeth, as a deep frown folds on my forehead. i shake my hand, trying to relieve the pain, but it continues, unbothered.
i glance down, moving my fingers which all feel broken. it had begun in my knuckles, like had i punched a wall, and had then spread out to my fingertips. but despite the sharp painful strike, the pain almost felt hollow. like was it not my own, which it shouldn't be. i hadn't even moved my hand when i felt it.
"is anything wrong?" the commander questions.
"my hand is just aching," i reply, shaking it again.
"shared pain, i assume?" his words are casual, like would i know what that meant. i repeat the words back to him, and he chuckles. "you share intense pain with the king. if you get hurt, he'll feel it and opposite,"
my mouth forms into an 'oh' sound, but no word actually sounds. i sit on the grass, my mind twisting, ready to crack in a few places.
shared pain. or, at least, intense pain. what had hurt his hand? it felt like he had broken a fall with his fist. like had his fist struck a hard surface, like a punch. had he punched someone?
oh god. wesley?
without a warning, i excuse myself. i stand up on my shaky legs, my eyes wide.
"your majesty," the commander interrupts the spiral in my mind, grabbing my wrist. he gives it a squeeze to gain my attention, but his grip is careful.
"yes?" i finally reply, before turning around the moment before the entire front side of my body collides with another one.
one of the daughters pulls me into a rough hug, holding onto my for dear life. i am only the lest bit taller than her, but she manages to pull me down the few inches, only tightening her arms around my neck.
"oh-" i exclaim softly, surprised and lacking air due to her hug.
"madelaine, dear," the mother pulls her daughter back the slighest bit, but the girl doesn't move. "please, let our queen breathe,"
suddenly, madelaine millans pulls back, like had i set her back on fire. her eyes are wide, ready to roll out of their sockets any time, as she swallows what appears to be the size of a lemon in spit. she struggles to swallow properly as she meets my gaze, apologising for her behaviour.
"i sincerely apologise, your majesty. i was not thinking clearly," she mutters, starring down the tips of her shoes, before i reach out to stroke her arm.
her head shoots up, eyes tearing up ever so slightly. i smile, a soft chuckle dancing on my lips. "no apology needed, madelaine."
she nods, smilling to the best of her current abilities, and i once again, excuse myself. this time, however, i actually do get to leave.
i glance to my side seeing golden sun-strips making their way upwards alongside the sun, penetrating through the thinest of the trees. the night is gone.
had coast noticed my missing return last night?
and suddenly, i come to a halt. i had made it to the main street which was completely empty at this early in the morning. no one to watch me, no one to keep me here.
i glance around, wondering which way norbery would be. a path leading into the woods, leading down the mountain offers me my answer. that way.
it seemed so impossibly simple. it would be offers before anyone would be awake.
this. this was my chance. no locked doors or windows, no confusing halls, nobels, guards, nothing.
mercer was unsure of me. he didn't know. whatever it was that meant.
this could be my chance to find a place where i belonged. i could leave, make it back to norbery before coast even woke up, say goodbye to my family, tell him a lie about what had been written in my letter, and leave. i knew of a few places where people who had never found their soulmate lived. they had build and decided their own life when their letter had failed them. others had just decided to run away before they turned eighteen, and they had never returned to their previous lives, so it couldn't be half bad, what they had found.
it was what i had always wanted, and yet, it felt wrong.
there it was; my window. it wasn't even closing anytime soon, but it still felt days away. like would i never make it through the window before it closed, despite looking directly at it.
run.
a voice whispers in my mind.
or stay.
another one whispers back.
suddenly, the image of the woods in front of me starts disappearing in front of my eyes, being replaced with a bright white light. i blink heavily, but it has no affect. the image continues to change, until there is nothing left, than a blank white canvas.
"run." a voice speaks from behind me.
i instantly spin around, raising my hands up to defend myself, but the eyes i meet leave my mind empty.
"what are you thinking?" maire-grace cain yells, stepping closer to me. she grabs my arms on either side, giving me a shake. "how long has it been? two years? more?"
she continues shooting questions at me, aiming for my head it seems like. if her words had been bullets, i did not expect myself to still be standing. her expression is mixed, desperate but angry.
she's angry at me, desperate to make me see her point.
"even if he does love you, he refuses to commit. to show you what he truly feels. what he wants." she continues.
"just because i struggle to show it, does not mean i do not love her."
a different voice makes the hair on my arms rise as i turn to face mercer, whom had not been standing where he currently was when i had turned around before.
he looks exactly like he had the last time i had seen him, back in our childhood. his hair is messy, curled, and a bit too long. he is wearing the sweatshirt i had bought him for his birthday. i had almost forgotten how innocent he had looked back then. his features hadn't been as sharp as they had grown to be, he wasn't as tall or toned, and he looked exactly like the boy i had loved.
"i love you, you know i do, mars." he looks directly at me, his eyes pleading me to believe him. he attempts to take my hands in his, but maire-grace behind me pulls me back, away from him.
"you loved her years ago, and even if you still do, does that change anything? you left. you broke her trust. you broke her . your love means nothing." she yells at him, stepping in front of me to protect me.
"but he loves me."
my head flicks to the side, where another version of me is nearing us. her eyes are wide, tears running down her cheeks. her hair has been braided to keep it away from her face, only displaying her drowning eyes even more. she's hugging her body tightly, like to keep her heart from escaping between her ribs.
"he loves me," she nods, like has she not heard any other sentence than that.
"that is what you did to her. broken. desperate. completely alone." maire-grace yells again, stepping even closer to mercer, whom backs away.
"it was never my responsibility to keep her happy forever." from the other side, north appears from the white light behind him. "you make me sound like a monster."
the king.
tall, toned, grown. you could, in no doubt, see the resemblance to the younger boy standing next to him, but they seemed worlds apart. like had he done the transformation of centuries in just a few years.
i frowned, realizing something that added unnecessary weight to my heart. north would never be mercer again. he couldn't. too much had changed. permanent change.
"if you never intended to stay, then you should have stayed away from the beginning. love isn't temporary. love is permanent. a promise. and you broke that the second you stopped loving her," maire-grace had raised her voice, but she didn't yell at mercer. she couldn't.
"her?" mercer asks, the crown on his head making him appear even taller. "do you not mean, you?"
she seems shocked, confused by his question, and i understand. she had been so swallowed by anger that she had forgotten this was about her. about the pain he had caused all of us, but that included her.
"just come back," the maire-grace besides me pleads. she breaks the silence north had brought, as she walks up to him. he frowns, taking a step back, but she follows his lead. "please," she whispers. "you love me. you have to,"
"i do," mercer says.
"but not enough," north corrects, staring down at the girl in front of him.
"why did you stop? what did i do wrong? i can fix it, i promise." she continues to plead, ignoring his statement to the best of her abilities. "i love you, mercer."
"north." he replies, attempting to keep her at a distance but she continues to push forward. "the king of the north,"
"do you not hate seeing yourself like this?" maire-grace asks me, as we both watch the third of me push her way closer to him.
i glance around, as the white slowly seeps away. it runs away, hiding behind the trees, the buildings, all of aeston's surroundings that are slowly coming back into my view.
"this is his fault!" maire-grace screams in my direction, as she fades.
"no, it's not! he made a mistake," maire-grace corrects, stepping on north's toes at this point. "you have to stay! forgive him."
"no, you should run! move on."
"mercer," i regain my voice, locating him behind them all.
mercer looks up, meeting my eyes with a soft glance, a smile spreading on his lips. "hi, mars." he says. "i miss you, love."
"i miss you, too," i yell back, as his image fades, too.
my heart is pounding as the white light is washed away by the golden morning light, everyone else being washed away with it.
i stand back, alone, struggling to suck in enough air. what had just happened?
something i would never be able to explain.
i spin around a second time, just to make sure i have no eyes watching me, but despite the unfamiliar eyes burning holes into my back once again, i feel alone. whoever had been watching me for the last few days hadn't made a single move to make me aware of them, and i was assuming they wanted it to stay that way.
so, like had my feet suddenly decided for me, they turned into the direction i agreed on going, and set off towards the stripes of sun.