CHAPTER 61: Don't Do This, Kenji.
Kenji gives me a stern look, "You could have told me that the file on Charlize Northern was in fact part of an entire investigation sequence you were in on and was almost killed during the process, on several occasions?" He says to me, giving me a scrutinising look as Hideyoshi and Dad keep Edmund busy with the Barbecue. Kenji takes me for a walk through the back gardens, viewing the forest below. I sit on the cliff bench, holding a mere glass of grape juice in my hand, while Kenji has sparkling water.
He joins me on the seat, turning towards me after I haven't said anything, "Melanie?" He asks again. Sounding concerned, confused but more so-he just wanted answers. I've wanted answers since the very beginning but all of them came after my world shattered and I was set at breaking point.
I place the glass down on the concrete below the bench and turn towards him fully, "I chose to go to that academy, that college to study for a job that was inevitable. Sure, I wouldn't have met Edmund if I'd chosen differently, but I didn't think, in my wildest endeavours that I'd have to deal with something quite like this and find it's deeper than I thought imaginable." I tell him, candour on my tongue and a numbing fatigue on my head.
He sighs, watching the sun set in front of us, "We cannot foresee the future. As for Edmund, that one you could have let go." He says, shrugging.
I slap his shoulder, "He and I have been through many obstacles, but I love him, with all my heart." I whisper aloud. The ruffling of the wind against my cheeks and the movement of leaves because of such a gust of wind was palpable in the atmosphere now. The waning moon was set above us.
"I thought you and I were hitting it off?" He says to me, chuckling.
I give him a raised eyebrow, "We weren't hitting it off. You and I treat each other the way I treat Marvin and Mathias." I say to him, as a matter of factly.
He smirks, "Good times. I loved being friend zoned all over the place. How does your father see Edmund? Probably like he wants a hidden hanger to shove his old socks in and add Edmund to the pile." He wonders, quite accurately.
I sigh, "Edmund is permanent in my life."
"He's also a possessive wanker, and you know it." He says to me, mused yet all the more truthful.
I close my eyes, inhaling the drift in the air, "I'm so tired, Kenji. It's already been such a long year." I whisper towards him, leaning my temple on the palm of my hand as he leans forward, elbows on his knees and staring down at his drink.
"You've been through more than your mother was. Honestly, it feels as though that was the tip of the iceberg and you got the literal bulk of it on your head since the second you left London central. I mean, Charlize is by blood, a relative of yours and of course-wants her piece in the Parker's enterprises. Now there's a whole squadron of pathetic, rich losers trying to form a conjugated cult of greed and power." He explains, as if only those words could sum up everything. Perhaps one picture could speak a thousand words. A wide family picture that he pulls out of his pocket and my heart still as I look into the dark, beady eyes of Oswald Creed, of my mother's parents' killer, Aaron Dark-wood, of Charlize, of Claude and his father. Of Elizabeth Zoysia, the abusive headmistress of hell. Mason Wyatt, Ace Johnson and William Myers too.
The list felt never-ending.
I look up to meet Kenji's pale brown eyes, "Where did you get this?" I ask him.
He stares into my eyes, "I found it in his files. He's been looking into William Myers after consulting with your Mom three months back, now. He stresses about it too, trying to tell your Mom that she needs more back-up in this, maybe the police getting involved. I know this isn't good, but it was your Mom who killed Aaron Dark-wood. The police have been looking into his murder for years, but no one has any evidence that it was her and not your personal guard's affiliated gang in Moscow." He whispers to me, glancing down behind him, he rubs a hand down his face.
"He tortured her. I don't care if she did or not, we're talking about a murderer here and I'm certain Charlize is one of them. Ace Johnson tried doing the same to you. I heard stories, read articles, the man drugged you and the acted as though you were still missing when he left you in that cabin." He tells me.
I clench my jaw, "I know that, but it wasn't me who killed him, it was Detective-" He cuts me off.
"Forthright, yes-I know that. I also know that your boyfriend is a lying bastard and you're still with him anyway." He says to me, harshly.
I close my eyes, squeeze them shut as if nothing could pull through-nothing could sneak in, my lips curled into between my teeth as I sucked in a sharp gasp, "I still remember how it felt to have string rope run around my wrists in never-ending lopes. Afraid to even breathe when a person made to uphold the law stood in front of me with a steel barrel aimed at my head and a cyclical smirk on his lips. Do you know what that is like?" I whisper, leaning forward as his entire face falls, it crumbles to the soil floor beneath us as he's left quiet.
I swallow, licking my chapped lips, "I knew he was crooked, from the moment I met him, but I was more scared of a creepy Professor that insisted I tell him my whole life story as if it were that easy. He wanted my emotions on a silver platter, to study, to analyse, to adore. Telling someone had the potential to make him back off-yes, but it wouldn't help me prove he was guilty and in my mind, a man like that, like Finley Forthright-he was already guilty the second he knew my full name, the first time we had met. He was cunning, manipulative and well-polished. I wasn't fooled, until I really was when I found out he was a cop-a detective, he had those girls files on him because it was for his job." I whisper, the tear in my eyes crystallise and turn cold, always staying at the tips of my eyelashes, never running away, never leaving when I wanted so badly to rip them out of my eyes and call it a day.
I wanted this to end, so badly, but I knew it couldn't because the story wasn't over, the loop wasn't unravelled. The time was just still ticking, like a recording in my head, the bad parts on replay, to memorise and learn from each mistake and each time I saw my mistake-I died a little more every second.
I swallow again, saliva beating in my gums, I remove it-like drinking water, only the substance was thicker- more sticky, "I could never find the way to truly trust anyone around me. Lorraine wouldn't believe me when I told her something felt wrong about that Academy. That the secrets there were slowly choking me, suffocating me, but I was too stubborn to see it and I was too scared to turn to Edmund for help, his friends-I couldn't trust them and for good reason. You've read my reports, my findings, my documents. It's why you don't like Edmund and I can completely understand because of what he has done to me, but it doesn't begin to touch the surface of what happened to him, the way he grew up." I gesture my hand behind us, towards the barbecue.
I squeeze my eyes shut, dropping my heavy head in my hands, "I was betrayed, time over again. Corinne, Bella, Stella and freaking Charlize, their stories-all of it got to me and I'll admit, I thought they were connected because they were all blonde, with similar ambitions and business-built families, well-off and strived for excellence. I thought I was dealing with a psychopath, a serial killer and so much more." I groan out, pressing my hand to my forehead as a resonating headaches beats like a hurricane down my neck and strains against my muscles like hamstrings being stretched and pulled apart-ripped apart.
I bite my lip, jiggling my left knee, "When it wasn't...Forthright, when I saw Johnson standing above me with the gun pointed to my head, I was drugged up, afraid, but most of all, I was devastated because I was wrong. It wasn't Forthright, not directly anyway and I wanted so badly to prove that he made me watch what happened to those girls, that it was him who made me analyse their deaths as if he was recruiting me, or taunting me." I say to him.
Turning to look at his face, "I was wrong and that's what hurt the most."
He grabs my hand, squeezing it in both of his, he closes his eyes, dropping his lips on our hands. I drop my head on his shoulder, "It wasn't Forthright, or the creepy principal...it wasn't even just Johnson because he was the one who wanted to know how I got those files...it was one of the girls all along, I connection that I couldn't see or find, no matter how hard I tried to look. I never had the answers because I couldn't even find the right questions to ask." I whisper into the air, the smell of him-enriched flower petals, lured me into a dangerous sleep as he drops his head on mine.
"Being wrong is not a bad thing." He whispers into me.
I look up to meet his eyes and watch them look further down from mine in a strange manner, tracing my every freckle, the curve and bend of my nose, going straight to my lips where he stared and he stared. I leaned back further so his eyes would go back up to meet mine, so he'd know that he couldn't do what I saw in those pale brown eyes of his, in the grip he had on my hand, the way his shoes tilted to mine and the fact that he looked as though he could barely breathe with me so close to him.
I sharply inhale at the look in his eyes, the look Edmund gives me, but Edmund's felt more palpably stronger, it was what struck my heart and made it beat for him.
Not for Kenji.
Who raises his free hand towards my chin, "Does he make you as happy as I know I can?" He whispers, turning to me fully.
I gulp, "Don't do this, Kenji."
"I've never held my feelings for you." He says to me, caressing me as he moves closer. Why confess now?
I stare into his eyes, "You're not listening to me." I tell him, I needed him to listen and to stop whatever he was doing-which was moving closer and closer to me, deleting the space I worked hard to increase. The marking his eyes made against my skin stiffened my cold heart when I try to lean back further. I shake my head harder.
He squeezes his eyes shut, "You don't know what you do to me." He whispers with a long exhale, leaning back, removing his hands from mine.
I swallow, "I need my friend, not someone trying to intervene when I am happily in a relationship." I whisper to him, hoping the words don't drift through the air and find their way to the boisterous music playing and equally magnificent laughter that I felt like I hadn't heard in years.
"Are you really happy with a man who's lied to you for the majority of time you've spent with him? Against a man you've known since you were born and has shared so many secrets with and yet still won't see the way I really look at you and wish I had what your parents have, with you? To wish that I got the chance to be possessive over you and to hold you in the most cherishing of ways? Is that so much to ask you, Melanie, that I want to hold you?" His words shatter every fibre in me as I stare into his eyes, he couldn't do this now, not when I was already at wave's end and I was still drowning with no hook, no pair of wings to pull me back to the surface and here he was...showing me his wings.
The inescapable tear falls.
I shake my head, "Please, don't do this."
I watch him purse his lips, "Fine, but I'm not finished. I do have the right to tell you whether you want to hear the truth or not, Melanie." He says to me, sounding stoic, harsher even at where he knows my heart belongs and no barrier of his could stop the man I love with all my heart.
I look down, the only acknowledgment I'll give, he sighs, "You didn't speak much of afterwards? Saving the Principal, even after what she's done?" He questions, voice low as he rubs one hand against his temple, struggling to remove his own internal pain of wanting to sprout out his feelings just because we're sitting on a bench and watching the sun set on the sky and talking. Something we hadn't done for a long time.
I close my eyes, "When I saved her, the second she was shot and started drowning at Sylvan lake. I stopped. I hesitated, but not for too long. The second I hit the water, I saw Bella. I saw her corpse, floating in front of me in the most horrifying of sights, as if she'd already drowned for years and that became her new air, she wanted me to join her in the darkness, in the abyss of freezing cold water and be feasted on by the snakes of the water. The nightmares won't stop, the pain is never ending and now so is this. So is everything around me and I can't hold the weight anymore." I confess to him.
He swallows, "Stay with me. You could be safe, you could actually find peace if you just stopped looking to him for comfort."
I rip my hands away, "Why do you keep fixating on Edmund?" I ask him, I snap at him.
He wasn't listening.
His nostrils flare, "Because you're still in pain and he has done nothing but add onto it, not resolving a single thing. What is he for, if not for a good lay?" He spits, before his entire face screws up as he recites his words. His pain accumulated when he saw mine struck as if he'd thrown mud on my face.
I stand abruptly and grab my drink, moving away from him, he curses under his breath as I strut through the garden, back towards the entrance, still silhouetted as a hand curls around my upper bicep, "Melanie, I'm sorry for what I said. I know you must know all these facts, but even I can see the toll this is placing on your shoulders. It's not like your boyfriend has helped you in this situation." He mutters the last part under his breath, his hands cupping my cheek and neck.
I stare up at him, placing one hand on his chest. He pulls me in for a tight embrace, I'm wary of it, even as he's curling his head into my hair, one arm around my waist and the other patting down my hair, "I wish you would have told me all of this before, Mel." He whispers into me.
"You were a world away and this was something I wanted to sort through on my own. I never wanted my entire family involved in this." I whisper to him, hand sliding towards his shoulder. Having explained it all before, he stopped going to Edmund, and instead just embraced me in a friendly manner, like I had wanted. He rubs the small of my back, sighing in defeat on my shoulder, a friendly embrace from him was all that I needed in hopes to keep the peace.
"Now they're involved, because this is much bigger than you think." He murmurs, gently.
I sharply inhale, looking up to the darkened midnight sky, but I'd already seen the large shadow move, standing still enough to make me believe it were another hedge but I knew him well enough, Edmund stayed where he was, watching, but not interfering.
Kenji and I pull back, he still cups my cheek and leans forward, placing a kiss on my forehead, "We'll talk more later. I'll see you inside?" He whispers to me.
I sigh, "In a minute." I murmur and watch him step back as he nods softly, and places his hands in his suit pockets, I watch him walk away, folding my arms when I turn around to see Edmund lining a very wide stance, hands in his long coat pockets, he doesn't say anything, just stares into my eyes.
I slowly move towards him, he encases a burly arm around my shoulders, connecting our foreheads once he leans down. I lean up on my tippy-toes, "Have you been standing behind the rose hedge for long?" I ask him, considering he smelled of rose and pine. His armour of his own skin crumbled me to my knees, his strength did the same as he holds me tighter.
"He upset you." He states, voice low and in a murmur.
I slide my hands under his long coat, moving my head on his thick, bulging chest that felt like stone under my palm, "No, we were just talking." I whisper to him, smiling softly when I feel the warmth of his palms sliding under my cropped beige blouse, he spreads his fingers wide, keeping me flush with his torso, considering he was far too large for me to barely lean my head on his peck. He turns us around, moving along a soft pathway with his arms tight around me.
I didn't want Edmund to know, because truth be told, he wouldn't hesitate to rip Kenji a new one for confessing what I had always hoped he would have grown out of over the years. Kenji has always been my best friend, like having another brother, I seemed advice and consoled with him, but I didn't want him so close as to smell or memorises my scent or perfume like Edmund was doing right now.
I didn't want Kenji to know the map of both my body and my heart like Edmund has mastered down. I didn't want Kenji to even attempt to divert me because Edmund will not be my first love, he will be my last love, just the way Edmund makes me feel every moment since I gave him a second chance.
I didn't want Edmund to know that the man he feels threatened by is definable and reasonable, because of how true it really is, and I was just too blind to see that Edmund was onto something, that even their male auras, Edmund sized Kenji up and took that challenge like such an Alpha. It was almost too drool-dropping and swooning for me to handle. I loved Edmund more when he turned so domineering and recklessly possessive it was almost suffocating, but made it all the more hot when he made love to me.
The man with his familiar poles-for-biceps and that waterfall scent lingering on his skin as he moved me higher and moved me closer, was someone I wanted my first of everything to be the only person I share with.
I inhale the soft freshwater cologne he sprayed on his clothes as he pauses in front of a rock fountain structure, our faces lit up by the range of rose-gold and white lights, where I see a small blanket on the grass patch and a bowl of purple grapes, "Dinner might be a while." He says, my eyes widen at the sight he's bestowed.
I settle with my back between his legs as we stare up at the magical constellation above us, I snuggle under his coat as he slides his prominent cheekbone against mine, interweaving our fingers and balancing his elbows on his pant-covered knees. I nuzzle into him, pressing a soft kiss to his cheekbone.
He closes his eyes, leaning in, "I'm sorry for the way I reacted when I first saw Kenji. I shouldn't feel threatened by him, I shouldn't feel this kind of insecurity when I know I have you by my side." He whispers into me, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
I lean further back into him, "You shouldn't feel threatened by Kenji, Edmund. In terms of jealousy, I kind of like the side it brings out in you." I whisper, partially as I smile into him. He gives me a comical raised eyebrow, shaking his head lightly, he cups my cheek in his hand, turning me to look up at him directly, his thumb smooths against my prominent cheekbone.
"What did Kenji talk to you about?" He whispers, still affectionate, but straight to the point. I hold the urge to sink into him and confess everything, but the truth wouldn't set us free, it would create a bigger cage and a rougher one.
I close my eyes, "Everything that happened. The fact I hadn't told him about Johnson...kidnapping me, along with those investigations. He wanted to know why I hadn't spoken to my family first when they're more involved than I thought possible." I murmur, reaching my hand up and towards his on my cheek.
His eyes move between looking to both of mine, "He didn't know?" He questions, sounding unsure.
I lean forward, arch into him, I shake my head, "Not about everything. Not every detail."
He sighs in defeat, "It's incredibly difficult to read you, lemon." He says, making me furrow my eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" I whisper.
He leans forward, "Do you want to live with me? To create a family with me? When all of this is over, do you truly want to move out of home and finally see that you in my arms, in my soul, is my only home just as much as I want it to be yours?" He pleads, practically-he begs.
I smile softly, "Yes, I want to live with you, I want to create a family with you. I want to hand you a bottle of cold beer on a Friday night and find ways to argue with you about our children's rooms, colour coordinations and bathrooms, along with our own. Yes, I want that when this is all over, but I don't have only one home, Edmund. I will just have another one with you.
"You're beautiful, lemon." He murmurs. Suddenly, after staring at me for what felt like long hours, when really it was only slow seconds of time.
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, "What's going on? You sound as though you're ending something, not beginning it." I tell him, in all truthfulness, I saw the look in his silver eyes as his smart watch vibrates and I look down before he could move it away, a flight plan on the screen.
I sit up and look at him with narrowed eyes, he furrows his eyebrows and instantly curls his arms around my waist, "Sampson called," He says to me, I lean back slowly, still in-between his legs as I study his features, he keeps his hold on my waist to stop me from moving away.
I stare into his eyes.
That looked vulnerable.
I gulp, "He wants your help." It wasn't a question, I could see it in Edmund's eyes.
He nods once, "There are problems with the people who were under the same treatment as the boys and I, who work under this matrix, which extends longer than just where Charlize Celestial moves. Sampson lied-I know that, he put you in danger and for that-I cannot forgive him for, but lemon...I owe him for what he's done for me. For us." He whispers.
I pull back, "What has he ever done for us?" I ask him, feeling ripped from the inside out, my world turning with an imbalanced axis and crashing silver storms that stare down at me-begging for understanding, he felt obligated to do this when I wanted him head with me, he promised me he would stay.
"I couldn't have survived long enough to meet you if he hadn't risked his own life to get me out." He confesses, slowly.
I clench my jaw, "You promised me that you would be here for me, that we'd do this together. Now you're telling me you have to go back? What?-To help him find Ivy. I understand that, but what about this? Edmund, I can't do this without you." My lips tremble as I grip him harder.
His hands tighten, his expression contorts, "Melanie. You've been thriving without me since you were born. This isn't permanent, baby. I won't break my promise, I will be back before anything happens here, I know your mother's and father's plans against this, alright? Those will take time, we have that time. I'm only going to be a few days, I owe him my life." He stresses harder, cupping my cheeks.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
In all truth, I hated crying as much as I hated investigating and trying to stay alive long enough to find the next clue.
"You can't do this, not right now, Edmund." I whisper.
He presses a hard kiss against my forehead, "I love you, lemon. This is the right thing to do."
Dinner was filled with laughter and company, family and friends sharing stories and talking about old times. Edmund frequently turned his eyes to me, even as I sat on my side of the table, playing with the salad in my plate. We had walked back in silence, I didn't want another word spread between us because I hated what he was saying.
He was going to leave.
A bad taste stayed permanently in my mouth. Kenji stared between Edmund and I with furrowed eyebrows, as if he could cut the tension between us with a knife. After dinner, I thanked Hideyoshi for the meal, but all too soon, I disappeared up into the top floor of the mansion, sitting in an white egg-shell hammock, not caring for the cold in my nightdress, after having said 'goodnight' to my family and giving Edmund a look that I couldn't even describe.
That's where I stayed, pondering my thoughts.
"What's he done now?" I hear behind me. I had hoped it was Marvin, or Lorraine, or Mathias, my either of my parents. Even Hideyoshi or Mire. A part of me even hoped it was Edmund, the jealous part of me that held onto hope that Edmund would return to the room and tell me he would call Sampson back, that he needed to be with me, not the people who only ever betrayed me. His elite. His crew.
I hold my head in my hands, "Now is not the time, Kenji." I tell him.
He walks over to the railing in front of me and stares out at the view, "It is later. You promised we'd speak later." He says to me. Turning to look at me, he leans his prominent biceps against the black metal railing with floral vines surrounding it.
I curl the fluffy blanket around my legs tighter, I purse my lips, "Kenji-"
He cuts me off, "What? I shouldn't tell you anything? We've known each other for eighteen years. I'm just supposed to keep my mouth shut about everything?" He asks me, looking at me under hooded eyes.
I lean back in the hammock, the back of my head was thrumming, "No, but why would you conveniently not say anything for eighteen years and only when you see that I am happy with the man I love, so you go and tell me that he's not right for me?" I tell him, giving him a stern raised eyebrow.
"You think Edmund suddenly triggered my feelings for you?" He asks me, gesturing to me.
I run a hand through my strands, staring out at the view, "Did you know about him when you saw me in New York? When you took me to Kaito's racetrack? You said nothing and now, all of a sudden, your confessing everything to me when you've had eighteen years to do so, but what you're not understanding is I love you like a friend, like Marvin and Mathias, not like Edmund," I say, standing from the eggshell hammock and staring into his eyes, meeting them head-on.
"Not like Edmund." I whisper.
"I never pushed you because I thought I'd have time. I thought you would start looking at me, damnit Melanie." He got angrier. An anger I had seen before.
The wind flutters my hair as he abruptly leans forward and cups both my cheeks in his hands, he leans down and meets my eyes, "I spent eighteen years, watching you grow up. Watching you change hairstyles from short, to long, to layered and to natural wavy. Your styles went from jeans, denim skirts, play dresses and frilly ball dresses to business suits and fucking downright sexy silk lingerie lines. You picked out my first suit when we were six years old. I changed my hairstyle with every new male celebrity you liked because of that reason. I fell in love with you from the very beginning and I was only ever hoping you would grow with me and see just what I see every single time I look at you." He stresses under his words. My back meets the balcony wall as I stare at him in astonishment and confusion, and loss.
I swallow, "Friends, Kenji." I whisper.
His muscular jawbone ticks, his hand slides towards my waist, where I was too frozen to really react much more than listen to his words, "Melanie, I have been wanting you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. Do you really think I can look at you like a friend? Does a friend really want to make love to you? Does a friend want to kiss you into oblivion and never once let go? Does a friend travel to New York just to give you files when he's sick of just being a client on a phone call? Tell me, Melanie. Do you not feel anything else for me?"
Oh God.
I lean my head back, "I love him."
He leans his face close, eyes stern and serious, burning embers with their fired up abilities, whereas Edmund's eyes were always frozen silver, reminding me of the beauty of glaciers. Of silver moons. Of an ethereal glow, not a raging bronze flame like the ones in front of me now.
"He's done nothing but disappoint you, and you're still with him."
"Because, that's what love is and I feel for him moreover than you could feel for me."
The door slams with a powerful force, jolting both Kenji and I.
Oh...crud.
*****
A | N: So...Kenji confessed, Edmund's leaving, Melanie is still in turmoil and this book still isn't finished, and it appears it won't be for awhile, even though I had said there was only going to be two chapters left and like the author I am, I came up with more plot twists.
Tell me if I'm crazy.
Please enjoy!
Cheers, darkblonde1