Ariel Benecio
Daryl and I were talking while walking to the cafe. Sa konting minuto palang na kasama ko siya ay alam ko ng hindi siya boring kasama. He knew how to start a conversation and how to keep the conversation going.
I could also tell that he was a gentleman. Inalalayan niya ako tumawid sa pedestrian lanes like he was protecting me from other people. He would also walk beside me all the time at nung makarating na kami sa cafe, he would open the door para papasukin ako. There was something in his character that touched my heart. This was not it should be that's why I tried so hard to ignore what it was.
"Thank you," sabi ko sa kanya dahil pinaghila niya ako ng upuan after we ordered our drinks. Siya narin ang nagbayad kasi nga libre niya daw ito sakin.
He sat on the chair in front of me. I admit that he's a good looking man. Ang tangkad niya din at maganda ang built ng katawan niya. He looked fresh but too formal. Siguro dahil sa suot niyang long sleeves.
"So, Ariel. What were you doing in the hospital? Bakit ka nandoon?"
Natauhan ako at napatigil ng kakatitig sa kanya. Sana naman hindi niya napansin na I was studying his features.
"Ah, I was just doing my routine check up," sagot ko. He did not need to know about the details. Isa pa, I was not sure if mapagkakatiwalaan ko siya. And kakakilala palang namin, I usually don't like talking about my condition sa taong hindi ko close.
"I see," tumatangong sabi niya saka uminom ng coffee na binili niya.
"Ikaw? Anong ginagawa mo sa hospital?"
"I work there," sagot niya.
"Anong work mo doon?" Tanong ko. Kaya pala naka-formal siya na suot.
"I am a doctor. A pediatric surgeon to be exact," sagot niya na kinalaki ng mga mata ko. Doctor pala siya.
Napatango ako at sinabing, "Alam mo bang gusto kong maging doctor dati? My mom is an OB-Gyne kaya naisip ko na gusto ko rin maging kagaya niya. It changed when I... Basta nagbago nalang. Ayun, I work in my dad's shop instead. It was not my first choice but I love it there too." I did not tell him the real reason kasi nga I did not want to tell him about my condition.
"I can't blame you. Marami talagang plano ang nagbabago. But it is nice to know that your mom is a doctor. What's her name? Maybe I know her. Does she work in the hospital?"
Umiling ako. "Her name is Arabella Benecio. No, she works in a different hospital. My mom has a kind heart. She prefers to work in a public hospital and help the needy. She charges them less amount of payment. That's why I admire her. She chose a profession wherein she is so passionate about, so passionate that she doesn't care how little she earns as long as she is happy serving the needy."
"I haven't heard her name. But that's nice to know that she is using her profession to help others. I haven't met her yet but I can tell she is very kind based on what you said. No wonder you admired her a lot."
Napatango ako sa sinabi niya. I couldn't agree more.
"How about you? Doctor din ba ang parents mo kaya ka nag-doctor?" I asked.
"No, none of my parents are doctors. Bata palang talaga ako ay ito na talaga ang gusto ko kaya dati palang, I already told them that I am not going to manage their business because I will be a doctor."
"Masaya naman ba sila sa pinili mo?"
He nodded. "Yeah, they are but..." sabi niya saka biglang tumamlay ang mukha niya. "but I am the one who is not happy. Sometimes, I question myself if tama ba itong pinasok ko. If tama ba itong pinaglaban ko."
"Paano mo nasabi yan? Diba nga pangarap mo yan simula noong bata ka pa?"
"Yeah," malungkot niyang sagot. "I am a doctor but I could not even do anything to save my loved ones."
"What do you mean?" takang tanong ko.
It took a few minutes before he answered, "My girlfriend died of cancer. I was doing my residency that time. I wanted to be beside her but I couldn't because I couldn't miss my shifts. I was a new doctor and we were expected to be present always. That time I asked myself if ipagpatuloy ko pa ba ang pangarap ko or isusuko ko para makasama ko ang girlfriend ko." I saw sadness in his eyes when he said those words. I knew how hard it must be for him to choose. "Pero nung makausap ko ang girlfriend ko, she did not want me to give up my profession. She wanted me to focus on my residency. Mas lalo akong na-guilty because she was so understanding about it even though she had the right to demand for my presence because I was her boyfriend. It was a terrible feeling when I was not beside her when she died."
Napangiti ako ng malungkot. Ang swerte niya pala sa girlfriend niya. Sayang nga lang at namatay pala ito.
"I'm sorry to hear that," ito nalang ang nasabi ko kasi hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.
Napaisip tuloy ako. Ganyan din siguro ang pakiramdam nina mommy and daddy when I was on the verge between life and death. It made me sad remembering those days.
There was a long silence before he spoke again. "Few months ago, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer."
Napasinghap ako at napatingin agad sa kanya. He looked so sad.
"I thought when my girlfriend died, that was the worst feeling that I would ever feel in my life pero meron pa palang mas matindi doon. Mas masakit pala pag si mommy na ang nagkasakit. My mom has been doing her treatments and so far, she is responding well. I am hoping that she won't be taken away from me too soon kasi hindi ko pa kaya. Ang maganda lang sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, I get to visit her anytime because I am done with my residency."
"It must be hard for you."
He nodded and smiled sadly at me. "I don't think I can take it if another loved one will be taken away from me."
Napangiti ako ng mapait. I felt sorry for him but at the same time, I felt sorry for myself too. Yan ang isa sa rason bakit hindi ako tumatanggap ng manliligaw. Ayokong makitang may ibang taong nasasaktan kapag bumalik ang sakit ko at kapag nawala na ako. And I was so sure na mahihirapan din akong makita ang taong mahal ko na nasasaktan dahil sa akin.
"Ariel, I am so sorry for telling you all these things. Hindi ko na sana sinabi sayo. Napaiyak tuloy kita."
Agad akong napapunas sa pisngi ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Umiiyak na pala ako ng hindi ko man lang napansin kaya agad ko itong pinunasan at pinilit na ngumiti sa kanya.
"Nako, okay lang. It was nice to hear other people's story dahil nagiging aware din ako sa mga bagay-bagay. Don't worry, I'm okay. Thanks for trusting me."
He smiled. "Thank you also for listening. Anyways, let's change the topic. I notice that you ordered mocha latte again. You like that drink so much, huh?"
Napangiti ako ng malawak dahil nabaling ang isip ko sa paborito ko. "Oo, ito talaga ang rason bakit pumupunta ako rito araw-araw. Hindi ata kompleto ang araw ko pag hindi ako nakainom nito."
"I see. Now I know."
"Ang alin?" takang tanong ko.
"Nothing." He smiled and drank his coffee.
"Ikaw ba ay coffee lang talaga ang gusto mong inumin araw-araw?" tanong ko.
"Yes. Coffee is enough for me. I wake up very early almost everyday and coffee helps me get through the day."
Tumango ako at magsasalita pa sana pero dumating na yung pinsan ko.
"Hi, couz! Oops. May kasama ka pala," sabi niya saka bumaling kay Daryl. "Hi, I'm Savi. I am Ariel's cousin. And you are?"
Inabot ni Savi ang kamay niya at tinanggap naman iyon ni Daryl at nakipag-shake hands sa kanya. "I'm Daryl. Nice to meet you, Savi," sagot nito sa pinsan ko.
"Nice to meet you too, Daryl," nakangiting sabi ni Savi at tiningnan pa ng mabuti si Daryl. Alam ko ang mga tinginan niya na 'yan. "Daryl, are you courti—"
"Savi, halika na," pagputol ko sa sasabihin niya at hinila na siya paalis.
"Wait, couz. May itatanong pa ako."
"Diba hinihintay na tayo ni Tita Gen? Remember? Sige ka, baka umalis na si Rage ng bahay nila kapag hindi pa tayo pumunta doon ngayon din."
"Ay oo nga pala. Bye, Daryl! We have to go. I hope to see you again soon," paalam niya saka kumaway pa.
"Bye, Savi," sabi nito saka tumingin sa akin saka ngumiti. "Bye, Ariel. I hope to see you again sooner."
Nginitian ko lang siya saka hinila na si Savi paalis ng cafe. Dumiretso kami sa parking lot kung saan naka-park ang kotse niya. Pinagbuksan kami ng driver ng pinto kaya nagpasalamat ako bago sumakay.
Nung nakasakay na kami sa kotse niya ay agad siyang nagsalita. "Couz, Kuya Daryl is so handsome. Bagay kayo. Manliligaw mo ba 'yon? Grabe kung makatingin sayo, ate. I am 101% sure that he likes you. Ngayon palang sinasabi ko na sa 'yo na ako dapat ang maid of honor sa kasal ninyo!"
Ang saya niya pero kailangan ko siyang e-remind tungkol sa sinabi ko sa kanya noon.
Napailing ako saka sinabing, "You know that will not happen and you know that I don't accept suitors."
"Ate... You deserve to be happy," sabi niya at biglang nalungkot.
"And he deserves to be happy, too."
"Just give it a try. Ayaw mo bang magkaroon ng kasama sa buhay? You are 22 and you graduated from college already. You are now allowed to marry. Besides, your parents will be so happy if you found someone who will love you and take care of you."
"Savi, you know about my condition. I can't afford to be happy knowing that I will just hurt someone when that time comes na bumalik na ang cancer ko."
"Ate, you are so negative. Diba sabi ng doctor na after five years of being under remission at okay ka pa rin ay liliit nalang ang possibility na bumalik ang cancer mo? May pag-asa pa, couz! You have two years more to find out at malaki ang bet ko na hindi na babalik ang sakit mo within those two years."
"Pero paano kung babalik?" tanong ko na kinatahimik niya. Hindi siya nakasagot. "I am sorry, couz, pero hindi ko talaga kayang tumanggap ng manliligaw. Besides, Daryl had already suffered too much when his girlfriend died of cancer. His mom is currently being treated for cancer. And he even said that he will not be able to take it if another loved one will die. Maawa ka sa tao, he deserves a woman who will be with him for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserve someone like me who will eventually leave him."
Hindi na umimik si Savi dahil sa sinabi ko. I knew how much she disagreed with my perspectives and decisions but somehow, she respected it. Nandoon din kasi siya noong mga araw na nahihirapan ako. She visited me many times in the hospital during those tough days kaya alam niya ang mga pinagdaanan ko.
I heard her sigh deeply but she didn't say a word. I knew I made her sad pero yun naman talaga ang totoo. I preferred to openly tell them of what could possibly happen if ever na bumalik ang sakit ko, so that they would be prepared for it. At para hindi na masyadong masakit sa kanila pag nangyari yun because I readied them.
5 January 2021
Miss Kae 💋