"I.. I don't know what to say to that. Or to even answer that sort of question."
"Father, you are talking nonsense. Please refrain from answering that type of question."
Me marrying Yukinoshita? I just cannot see that happening.
Why would someone like me be married to the most beautiful, smart, and best girl.
And to think I am instantly given her father's consent. We haven't even started dating yet. I think it's too early for marrying her.
Wait a minute, why am I talking about dating now? I'm not even sure if she likes me or not.
Do I like her?
I've been so blinded by my PTSD.
They say it's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
But I'd like to call it Post Traumatic Stress Disease. Nothing can cure it, you can only treat the wounds but you can never replace it, cure it, or completely restore it.
"I'll say it once again, Mr. Hikigaya. You are the only man who will be risking his own life, for my own daughter. Any father would give their consent to marry their daughter if the boyfriend had risked his life for hers. Will you marry Yukino?"
Yukinoshita was looking at me right with her blue, desperate eyes. Was she telling me to not answer it, to refuse marrying her? Or what if she wants to.
'Uhh.. I do not know of that question."
"Father, please leave this room. We will discuss about this."
Yukinoshita did a chad move somehow and forced her father to leave the room.
"Tell me if you want to marry her or not. I'll be waiting."
Mr. Yukinoshita leaves the room, probably putting his ears onto the doors.
After confirming he had closed the door, the windows showed no one watching us, Yukinoshita decided to sit on the chair in front of me.
"My father is an idiot.. Sorry about that."
"That's fine. At least you have a great father that you can normally talk to without any worry."
"And you have sister and mother you can normally talk to normally."
She got me there.
We both have issues with our family. She has issues with her mother and sister, but not with her father. While I had no issues with my mother and sister, but have issues with my father.
We definitely are complete opposites.
I've just noticed how beautiful she looks. How matured she looked. Before I went crazy and haywire. I would always tend to avoid looking at her for a long time.
I only gave a few glances.
But when I had the gun pointed at my head, my eyes finally laid onto her for a long 10 seconds. I was trained to spot anything that could endanger my life. Whether a supposed 'innocent' is holding a gun or not. Or if they have a grenade on them. And I'm bad at spotting IEDs with my own eyes.
And when the training I had done, I was only able to spot her beauty for a good 10 seconds. But there was much more than just plain beauty. Things I couldn't describe with my own vocabulary of words.
"So... are you going to refuse the decision?"
I asked her.
I had to fill in the awkward silence somehow. And I want her to say the answer before I could get my hopes high up.
"I... I don't know. I don't think I deserve someone like you."
I was really surprised at what she just said.
It should be me who thinks I don't deserve her. She's what every man would want. A beautiful wife, with the perfect body, rich, and extremely smart.
And women want tall, rich, handsome guys.
I'm the total opposite.
My looks are average, maybe some biased, and I am told that my eyes look scary. Basically I'm not handsome, I am not rich. I'm the complete opposite of a women's dream man.
And my job is completely different to most men.
I'm a soldier.. I had killed people and will be doing so in the future. I'm sure no women wants to marry a man who has killed a human before.
"I'm.. I'm shocked to hear you say that. That's completely unnatural for you to say that. Could you elaborate more on that?"
She gives me the most puppy eyes I've ever seen on a human eye.
"I don't know where to start. Hikigaya-kun, would you want to marry a woman who couldn't even catch subtle hints that you were about to kill yourself."
"Depends on who that woman is."
"Me. I'm the woman. I spent so much time with you, yet I couldn't realize you were suffering from PTSD. I believe the first hint was you lowering your head down when you were inside my old car. The loud engine made your body moved on its own."
"Muscle memory."
"Still.. You made so many jokes about you dying and I still failed to catch those."
"The military tends to make humorous jokes to lighten up the mood or to calm ourselves. If a man had lost his arm, we would start making jokes about it. We all laugh."
"What I'm trying to say, Hikigaya-kun. I don't deserve to be your wife... because I don't know anything about you. I've realized after so long that I only knew you as the highschool student. Not the adult and soldier of you."
"And I don't know anything about you. You say you know that I'm only a soldier and an adult. I also only know that you're going to become a lawyer and you're an adult. We both don't know anything about each other."
She looked down, hiding something on her face.
"This is the second time I've seen you cried. The only time you cried was during high school. I think I cannot become your wife because I didn't go through the hell you went. I don't want to make myself a burden for you."
"Going for the women in the Marine Corps is asking for a death sentence. I really don't care if my wife isn't a soldier. I only care if the man who asks me about my time in war, is also a soldier. That is the only thing I care about, to be honest."
I think this is going way too fast, as if it is being rushed.
To me, I want to take it slow.
"Then I refuse to marry you."
I say.
She had a small recoil from the words I said. Her body language was telling me that she was surprised, absolutely sad, and wanted more out of me.
"If.. If that is fine with you.. I guess I should tell father-"
"I didn't say I wouldn't want to date you. I think marrying you would be too much to ask for or too fast."
And suddenly her body language showed she was relieved, free of stress and anxiety. And maybe she was possibly happy.
"What.. What do you mean by that?"
"I mean.. If it's okay with you. Let's not get married instantly. How about we start dating? Will you become my... girlfriend?"
It took some confidence to say the last sentence. It sounds cliche but it gets the job done. It gets straight to the point instead of saying some long confession that is an essay long about how I don't go for her looks or appearance, but personality.
The emotional Yukinoshita changes into the normal Yukinoshita. Her calm tone, calm expressions and calm body language.
"I do suppose I should start experiencing on how it is like to become a girlfriend with my boyfriend."
She showed a small smile.
Why is she so cute now? Don't make that small smile ever again, please. It'll make me lose track on who the non-combatant is and who isn't.
"So.. it's official?"
"Not quite. We haven't told everyone yet. Official is when it is confirmed, and everyone knows about it. Right now, only the 2 of us know."
"But where is the confirmation?"
"Confirmation by my father, of course."
So she didn't hold any doubts. I'm relieved to hear about that. I guess I don't have any doubts. Why would I have doubts about a girl like her? Like I said, she is what every man wants.
And somehow.. the complete opposite of a women's dream man is now in a relationship with the woman of every man's dream.
"Just so you know, I have no knowledge of being in a relationship. I'm a soldier, not a romantic man."
"What a surprise. I also have no knowledge of being in a relationship. I'm a beautiful woman, but not a romantic one."
She chuckled lightly.
This was a completely new side of her.
This was a completely new side of him - Yukino
"Shall we tell my father?"
"Sure, I guess."
...
"Great! It's not complete marriage but I guess it gets the job done. I know you 2 would marry each other eventually. Either we force you, or annoy you to the point you would have to."
Great, now I have doubts.
He's the goddamn Prime Minister of Japan. If I cheat on Yukinoshita, everyone in Japan will be looking for me. Not that I would, it's just some random thought that I know I wouldn't have the balls to do.
I can sprint through incoming bullets, but I'm not gonna cheat on the Prime Minister's youngest daughter.
"Now it's official."
"Yeah, I guess so."
Nothing to say about that.
Me and Yukinoshita are dating..
It's weird to have that come out of my thoughts, yet even my own mouth.
Were the romcom gods still there with me when I was doing my military service? Were they the ones who protect me from getting killed all the time.
Maybe that is why the flashlight in the dark tunnel suddenly turned on. It was their desperate attempt, and last of their strength to keep me alive to finally have a girlfriend. Who could become my future wife.
[ Days Later... ]
It was a bit hectic.
We had to tell everyone about it.
The first person to tell was Yuigahama. It was hard for her to take in.
Turns out she had liked me as well. It's weird how I have 2 girls who are still in love with a person who has killed a human being before.
I previously thought Yukinoshita and Yuigahama would do their best to avoid me as soon as I came back to Chiba. And I wouldn't be surprised by it. And I probably would've took my own life by then.
Is it safe to say Yukinoshita save myself from ending my own life? I can confirm that is true in many different ways.
Yuigahama wished us the best luck and politely said goodbye to us. We both felt really bad about it but we couldn't do anything about it now.
"Next is Komachi-san. What about your parents? They deserve to know."
"Komachi will tell them. I was probably on the news when your dad decided to record me without my consent."
I had learned that my emotional breakdown was recorded and uploaded to television channels, news channel, articles and stuff. I didn't want it there but he offered me $50,000 for it to stay there. Money got the best of me and now my parents know I was in Chiba for a few months.
"Someday you need to confront your parents. You can do it with or without me. Just do it before we get married."
"That is a strong assumption. We might possibly not get married."
"Is that so? If that were the case, I would've dumped you by now. There are plenty more men out there."
Who taught her to act like this? Is this out of her own free will.
"I'm fine with that. If I did something wrong, I would've realized it too late."
"You really have that much low confidence about yourself."
Her hands suddenly grab onto mine.
"Even though it's been a few days, I think this can still work. We haven't run into many problems. Though the only people who want us to break up is my mother, who doesn't know anything about you, and Hayama's parents."
That's right.
Ms. Yukinoshita was highly against me and Yukinoshita dating. So much so, she would try to frame one another for cheating on one another.
"He's a killer. He's a man who is trained to kill his own kind."
She was indeed right. I was trained to kill and protect. I guess I would be worried if a man that is dating my daughter who I do not have any knowledge of, is a soldier.
Luckily, the literal Prime Minister of Japan stepped in and put her into her place. Not to be rude or anything but she did just threaten to ruin her youngest daughter's life.
And then the Hayamas came in. They strongly advised that Yukinoshita would marry Hayato. I guess I could see that since they were childhood friends and make them a lot richer.
But the one thing that triggered me the most.
"Haruno was a complete mess up. We believe Yukino is the best because we have more control over her."
I'm starting to think too much freedom, allows too much greed into the world. Too much benefits, allows corruption into society.
Democracy, am I right?
After settling with Yukinoshita's part, we made a promise to never attend or visit them ever again. Only if they choose to accept us or if someone had passed away.
It might be cruel but at least we don't attempt and devise a plan to control someone. Years of law school going to waste because some old people want to control you for their own benefits.
They should be glad we didn't report this to Mr. Yukinoshita. I recorded the whole thing and now they can't try to ruin our lives anymore because I'll use the tape and get them shut down.
"You're quite scary, Hikigaya-kun."
Ah yes, this really sets the conversation into a delightful one.
"From you, that's a compliment."
I tried to dismiss that this conversation ever happened.
"You could be a detective if you were able to sneak in and record everything."
What on earth was this woman thinking?
"Detective? I don't want to work on paperwork everyday and then interrogate someone once a month. I already received money from your dad."
"You mean you managed to steal $50,000 of people's taxes and got away with it? Are you a criminal? My boyfriend turns out to be a mastermind criminal."
"That sounds like a bad romantic setup. Plus, I didn't give my consent of being recorded."
"I mean.. a civilized beautiful woman is dating a soldier who has a dark past. Which is worse?"
I scoffed, entering our apartment.
We had a simple discussion and decided to live together. We both pay half the bills, saving lots of money.
"Don't forget to take your meds."
She reminded me.
"Right."
Unfortunately not even Mr. Yukinoshita's program could save me. When I was sleeping, I had some nightmares about my time in war.
Yukinoshita was extremely worry I would go crazy again so now I have to take pills to calm myself down.
It helps, it works, but it doesn't cure me.
Post Traumatic Stress Disease, not Disorder.
There are some diseases you cannot cure forever, you can only treat it.
I only have to take it daily, the doctors said.
"When are you going back to university?"
She still was going to law school, but taking online classes.
"Tomorrow. Father said it was safe now that you're my boyfriend."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"He's extremely obsessed with you. I get that you saved my life but I won't be surprised if he buys a whole mansion for the both of us. And if he pardons you from a federal crime like what happened to Nixon and his VP."
"This isn't the United States."
"Maybe it will become it."
Honestly, I would do the same. But I have no daughter so I cannot predict what will happen.
"I'm super tired from all the driving. Driving to Yuigahama's house, then to your mother's company building, and then to Komachi which is 40 minutes long, and then back to the apartment."
I lay on the couch, putting a pillow behind my head.
Yukinoshita laid besides me, her head on my chest for some odd reason. She's never done this before.
"Same here. Could you repeat what Komachi said when she found out?"
I had started blushing once more.
"Why would you want it to come out of my mouth? It's embarrassing. I'm not a romantic man, didn't I told you that?"
"Do it or else you're not having dinner."
Shit.
I can't miss any day without her delicious cooking and cute apron.
"I hope you both get married and have kids! Got that out of your system?"
She begin to giggle.
"Kids.. I wonder what if feels like to have kids. I heard from some of my classmates that it's hectic, stressful, and painful, but it's worth seeing your own child to smile, and say mama or papa."
Thanks to the meds, I am never reminded about children of war, or child soldiers. I do think about them, just not that much into it or not much about it.
"Do you want a daughter or son?"
"We're not even married yet. And you're talking about kids? Aren't you still in law school? Not even you can take care of 1 child and study at the same time."
Then again, she would only take online classes when she's 1-4 months pregnant. Maybe even more if she overdo it.
"Silly. Don't you remember your dream of becoming a househusband?"
"Househusband? I have a job you know."
"But you only go there from time to time."
"Yeah and it's very long!"
"Therefore you can spend the time taking care of the kid, bonding, and having fun. While your woman of the house works and pays all the bill."
She lightly chuckles about what she just said.
"I pay half the bills. So I have equal amount of power over you."
"Please just answer my question. Do you want a daughter or a son?"
I made a huge sigh. I guess I can just answer so I could get this dumb discussion over with.
"A daughter."
"Why?"
"Seems easier in my opinion. It can't be that bad."
"What will you name her?"
Great question.
"Hm... Considering your name is Yukino Yukinoshita. I suppose we should continue the cycle."
"What cycle?"
She asked.
"If we ever have a daughter, let's call her...-
-...Yuki.."