The fact I was just about to eat a slice of sombrero con todo should've given me a hint something was up. The humongous burger stuffed with meat, ham, cheese, cabbage, chips and more sauces than the bun could even absorb, was the creation of the street food vendors of my hometown. No way the diner at Silver Grove had anything like it.
I looked down at myself, sitting on a plastic chair of those cheap ones that quaked when you breathed too hard. The matching plastic table was loaded with the sombrero and single burgers, hot dogs and cups with watered down soda. Someone laughed and I looked up, seeing Josue, Yadira, Maikol and Boris. People I hadn't talked to or thought about ever since I left Venezuela.
Which meant the leader of their pack must be around.
The way my heart kicked in my chest was very real.
"No," I whispered to myself, but no one heard me over the sound of chatter and laughter.
A chair scraped against the asphalt and I felt him sit beside me, his presence alone chilling me even in the cloying heat of the evening. I refused to ascertain with my own eyes if he was there, but Rodrigo hated when I ignored him, and soon enough he made himself known.
"Que opinas, Cora?"
I had no idea what he was asking about. It didn't feel like I'd been present for the conversation at all, and yet the entire group looked at me as though I wasn't Coralina Diaz but the Supreme Commander of the revolution himself.
"No sé de qué hablan," I admitted.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Rodrigo asked me in English, which struck me as so bizarre I finally looked at him.
He looked good, his dark hair curling over his ears and obscuring his eyes. I used to find it endearing. How I never saw it as a way to disguise the cruelty in his eyes, I didn't know.
His lips curved in a smile that raised goosebumps all over my skin. "We were talking about how you can't possibly have another guy's kid, or it would make you a whore."
"What?"
I wanted to stand up but someone must have poured glue on the chair. When I tried to move, the whole thing rattled and threw my balance off. My breath came out labored, not as if I were sitting but running.
Rodrigo grabbed the armrest of my chair and pulled it, and me, closer to him. He leaned forward, seeming to grow bigger before me as he said, "If you stay with him I will kill you."
He would.
He would kill Pace and then me. He'd tried to do it once, nothing would stop him from trying again.
I wrenched myself away from him because I'd ran away from him once. And I would do it again.
Just not alone. I had to find Pace and keep him safe. No matter what it took.
But the asphalt beneath me swayed like an ocean, threatening to swallow me. I screamed, but the people around me just laughed as the ground opened up and I fell.
I woke up screaming my throat raw. A pair of arms came around me but I fought them off with everything I had, punching, kicking.
"Cora, calm down. It's me."
Bile rose up my throat so fast I could barely clamp my mouth shut in time. I ran into the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach with the violence of a geyser. Pace was with me in a second, not even rattled by the mess I made in the bathroom or after I'd boxed him in bed.
"Let me help you," he said, his voice soft but firm as though I were a patient, and not his fiancee. His hand pushed my head forward, which ironically helped me puke better. With his free hand he patted my back.
Tears streamed down my face. I hated that he was seeing me like this. More than anything, I hated the nightmare that led to this.
My legs gave under me and I collapsed before the toilet. Pace went down with me, not moving away for a second. His touch was the only thing keeping me from freezing over from the inside out.
If I were by myself it'd have been a lot harder to remember that in reality, Rodrigo was thousands of kilometers away. Why was he still haunting me?
"You're okay," Pace said. "I got you."
Maybe it was because of the work he did, but I didn't know anyone else who wouldn't flinch at the sore sight I made. To say I was disgusting was putting it mildly. My clothes were soiled and I would have to clean the bathroom too.
When I stopped dry heaving, Pace drew me against him so I sat between his legs with my back against his chest. He ran his hands up and down my arms, warming me up and abating the shivers racking my body.
"That was a pretty bad case of morning sickness, huh?"
I shook my head. My voice came out hoarse as I said, "It was a nightmare."
Pace rested his chin on my shoulder and I leaned my head against his.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me. One of his hands splayed over my stomach, as if he were trying to shield me and the creature inside from the world. I laced my fingers in his.
I swallowed with difficulty. Somehow I still wanted to vomit even though there was nothing else in my stomach.
Revulsion burned within me. Just as things had been going well, or as well as could be with a surprise pregnancy, the vision of my ex was enough to throw me off. I drew my knees up and hugged them until I was as small as I could be. As I felt.
"I dreamt about my ex," I said with a voice so small I could barely recognize it. "It was as if I was transported back in time. I was having dinner at one of our favorite joints with our friends and he was there."
My voice broke but Pace didn't pressure me. He waited in silence until I was ready, warm and steady against me.
God, I loved him.
I breathed deep through my nose once, twice—and winced. The air stank. How wasn't Pace gagging?
He must truly love me, then.
"My ex was..." I trailed off, struggling with how to describe someone I'd loved as much as I feared. Finally, I settled for, "Charismatic. He had the kind of presence that drew you in. You knew it was him who entered a room even before looking up. And even though this was just a dream, he felt so real next to me."
"But he wasn't," Pace said. "Your ex is far, far away from you. He can't hurt you."
"I know," I whispered, shivering even while cocooned in Pace's warmth. "He felt so real as he threatened to kill me if..."
If I stayed with Pace. If I had his baby.
The bathroom lights swam before me and my lungs constricted. I gasped for air, trying to gulp it like it was water and choking instead. Pace guided my head between my knees and murmured unintelligible things.
"No one's going to hurt you. Over my dead body," Pace said, as sure as two plus two was four.
It took an eternity to wrangle my feelings into submission until I was able to breathe normally. I stood up, legs trembling like leaves. The disaster I'd turned the bathroom into made my skin crawl. In my haste to get to the toilet, I'd even tossed half of the things on the counter on the floor. And that wasn't the worst of it. I didn't even know where to start cleaning.
"I'll clean," Pace said. "You should take a shower and get ready for work. It's going to be sunrise soon."
"Fuck no." I gave him a look. "I just exploded all over your bathroom in front of you. Let me recover my dignity."
"Let me help."
I pushed him out of the bathroom. "You can help me by not looking."
He smiled over his shoulder. "But I already saw everything. And smelled it."
"Ugh!"
I managed to keep him out of the bathroom while I deep cleaned it, which was great because that way he didn't see me dry heave the whole time I was doing it. Then, I followed his advice and showered.
This was not how I expected this morning to begin. I had a meeting with Lance and Brian to tell them the news of the pregnancy and I'd have liked to feel more confident and in control for the moment when I sent my budding career careening into oblivion.
When I finally emerged as a civilized human being from the newly pristine bathroom, it was to find Pace sprawled asleep on his bed. His sweatshirt had ridden up, revealing the hard ridges of his abdomen, which normally was enough to send my lady parts tingling. But he had his mouth open as he snored softly and the longest strand of his hair was over his face, flying up and down to the rhythm of his breath. The adorable sight wrung my heart almost painfully.
I sat beside him and brushed away the lock of hair he was about to swallow, letting the scarred palm of my hand linger on his jaw.
"Pace?" I called softly. He squeezed his eyes but didn't fully wake. Now that my breath didn't smell of death, I leaned down and pressed a kiss on his forehead, his nose and chin.
"Cora?" he mumbled before he was even fully conscious.
"It's me, vida." The endearment fell out of my mouth as though it weren't the first time, but with it came the understanding of its truth. I'd come a long way to find a life with him and I wasn't about to let my past ruin that.
Blue eyes like a clear sky finally opened to me. A bolt of electricity went through me like the first time I saw them.
"I love you," I told him. Pace's lips parted to suck in air. "I don't think I've told you before because—I don't know, it's been hard. Scary. But the feeling is there and I don't think it'll go away."
The smile on his face made Pace look like a kid. "This is a good development."
"It's all your fault." I bracketed him with my arms and lowered myself to give him a proper kiss, one that soon had him flipping us over to deepen it. But I had to push him away. "I would rather continue this but I'm running a late."
"Aww, man. Just when it was getting good."
I couldn't believe he could make me laugh after the morning I'd just had, but here we were.
Pace drove me to work, even though he was supposed to be sleeping during the day to prepare for a night shift. I smacked him a wet one in the parking lot as reward for his efforts. But also because it made me feel better when it raised a neon bright blush on his cheeks.
I'd never been gladder to be surrounded by almost only men. If there were girls around, first of all, I wouldn't have stood a chance and second of all, I wouldn't have played nice. That must be why people said, solo Dios sabe por qué pasan las cosas.
Taking a deep breath, I headed over to the office trailer. A look at my phone revealed I actually arrived early for the appointment, but Lance and Brian were morning people, I was sure they were already in.
Sure enough, not a second after knocking on the door, Lance opened it. "Good morning, Cora!"
Brian waved at me from inside as he sat at his desk pushing papers.
"I'm a bit early, is that okay?"
"Sure thing." Lance stepped aside and motioned at the chair across his desk. He took his seat. "What can we do for you?"
Even though I'd taken a shower not a half hour ago, I was sweating through my clothes like I did after a full day's worth of hard work.
This was a lot less scary that the nightmare I'd had, though. With that in mind, I steeled myself.
"I have some major news that are probably going to have an impact on my employment, and I'd rather you hear it from me than through the grapevine."
Both men exchanged a look of pure confusion. Great, they hadn't heard already, but also, great, I really had to tell them.
Same approach as with my family, though. Rip the bandaid.
"I'm pregnant with Pace's baby." In the silence that followed that statement, I wondered if they were able to hear the frantic hammering of my heartbeat. I cleared my throat. "I'm three months in and the doctor said it looks likely I'll carry to full term, but he recommended I refrain from heavy duty physical activity until we know for sure things are developing as they should, especially after the scare we had."
Brian jumped as if he'd been zapped by a live wire. "What scare?"
"You really didn't hear?" I squinted. I'd have thought the whole town would be gossiping about it. When it was clear he had no idea, I gave him the abridged version of what happened the night I landed in the ER again.
"That is quite a story," Lance said, shaking his head. "But what matters is you're healthy."
Ultimately, yes. But I still asked, "So, does this mean I'm out of a job?"
They both looked at me as if I were growing an extra head before their very eyes.
"Why would you ask that?" Brian wondered.
"I mean." I flapped my hands around. "I can't lift anything heavy. I probably shouldn't weld, either, because of the fumes and the heat."
"Are you kidding? If I fire you for getting pregnant I could get sued." Lance snorted.
"More importantly, there are plenty of things for you to do aside from lifting heavy things," Brian said, lifting an eyebrow. "Which, by the way, should always be done with equipment rather than brute strength."
"Right," I said as if that could absolve me of having lifted things by myself in the past.
"And also, don't worry about trade school." Lance shrugged. "You can just take a hiatus and come back after you've had the baby. It's no big deal."
"The only thing is you need to let me know if you start feeling bad at work, but aside from that, there's no issue," Brian finished up.
Both of them sprung forth the second my waterworks begun.
"Oh, shit." Lance fretted as if he were looking for something but didn't know what. "Are you sick? Do you need help?"
"No," but I said it with a sob, which didn't lend much credibility to the statement. "I guess I'm just... touched. And emotional. Thank you."
They coughed and cleared their throats, doing their best to pretend like neither of us were overreacting in our own ways.
It was sweet. It was also not how I'd imagined this conversation to go.
Afterwards, when I'd calmed myself down enough to step out of the trailer and into the world, I realized a shocking fact. In many different ways, the men of Silver Grove made me feel safe. Something I'd have thought impossible before. Almost as though they were becoming my new big brothers. And the last time I had felt like this was when I had both papi and Carlos with me.
I looked up at the sky and sent it a kiss, hoping it reached Carlos and let him know things finally weren't so bad.
*wipes tear* more of this in the world please <3