May 11th; 2024
Two weeks later
Taylor Swift's Point of View
I wake up in a hospital where everything feels empty and alone. I'm exhausted, I feel like I can barely move and that everything is gone. I want to go back to sleep and wake up when I feel okay. I'm drained and I no longer want to stay.
"Hey." I can feel Joe holding my hand as he speaks to me. He brushes my hair back and looks at me with fear.
"Hey." I speak hoarsely, barely awake.
"I'm so glad to see you."
"Did they get it? The mass?" I ask.
"As much as they could."
"That's good."
A couple of doctors walk in once they see I'm awake. They wave a flashlight in my eyes and ask me those basic questions you see in tv shows. My name is Taylor, I'm not stupid.
"She checks out." Doctor Montgomery says to a nurse. Everything just feels so fuzzy and I'm not sure how alive I am.
"Everything went well and you'll be able to go home in the next couple of days. You'll need to come back for regular chemo."
I look up at the doctor who seems to sentencing me to misery. "Okay. Sounds good." The doctor leaves and I look up at Joe but say nothing. Words feel like a real drag right now.
"I'm ready to go home." Joe says.
"Me too. Just a couple more days." I have to admit, I'm quite exhausted from sitting in this hospital bed for two weeks. They had to do some radiation before the surgery and it wasn't the most enjoyable experience.
"Taylor-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a bad husband and father."
"No, you're great, you've always been great. If anyone needs to apologize, it should be me. I treated you horribly, like you didn't matter as much as me. That isn't fair."
"I think we may have both messed up a little."
I nod with a small grin. "I've loved you for a while, nothing will change that."
"Ditto."
"Are you quoting Ghost or are you just being a dick?" Ghost is this dumb movie Joe likes and this girl always says she loves her boyfriend or whatever and he always says ditto.
"Jeez, I'm quoting Ghost. Back off with the second degree." He says with a chuckle.
• • •
I completely recovered from the surgery which is great and I'm feeling good. A surprising turn of events on my half I have to say.
"Mom, will you play Mermaids with me?" Juliet looks up at me with pouty eyes. She's young, she doesn't know the extent of my sickness. I put on a mask for my kids. My kids don't need to know. She wants to play 'mermaids' though which is basically us playing in the pool with those mermaid tails. I small sigh escapes but I suck it up.
"Sure."
"Yay!" She screams basically and runs off. I slowly get my lazy ass off the couch and get into a swim suit. I walk outside and see Juliet jumping into the pool, swimming like a wild child...literally and figuratively. Maybe she's part fish. She slips on her little mermaid tail and swims up to the edge of the pool, then looks up at me.
"Are you gonna come in?" She asks.
"Yup." I walk into the pool and begin to swim around with her. I get exhausted very quickly though and my breath is labored. I feel like I'm going to drown in my own actions and I'm suffocating in pain. My lungs are being crushed and everything feels like a marathon or a swim-a-thon. Is that a word?
"Mommy, are you okay?"
I grab onto the side of the pool, leaving her unanswered. I cough up water and try to breathe. I thought swimming was supposed to help lung cancer, not fucking murder you.
Juliet swims up to me and puts her head on the concrete.
"Mommy?"
"I'm okay. I'm just going to sit and watch okay?" I see disappointment slap her in the face but she nods her head.
"Can you toss pennies in the pool for me then?"
"Sure." I take some change and throw it in the pool. Growing up it's a game my parents played with me to keep me distracted. It's simple, you throw change in a pool and then your kid swims around to find them. Jules could do it for hours and I don't mind since it keeps her distracted.
• • •
I lay in bed next to Joe as my body becomes drained. My body can't withstand the trial of living. We are both silent as the last couple months have been full of torment and pain. I look at him but no words just come out, just small tears.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asks.
"I thought-I thought I could be normal. I thought I could leave the hospital and be my normal self. Not some sick beaten up shell of a person. I tried to be myself but I can't. It doesn't exist anymore."
"Taylor, you're sick. You don't tell a person with a broken leg to walk it off. Being sick isn't a weakness and you should let yourself recover, not push yourself." He reassures me.
"What if I don't get better? What if I die and leave all of you? The doctors said I only have a few years at best. I want to see my grand baby grow up." I begin to plead and curl up into a ball.
"Hey, we are gonna best this as a family." He takes his hand and brushes my hair back. He knows I like that when I'm not feeling good. I haven't felt very good in a long time though.
"I don't wanna die."
"And I don't want you to."
—————
Authors Note:
Oh jeez sorry for taking half a year to update. It was my senior year of high school and I was so busy with college and graduation AH. Anyways, I'm gonna finish this book over the summer :)
Expect weekly updates from now on
-Brooke
Song: Let it Hurt-Rascal Flatts