TW: Mentions of Rape
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You were sitting on a rolling chair and you had your feet up on a different chair in front of you. You rested your head back and sighed taking the last bite of your chocolate sprinkled donut. You were 20 weeks into your pregnancy and soon enough the gender would be revealed. You felt something move in your stomach. You placed your hand over your belly and began to rub circles on the bump that kept popping in and out.
"Hey pumpkin" you whispered "Did you like the donut? They were your dad's favorite. Honestly I'm not a big fan but clearly you are."
"Are you going to help me catch bad guys one day" you felt a kick "Yeah your daddy would be so proud. Come on fist bump" you placed a soft fist over your belly. You felt the kick and pulled away making a whoosh sound. You smiled to yourself and kept placing circle on your belly.
You took your other hand and began to play with the diamond hanging around your neck. You began to space out and dove into your thoughts
You took the spare key Spencer had given you and opened the door to his apartment.
"Spencerrrr" you hummed "I brought donuts"
"I'm coming" he shouted back from his room
You walked over to the kitchen and set the box of treats down. You leaned over the countertop and pulled out your phone and began to scroll. You felt two hands being wrapped around your waist and Spencer's body leaning over you. His head rested on the crook of your neck.
"Well hello Spence" you smiled
"Hey baby" he turned his head and placed small kisses on your neck
You giggled and escaped his grip. You turned around and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before grabbing the box of donuts. He had a bright smile on his face
"Did you get my favorite"
"Yup" you popped the p and opened the box
"This is why I love you" he laughed reaching for the donut but then paused. His face dropped when he realized what he had said
"I-- I mean I--" he began to stutter. Your facial expressions dropped and your mouth had dropped open. "I-- didn't mean that-- wait no I did but it's only been a couple of months and-"
"I love you too" you cut him off and a warm smile had returned to your face
"You do?" the panic began to disappear from his face
"I do I love you" your smile grew bigger. Suddenly he walked away. You put the box of donuts down and watched him run towards his room. Chills ran down your spine. Did you do something wrong? You furrowed your brows "Spencer?"
"Wait" he shouted back. Moments later he came back with a black velvet box in his hand. It quite large.
"What's happening" you began to walk towards him
"I was going to give this to you in a few weeks for Christmas but I guess this moment could also work" he opened the box and a thin silver chain with a beautiful diamond hanging from it was inside
"It's beautiful" you held your hand to your chest
"It will look more beautiful if you wore it, come on turn around" he removed the piece of jewelry from the box and placed it on the counter
"I was going to get you a coffee mug" you giggled and let him place the rock around your neck
You turned back around and held his face in your hands
"It's okay. As long as it's a gift from you I don't care what it is" he rested his hands on your waist
"I love you" you pulled him in and pressed your lips against his. His grip around you tightened and he pull you in closer but pulled away for a moment "I love you" he placed his lips on yours again and slowly backed you up against the counter
"You look beautiful" he whispered into your ear before he placed small wet kisses down your neck
"Oh really" your lips moved towards his ear and nibbled
He ran his hands up and down your curves slowly before grabbing your waist and lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and giggled before wrapping your arms around his neck. You placed your lips on his as he slowly placed you on the counter
"Y/n?"
"Yeah what" you looked up and realized that the team came back from the field. You put your feet down and struggled to put your converse back on. This case was local so they came back fairly quickly.
"We have someone in custody" Hotch handed you a picture
"Wait I know him" you stood from your chair
"Really?"
"Yeah um-- Spencer and I used to get coffee whenever we could together and this was the barista most of the time" the rest of the team walked in as you spoke "Has he confessed?"
"No" Emily jumped in
"I can talk to him" you began to walk out the doors of the conference room.
"Really? You don't have to." Hotch asked. No matter what you did the hovering and the questions wouldn't stop. You felt like you were drowning. You were trying to live your life and move on but the team, mostly Hotch and Morgan, would hold you back with their questioning looks and constant reminders that you were pregnant. As if you didn't notice that you were blowing up like a balloon. As if you weren't hormonal enough your anger was at a level so high you though you would melt.
"Are you sure you want to talk to him?" Derek egged it on
You stopped in your tracks and didn't turn around and were still facing the exit. You took a deep breath in and a long exhale out before turning around and facing everyone.
"Yes I am positive would you like me to explain every single thing I will do before I step out this door" before anyone could say anything you continued to speak "I will walk out this door. Walk through the bullpen and into the hallway. I will find the interrogation room and talk to the suspect. Then I will come back here and do some paperwork. Then I will go to my car or maybe take an uber because I am incapable of doing simple tasks and go to my OB." you paused with a smile. There was no humor to it "Sound good enough"
No one said a word. You were about to walk away but made a brief pause before speaking again.
"I'm going back to the domestic trafficking task force, where my my every move isn't questioned. Don't worry I know how transfer papers work so you don't have to worry about that part."
"Wait no Y/n" Penelope gasped
"It's been almost 2 months. I can't work like this. I'm tired of getting disrespected in my workplace by my own friends. It's suffocating and all of you know it" you turned back around and walked away
...
You walked in with a file in your hand and sat across the man that you used to see almost every single day.
"Hello y/n" he laughed and clapped his hands
You placed the file down in front of you and displayed your hands flat across the table.
"Andy"
"I knew you were law enforcement but damn. An FBI agent. I didn't know a girl like you could do anything this important" he was trying to get under your skin
"Do you know why you are here"
"Where's your boy toy" he leaned forward
"He's not here" you managed to keep a straight face
"Really it seemed like you were attached to each other by the hip" he clasped his hands together but his leg was jumping up and down and when he closed his mouth he would begin to bite his inner cheek.
"Do you know this girl?" you opened the file and pulled out a photograph of one of the four victims
"Did he leave you or something. If he did that's a shame. Raising a child on your own must be tough" he pointed towards your stomach
"What about her?" you pulled out another photo but he wouldn't look at them
Guilt? Remorse?
"What was his name? S--" he stretched out the letter, hissing "Steve...no that's not right. Spe-- Something" he knew the name and it was irritating you
"Spencer" you growled
"Oh yea Spencer. I want to talk to him"
"You can't"
"Of course I can. I know he works with you. I will only talk to him" he had a cocky smirk on his face
"Well you can't talk to him" You knew Hotch or Morgan wanted to walk in here but your threat to quit must have stopped them. They would've walked in here by now
"Why not"
"Why do you keep ignoring my questions" You leaned in closer
"Is he dead?"
You couldn't help but shift uncomfortably in your chair
"He died and now you're carrying his baby. That must be tough" he shifted closer to you
Deep down you wanted to strangle him
"Did you kill these women" you kept still
"So that must mean that you need a man in your life" he inched his hand closer to you despite being in cuffs
You stood over the table despite your size and began twisting his fingers. He tried to move his other hand but the cuffs prevented him from touching you.
"I know what you did to those girls. You drugged them. Took them back to your apartment. Put your filthy hands on them and when you found out that they could report you to the cops you hurt them until you got tired and killed them"
"I don't know what you are talking about" he choked out
"You can't even look at the pictures of the girls, your leg keep shaking and you can't even answer one of my questions" you twisted harder. Starting to twist his wrist "You should probably cooperate. Come on you must know what they do to guys like you. You know it's a privilege to be in solitary especially for an animal like you. So tell me do you want to cooperate or do you want me to make your life a living hell."
"I never hurt Jessie or Sarah" he whined
You let go of his hand and backed up standing up straight
"You believe me?" he massaged his wrist
"No Andy. I never told you the names of the victims" you smirked and walked towards the door.
"You bitch" he growled
"Are you offended? I am deeply sorry that you can't handle a women. Wait a pregnant woman beating you at your own game" you scoffed. This interrogation barley lasted an hour and he felt like he could push you to the edge. He did. But you weren't going to show him that. It was a simple talk. You had the bad guy confess so why did it feel like a hole was burning through your heart. You stepped through the door and as soon as you closed it you saw JJ and Hotch standing there. Tears began to pool around your eyes and then they fell from your face but before any of them could say anything you ran to the bathroom.
You hadn't cried in weeks. You couldn't. Your mind was so focused on cases and trying to prove your value to the team that you didn't realize you were erasing the feelings you had for Spencer. It didn't feel like he was dead. It felt like he was away on a trip. It felt like he was going to come back. But he wasn't. He was dead. It finally hit you. He wasn't coming back. You were going to do this all alone. It pained you that you finally had to accept that he was gone.
"Y/n?" JJ walked through the door
You looked up. Your mascara had smeared and the tears wouldn't stop flowing. You stopped thinking about being so cold to everyone and just stared at her
"I miss him" you managed to choke out some words thought your sobs. She quickly walked towards you and she wrapped her hands around you. You held on to her and rested your head on her shoulders.
"He's never coming back" you sobbed
"I know." JJ rubbed your back and softly hushed you. You and JJ had never been close. Especially after finding out that her and Spencer were a thing years ago. But she really looked out for you.
You wanted to see Spencer again. It didn't matter how. You wanted to have one last night with him. You didn't care how. You needed him here.
You glanced over at Spencer sitting on the other end of the couch. You had finished reading the book he gave you and placed it on your lap.
"You have quite the taste" you lifted your head and watched Spencer's eyes leave his book
"Really?" he grinned
"Yep" you gave a toothy grin "Anyway time for me to pick the next book"
"I thought you were talking about something else but I guess I have great taste in books too"
"Oh shut up" you giggled and made your way over to his bookshelf
He continued to read his book and you faced all the books he had. It was like a mini library. You wondered if he had read them all. You dragged your finger across many hardcovers and found yourself glancing at one in particular
The Narrative of John Smith by Arthur Conan Doyle
You remembered someone telling you it was a good read so you grabbed it from the shelf
"I think we've got a winner"
"Really which one?"
"The Narrative of John Smith" you were still facing the wall of books
"What" it didn't sound like a question. More of a surprise. You opened to the first page.
"What do you mean what" you smiled and turned to face him. But you kept looking down at the page
"Don't read that"
"Why not. You encourage me to read everything on your bookshelf" you laughed to yourself
"Don't" you looked up and saw that he was now standing a few feel away from you. His mood completely changed
"Spencer it's just a book calm down" you looked back down and began to read the words written in sharpie "Love is our true destiny We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone- We find it with another- Thomas Merton" you smiled lightly "That's a beautiful quote"
You looked back up and saw fury in his eyes. You didn't realize what you had done. Frankly you were extremely confused
"I told you not to read that" he walked over to you and snatched the book away
"What-- I- Did I do something wrong" your jaw dropped. You had no clue what was going on
"Clearly I told you no and you still went ahead with taking the book" he began to raise his voice
"It's just a book" you smiled trying to lighten the mood
"You think this is a joke? Why would you take this" Spencer held the book up in frustration
"If it was so important why would you leave it there for anyone to take" you began raising your voice frustrated that he wasn't explaining himself
"Why can't you just listen"
You scoffed and sucked your teeth "I'm sorry when did we travel back to the 50's. I don't have to do what you say and instead of freaking out and yelling at me why can't you just tell me what's happening"
"Nothing" he turned around and began walking away
"Where are you going" you yelled after him
"Anywhere but here, I can't stand to look at you" he exited his apartment and slammed the door shut
Your feet were cemented to the ground. You kept staring at the door in shock. You had no clue at what just happened. You didn't know what type of meaning that book had. This had been the first time Spencer walked out on you in the middle of a fight. Both of you argued like regular couple but this was different. You wanted him to explain himself but he just yelled at you. You just sat down on the couch and dove straight into your thoughts. Staring at the floor and didn't even realize how much time was passing.
...
You heard the door open and heard soft footsteps entering the living area. You were leaning against the armrest still upset that Spencer just ran out with no explantion
"Hey" he whispered softly and sat down close to you
You didn't say a word
"I'm really sorry for snapping at you" he touched your shoulder but you shrugged him away
He took a deep breath before speaking again "Maeve gifted me this book"
You turned your head to face him. His eyes were swollen and red just a bit. His nose had a light pink tint and his hair was messier than usual. You sniffled "What"
"Before everything happened we were supposed to meet but plans changed. She left that book for me."
A rush of guilt entered your body regretting reading the quote inside the manila colored page aloud. You swallowed back and rested your hand on his lap "I'm so sorry I didn't know"
"Don't apologize you couldn't have known. I'm sorry." he wrapped his arm around you "I should have explained myself instead of getting mad and storming off like that." he planted a kiss on your forehead
You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him down with you. Both of you were laying together tangled in each others arms. You buried your face into his shirt taking in his scent.
"Spencer" you called out
"Yes?" he stroked your back
"Yell at me again and I will go full unsub on you"
He let out a sigh of relief knowing that you were both in a good place. "Yeah right"
He was on the edge of the couch and you pushed him so he could fall.
"Don't doubt me Doc" you giggled
He sat up from the floor and reached for your arm. You gasped and before you knew it you were on the floor hovering over him. He laughed and cupped your face. He pulled you down and pressed his lips against yours. You deepened the kiss and began to rock back and fourth but heard a knock at the door.
"Pretty boy it's me" you heard Derek shout
"Go hide" Spencer whisper laughed
You rolled your eyes "I hate and love this secret" you giggled getting up and running to the bathroom
"Keep your eyes closed" Penelope stated as she lead you somewhere
After your meltdown with JJ you left to go to your ultrasound appointment and find out the gender of the little pumpkin growing inside of you. But Penelope insisted on having you wait a couple of days so she could surprise you.
"Penny I just wanted a cupcake or something" you whined
"Listen sugar plum you know I go big or go home" she came to a stop "Okay open them"
You opened your eyes and melted from pure joy. You were in Rossi's living room surrounded by everything you could possibly think of when it came to baby supplies. Everyone was in a line holding a long round golden tube.
"Surprise" Everyone yelled out before pink confetti flew everywhere
...
"Emily why is my OB here" you sat down on the couch next to Emily
"Um-- I -- We are" she stuttered
"Emily Prentiss you are dating my doctor" your jaw dropped once you realized what she was trying to say
She shrugged and gave you a tight lipped smile. You laughed and nudged her shoulder. You were about to say something else before Hotch and Morgan walked towards you.
"Y/n we are profusely sorry for everything. You did not deserve being treated so unprofessionally at work. We were trying to be helpful and instead we drove you away" Hotch spoke for both him and Derek
"I'm still mad" you gave them a warm smile. You were pissed but the gesture everyone had made was heartwarming
"I'm sorry big mama we were just trying to help. But I promise I won't step on your toes." Derek pulled up a chair and sat in front you "And I hope you aren't actually leaving the BAU"
"Of course not. I'm staying" you patted his leg "Oh and call me big mama again and I will kill you"