Erza and I sat on opposite sides of a table.
"So...", she began, "You made me break the Fourth Wall."
I flinched.
"Sorry?"
"I specifically did not do anything that would break the Fourth Wall, and yet, you decided to show my feelings about being ignored. For what? A cheap laugh? If you notice, no one has even commented on that paragraph!"
"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I mean, you're the only person in Fire, Blood and Stars who knows that they're in a fanfiction, so you're the only one I can have conversations with."
Erza stood up, slamming her hands on the table.
"And how do you think I feel about that, huh? You basically told me that I'm not the original version of myself, and you expect me to be happy about that? And no one else knows! There is literally no one else I can talk to about existing within a fake universe of a freaking fake universe!"
"Well, there's the new guy I introduced! The guy that Laxus beat!", I pointed out.
"Yeah", she gritted her teeth, "the one whom you introduced as a gag! Tell me, what's his name? You didn't even bother to give him one! How many lives are you planning to ruin by the time this is over?"
Since my grave was already dug, I decided to dig it deeper.
"Possibly countless others, but don't worry, I'll do it in a funny way."
"Ugh", she said in disgust. "You're pathetic, you know that?"
I shrugged. "That may be true, but I am also God in this dimension."
"So what? There are countless Gods in Wattpad. Every single author is a God! How much power you hold depends on your reader base! I mean, if no one read your story, and you decided to kill somebody off, it wouldn't affect anyone."
"But I do have a reader base! I get comments practically every other day!"
"And I still don't know how you bribed so many people."
I grinned. "Why, I bribed them with my incredible writing skills."
She shook her head. "You're insufferable. And next time, don't take control of my body. Without your influence, I would have gone back to Magnolia, not Gray, and you know it. Don't make that face, I know what you did!"
"But wouldn't you say I control you anyway? As God of this dimension, and the writer?"
"No, your subconscious makes me act in the way you think the real Erza would. Staying back is not what the real Erza would do, based on what I've watched on Fairy Tail."
That surprised me. "You've watched Fairy Tail? I told you not to do so until the story was finished!"
She smiled, baring her teeth. "Oh, no, no, no, don't blame it on me, it was your subconscious that decided it. Speaking of which, why the hell do I lose against Natsu here?"
I intoned, in a deep voice, "Because that's what the plot demands."
"Screw you, you decide what the plot demands! Or at least your subconscious does."
"I really want to get my subconscious down here and beat him up now. Wait, I'm God here, can I actually do that?"
"I suppose. It's your choice."
Concentrating, I materialized my subconscious.
"Hey", I said, once it appeared. "Are you actually my subconscious?"
"Technically? I mean, I'm not your True subconscious, but your true subconscious is the one who decides how I act, so, I guess I'm like, a manifestation of the will of your subconscious? I don't know, it's pretty complicated. But I have really cool powers! Like, watch this!"
It smiled at Erza and said, "Hey, beautiful!"
Instead of smacking him, Erza bowed.
"Thank you, master. I am your slave forever."
My jaw dropped open. "Holy shit!" Then I glanced around. "Do I even have any power here anymore?"
It shrugged. "Yeah, like, you could impose your direct will on something, and it would obey, but otherwise it's all in my control. Like, I can control anything, but you can override me on all of them."
I raised my eyebrows. "Oh! Hang on." I concentrated. Erza stood up and smacked my subconscious. Hard.
"Ow! Not cool, man, not cool!"
"Oh shut up! You can go now."
My subconscious disappeared, still grumbling.
Erza frowned. Then she slapped me.
"Ow! Why, Erza?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because your subconscious made me act in a degrading manner?!"
"Uh, I think it's more likely that he did it because I made you slap him and he wanted revenge."
"Don't call it he! It's an it! And a very bad one at that!" She stood up and turned. "I'm leaving!"
When she had entered the elevator and the doors were closing, I smirked.
"Hey, Erza! This conversation? I recorded it, and I'm gonna upload it."
"SCREW YOU!" was the last thing I heard as the doors closed.
After a few seconds, I looked at you. Yes, you. The reader.
"Hi", I said.
You kept silent, probably because you felt it would be stupid to talk to a screen.
"I'm talking to you! Answer me!"
You didn't answer.
"Answer me!"
This time, you said "Hello", out loud, very tentatively, and in a low voice, probably feeling silly and also not wanting anyone to hear you.
"Ah yes, finally. So, how are you liking this so far?"
You didn't answer out loud, wanting to see how the rest of the conversation played out, and what I took as your response. But I know you didn't respond.
"Fine, be that way. I've got more important things to do anyway!"
"No, he doesn't."
"Shut UP, Kurama! Wrong fandom!"
"Kit, do you think I give a bleep that I'm in the wrong fandom?"
"Nope. Also, you do know that you said the word 'bleep' out loud, don't you?"
"Blame your subconscious."
"Who do you think I'm planning on blaming?"
"Point."
"Do you think the readers realize that you're the one who writes the author's notes?"
"Duh? I talk in bold, and you don't. Who else would be writing them?"
"Point. So anyway, what I was going to say was, have a Happy New Year!"
"What he said. Goodbye."
"Wait, don't- And he's gone. Okay, then. Bye, I guess. stay tuned for the next episode- Dammit, I can't do author's notes!"
.
.
Actual A/N: The plot of Kurama, the Nine-Tails, being the writer of the author's notes, is not canon. The idea of Erza knowing that this is a fanfiction is, in fact, canon, in this fic. It may or may not be explored further.
HAPPY NEW YEAR