Shehnaaz waited till Sidharth fell asleep before she rolled over and faced him. She loved watching him, she loved how he was lying so close to her and she loved how he had his leg and arm flung around her. She found herself taking a huge big breath holding it for a few seconds and exhaling deeply, almost hoping the act would rid her of the madness that was dragging her down. The madness of the aura of Sidharth. As much as they had seemingly discussed and agreed that their 'duniya's' were 'alag' and that their connection was guaranteed only till they were in this show and outside will be dealt with later, still she found herself being tugged towards him incredibly. He was everything she never knew she wanted! The way he treated her both with such gentleness and such belongingness. When he called her moti or gadhi it made her feel like she belonged to him and she liked it, she liked belonging to him. She liked that in this whole house she was the only one he unclenched for, 'ungamed' for. She somehow got the feeling that not too many people were allowed to see this side of Sidharth Shukla. When she first met him his personality his aura and the masculinity that oozed out from him intimidated her. She had never known anyone like him, let alone be in such close proximity with anyone like him
And not being so intimate with anyone like him. When with her, he was still all of those things but he somehow has the ability to deconstruct his larger than life personality and dose it out to her in tiny consumable enjoyable chunks. Gawd! What was happening to her. She really needed to divert her attention to Parag, he was an unworthy pursuit and that is exactly what she needed.
"Stop staring at me Shehnaaz, dekh le pyaar vyaar mein Padgh gayee problem ho jayega" Sidharth rasped sexily his voice half sensous half sleepy and his eyes still closed and a smirk on his fac.
Shehnaaz startled and quickly buried her face into his chest "Haye tunay mujhay dara diya! Kyun karta hai aisay yaar. Dekh rahi thi na Chori thodi kar rahi thi! Tu itna Paapi kyun hai'
He drew her in closer and lift her her face with his hand on her chin, opened his eyes lazily and looked deeply at her. He was unable to contain the tug she caused inside of him. He found her so adorable and heartwarming yet frustrating because each of her antic each action of hers was causin his carefully constructed walls to crumble. He had to catch himself before it is too late but for now he decided to enjoy himself "achaaaa yeh sahi hai paap mein karta hoon maanliya lekin yeh sab paap karwaata kaun hai bey, meri nautanki saali, har baar daal peenay ka Mann karta kya karoon abh?" Saying this through gritted teeth he bent down and nipped her lower lip, a little harder than he should have but he really could not contain himself.
"Sssssse aaaah! Sidharth!" She hissed in pain but was also so aroused by him and his need of her. She looked at him in want but had to deal with the little bruise his ministrations had cause "haye lag gaya kuttay, abhi mark aa jayegi...idhar machar bhi nahi hai ke bol sakthi hoon ke machar nay kaata!" She said tentativeky touching her lower lip.
"Haan abhi tere jho special friends hai iss ghar mein toh tu abh unki baasha bol. Voh mujhay aurat, sasuma boltay hain ab th mujay machar bol, sahi hai, chal sab so rahe hain Chalke Dekhte hain kitna lagi hai" he said this and took her hand and scrambled out of bed. Very very perplexed partly because he was guilty of paining her but he weirdly did not regret it, partly because what he said about her special friends though it was in jest, it had started bothering him that everyone would be pandering to Shehnaaz partly because she was fun to be around largely because she was someone who if was convinced would whole heartedly support in the game. He was irritated because her style of playing the game was so different from his. He wanted to make a team and assure them of his support and also be assured of theirs, she was a loose canon who did not believe in alliances simply because no one was worthy of her unstinted support, she decided her stand based on right and wrong perspectives and not people.
As they reached the bathroom area, the light flickered on there and they both looked into the mirror him standing behind her and peering into it. His hands were resting lightly on her shoulder... "Lo ho Gaya siyappa, kya karoon abhi tere paap ka nishaani is!" She asked him half exasperated but half thrilled , strange after a long time she felt like a giddy teenager whose crush just noticed her!
He suddenly felt like he had to ask her if she was ok, sometimes he forgot that they met only a month and more back. Yes agreee this house has accentuated their time spent, he always thought one day spent together in the big boss house was like a whole week spent outside with the person if not more! He quickly commiserated 'baby did it hurt much, sorry Moti much zyaada ho Gaya Shaayad , I don't even know if you enjoy this sort of thing. Tu mujhay roka kar agar tujhay lagta hain ke mein hadh paar kar raha hoon! Pls don't think I am one of those..."
"Haye Sidharth duniya ko lagta hai ki me int baatey kar kar ke tujhe sadaathi hoon! Itnaaa bolta hai na tu!!" Saying this she pushed him backwards towards the parachute bed, made sure he sat down with this back against the wall and then quickly got into the space between his legs and rested her body sideways, held his big face in her small palm and said in a soothing voice "sidharth tere saath na aisa koi hadh nahi hai jo mein paar karney sey ghabraoongi. Tu apnay aap ko jitna khadoos bahar dikhaata hai na utnaa hee meko lekar protective aur gentle hai. Tu jo yeh harkathey karta hai na mere saath bohot honsla aur confidence deti hai. Acha lagta hai mujhay jab Tu apnaapan dikhaatha hai. Jab weekend
Mein sab celebs aatay hain toh terese bade respect aur pyaar de miltay hain, tab mein sochthi hoon ke tu bada star hoga baahar
Par kya karoon weekend chala jata hai aur hour mereliye mera bebu ban jaata hai aur bhool jaati hoon ke tu asli life mein kya hai"
Sidharth was a bit overwhelmed at how casually she said something so deep. This was her completely unbridled when it came to her emotions, no malice no ounce of self preservation when it came to showing her emotions to him. He regretted not for the first time their timing, their age difference and generally the circumstances around how and when they met, unbeknownst to him he blurted out. "Kahaan thi tu itnay din Shehnaaz?" He voice full of emotions he laced him fingers through hers. When she glanced up at his face from their intertwined fingers she could help the warmth that spread through herZ she found him looking at her intently with fond loving expression that radiated through his eyes and a sweet smile, he took a breath and chuckled and continued "vaisay meri asli aukaath teko jaana hai toh ghar chal, meri maa aur behnlog itna izzat ka papas bana ke meko khilaatey hai na teko taras aayega mujhpe. Mein mere ghar ka abla naari hoon, teen shernion ke beech, paapa the great toh field chodkay chale gaye ab mein single aadmi kya kar sakta hoon hain na!"
The look ok his face was so loving and warm that forced her to ask "tum ma Bachan bohot close ho na?? Sab saath mein khushi dukh sab ikhattey jeetay ho na? Actually mein na isiliye trust karti hoon tujhay, kyunki Tu jo kuch idhar Jee raha hai jhel raha hai bas tere mann mein yeh hai ki voh terese proud feel Karey. Tu na unhay hamesha apnay saath leke chaltha bai, chahey voh tere saamnay ho ya na ho. Tum log bohot blessed ho Sidharth jho ek dusray ka itna saath dete ho." Saying this she sighed and at his content face reciprocated with a sad smile.
"Kya hua meri jaan sad kyun ho gayi? Haan bol?" He held her and tucked her face under his neck and started rubbing her back.
She did not want to tell him that she in this flash of a moment crossed over every boundary she has set for herself, boundary of desire , boundary of expectations from the other person, boundary of wanting things that depended on
Somebody else and not herself. She wanted to be a part of the inner circle he held sacred, she wanted to be a part of his weakness his compulsion and his motivation. She wanted to belong to him as much as his mum and sisters did. She gave out a bitter laugh and shook her head! This was the problem with her, she always landed herself a raw deal.
"Actually na tera aur unka solid jamegaaa, kyunki common target mein hoon na! Mujhay toh lagta hai ki mere gharwaaley ka ek bhi vote meko nahi aaya hoga teko hi support kar rahey hon gay! God save me the day all of you meet!" As he said this a contentment filled him that was so strange like that picture he just painted was so perfect and good and healing. And in his happiness he looked at her only to find her distant and sullen.
"Shehnaaz, kya hua baby!" Sidharth felt the shift in the atmosphere but was not able to figure out what it was.
She nodded her head quickly and forced a jovial tone as she said "khayaal to vadiya hai shuklaji lekin remember teri duniya alag meri duniya alag, miloongi toh zaroor tere family acha lagega milkay un sabko. Agar tu itna acha hai toh voh bhi bohot achay hee honge. Lekin tu unka apna hai mera toh tu bb house ka ek special dost hai. Punjab aur Bombay bohot door bai, Sidharth aur Shehnaaz bhi real life mein door hee hain. Toh bas yeh soch ke bura laga key iss time aglay saal hum log alag alag Zindagiya jee rahein hongay...yeh jho abhi itna important hai, shaayad hee Yaad bhi aye! Bas yeh soch May thoda ithoooooo sa sad ho gayi thi" she scrunched her nose and pouted her lips and showed a pinch with her fingers to match her words.
He shuddered at the sadness in her voice and shuddered at the raw truth in what she said. This is what surprised him about her, the depth of understanding she had, if it was any other girl would have worked their intimacy and his stature to her advantage but strangely in fact she seemed to run away from the access he so rarely gave anyone. He realized they really could not continue the indulgences that they had going physically. He hated this about life, he did not like it but he had burnt his fingers enough times to know that literally a stitch in time saves nine. So he gently pulled her apart held both her hands and said to her "ab mein jo bol nay jaa raha hoon na, dhyaan sey sunna, kal sey apan phir se baahar apney bed shift hongay, toh ludo tournament Khatam. Aur shaayad hamaray liye bhi voh acha hee hai Shehnaaz. I am really really fond of you. Aur agar hum aisay kartau rahey na short term ke liye fun hoga lekin it can get messy later on hai na! Toh tu samajh rahi hai na ke mein kya bol raha hoon. As much as I hate it I think hammko abhi control mein rehna padega. Tu bohot special hai mere liye, agar naa hothee toh mein itna nahi scochta!" Saying this he leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Strange sense of loss spreading all over him. He felt her head leaning in his shoulder.
"Poori tarah samajthi hoon Sidharth. Tu hamesha meko safe rakhega, chal sothay hai aaj kal Teri health bhi theek nahi hai. Aur kal phirsay yeh pasta chor chadenge tere upar."
Saying this they both went back to bed. Sidharth wanted to shake Shehnaaz and ask her to be more fiesty with him! He wished she did not make this so easy for him. With this girl he felt no awkwardness at all!!!! Not the walk
Of shame he usually felt after making out with other girls not the resistance he felt when he tried to shake other girls off.
They both went to bed closer but strangely further apart and sad knowing that what they had was not something that could ever become more. They chose to call each other friends when they were something much more than that to each other.
The next day the drama continued before the task was announced and after it as well. Shehnaaz stood fiercely defending hwherever she could but also was sad at how his health was failing him. They got to know that Paras was leaving for his surgery and that is when the though Even entered her mind that Sidharth too could potentially leave if he fell further ill. She just did not know how to control the fear of him leaving that was lodged in her throat stomach and heart. First the pang that she wanted more of him, then the realization that what they had within this house was the only present that was guaranteed and now this the distinct possibility that he would have to leave because of his health.
Deflecting things onto Paras was personally a volatile move but much better than the pain of having Sidharth know her true feelings towards him and having him pull away from her. This house now and the time she had with him was the only thing she was going to indulge in for now even if it meant pain later. She was no stranger to pain and if she has to start from scratch she would. She let people believe in the drama that she was anxious and upset over Paras leaving. She felt a pang when Aarti repeatedly let Sidharth know that she had said I love you to Paras. Well that is what she wanted, to throw people off the actual issue and for now it seemed to have worked.
Sidharth went to bed tired physically but more than that and if he was really honest with himself upset about the display of emotions by Shehnaaz towards Paras. Yes for the game he chose to form an alliance with Mahira and Paras but really they were not people who he would call friends, so he was surprised that Shehnaaz had so much of feelings towards him. What caught his breath was the possibility that perhaps Paras was her true interest and that perhaps he Sidharth was just the way out of her attraction towards Paras. While in itself and whatever he knew of Shehnaaz this sounded preposterous he wondered if there was something of truth in there.
Maybe his mind was messing with him because he was physically weak! He waited for her to come back to bed and as she lay herself down he tauntingly despite his best resolve asked her, aap apnay Majnoo key bina kaisay akeli rahogay, chalo mujhee sey kaam chalaalo jab tak voh aye na!"
"Yeh typhoid ney na tujhay paagal kar diya. Kaun Majnoo kya kaam, muhjay naa tum chahiye na voh! Samaj Kya rakha hai, friend hai yaar ek lagaav hai Punjab ka hai . Mein akeli rehchuki hoon aur mera best life akele ka hee bai. Thank you very much! Abhi naa zyaada bakwaas math kar, yeh le mera blanket aur chup chaap
Soja!"
He was too weak to retaliate and also sensed that she did not want to be pushed further on the matter. Even when irritated with him she played with his hair and gently massaged his scalp with her fingers and both of them settled into a tired sleep!
Thank you so much for reading. Wishing everyone a beautiful 2021