Chapter Twenty-One
Rolling over on the couch confused, I look out the massive windows and see that I am still on the couch in the Tower. Pulling my hair back into a ponytail, I stand up and stretch. Alexander strolls into the room with his hair slightly askew and dark circles under his eyes. He gives me a grin before walking into the kitchen. I hop up on one of the stools and wait for him to be finished.
"Do you want pancakes?" He asks
"Always," I say, and he starts cooking and I check my phone. Click went home with Orion last night and is hanging out with them again today.
"Can I ask you a question?" Alexander asks me tentatively and I sip on some water.
"You just did," I state, and he shakes his head.
"Why are you pulling away so suddenly?" He asks me and I know he's been talking to Aviva and Cathleen about my sudden behavior change. I wish they would all just drop it.
"I don't know what you are talking about," I mumble as I scroll on my phone.
"Hadley, seriously?" He asks me slightly annoyed before sliding me a plate of pancakes.
"Everything is fine, nothing is wrong," I say bored and he gives me a hard look.
"Your stubbornness certainly hasn't softened in the last decade," he says annoyed and I roll my eyes.
"Nope," I reply, and he sets down his own plate.
"Please tell me what is wrong, I can't help or even understand if you don't talk to me," he pleads in a softer tone. I just shovel pancakes into my mouth to try and stop the conversation.
"Hadley,"
"I don't need help, everything is fine," I say. I already know that he is going to counter everything I would or will say, there is no point in having this conversation. I don't want to hear it!
"Hadley," he says again in the same serious tone.
"Alexander," I mock, and he stabs his pancakes frustrated for a few moments.
"What did we do wrong?" He asks me and his voice aches with pain. That cuts through me more than I would ever admit, I hate hearing him sound so hurt.
"You did nothing wrong, nobody did. I am inserting myself somewhere I am not needed, and I need to step out before things become messy," I say carefully, and he looks at me confused.
"Everyone wants you and Click here Hadley, what are you talking about?" He asks me confused and I try to figure out a more eloquent way to say I feel as if I am invading.
"Alexander I am not a hero, I don't belong on this team," I say, and he takes my dishes and sets them to soak.
"You are just as much as a hero as the rest of us," he counters, and I give him a flat look.
"You don't know what I've done in the last ten years, you can't attest to that with as much conviction as you are trying to claim," I state firmly, and he rolls his eyes. But my body aches and all I can see is blood before I clear my vision. Rubbing my eyes again, I try to ignore the memories; I did what I needed to.
"Now you sound like Cathleen, we've all done some horrible things, Hadley. All of us are flawed in some way," he counters.
"Don't tell me I sound like her," I snap annoyed, and he smiles.
"You did and still do, when you get angry you smash your dictionary onto the table and make people know how smart you really are," Alexander says, and I grit my teeth.
"I'm leaving now, this conversation is over," I say and get up to grab my things. Suddenly a hand is on my wrist and I am pressed against the counter. My heart rate spikes at the sudden close contact and I try to keep myself calm.
"We are not done having this conversation Hadley," he says seriously.
"You can't just grab me whenever you want," I snip, and I stomp on his foot. He winces but doesn't move.
"You can leave when we are done having this conversation like the adults we are," he says before stepping away, wincing slightly.
"What else is there for me to say?" I ask exasperated and he crosses his arms.
"Clearly you have a guilty conscious that is weighing heavy on you, and there is still something else wrong that I can't quite pinpoint, but if I was a betting man, I would say it has to do with Cathleen," he says.
"My conscious is not guilty, I don't regret any of the things I have done, and I'm glad you're not betting because you are wrong," I say firmly, and he steps closer. My breath hitches in my throat how close he is and my heart jumps around in my chest before I am hit with something I haven't felt in a while, longing.
"You say that, but I don't quite believe you," he says, and he leans closer. I press myself further into the counter, but I have nowhere to go.
"Alexander, step back," I tell him, and he slides one foot backward.
"Hadley I am not going to stand here all day and beg for you to tell me what is really bothering you," he says quietly, and a shiver goes down my spine. When I look into his deep green eyes, I know he can see right through me. He has always been able to see past my front's and facades, behind the rage, and into what is really bothering me. It's just who he is, who he's always been.
"I can't keep getting close to everyone again Alexander, because I can't be hurt like that again. I will snap completely," I say quietly, my voice wavering slightly.
"You forgave me on the condition that I would never make that mistake again, correct?" He asks me and I shake my head.
"I forgave you because you were genuinely sorry for the mistakes you made, not doing it again was a warning," I counter, and he gives me a soft smile.
"I can't promise you everything is going to be smooth sailing and we are all going to get along, but I can promise you I am always going to have your back," he says, and he leans closer again.
"If you get any closer, I am going to punch you," I threaten, but it comes off soft and that makes his smile grow more.
"Yeah, that's totally what you want to do right now," he says, and he gives me a big lopsided grin and I watch his gaze drop ever so slightly lower.
"No, no, no," I say and push him away and grab my things.
"I wasn't going to do anything, relax Hadley," he says flustered. The problem wasn't what he was going to do, but rather the fact that I wanted him to do it. I can't with him, but I forgave him, I hate this. I need to leave before this becomes even messier.
"I'm leaving now," I state before marching towards the elevator.
"Hadley, wait," he says, and I stop and spin around. I can see he feels guilty.
"What?"
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I'm really sorry if I overstepped," he says genuinely, and the corner of my mouth turns up. He's testing the waters and trying to figure me out because I am being difficult, I can't be mad considering I am the one giving him nothing to work with.
"You're fine, we're fine... I promise," I say softly, before walking away.
Walking into my apartment less than an hour later I see Click and the Metac trio on the couch watching a video. Passing by quickly I drop my things and change into jeans and a clean button-down. I put my mask into my bag and put on my boots, but I leave the suit on my chair. Grabbing one of my favorite scarves, I wrap it around my neck and feel warm and comfortable. Grabbing my work laptop, I walk back out and grab water.
"Why was your heartrate spiking while you were at the tower?" Click asks me curiously, but I can tell it isn't out of a place of concern.
"Don't worry about it, I'm fine," I say trying not to blush. She doesn't need to know Alexander was flirting with me to try and get the information he was looking for. I'm not an idiot nor am I blind.
"Did Alexander do something that bothered you?" Click asks me, a faint trace of worry evident in her eyes. I snort at her question and throw everything in my bag.
"Alexander is always bothering me," I say and try to walk towards the elevator.
"Where are you going?" Click asks.
"I have a lot of paperwork to finish and for some reason, I have six hours of meetings on Monday!" I say before taking the stairs.
Escaping to Voyager to try and clear my head for a few hours. I hear voices as I walk towards my lab. Slowing down I try to eavesdrop on Aviva and Cathleen. At first, it's mumbled but as I stand out of sight by my door, I can make out their conversation.
"Lena, I have been nothing but patient and kind. You either need to tell me everything that happened or go apologize to her," Aviva states firmly and I realize this is probably something I should not be listening to.
"Avi, I'm trying my best. This is been so hard on everyone and I don't want to go poking the bear right now! The last time I went to talk to her, we nearly ripped each other's heads off," Cathleen says.
"Your best? The Cathleen Winter's I know is much better at handling things than you are right now. You are one of the most competent women I know! I can't keep feeding into your pity party and pretending like everything is fine!" Aviva splutters out frustrated.
"Avi,"
"I'm going to make you sleep on the couch again," Aviva says.
"Not the couch, it's so uncomfortable!" Cathleen whines.
"You are the one who bought the couch!" Aviva says but I hear her laugh afterward. Swiping my ID, I walk into my lab and put in my music.
Grabbing the stack of paperwork, I printed out to sort through, I sign some things here and there. I start working on my expense report and try to piece together what is supposed to go where. These instructions were clearly written by Cathleen and they stink. Looking over the 'travel' paperwork I was handed, I start marking dates and times in my calendar. My door opening startles me, and I see Cathleen in the doorway. Taping my headphones to pause, I don't take them out.
"What's up?" I ask her and she cautiously walks over to the table.
"Avi mentioned that you were behind on your paperwork and I just wanted to ask if you need help with anything... Not that I am doubting your intelligence," she says quickly.
"Can you check my yearly expense report before I submit it? The instructions are garbage," I say and slide her my laptop. She quickly takes a seat while I file some things away. Organizing a few things, it feels nice to declutter and get everything in order.
"This looks good to me, I will work on rewriting those instructions again," she says sheepishly, and I chuckle and submit it.
"How's Aviva?" I ask trying to keep a calm conversation at hand.
"She's good, I was just next door talking about some plans for this new year," Cathleen says, and I can see the love she feels for her in every ounce of her being. Her eyes just softened and so did her posture, the corners of her lips even turned up.
"You certainly chose one hell of an amazing woman," I say as I continue to clean up and Cathleen grins and looks at the table.
"I'm lucky she puts up with me most days, I always thank the stars that she fell for me well after I fell for her," she says, and her voice is softer and gentler than I've become used too.
"What do you mean? It wasn't love at first sight?" I ask amused and Cathleen genuinely laughs.
"I fell for hard and fast; before we were even dating," Cathleen admits, and that makes me grin.
"No way," I say amused and I sit back down.
"I didn't even know if she was gay before I had a crush on her, Alexander never mentioned it and I wasn't exactly very close with her. But damn, the first time she walked into my office I was smitten," Cathleen says, and I grin.
"When did you first meet?" I ask and I can see her pause, we aren't arguing for once.
"Alexander had previously known her because she worked at Caspian as an intern, and he wanted to hire her immediately when we found out she was applying here. He was also a little smitten with her, she's just so easy to talk to. But I made her come in for an interview, she already had the job before she walked through the door," Cathleen says, and she rests her head in her hand.
"And then just a few months later the Arlington five thousand put her name on the map," I say, and Cathleen looks surprised.
"Yes, I'm surprised you know that," she says carefully.
"I had loosely followed her because of the hype she was getting but when you two came out as an item, I paid a lot more attention," I admit, and Cathleen sits up.
"You did?"
"Of course, I did Lena, as much as I wanted to knock you into the century and the sight of you made me angry. I still wanted to know what was going on in your life, I spent eighteen years with you... it was weird when I didn't have you to talk to anymore," I admit and I realize how vulnerable I am being with her. I start to panic realizing that this could blow up really quickly,
"I wish I could say that I followed you in the news as well, but you did a really good job falling off the face of the Earth. I couldn't even figure out what college you went to until I saw a pop-up article on you taking gold at the archery state championship," she says and I fidget, "I missed talking to you too," she finishes before both of our watches ding. She pops up and bangs on the wall connecting the two labs.
"I should go take care of this, are you coming?" Cathleen asks me and I shake my head.
"Go ahead without me," I say, and she gives me a pained smile before ducking next door.
I stay at Voyager for a while, it's quiet and I can think here. I try to sort through the wild amount of emotions I am swinging through, but eventually, I just shove it all away. Sometimes I just need to step away from the problem, even my own. I take my time getting home and by the time I return, Click is out getting drinks with her three new best friends. I'm thankful she's finally making friends with people her age, but I know how difficult it is when she is not only a metahuman, but the second generation of a man-made one, it weighs heavy on her psyche. She has to handle things mentally that most people never even could dream of.
Sitting on the couch, curled up in a blanket I pull up the Maverick server on my laptop. Typing in the long encryption key, I go back a few years and find a few old videos of us training together. I watch the old home videos and let the tears fall and eventually doze off.
Is anyone else proud that Cathleen and Hadley managed to have a civil conversation? 😂😂 I know I am lol.
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Xx Cc