This might affect our work dynamic, was the last thing you thought before you fell asleep on the couch far from hotch.
"Hey y/n," a male voice said sweetly while slightly shaking your arm, "Hey you need to get up, we have to get to the police station." You slightly opened your eyes to see hotch standing over you with a sweet and caring look on his face.
"Hey, why didn't you sleep in the bed after last night? I heard you get up but I did not hear you come back," he said cheekily to you because even the mention of last night made him a little bit giddy. "Last night was something else, y/n." It's like all of the coldness and the fights and the yelling completely disappeared from his mind all you could see behind his eyes were happiness.
Geez someone is chipper this morning. You scoffed, rolled your eyes at hotch's bare attempt to show his affection towards you, and walked into the bathroom slamming the door behind you. You had no interest in talking to him after what happened last night. He made you feel like an object he just wanted to shove his dick into.
As you walked into the bathroom you saw yourself and gasped at what had formed. You completely forgot about your hickeys from last night but today they looked like legitimate bruises. The purple and green lines wrapped around your neck that outlined where a hand had been and you ran your fingers over them.
The similar colored circles trailed down your neck, and your eyes followed them down your collarbone, and onto your breasts. You wanted to cry, you felt used, you felt like he only wanted to get in our pants.
"Hey y/n are you ok?" you heard a knock on the door as hotch worried. You sniffled slightly and spoke holding everything back, "Yeah Hotch, I'm okay I just didn't-" your voice broke, "I didn't sleep well." you felt tears stream down your face as you heard the door open.
Hotch looked at you like the idea of you crying would just shatter him into a million pieces. He walked over to you to embrace you into a hug and you pushed him away. "This is because of you," you said panicked when you looked at him with tear-filled eyes that were overwhelmingly stressed.
"I don't know if 'the man' in you can comprehend it but I felt used after last night." you walked away from him and out of the bathroom. "You fucked me silly and then just left me there. I went into the bathroom for five seconds and I came back to you completely asleep." you were upset but you spoke calmly.
Tears streamed down your face as Hotch finally realized what he did. "All I wanted was a little affection after you called me your slut. Something to signal that you don't actually think of me as a slut for sleeping with you." You practically sobbed your eyes out as the feelings from last night that you were unable to explain finally expressed themselves out of you.
"but all I could think about was the way you called me those names and who is to say that you really did not mean it. God, I liked hearing it but you gave me no reason to think that I'm not a slut."
"y/n I had no clue." his eyes searched your face in a panicked rush for something that tried to forgive him. "I wish you had told me. I'm-... I'm so sorry" he did not know how to react so he followed you to try and hug you again but you did not want it. "Please, just... just, don't" you pushed him away again slightly, "look at me Hotch, I looked like someone beat me. And you think I would just be okay after all of that?"
You looked around the room for a second and noticed the clock. You panicked and began to take your sweatshirt off to get changed because there was no way in hell you were going to be late. That's when Hotch saw it all. The handprint, the hickeys that raked all over your body, the bruises that formed on your breasts, and he gasped.
"Oh my god... I did that to you..." he said genuinely freaked out about what he had done. You started to forgive him, you could tell how bad he felt. "Y/n I'm so sorry, I... I can take care of this... I can..." He thought for a second, "did you even want-" you stopped him before he said something stupid and threw an accusation out.
"Hotch, don't do that. Yes, I'm very upset by what happened last night but everything was consensual and I would have stopped you if I did not want anything to happen." You paused for a second to pick choice words. "Hotch I just wanted you to hold me, or just look at me like I wasn't just an object after it was over."
you had finally composed yourself before hotch walked over to you and tried to embrace you with a hug again. What is this mans deal with hugs? You let it happen though. Your arms curled up around your chest before his arms completely engulfed you. His hand made small circles around your bare back. And you could almost hear him saying "Shhhhh" as he rubbed your back and his face nestled on the top of your head.
"I'm so sorry" He calmly whispered to you. I have never been more confused with hotch's feelings than I am right now. Just a week ago he was nothing but cold to you. And now? Now he is holding me. What the hell.
You pulled away from the hug slightly to the point where he was still holding you but you could look each other in the eyes. "We need to talk about this.... This." you made a gesture back and forth between you and hotch signaling the two of you in the "this."
you suddenly realized that you were standing in front of him completely bare-chested with no shirt on. It's not that you felt embarrassed because he had literally seen all of you the night before, but something waved over you and you felt the need to cover yourself.
Hotch noticed and covered his eyes with his hands and said something, "I'm sorry I'll let you get dressed in private. We should talk tonight about this because I have a lot on my mind about it." he walked into a wall with his eyes covered on purpose to try and lighten the mood a little bit in the room. It worked, he made you giggle slightly which in turn made him laugh before he quickly picked his things up and walked out of the hotel room.
You practically sprinted around the room to get your shit together. You knew you would have to spend your time on makeup rather than anything else this morning. You grabbed black tight pants, a red turtleneck sweater, and your blazer to wear today. You knew it was going to be cold in Bryson because it's December on the east coast so you thought it best to dress warm, and it helped that it mostly covered the marks on your neck.
You grabbed your makeup bag and thanked yourself for packing color corrector and concealer.
You pulled the yellow from the bag to opposite the purple and the green to opposite the red with it. You blended it out and prayed that something covered it.
Fuck.
You grabbed the concealer and caked it on the marks hoping something.... SOMETHING would cover the marks but nothing stuck.
God I'm gonna mark him up so badly next time
Next time?
Is there even gonna be a next time?
He said he liked it but does that mean he wants it again? What does this make Hotch and I? We certainly weren't friends so we're not friends with benefits, but I can promise I am not dating him. Am I just a benefit?
Oh my god, I'm just a slut to him, at this rate just put me in the playboy mansion. I am just-
"Get out of your thoughts y/n," you said to yourself, "Plus Gloria Steinem was a badass." you joked to yourself before you completely gave up on your neck. If he made the marks the asshole can pay for the consequences. You laughed to yourself, finished the rest of your makeup, and headed out.
You walked downstairs into the lobby where everyone was waiting and all you heard was "Ah there is Alice, where were you? Lost in wonderland?" you turned to ser Derek ruthlessly making fun of you as you walked into the lobby.
"I was running late, leave me alone," you shouted across the lobby before you met up with everyone. Emily gave you a quick start and you mouthed later to her before Hotch started talking.
"I got word this morning that a body of one of the kids had been found so we are splitting up right here for the day. JJ and Rossi you two go to the mortician's office to observe the body, Reid, morgan, and i will go to the scene and see if any witnesses were there, Prentiss and y/n go to the police station and get a location and traction started." Everyone nodded their heads before they walked out to the SUVs and you couldn't help but get lost in your thoughts for a second,
Is there a reason he isn't putting me with him? Maybe he is trying to be discrete? I mean we are with a bunch of profilers. But what if he just doesn't want to have me with him. You need to take anxiety meds.
You were pulled out of your thoughts, "Y/n, you coming?" Emily said to you before you nodded and followed
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