I don't have to make eye contact with him to feel the frustration boiling to the surface. Luck on my side for once, he was thoroughly exercised from his training session with Legardo and the edge had been taken off the anger that I knew he possessed. "I beg your pardon?" His English accent thickens against the tightening of his body. "Would you care to repeat that?"
It was an opportunity to correct a fatal flaw, he had just relaxed enough to allow them into our home, letting his carefully calculated fortress plummet into chaos with children and visitors. I had seen him snap only a few times, I feared if she pushed him the wrong way, we might very well see the return of the Alpha here in this very room. I clear my throat, taking a step forward. "Remember I told you that you needed you to have an open mind?"
The responding snarl would have made me shrink if I didn't have royal blood coursing through my veins. My own wolf wishes to bark back, it takes all my concentration to hold onto my composure, I must display that I am fit enough for this. I don't need a babysitter and we had often said we had wished there was another who could train me for he felt that he didn't have the heart to push me as hard as he would another.
I must continue, this was worth the cost of freedom to me. "Kestrel, Echo, and Helen are all going hunting, I want to go with them and get out of the house for a few days... think of it as a safer bachelor party than the one Chispa is throwing me." My attempt at humor falls on deaf ears as the light gaze of a long-dormant alpha rests the blame squarely on the uninvited trio.
Tonic offers me a concerned side glance. His eyes hold pity but not for me in the sense that my treatment was unfair, he knew exactly what was coming and his pity only rested on the laurels of his own memories of exactly how this felt. We had few rules in our botched pack, Helen might have been handed the Alpha position but one true master held strong. "How do you intend to go hunting if you can't even call your wolf?" His voice is short, stern, devoid of consideration as all humanity dissipates under the animalistic nature of a wolf stepping into alignment.
I was envious. My wolf would hardly even speak to me.
"I'd talk to you more if you didn't anger our soul mate."
"Echo will teach me." I tell him firmly. "As she's been teaching Helen."
My reveal causes Helen to flinch, like a puppy scolded for wrongdoing, she considers slinking back to hide behind the feral woman who'd agreed to mentor us. "So that's where you've been." Verando's nose wrinkles slightly at the thought, disappointed with his somber expression. The corners of his mouth pulled down, "If you're going to betray your mentor then the least you could do is own up to it."
"Helen.. is this true?" Legardo seems to be capturing his breath, his expression one of concern rather than upset. The thick white hair matted down to his skull, standing beside his sire, they looked more alike than I care to witness so I avert my eyes to less scrutinizing faces. This was embarrassing, I hadn't intended on being embarrassed as a first impression. "Why would you go to a different mentor?"
Addressed, society dictates that Helen could no longer make herself invisible. She must atone for her actions. Stepping forward, she exhales slowly, squaring her shoulders to address them both. "Papa... Daddy.. I am grateful for all the training, it's just... taking a very long time. Time that we don't have." Verando scoffs and Legardo resists the urge to silence him. "I have become more in touch with my wolf running with Echo these last few months than I've felt my entire life."
"Running feral, like wild animals." Verando snaps, shaking his head as Legardo lifts a passive hand to stop the assault.
It's Echo who steps forward this time, putting her arm around Helen's shoulders. "We like being free, it's our native roots to run like the wolves we came from. This hierarchy mess is what caused the three brothers to try and kill each other in the first place. Instinct is the best method, if you returned home, you would know that, Verando."
His knuckles pop as his hands momentarily clench into fists. One did not fear the outburst, it was the silence that could be the most terrifying. Experienced in battle, a veteran did not lose his cool. "Returned home? Did your father tell you that was his home? Acer was born in England, not in Norway and if you read a damned book, you'd understand he was not at all loyal to his people or our ways. Weakness." He takes a step towards her, Echo wrinkles his nose in defiance.
"Acer sold out his own people for a whore house. Damned we'll all be if we trust a bloody neutral to run anything beyond the whores, good they are to any proper society. It is not your place to tell alpha's what to do, so I highly suggest you take your cavalier ways back to Norway with you or fall into line where you belong. Lest I show you what a true dominant looks like."
Echo's hand shoots to the hilt of her sword and it's Tonic who grabs her while I rush to put my hands on Verando's chest and block the escalation. It would have been much easier if he didn't smell so damned good, I swallow back the urge to act on impulses as I wait for the room to return to some semblance of calm. My eyes meet his, holding his gaze in a silent stand off that apologized and yet refused to yield.
It might not be right, it might not be the way he would do it, but I owed it to myself to try. "You said yourself that someone else might fair better in training me." I remind him.
"Not a neutral." His voice is hard, teeth gritted.
"Kestrel will be there." Shaking his head, I know he wants to distance himself. He wants to push me away, he wants to put me in my place for defying him and his love for me prevents him from doing just that. I feel the dull ache for structure, the need to be dominated or to dominate. "You won't correct me. If you won't correct me, how can you train me?"
"We are in a relationship, a relationship is not decided by rank. I understand that we have our own unique dynamic but could you ever look at me the same again if I treated you how I treated my men? If I held you to that standard?" He had me dead to rights because the truth is, I wouldn't. I couldn't live that way, not held under his thumb like a soldier in his army. "We are civilized, the war is over, the goal is to control the wolf."
Helen exhales, running a hand through her hair, torn as I was. "Papa, I want to be in a pack. I want to do all of the things I would have done before it was practically illegal to be what I am. If something happens, if Caspian comes back-"
"I'm dealing with Caspian." I touch his chest, trying to soothe the tremble in his body.
"We all need to be ready. Echo's methods are working." She tells him firmly. I don't feel victorious, I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like we are betraying him because, in a way, we are. A wealth of knowledge at our finger tips, were we really making the right choice with Echo?
Tonic tilts his head to catch Helen's attention, his face composed. He reminded me so much of the Tonic I knew before the madness; before he became deranged. "I've spent time in Norway with Echo, I know what you're talking about. It's fun to run and hunt and behave as we naturally might." He admits, the metallic clank of his robotic arm makes me shudder. "But, you know who taught me how to fight and who taught me how to win. Echo triggers your change, she's not teaching you how to control the wolf, only bring it out."
Echo flashes her teeth, body visibly bristled. Instinctively, I inch closer to my warlord who has little interest in anything to do with me. He brushes me out of the way, scalded by my betrayal. I can't say that I blame him, either. "The wolf doesn't need to be commanded, it needs to be set free, only then can you truly bond. We are not its master."
"Until someone pisses you off and you slaughter a whole town." Tonic's retort is dry, matter of fact. "Without obedience comes a lack of control. What we have now is complicated but we have to find a way to make it work... we can not operate as wild animals in public."
"Maybe some of us aren't fit for public viewing..." Helen shocks us all and Legardo gapes at her.
"Helen!" He gasps.
"I don't want to live among humans as a human. I'm not a human! I don't want to be human. What I care about is our family, not what society thinks we should be." Her words resonate in me, I had often felt the same way, though I didn't want to abandon humanity I did have a strong connection to helping the previously banished users. While the government was doing what it could to provide safety for our kind, for magic-users everywhere, it didn't stop the human hordes from slaughtering them in the streets when the riots broke out.
Tonic holds up his hands, calling for some sort of order. "Helen. Nic. I'm telling you both now, there is no better mentor for you than the man who started it all. Verando was one of the most feared men of our time for reasons that I don't need to explain. One lead many, if there is ever to be an uprising I want to be on the side that I know has a vested interest in all of our lives. It's taken me a long time to realize why respect must be earned." With that, he crosses the room to stand beside Verando, offering me one more sideways glance on his way over.
I had thought Tonic had come to persuade me to go, it would seem that he had come because he was concerned this might happen. Legardo seems decided as well, "He's a complete ass and his methods are quite... intense... but my father, your grandfather, Helen, is the only mentor I would consider."
Looking down her nose at him, Echo appears entirely unimpressed. Her full upper lip pulled down into a scowl, I wondered how old she was considering her inability to hide her emotions. "Says the unrecognized son. Can you even shift?"
"Shifting is nothing if you can't control it," Verando responds, low and even. "As I've told you all, I'm retired. I release you both from my teachings, hoping to the gods that they have mercy on those you will inevitably murder. It isn't your right mind that will have to deal with euthanizing you in your savagery when these methods fail you. But, I won't bore you with such petty details. Enjoy your madness." With a sarcastic half bow, he storms out of the patio door, slamming it behind him hard enough that the glass cracks and threatens to unseat the door from the hinges.
I watch the shorts shred as the gray wolf appears and he moves further from the house and beyond into the vast emptiness of the growing badlands. I feel idiotic, running a hand through my hair, I should have talked to him about this sooner. Avoiding topics like this hurt him worse than the topic itself, I had blindsided him after our reunion last night.
Legardo and Tonic seem to share the sentiment that this decision was poorly thought out. "Helen, you need to go out there and beg him to take you back. Verando is the only one who knows anything about Malka." The white-haired man encourages, yet the lack of response indicates that no amount of begging would fix this situation. My husband was many things, vengeful was certainly one of them. With a heavy exhale, he crosses his arms over his chest, sharing pained looks with Tonic once more.
"First Tyler, now your grandfather. Helen." Pinching the bridge of his nose, he gathers his clothes off the side table. "I'm unfathomably disappointed. I hope it's all worth it, whatever it is." Disappearing around the hall, he gathers Pascal and Sylvia to leave. I flinch as the front door closes, to quiet for his mood.
Disturbed by the yelling, Darius gathers Xaiver and runs from the group out the broken back door to find his daddy. He runs from us, from me, because to him I imagine we look much like villains. Much as I don't like to admit it, I've been useless to him since he's been in existence. It's been Verando who has cared for them while I treaded through this world much like a corpse.
I turn my head to see Helen combatting with herself, looking like sobbing might be an option with her glossy eyes. Kestrel moves to comfort her, placing his hands on her shoulders but she shrugs him off and it's me who she seeks instead. I hug her tightly, it's not me who weeps but my wolf in the back of my mind. I wonder if it's the same for her, too.
I can hear the distant whimpering, feeling the pain that Alpha feels for we share that connection. Tonic slips out the back door to accompany the boys to find Verando, I know that I'm needed if I'm ever going to fix this mess I managed to create for myself. "This isn't how this is supposed to go." I challenge Echo over Helen's shoulder. "You were supposed to let me talk to him."
"Rule number one, cupcake. No secrets. You hadn't told him by now, you weren't going to tell him. I need to hunt, I'm not going to wait around for you wimp out on me. If anything, you both should be thanking me for freeing you. A real alpha would have had me skinned for that display, I'm not worried about it and neither should you be."
I can't help but laugh, a solid chuckle that startles us all. "A real Alpha waits for you to sleep and turns your skeleton into an example of capital punishment. If we were in true Viking days, when lycans were creatures of war, you wouldn't have a tongue. Let me get something straight, you are only taking me on a single trip to show me how to hunt. Nothing more, nothing less." I feel the tension building, I feel my wolf climbing to the surface as I display my breeding. I was a king first, I didn't let anyone speak to my husband that way.
"You address me as Nicolas or Your Majesty if you prefer, and don't you dare speak of my husband in such a light ever again. He's too disciplined to spank you as you deserve but I sure as shit will put you in your place. I'm going to go try and fix this mess you created, we leave in two days. Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's best you all leave." I can't look at Helen as Kestrel gestures to the door and guides the two women out.
My chest is heaving, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears I almost feel dizzy. My joints hurt, my body feels unhinged as I brace myself on the counter and fight to stay inside myself. Slowly, I slide to my knees, gritting my teeth as my body threatens to explode. "Stop." I plead, desperate to make it go away. "Gods, just stop!" All at once, it ends and I'm left panting.
"Stop fighting me."
I could take pain but not this. This was excruciating, beyond anything I'd ever felt. "My body doesn't bend this way. I.. I just can't!" Admitting defeat was easier when I was by myself. "Maybe Echo can chase you out of me but I can't do it this way, I can't willingly go through with this." I'd die a thousand deaths before allowing this creature to shred its way out of me.
"Your bonds in your bones are healing, if you keep fighting me, I will be locked away."
Shaking my head, I turn off the voice and climb to my feet. I needed to find Verando and fix this, I couldn't worry about that right now. Pushing out the broken door, I jog into the yard, only having to go a few hundred feet before finding him walking casually with Darius seated on his back. Xaiver clapped joyously from Tonic's lap, in my agony and betrayal, life moved on.
I could almost let the emotion come out, the pain at the realization that I had been so vacant these last few months that my own children saw it as normal. They were over it as quickly as it happened. "Can I talk to you?" I ask, smiling to hide the pain for Darius who eyed me suspiciously.
"No," Verando growls, laying his ears back for a moment, by the look in his eyes I know exactly who answers. With a slow blink, he sighs, lowering his hips to the ground to let Darius slide off. "Tonic will get you both some breakfast, then we'll play."
"Promise?" Darius manages, receiving a nod. Going to Tonic, my previous best friend leads them both into the house. Once more, I was dismissing my children.
I couldn't help but think of our conversation. We couldn't do both, even now we were forced to shuffle them around and they so obviously, so painfully, noticed. Turning my attention to my warlord, I expect him to be angry but I'm met with patience. It was more humbling than any amount of screaming, he was waiting for the next excuse. "I'm sorry," I tell him simply. "I'm sorry for keeping this from you, I should have just come to you immediately."
Verando shrugs one shoulder, "You should have." He agrees.
My cards needed to be laid out for him to see, I had to find redemption. "Remember when you couldn't tell me things because you were frightened to let me see you?" Bringing a comparison soothes the ache, it lowers my anxiety and helps my heart rate find a rhythm that didn't bring me to the brink. "You asked for patience, I know I've asked for a lot of patience from you but now I think I need it more than ever. I need guidance.. and understanding... and a reminder when I'm being really shitty."
"You've been really shitty." He retorts, laying his ears back with a frown.
"I feel awake.. and I'm sorry." I wait patiently, allowing him to chew on it as he glares at the ground before finally, I see him sigh and feel my own shoulders relax.
"It would help if I wasn't hiding you away. I've been really worried about you, Nic." I move to slip my arms around his neck, burying my nose in the fur and trailing my fingers through the thick coat. His tail wags one time, I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Alpha.
"Can I show you something?" I hedge, taking a step back to allow him to shift.
"If you're hoping to revisit the topic of last night, that ship has sailed so far away it's lost in the bloody dead sea-" I flush darkly and wrap my arms around his human torso to hide my face in his chest.
"Gods Randy!" I gasp, mortified. "No! Will you just follow me?" Reluctantly he does, grabbing a pair of fitted boxers from the bedroom before joining me in my study. I open the drawer and reveal to him the sack and the gun along with the card. In silence, he stares at the objects for a long time, not daring to touch them as I show him the contents of the sack and read him off the instructions from the card. "This morning... I-"
"So that's who that was.." He mumbles, distant in his musings. "I saw the van long before you went out there."
Frowning, I exhale roughly at him. "You set a trap for me."
"I was worried about you. They didn't attack me and Legardo, I was just waiting for them to make a move. Eventually, you showed up, I was impressed at how you brandished your gun like one of those westerns you enjoy so much..." Swatting him, I shove the cash back into the drawer with the gun and close it roughly. "What're you going to do?"
"I don't know," I admit because I truly didn't. I was torn in so many different directions. "I want to get to know my kids again... I want to figure out this wolf." The words sound right as I say them, bringing me a small sense of peace. When I look up, I see the return of the grin that I adore so much. Wrapping his arms around me, he lifts me to his height to press his lips to mine. I knot my fingers in his hair, kissing him in return as he sets me on the desk.
My legs hook around his waist, I draw him closer to me as I deepen the kiss and inhale the intoxicating scent. The taste of him, the feel of his skin under my fingers, I hold onto him like a vice and feel my control slipping. With a firm yank, his hands catch on the table as he holds himself up, stopping my attempts to pull him on top of me. I growl in my throat and he chuckles against my lips. "Maybe you are a feral creature."
"Insatiable." I remind him, delivering a firm smack to his ass, making him jump. The motion does horrid things to me I leap onto him once more, invading his mouth as I cling to him in lude enthusiasm. "Are you sure we can't revisit that conversation?"
Exhaling roughly, he breaks away from me. I recline back on the desk to admire my handy work and graze his groin with my foot. "Gone and buried in the dead sea." The tone is final and I know I've pushed him far enough.
The idea of my feral nature gives me an idea and I spring up excitedly. "Hey, I just had an idea."
"Did it hurt?" He asks sweetly, bringing a scowl from my face as I wonder what I can use to strike him with.
"You're such an asshole." I sigh, irritated but determined. "Come hunting with us, bring the kids, a family vacation before we go off on our honeymoon. "