My alarm went off at 5:00 am. Today was the day. My first day of promotions. The first part of the day would be spent with Dawon at a photo shoot, which would end at 12:30. We would then break for lunch, and then head over to music bank for my debut stage. But first, I had to escape the tangle of limbs I was currently trapped in. Tae was in front of me, so I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him close enough to me that I could roll over him onto the floor. It's safe to say that ever since Hoseok trapped me back at the hotel I have learned to untangle myself quite efficiently... for everyone BUT Hobi. Seriously he probably has just as much strength as he does hope.
I proceed to take a few steps away from the bed before running full speed screaming
"Today's the day!"
I jump and I land across tae and Jimin while laughing. They immediately groaned before attempting to pull me back into their arms, but I was quick to get up and run across the hall doing the same thing to Jin, Joon, and Kook. They groaned, but before they were gone I was out the door on my way to where Yoongi and Hobi were sleeping. The moment I entered I jumped straight onto Yoongi and Hobi, both of whom seemed to be already awake from my previous yelling because they quickly pinned me between them and tickled me into laughter. I am thankfully saved by none other than Jeon Jungkook. He pulls me from their grasp pulling my back into his chest. I then see Jin in front of me who places a kiss on my nose before pressing our heads together.
The doorbell rings and Jimin goes to answer it and soon enough Dawon and CHerry are bursting through the house to get me ready. The boys helped keep me grounded throughout the morning, and were given the day off to accompany me to the photoshoot and my debut stage.
The photoshoot passed in a blur, all I could think about was my stage. My first time performing in front of an audience, something I thought could happen only in my dreams. I feel someone grab my hands I looked up to see Joon staring down at me. His thumbs are rubbing back and forth across my knuckles as he says
"Ready to head to music bank? You're going to do great, after all, you are my starshine."
He gave me his dimpled smile as he led me to the van, where I sat between Yoongi and Joon. Somehow we had ended up in the same order that we were in after we left, Maknae line in the back, Joon, yoongi, and I in the middle row, and Jin and Hoseok in the front row behind Sejin who was driving. This time we weren't heading to a hotel, we were heading to the beginning of my dreams. This time I wasn't having a panic attack, even though I'm extremely nervous to perform. I can handle my mind now. This time I'm not numbed down by medications I can't pronounce the name of. This time it's not just the start of my healing, but the start of my dreams. I finally let myself be selfish for the first time in my life, I didn't wait for someone to give me something, I worked for it. I practiced through literal blood, sweat, and tears to debut. I pushed myself past so many limits, I asked when I didn't understand. I didn't let being autistic stop me from following my dreams. But most importantly I didn't let being autistic stop me from forming connections and building a relationship with the seven most wonderful people on this planet. My soulmates.
I am shaken from my thoughts when Joon takes my hand to help me out of the van, immediately I am bombarded with dispatch taking photos. I hold on to Joon a bit tighter, who immediately understands that the flashes are too bright. He wolves me to the other side of him and puts his arm around me, using his body to cover most of the flashing cameras. Jin is in front of us and notices what Joon was trying to cover me from and slows down to where he is just in front of Joon, effectively blocking the rest of the blinding lights.
Once we finally made it into the building I was ushered into a dressing room with Dawon who gave me the outfit that I wore in the music video. She did natural makeup, with the purple heart right under my right eye-something I was sure was going to become an iconic part of my makeup routine. My hair was parted on the left side, and styled in a record time of 35 minutes... Dawon couldn't decide what looked better. The last touch was some lilac and ocean blue glitter, which was going to be absolute hell to get out especially after I got it all over the guys.
I made my way out of the dressing room in time to wave to my boys who all were giving me goofy smiles and thumbs up. They were going to be in the audience in a section where the other performers can watch while they wait for their turn. I didn't even know who the main act was, Cherry informed me that I didn't need to know who they were until after I performed in case I stan them, which is honestly fair. I followed Cherry under the stage, a crew member set up my earpieces and mic. I decided against using a handheld mic since I didn't want to risk my hands shaking during the performance. I step onto the stage lift. I nod to Cherry and immediately slip into a stage persona. I vaguely see Cherry give me a thumbs up before I hear the mc introducing me. What did he say? No clue. I hear my track start-up and am lifted onto the stage.
I immediately hear the fans screams as I start singing
I got pushed, I got washed ashore
In front of the door of my long-awaited dream
There's a little song inside me
And that little song has brought me here
I move back to the center stage and realize my dream is not just a dream anymore.
Even though it's lonely, there's no place to lean on
Even though it's painful, there's no place to stop
The purpose of waiting and enduring
Only after I finally met you
Only after you held my hands do I realize it
I start the pre-chorus with newfound confidence. I look straight into the camera and I move to the left, before looking into the audience. Watching the lightsticks move with me.
Yeah I'm scared, even though I'm afraid
Let's do our best, let's just try
It's our chance
The countless number of footsteps
That was made in the past know
My past, everything my parents put me through, everything my own mind brought upon me led me to this moment. Led me to be on a stage, no my stage. This is my stage, my beginning.
Be my friend and walk with me
Let's just run for our lives
Give me your hand and promise
Let's just run for our lives
The doors of the future are opened
And I see the days that were promised
You and I
We can fly
You're another me, I'm another you
Let's just run for our lives
I can hear the blood pumping through my ears, I can feel every part of my body moving in sync with the music, and I can see past the stage lights, past the lightsticks. I can see the people, the people, the fans, my dreamers. My goal was to be the voice to today's youth or anybody that BTS was and is to me. If I can help one person overcome their monsters, I'll be complete. I wink at the camera, before heading into the post-chorus.
Our dream I-LAND
Run for your heart, run for your life
Our dream I-LAND
Run for your heart, run for your life
I recentered myself on the stage sinking down to my knees for the floor choreography, as verse three started
Even though it's lonely, there's no place to lean on
Even though it's painful, there's no place to stop
The earth seemed like a deserted island to me
But right now you're next to me
You're running with me right now
I roll back onto my feet and move towards the right for the pre-chorus
Yeah I'm scared, I'm shaking
Don't stop, let's just try
It's our chance
The countless number of footsteps
That was made in the past know
I'm not sure if I'm shaking from nerves or if its the music that I can feel in my feet through the stage, but I do know one thing, and that is that it might have taken me a while to get here, but now that I'm here, I'm not letting this go, I'm not letting them go, I'm not letting myself go. I reach into the air as I sing the chorus.
Be my friend and walk with me
Let's just run for our lives
Give me your hand and promise
Let's just run for our lives
The stairs and elevated platform rise from the stage to my left. I take a deep breath before running up them, once I'm on the platform I begin the bridge.
Woah oh
In-between my island and your "I" land
Build a solid bridge that connects the two
Now I, and I, and I, and I are I-LAND
You and I, You and I, You and I are one
I reach up and remove my inner ear from my left ear, I can now clearly hear the audience. I hear my name being chanted over and over, I continue with the choreography on the elevated platform as it lowers to 6 feet above the ground.
Our dream I-LAND
Run for your heart, run for your life
Our dream I-LAND
Run for your heart, run for your life
The platform stops as I begin to walk back down the stairs
Be my friend and walk with me
Let's just run for our lives
Give me your hand and promise
Let's just run for our lives
I can distinctly hear my 7 fanboys - I mean soulmates- over the crowd. I hear them chanting along with the audience, my fans. It reminds me of me around a year and a half ago when I was just a fan, another ARMY in the crowd just trying to survive. I had come so far, and now those who I was cheering for were cheering for me, probably looking just as idiotic as I had. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I sang
Dreams bloom in reality and flowers shine in flames
You and I
We can fly
You're another me, I'm another you
Let's just run for our lives
I removed my final inner ear as I finished the song
Oh
Run for your dream
As I looked into the audience I knew that no matter the weight the world put on my back I would have my seven soulmates, that I have truly made my boys with love.
A/N: This is officially the last chapter, but I will post the epilogue tomorrow. I really hope everyone enjoyed this journey with me, I am already planning my next fic which I hope to start soon, probably in late January/ early February since I'm so excited, I will give more information for that in the bonus chapter of this book.
I cried a few times writing this, I can't believe I'm almost completely finished with this, I know one day I will come back and edit this, but that probably won't be for a while.
Please comment to let me know what you think, any idea's on what I have planned for the bonus chapter? Hint- I've been planning it since the beginning.
I purple you!