Chapter 27
Bennett's apartment was nothing like Caleb's. It was huge, open concept, and there were just a handful of kids from our school already there. Bennett brought me to the kitchen, grabbed two beers and then sat on a stool near the island. I sat beside him, watching as he opened one and handed it to me.
"I'm really glad you're here," he told me. "Actually, I'm really glad we are... together."
"I am, too," I told him.
"You don't seem thrilled to be here," he accused me, then smiled.
"I'm kind of nervous," I admitted, sipping the beer.
"Nervous? Of what?"
"You. Or, I mean, me, alone with you."
"Alone?" he laughed. "There are literally twenty other people in this room."
It was true, more people had just came in and it was getting louder, around us. Someone had started some music. A couple of guys were playing a fighting game on the huge screen TV.
I shrugged, then took another sip.
"You are, like, my favourite person. You know that?" he said, touching my cheek.
"Why?" I asked, surprised.
Now, he grinned. "You're different. You didn't know me before, you don't look at me like everyone else does."
I smiled back at him, relaxing a bit. "How do I look at you?" I asked.
He leaned in close, kissing my cheek. "Like, I'm a real person, like you care about me."
"I do," I said quietly, just as he pulled me into a real kiss. His lips were soft and when I opened mine; his tongue found mine a moment later.
Bennett was different, too. I only had Sheldon to compare him to, but he was definitely different - better. Sheldon had been sweet, most of the time. But he was also full of himself, and expected a lot from me. I didn't see it at the time, but he was sort of controlling. I only felt like what I thought was love - but it was more like infatuation. It was such a mistake.
Bennett's phone buzzed, then again a minute later. He stopped kissing me to look at it, but put it back down again. I picked up my beer and finished it. I was used to parties that were loud, crazy, lots of dancing, grinding, yelling. Lots of drinking games. This one was fairly tame, for now.
I noticed Kelly and Alex coming out of a room, holding hands. Anna was on the couch, cheering on the guys playing the video game. I noticed other people from school, drinking, wandering around, making out. The front door opened and another group of kids came in. Bennett was looking at his phone again.
"Where's the bathroom?" I asked him, suddenly feeling annoyed.
"What?" he asked, looking up from his phone.
"The bathroom?" I asked again, trying to keep eye contact.
He looked confused by the tone of my voice, but typed something on his phone again, then slipped it into his back pocket. "I'll take you."
He grabbed my hand and lead me through the kitchen and down to the hallway. Some guys said hi to him as we passed. Kelly waved at me. Down a long hall, at the end, he finally stopped. I looked at him. He looked tired, or high, or both. Quickly, he smiled big, then leaned up against me.
"Want to see my room?" he asked, already kissing my neck.
I let him, for a minute. It felt good. I pulled his face up and kissed his lips, closing my eyes as he pushed me against the wall. He was pressing against me, kissing me frantically, like he couldn't get enough. And I liked it. But then his phone buzzed again. And again.
"Sorry," he said, pulling away from me. "I should turn it off."
I moved away a bit and ran my fingers through my hair. "I have to go to the bathroom anyway."
Now, he looked surprised. "Oh, right."
I turned to go the into the bathroom, closing the door while he was still standing there, staring at me.
Everything felt weird, all of a sudden. I wasn't an outsider, but I didn't belong. I missed Lily so much, but I hated to admit it to myself. Things were so much easier in San Diego, right from the moment I got there. Until she slept with my boyfriend, of course. I did miss her, though, somehow.
IM AT A PARTY AT BENNETTS. I sent a text to Maribella from the bathroom.
IM JEALOUS. STILL GROUNDED.
OH SORRY. ITS JUST SO WEIRD.
WHAT IS?
HOW I FEEL HERE, I told her.
YOU SHOULD DRINK MORE.
I let out a laugh. I MIGHT DO THAT.
I MIGHT BE ALLOWED TO GO OUT SUNDAY.
OK, AWESOME. LET ME KNOW.
I put my phone back into my purse, then peed and washed my hands. I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, at all. I loved kissing Bennett, but I felt like he wasn't really there tonight. He'd gone to get high before the party, then had spent the first hour mostly on his phone instead of hanging out with me.
When I took a deep breath and opened the door again, Bennett was gone.
I went back down the hallway, expecting to find him chatting with friends. There was more people there than I could count, now, most I didn't recognize. But I scanned the crowd, not seeing Bennett anywhere.
"You okay?" I heard someone ask. Kelly was suddenly beside me.
"Yeah, of course," I said. But no, not really, I wasn't.
"You having fun?" she asked, again.
I wasn't, really. "Oh, yeah," I said instead.
A minute later I pulled out my phone to text him, but saw there was already a message from him.
I JUST STEPPED OUT FOR A MINUTE. BE RIGHT BACK.
Confused and irritated, I walked right to the door to leave. He had left the party while I was in the washroom. He had been on his phone most of the time we'd been together, barely an hour. Now, I'd had enough. I didn't know what I had been expecting, but it wasn't this.
Of course Bennett was coming out of the elevator as I was waiting for it. I should have gone to the staircase. He looked surprised to see me, but happy. He smelled like smoke as he stepped close to me.
"You came to meet me at the elevator?" he asked, smiling.
"No," I shook my head. "I'm going home."
"What?" He leaned against the wall in the hallway. The elevator door closed.
"You left while I was in the bathroom," I snapped.
"I know... sorry. I thought you'd be okay for a few minutes," he said, moving his hair out of his eyes. He looked genuinely concerned, which made this worse.
"And you were basically on your phone the whole time before that, ignoring me..." I went on.
"No, I wasn't. I was just... I had to..."
"What's going on, Bennett?"
He looked like he wanted to tell me, but then shook his head. "Nothing."
"Okay, goodnight then," I said, stepped back towards the elevator.
"I'm here, now," he said, his way of apologizing.
"But I'm going home," I said again.
"Stay. Please." Now he looked sad and tried to grab my hand.
"Tell me where you were," I offered.
His mouth opened, but he only sighed. "I can't."
"I can't stay, then," I finished, pressing the elevator button to go up.