CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
PROMISES
—
"Dmitri."
Oh god.
"Hey. Dmitri."
Jesus fucking—
"Dmitri, are you awake?"
Lazily blinking his eyes open, Dmitri squinted in Tariq's direction, rubbing his eyes once, then twice.
Tariq was always, always the most human in the mornings, and Dmitri always loved it. He didn't think he ever stopped loving it. Because the crease lines on his face, the sleep behind his eyes that never really disappeared until he had his coffee, the hoarse voice that sounded like he had run a fucking marathon, and the thankful smile that appeared on his face when he had a good night— all those things were so strongly Tariq that Dmitri couldn't help but love him.
"Yeah," he mumbled, his body aching from the previous night that had blended into the early morning that had further blended into the sun rising. "God, Tariq, you're fuckin' wild. Jesus."
A small, lethargic grin broke out on Tariq's face as he hummed, reaching over to touch Dmitri's face like he had the previous night.
Then, he grinned wider and said, "That's what happens when I top, baby."
"Shut the fuck up," Dmitri muttered in response, shoving his face into his pillow and groaning, the previous night all coming back to him, less like actual events, more like drunken memories that all blurred into each other.
They had had sex. That much was burnt into Dmitri's memories. Everything else? A blur.
Wait. He loves me. He told me that, I think. Does he?
"The fuck did we even do last night?" Yawning, Dmitri glanced at Tariq, just briefly, but that was enough for him to know that Tariq did, in fact, love him. The look in his eyes was exactly the same look that Dmitri remembered from years ago, except now, it was more.
So much more.
Laughing softly, Tariq just shrugged in bed, and that was when Dmitri knew that he was about to give him a whole ass essay on what they had done the previous night.
And he was proven correct, when Tariq said, "Had sex, ate a granola bar together because you were hungry, had some more sex, fell asleep, woke up because I was hungry this time, accidentally woke Eden and Trinh up because of how much you were laughing at my inability to eat without making a mess, watched a French, action movie without subtitles even though neither of us know French and both of us hate action movies, and finally, you fell asleep on me halfway through the second one."
For a second, two seconds, Dmitri stared at Tariq. He just stared, watching as Tariq gave him a lazy smile, one that revealed only a fraction of his teeth, but was still enough to give Dmitri butterflies. Or maybe they were fireworks, he wasn't sure.
"I fell asleep on you?" Dmitri muttered, slowly pushing himself upright in bed and exhaling, the whole night rushing back to him. As well as the events that took place before they got back home.
Fuck, I cried. Wait, why did I cry?
Tariq smiled, sitting up as well and rubbing his eyes, in turn, smudging his already smudged eyeliner. Fuck me. "I loved it, don't worry," he assured, but Dmitri could only focus on one word. Love.
That word kept coming up, and it was so fucking unreal that it meant something more than a one-way street now. *lDoes it? Or did I imagine that?
Of course, Tariq either didn't notice his fixation on the word, or he did and refused to acknowledge it. Instead, he reached down where his t-shirt was strewn and tugged it on, continuing, "You're literally the best to sleep next to. I usually sleep next to Trinh, only sometimes, but— it just doesn't hit the same. Maybe that's because I'm in love with you, and I'm definitely not in love with Trinh, but—"
"Wait, say that again."
God, Dmitri was so confused.
This always happened. Whenever something good happened, he had the tendency to block it out until he wasn't sure if it actually happened or if it was all just a fever dream.
It was something he was trying to work on after Claire had pointed it out two weeks ago, saying that he could never recall the good things that happened to him, like the job that he got, or the raise in his salary, because he didn't believe that he deserved good things to happen to him.
I deserve good things. Yeah.
Tariq frowned. "Which part?"
"The last part." The part where you told me that you're in love with me, because as much as I want it to feel real, I want— no, need to hear you say it again.
Another soft laugh left Tariq's mouth as he nodded, handing Dmitri his own shirt and saying, "I'm in love with you. So fucking in love with you, you have no idea. I've been crying to Trinh about this for the past week, and about how even if you loved me, you wouldn't want to do anything with me, because of how bad we fucked up the last time."
As soon as Tariq finished with his little speech, Dmitri's lips pulled downward, his ears latching onto only three words that Tariq had said. "You've been crying?"
That was the last thing that Dmitri had wanted to do, especially since he had known he was in love with him for so long now.
If telling Tariq that he was in love with him could have stopped him from crying, Dmitri would have done it in an instant.
"Yeah," Tariq affirmed, like it was nothing, like him crying over this was nothing. "Honestly, I was thinking of telling you because I literally couldn't deal with being awkward around you, when we've been everything but awkward. But— you know that I have no idea how to convey emotions and shit, so... I just didn't say anything. Was it stupid? Yes. Did it make me, and you, probably, feel like absolute shit? Also, yes. Was there no good outcome of me keeping that to myself? Absolutely."
"But... ?"
Tariq laughed, rolling out of Dmitri's bed, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and Dmitri's sweatpants that were way too big for him. Still, even though it didn't fit him, somehow, he looked better in it.
"I'm gonna brush my teeth and shower," he announced, giving Dmitri a pointed look, one that he just knew said, Come with me.
But just to be annoying, Dmitri decided to pretend like he didn't have a single clue of what Tariq was trying to insinuate, just staring at him with a hopefully doe-eyed expression, completely blank.
"Are you— never mind," Tariq huffed out, pouting as he trudged towards the bathroom, turning around just once to shoot a quick glance in Dmitri's direction. "You're free to accompany me, you know."
"Hm, don't think I will," Dmitri mused, mostly to be a brat, but also because he was incredibly sore from last night, and he wasn't entirely sure if he could handle that again.
Before last night, he had no idea that it hurt that much. He also had no idea that Tariq had that much stamina.
"Aw, is it because I fucked you too—"
Oh my god.
"Shut the fuck up," Dmitri interrupted in an instant, pushing the sheets off him and making his way into the bathroom with Tariq. "You're fucking annoying."
Grinning, Tariq looked up at him as he brushed his teeth, Dmitri doing the same. They had always done this when they were younger, when Dmitri used to find himself in Tariq's house when his family became too much to handle.
Brushing their teeth together after a night together, showering together, spending the rest of the day together. That was what they always did, and it seemed like that was something that wasn't going to be leaving any time soon.
"You gonna strip or am I supposed to assist you with that?"
Cheeks flaming, Dmitri yanked his t-shirt off his head, then, the rest of his clothes, stepping into the shower with Tariq, the boiling water not searing his skin for once, the heat that Tariq caused his body to produce doing that well enough.
Wait. I should remind him.
"No fucking in the shower. We all know what happened the last time we tried that," Dmitri instructed, eyes searching around for the soap through the blur of the shampoo and water that had gotten in them. "Tariq. You hear me?"
Tariq was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Dmitri almost assumed that he had fallen asleep in the shower while standing. Wouldn't be the first time.
But suddenly, his voice cut through the silence and the patter of the shower against the marble tiles of the bathroom, saying, "I've gotten flexible, we can manage!"
Snorting, Dmitri shook his head, squinting his eyes open and glancing at Tariq, before leaning forward and bending, placing his lips on Tariq's, mint, heat and shampoo instantly filling his mouth.
But he didn't particularly care, partly because the taste of shampoo wasn't too strong, but mostly because it was Tariq, and he could kiss Tariq now.
He could kiss Tariq now.
"You taste of my shampoo," he mumbled against his lips, hand automatically reaching to wrap around his waist. "Disgusting."
"Shut up, I taste fantastic," Tariq retorted, moving his lips away from Dmitri's and placing them on his shoulder, on the same place where he had left a mark last night. "If I recall the events that took place last night correctly, you said that I taste—"
Before he could go any further and cause Dmitri to potentially commit a murder, Dmitri just bent down and planted his lips on his again, breathing softly against them.
"I swear to fuck, if you continue, only one of us will be leaving this bathroom," he warned against his lips, but Tariq wasn't hearing any of it, just curling his arm around his neck and tilting his head up to kiss him back.
But he must have underestimated just how slippery and soapy the floor would be, and when he got on his tip toes, one of his feet slipped against the floor, and he went crashing, almost crashing to the floor if Dmitri didn't hold onto him to steady him.
Jesus.
"Motherfucker," he cursed under his breath, glancing up at Dmitri through wet eyes and wetter eyelashes, crystalline drops of water from the showerhead above the two of them coating them. "Would you look at that. My knight in shining armour."
"You're literally a hazard to yourself," Dmitri lamented, turning off the shower and grabbing two towels, one for himself and one for Tariq. "I don't know how you manage to fall every single time we shower together. Maybe it's a sign."
"A sign that I've—"
Oh god.
"— Fallen for you?" Tariq finished, giving Dmitri a wide smile as he stepped into the dry area of the bathroom, tugging on his clothes and nearly elbowing Dmitri's face in the process. "Then yes, it's a sign," he mused.
It was still mind boggling to Dmitri that Tariq was in love with him. It didn't make any sense. None at all.
"You have your thinking face on," Tariq pointed out. Crashing into bed, he let out a satisfied hum, sinking into it, or at least pretending to, since Dmitri knew that his mattress was flat as fuck after years of using it and spending half his days on it.
Dmitri shrugged, tossing Tariq his towel, giving him a pointed look that hopefully said, dry your hair because he just knew that while Tariq knew that he would get sick from not drying his hair, he was too lazy to do it.
"I'm not thinking," Dmitri defended. Don't tell him that you're afraid he doesn't actually love you. That's ridiculous. "You're weird."
Eyes narrowing, Tariq studied Dmitri for a brief second, before he said, "Okay. Whatever you say," and just laid there, not bothering to dry his hair.
Annoying. "Get up, I'll dry your hair for you," Dmitri muttered, but as soon as Tariq let out a triumphant cheer and gave him a bright smile, his annoyance faded away. I'm so fucking in love with him, holy fuck.
Tariq just clambered to the edge of the bed, handing Dmitri the towel and pressing his face against Dmitri's torso, wet hair seeping into his t-shirt.
"Head away from my clothes," Dmitri instructed, and once Tariq complied, he began to dry his hair for him, Tariq making those fucking noises that people made when they talked into a table fan. "You're so— God, I love you."
"And I love you."
Hand faltering on Tariq's head, Dmitri winced, internally cursing himself for being such an overthinker all the time, though, admittedly, it had gotten better since he started therapy.
He hated that he couldn't find it in himself to believe Tariq, because this was Tariq.
Tariq, as in the literal coolest guy he knew, with his fucking job that was so much cooler than Dmitri's current job and his new one, and his carefree attitude that never made him overthink, and his body that was so much nicer and toned than—
"Okay, what's wrong?"
Snapping out of his thoughts, Dmitri removed the towel off Tariq's head and hummed, trying his best to look nonchalant. I don't think it's working.
"Nothing's wrong," he defended, like the fucking liar that he was. "You're wrong."
A soft laugh left Tariq's mouth as he shook his head, much like a dog would, water from his still wet hair splattering all over Dmitri's clothes and the desk near his bed.
"I know that you're overthinking this, you know?" Tariq mused. Well, fuck. "I know that it's hard to believe that I'm in love with you, because I was thinking the exact same shit a week ago. You've got a job that's actually seen as a respectable job, you're so much more understanding than I am, you're so much better with your words. You're a lot of things that I'm not, and that scares the fuck out of me, because you could easily find someone else who matches your mind and shit."
It was so fucking scary that Tariq just knew. He always did.
"You're the only person who understands my mind," Dmitri pointed out, because what the fuck? This was Tariq. Tariq was the best person he knew. "Or at least, you try to. Your job is so much cooler, you're so much cooler, and you're the best person I know. I don't—"
Interrupting him with a laugh, Tariq nodded, a smile etched on his face. "I promise you, we both have insecurities about this. Because according to me, you're the best person I know. I just want you to know that I love you, okay? I love that you're a teacher because of how much you care about people, and I love that you always listen to the shit I talk about, no matter how boring it is."
"You could never be boring."
"And neither could you," Tariq retaliated. "I love you so much, you have no idea. I love you with literally everything I have, and trust me, I have a lot. I love you so much, and I love everything about you. I promise."
Fuck. "Shut the fuck up, you're gonna make me cry," Dmitri muttered, squeezing his eyes shut for a second and re-opening them only when he was sure that the tears weren't about to fall. "I love you. Everything about you. Even the shit that you don't like to talk about. Everything."
"You promise?"
He knew how much promises meant to Tariq. He knew exactly how well he upheld them too, expecting everyone else to be the same way.
Dmitri, however, always made promises he couldn't keep. Just little ones, not ones that mattered all that much, but ones that Tariq definitely would have upheld.
But this time, he was certain he would keep this one. The first of many promises that he would keep with Tariq, he was sure.
"Yeah. I promise."
—
+2694
AN: one more chapter omg 😳😳
okokok so. i won't be publishing the new book for a bit, bc i rly rly want a break for a while😋 so if u wanna get notified when i DO publish it, u can follow me and u will see the notification whenever it happens.
it's called 'come what may', so look out for that whenever😌👯
as always, thank u all for reading !!! the support on the previous chapter was so sweet, thank u sm 🥺💓 i hope everyone has/had a good day today !! <3