I gathered my bags right after the last exam and procedded to my parent's place, two weeks before the wedding. Vivek would join me five days before the big day. He managed to get leaves for only a little over a week.
Being a bride is a tough job, but being the bride's sister is the toughest one. While it is the bride whose life is going to change after the wedding, it is her sister who has to make sure that this transition is smooth.
Behen Ki Shaadi! Fun, Fun, and a lot of fun. The most important people at any wedding are always the bride and the groom. However, along with the bride and the groom comes a whole huge gang of siblings, who exist only to create more excitement. No wedding ceremony is ever complete without them.
Shilpa is not only my first friend but also my best critic and a person I always bank on so planning everything for her wedding is something that is bound to fall on me, and I'd want nothing but the best for her.
One thing that a person should realize as a sister of the bride is that your responsibilities don't start on the day of the wedding, but wayyy before it... right from the time the question was popped! Yes, we would've probably been the first one to get the big news, and that's when our duties start! After all, it's no longer the parents who plan the entire wedding and the kids just go with the flow.
Weddings are all about planning and yes, a lot of planning. Me being the head of my sister's marriage squad was exciting. I felt that this was the best part, as I made all the decisions - the boss alright! but of course according to my sister's taste. I coordinated with vendors, family members, and friends. At the same time, I felt that this stage was a difficult one as I had to deal with many people and this included a lot of running around too.
Nani, Mama, Mami, and Shreya Di along with her son reached our place three days after my arrival.
Fueled by tea, we headed over to various beautiful bridal boutiques and other stores. It was fun and exciting while we shopped and had a great quality time together as I did not get any chance to stay here for so long after my marriage because of the job and home responsibilities.
We wished Shreya di to join us for a while in shopping but Vivaan, her three-month-old munchkin would become cranky whenever he steps out of the house. So, she dropped the idea of joining us for shopping. At the end of the day, I and Shilpa would sit down with the shopping bags and sort out the needed stuff under the supervision of Shreya di.
I got to spend with my loved ones. It made us feel closer and connected as we knew after this we won't be able to meet all together like this. We tried our best to make it worthwhile and memorable.
Watching my sister moving out was the biggest challenge, but ignoring the sadness and filling the air with excitement was what I had to concentrate on.
As the big day approached, Vivek too joined the chaos of the wedding planning. Everyone was quite occupied with their assigned duties. One evening after the tiring shopping I settled my aching body on the couch in the living room with a whining Shilpa who was confused about the choice of bangles she would wear for the pooja the next day.
Baba and Vivek were on the phone call with the caterers and the lighting operator, respectively.
"I cannot choose..." Shilpa left a tired sigh.
"I will help you. Give it to me." Shreya Di strolled out of the bedroom after putting her son to sleep. Nani was babysitting him, and Mami was packing the gifts that are to be given to the groom's side family.
Amma stepped into the living room with a bag, and Mama followed her behind. Both of them are back from the jewellery store. Shilpa took the bag from Amma to inspect the jewellery Amma bought, which we ordered a few weeks ago.
"I don't remember ordering this," Shilpa spoke aloud after noticing a small intricately designed necklace.
"I ordered it for your Bua," Amma spoke, sipping from the water glass I gave her.
"Amma, you didn't tell me regarding this." A bewildered Shilpa asked.
"What's there to discuss? She is the only sister of your Baba, we are bound to gift her. We didn't gift her anything during Anu's wedding. It is fair to gift her at least now." Ma explained.
"Why should we gift? She doesn't even care about us. She is reminded of her brother only when she is in some sort of crisis otherwise she is always busy flaunting about the riches of their family." An irritated Shilpa argued.
"Shilpa!!" Amma raised her voice.
"Amma, that's not fair. I don't like you people giving her gifts through your hard-earned money, which she doesn't even value. Either you, me, or Di will keep it not, Bua." Shilpa took the necklace and disappeared into the bedroom without looking back.
"Shilpa place it back," Amma yelled.
"I won't," Shilpa shouted back from the bedroom.
There was pin-drop silence in the room. I broke the silence the next moment. It was not my fault. The yummy crackers inside my mouth made a cracking noise. Vivek threw me an amused glance and shook his head in disbelief.
"This girl! I can't stand her absurdity." Amma proceeded towards the bedroom to lecture Shilpa.
"Amma, just leave her alone. She is so emotional these days. Let's end the discussion here. Please," I held Amma from entering the bedroom.
"Anu is right. Let's do what Shilpa desires." Baba spoke to Amma.
Shilpa had a thorough dislike towards my Bua from the start. I can't blame my sister because my Bua's antics are such.
***
I helped Shilpa in arranging her beautifully done trousseau to packing her belonging. I helped her in making lists and then making sure everything is labeled and in the right place. I became Shilpa's official personal assistant during the functions.
Throughout the entire process, my number one priority is to be there for her no matter what. As a sister, I have likely had some practice with that, but in this situation, she's definitely going to need me more than ever. I know for a fact that from planning mishaps to calming her wedding day jitters, she's going to be so thankful that I stood by her side on her special day. But I would have done this for her, anyways.
One may have a wedding planner, but the sister of the bride is the real coordinator for everything.
The second dupatta has not come from the designer?
Need more sweet boxes?
Flower decor is not up to the point?
Relatives need tea, but can't find your house staff? This list is endless, but always the chief things that helped me power through are tea, a phone with enough battery, 4G network, and comfortable shoes.
Some drama was involved too, but is there a wedding without one?
"Here is something for you," Vivek and I passed Shilpa a velvety jewelry box after the pooja which officially kicks starts the chain of rituals.
"Di, jiju, this is too much." Shilpa uttered looking at the box.
"Why?" Vivek asked, confused.
"You didn't have to," Shilpa told to Vivek.
"But Why?" He questioned again.
"We saw this and had to just get it for you. How can we not treat you like a princess on your big day?"
"Thank you! It's beautiful." Shilpa gushed. She talked about how beautiful the gift was. A phone call interrupted me.
When I was arguing my lungs out with the decorators regarding the pricing and the wrong type of flowers they picked, Vivek tried to calm me down and took away the phone. Half an hour later, when Vivek returned my phone to me proudly, I got suspicious.
"What have you done?" I asked quizzically.
"I negotiated the price with the decorators." He expressed proudly.
This got me even more suspicious over my husband and I probed further only to realize his negotiation was few thousand bucks higher than mine. I immediately jumped in to dampen the loss. But the decorator's created ruckus and drama. And we ended up with a loss of few thousand bucks.
Shilpa was unusually moody that's when it occurred to me that wedding jitters had now become a reality to her.
"Shilpu, sit down with me for a while." I pulled her onto the bed, putting my phone on silent mode.
"My sweet little princess and sometimes a pain in the ass too you have finally found the one person you can irritate for the rest of your life. It will not be just me. You've enchanted us all with your smile, sometimes wicked too, and now it's time for you to spread your wings and fly away. From the bottom of my heart, I wish your fondest dreams come true and you continue to brighten all the lives you touch with your kind and sincere heart." I teared up a little.
"Thank you, Di. But I am nervous." I could see a glassy layer covering her cornea.
"When Vivek and I got married, I honestly didn't know what the journey would be like. I mean, I'd never lived with a boy before. And honestly, no one could have prepared me...for both the craziness and all the amazing experiences we would have as husband and wife. You and Shlok will undoubtedly navigate your marriage together hand-in-hand. Knowing you two, it's going to be fun, sweet and loving, and sometimes an annoying adventure. Marriage is a package deal!" I took her into a hug which she reciprocated within a blink of an eye.
"I can't believe that in a few days you'll be a Mrs. That Shlok is a lucky man," I murmured on her shoulders.
"Jiju is lucky too." She murmured back.
The thing with when your sister gets married is that you are so unprepared. For all the emotions that come rushing at you. I turned mushy because I know that suddenly she's not so little anymore. She is going to be someone else's world too. Once I got over the fact that I am going to be sharing her, I realized that it's not such a bad thing. I get to be a part of someone else's family too. And that now I have much more than you could have asked for.
My sister and I have known each other for over 25 years now. Which is a long time. Especially those two girls whose parents worked all their lives. We counted on each other.
From playing, fighting, sharing clothes and secrets to the day of. We depended and relied on each other. We shared things we would never share with anyone else. And that feeling of knowing that my sister is so much of me, and me of her, is so special, more than anyone can imagine.
With Shilpa and I, we always came first. We fought and screamed and tore at each other's hair, literally, but in the end, we came first for each other. We still do. The joy of seeing her from what she was and what she has become brought me to tears and laughter. We talked about the times when we would burst into peals of laughter and nobody could understand what the joke was. And how Amma would always leave our room perplexed at what was so funny. Because really, nobody else could understand but us.
And then sometimes we would fight like we wanted to kill each other. As soon as someone came to sort out the fight, we would halt and turn to them as if they were the enemy. All of this we did together, not realizing that we had instantly formed a team. Which we always did and still do.
Today, when she is starting a new life, I am the proudest big sister there is. She is beautiful, smart, funny, loving, and everything that her husband Shlok can ask for. And I'm shamelessly going to tell him that there is none like her!
***
Guests started coming over. Frantic, last-moment shopping went on. There was a constant stream of guests coming in and out of our home during the day or night. A pot of tea always sat on a stovetop, ready to brew a fresh batch of the drink for the guests.
There was always a feeling of excitement and fear as well at the same time. If you are an elder sister, you can easily relate to these emotions we have while watching the younger one is going to leave us and start a new journey. Rituals started and our home became like some festival is going on all day and night. This time I had Vivek too by my side, who also contributed to making the events really special.
It started with Pooja, Mehendi, Sangeet night, Haldi. A professional henna lady came to our home and applied gorgeous, intricate designs on our hands. I admired how quickly yet efficiently she did her job. The best part about having henna is that it takes an hour for it to dry off completely, exempting the person from doing any household chores. In my case, I made sure the henna took two hours to dry off. It's amazing how important a slice of lemon and sugar on an Indian wedding function.
Men and women dressed in silk and satin of all colours were gathered around the center of the stage. A popular dance number played loudly, and instantly the crowd broke into rapturous dancing. Some danced gracefully, while others jumped without bothering about the tune or the rhythm. Elderly ladies were pulling out youngsters from the crowd cajoling, requesting, and sometimes even reprimanding them to dance on the occasion.
I jumped into the crowd on my own account and danced about merrily, when a guest, insisting on everyone to join in the fun and frolic, pushed Vivek almost onto me. My hesitant husband though awkward at first but later on, shook his leg at my insistence. We danced and enjoyed ourselves with every ounce of joy. Our feet ached, but the heart was still full of energy and wanted to celebrate every moment. Clearly, we had a wedding fever!
Glittering lights and sparkling decorations filled the charming wedding hall on the wedding day. Amongst many guests, I, dressed in embroidered emerald coloured silk saree, slithered past the guests in great hurry to pass safety pins to the beautician handling Shilpa.
Apart from the excitement and hustle-bustle which filled any household of an Indian wedding, Shilpa was anxious and excited. After all, she is going to marry the best man anyone could find for her. Shilpa adored almost revered Shlok with the passion, innocence, and purity of love.
Once Shilpa was decked, the beauticians left her alone and the troop of Bua's, Chachi's, Mami's entered the bride's room. After scanning the weight of the jewelry and the cost of the outfit, wore by my sister the troop except my Bua left the room.
"Beta shagun hai,rakhlo", My bua passed an envelope.
Amma ran to stop her. We were trained not to take any money and stand humbly, but my sister took it and deposited it in her bag. My sister is a badass!
***
A great grand aunt called out to me when I was out in the wedding hall in search of Vivek.
"What, you don't remember me?" she shrieked in abject horror and explained the exact and excruciatingly complex web of relationships that connected us.
"Why, I was right there at your parents' wedding!" I apologized I had missed that event, probably because I hadn't been born yet. She snorted at the namby-pamby excuse.
Great grandmothers are still in attendance with their wheelchairs, oxygen masks, and other apparatuses in place. Hugely pregnant sisters-in-law are expected to keep their contractions down to a decent frequency.
A wedding is not declared complete until all those in the hall have been linked to everyone else, and everyone has been introduced to everyone that can be introduced. The guests were in full attendance. Apart from relishing the delicacies, I hope they wholeheartedly bless my sister and Shlok for their new life.
As Nani always said, if money is a center stage at the wedding, the marriage is in stormy seas from the get-go. A Hindu marriage is a sacrament, not a contract.
Mama, Mami, and I escorted the beautiful bride, my sister, who was draped in an elegant golden and red saree onto the stage.
As the rituals proceeded on this simple yet charming wedding stage, it reminded me of my wedding. Shilpa and Shlok are next seated in front of the holy fire, as the priest recited various mantras from the Holy Scriptures.
Days before the wedding, Nani sat with Shilpa and Shlok and explained to them the significance of each ritual that is performed and the mantras uttered on the occasion of the wedding. She did the same with me and Vivek during our wedding, too. Honestly, she was the one who seeded a sacred belief in me and Vivek regarding the institution of marriage.
The history repeated itself and Baba became emotional during Shilpa's kanyadaan. The hidden meaning behind kanyadaan- during a wedding ceremony, the bride is considered being a form of the Goddess Laxmi, while the groom is a form of Lord Vishnu. The parents of the bride are starting the union of two Gods through this ceremony.
The ritual of kanyadaan is also meant to be the consent of the bride's parents in accepting the groom as their son-in-law. As per other explanations, it also means to request the groom to accept their daughter as a wife.
As the times are changing and women are being seen from a different lens than the traditional weaker one, many people have their own objections to the concept of Kanyadaan. In fact, Shilpa had an objection until her discussion with Nani. As per feminists, it is sheer objectifying of the women.
On the other hand, religious people stick to it as their tradition, which shouldn't be touched. It is not objectification, but more value is being provided to the bride and her parents. It is the biggest transition in a woman's life, from daughter to a wife, and hence shouldn't be criticised is what I believe.
The ritual, while it might seem a bit misogynistic at its core, is not just a Hindu custom, but equivalent traditions may be cited in Christian and Jewish weddings where the father of the bride leads her to the wedding altar and 'gives her away to the groom.
Once the priest has declared the couple as husband and wife after few other rituals, the newly married pair took a bow to the crowd from the mandap to thank everyone for attending, as well as accept them as witnesses to their union.
The day flew by swiftly like a beautiful blur, and if it were not for the thousands of photographs, I would've thought I have indeed dreamed the entire affair.
*****
Hello, lovelies! I hope everyone is sound and safe. The current scenario of the nation is giving me the heebie-jeebies. Please don't step out of the house until necessary. Take care of your loved ones. Sending you guys a lot of positivity.
And about today's chapter, how is it?
Next chapter is the last chapter and then an epilogue. An happy-sad moment to me.
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Love,
Misha❤️