‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
"It doesn't burn," I said, staring down at the snow I had clutched between my fingers. Usually if I held snow against my bare skin it would burn and I'd have to drop it. It'd make my skin turn red and tingly for about twenty minutes afterwards. But now...now it just felt like cold snow, except my skin wasn't reacting.
"Okay we get it, your abilities are really cool," Dimitri said, shooting me a look as we walked out deeper into the forest and away from the cabin. The glamour had been dropped thanks to my new glamour-free eyesight, and I could see the warm glow from the windows and the smoke rising from the chimney from where Dimitri and I were. I could see much farther now than I could before. I hadn't realized it before, but I was practically blind with my human eyes compared to my fae eyes. Every mortal feature that I had once utilized now seemed...weak, insignificant compared to what I used now.
I dropped the snow I was holding. "They're not cool. They're scary," I said, wiping my hands on my pants. My footsteps were crunching the snow and the little branches hidden underneath the fresh sludge.
"They just seem scary now," Dimitri said. It was just him and I outside. Elda was busy talking to Gretchen over tea by the fire and Anastasia was napping on the couch. Dimitri had tried to wake her up before we left and she practically hissed at him. Needless to say, he didn't ask again.
"You'll just have to get used to them."
"Get used to them?" I scoffed. "As if I can get used to a new body that can manipulate an element that I used to shiver and get sick from." I ran a hand through my hair, watching as the snow white locks fell into my peripheral vision. That would take some getting used to.
"Well, see there's your problem," Dimitri said, hopping over a tree trunk. "You're seeing it with a negative connotation." I leaped over a log with a newfound spring in my step. I practically soared a few feet into the air before slamming down to the ground. The earth trembled slightly and a few birds flocked in the distant, flying out of their branches and into the sky to get away from me.
"Damn," Dimitri whispered. I grimaced, getting up from the ground and wiping the snow from my hands.
"I have so much power in my muscles now. I'm not used to it," I muttered, shoving my hands into my pockets. I hadn't had any more outbursts since yesterday when I first tried out my powers. Though I hadn't even dared to brush against that well of power inside of me since. I had been too scared. For all I knew I was going to sneeze and icicles would go shooting out of my nose. Oh gods above...could that actually happen?
"You know, you should be grateful. I would kill to be as powerful as you." I glanced over at him, detecting a slight undercurrent of malice under his words. Could Dimitri be...jealous of me? But when I saw his face he was grinning down at me. No, of course not. I was being silly. Dimitri was one of the sweetest people I knew, of course he wouldn't be jealous.
"Okay but think about it. You can totally go skinny dipping in a lake at any time during any season and be totally fine." He nudged my shoulder.
"Of course your first thought is skinny dipping," I grumbled.
"Skinny dipping is always floating around in my mind," he said.
I dutifully ignored him. "Do you know any other fae whose able to control ice?" I asked. There was a breeze that slid between us and while I barely shivered I saw Dimitri wrap his arms tight around himself, clenching his jaw to keep from shivering.
"Feeling a little chilly, are we?" I asked, wiggling my brows at him.
"Oh shut up," he said. "But no, I don't know of any fae before you who were able to control ice or frost. Elda looked into it last night, while you were sleeping, and she couldn't find any record of ice powers. I think you're the first. Doesn't that make you special?" He nudged my arm again.
"Yeah something like that," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. We kept walking until the sun started to dip lower and I felt the temperature drop. I could feel the snow before it started. I could feel it collecting above me in the clouds before it fell down. When it brushed my cheeks it felt like little caresses. I opened up my hands to catch some and watched as they collected in my palms. They didn't melt from the warmth of my skin but stayed there, unmoving. Oh...that was new.
"Alright, stop gawking at your body heat and let's get down to business," Dimitri said. We had stopped walking and I looked around to see we were in a clearing between the trees. The trees themselves had thick trunks and soared high into the sky, hiding us from view. I couldn't even see Gretchen's cabin from here, despite my advanced sight.
"Do you really trust my abilities enough to do this?" I asked, rolling up my sleeves. The frigid air felt like a kiss against my newly exposed skin. I never thought that I'd enjoy the cold. Back when I was a human I was always cold, always shivering and suffering. I hated winter because it brought low temperatures and sleet and ice. I hated it. And now...being surrounded by all this ice and snow....it felt euphoric.
"Not really, no," Dimitri said. I shot him a look. "I mean, come on, can you blame me? You're like really powerful right now and you're a new fae at the highest power level, completely untrained. I'd be an idiot not to be a little worried."
"You're not wrong," I mumbled.
"But I am going to stay a few feet behind and I will advise you to keep you ice blasts pointed away from me." I nodded, flexing and unflexing my hands. "Alright, now I want you to send a blast of ice to that tree."
"Just right there," I asked, inclining my head towards the large Oak.
"Yup," Dimitri said casually. I nodded again, trying to appear as if I wasn't freaking out. I wiped my hands on my pants, sniffling, as I tried to keep my emotions in check. Taking a deep breath, I thrust my hands outwards and pulled a bit of power from that well inside of me. I felt the power slice through my forearms and explode out of my palms. Ice hurtled forward and latched onto the tree, curving upwards until every inch of bark was covered in a thick covering of ice. Even the leaves were encased in my ice.
"Wow. Okay," Dimitri said, clapping slowly. I felt numb. Shock was tingling on the outside of my mind but I barely felt it. I walked up to the tree and pressed my hand against the ice. It was strong, sturdy, and it wasn't going to melt any time soon. In fact, I was pretty sure I could've kept it frozen forever if I wanted to. I knocked against it and I felt a deep ache resonate through my knuckles. It was hard. Like steel.
"You have a lot of power in there, don't you?"Dimitri asked, walking up to me. He pressed a finger against the smooth ice, marveling at how perfect it was.
"Yeah. I try to pull a little out but then it's like a tidal wave. I don't know how much is a little and how much is too much," I muttered. I clenched my hands together and tugged them underneath my arms. As if I was ashamed of the hands that were able to distribute so much power.
"Okay, well, we're going to keep working on blasts then. Later, though, because I want to see what else you're capable of." He wiggled his brows at me and I felt anxiety nip at my nerves. I could do this. I was a strong, full fae now. I needed to know what I was capable of. I had to do this. For not only myself but the good of Hiraeth.
So we continued working, experimenting. We spent hours in that clearing. I had made ice form on a section of a tree without touching it or sending an ice blast. Simply doing it with my mind. I had briefly touched a bush and sent the whole thing covered in a thin layer of frost. I summoned a little whirlwind of snow and sent it skittering forward, only for a few feet, before it scattered and the snow fell back down to the ground. I made snow fall to the ground, though I couldn't control the amount just yet. And I honed ice into little sharp blades and sent them flying forward and embedded them into tree trunks without shattering them.
"That is the coolest fucking thing ever!" Dimitri said, gaping at me, after three darts of ice had thunked into the tree trunks.
"Yeah that'll certainly come in handy when I run out of darts at a bar," I said, wiggling my fingers at him.
"Who needs darts when you have freaking ice bullets?" he said, running a hand through his hair.
"Did I hear someone say 'ice bullets'?" a voice asked. I turned to see Anastasia walking towards us. I didn't hear her walking up, even with my new hearing. I looked down at her feet to see her taking delicate, soundless steps. Trained steps. She new how to walk without making a sound. Like a cat. Typical.
"Hells yes. Our girl Eira here, can send ice bullets careening into things, it's the coolest thing! Go on, show her." He nudged my elbow but I shook my head, pulling my sleeves back down and fastening the buttons at my wrist.
"I'm tired, Dimitri. Maybe tomorrow?" I asked. He nodded solemnly, his bright expression now turning solemn. I hated to disappoint him but I really was tired. This whole ice-power thing had taken a lot of energy from me. And not only did I feel like sleeping for an eternity, I also felt like eating for an eternity. I must've been burning calories the entire time I was using my power.
"Well, I guess you'll have to show me much later then,"Anastasia handed me a covered mug of something warm. I opened the lid and sniffed at the contents. Spiced cider. I thanked her before sipping it down greedily. It warmed my insides.
"What do you mean?" I asked, swiping a bead of cider from where it was dribbling down my chin. I offered Dimitri the travel mug and he took a long sip. I hit his shoulder, beckoning for him to stop before he took it all.
"You're leaving tomorrow morning, Eira," Anastasia said, giving me an incredulous look. "Elda sent me to come find you two so that you can pack your things and prepare to make your journey into Hiraeth."
I was glad Dimitri had the cider because I was sure my trembling hands would've dropped it. I knew I was going to be going into Hiraeth soon, I just hadn't realized it would be tomorrow. I felt fear swirl in the pit in my stomach and I swallowed hard, trying to force it down before it bubbled up and consumed me whole.
"Right, yeah, of course," I said, running a hand through my hair. Anastasia gave me a weird look before turning on her heel and trudging back up to the cottage. I followed after her, Dimitri on my heels. It sounded like he had had finished the cider by now, not that I really cared anymore. I was much too nauseous to drink anything at the moment.
We walked in silence until we reached the cottage. Anastasia leaped up the steps with nimble grace whereas I just trudged up them. Kicking snow off my boots as I went. I looked down to see there was no snow covering Anastasia's shoes. Damn, the girl was skilled at everything.
"Ah there they are," Gretchen called as soon as we slipped through the door. The smell of honey, herbs, and fresh baked goods met my nostrils and I nearly swooned. I might have been nervous, but I was still hungry as hell. My feet took me to the kitchen before I could even take my coat off.
"Hello dear, how's the experimenting going?" Gretchen asked. As if she had been expecting it, she handed me a mug of steaming tea, brewing with spices, and a plate loaded up with food. A few strips of meat, potatoes, vegetables, and two hunks of bread. I practically drooled on the table. I sat down and immediately began feasting.
"It was alright, it felt...strange though. I've never been so in control of something before. Never felt like...I had so much power," I said, ripping a piece of bread off and popping it into my mouth.
"That's usual, as time goes on you'll feel more in control of your powers, they'll become less scary and more like an extension of yourself. Until then, just be careful you don't accidentally start a blizzard or give someone hypothermia instead of a hug." She reached over and patted my hand. "Well, enjoy your meal." And then she left me alone. I huffed, continuing to spoon mouthfuls of food past my lips. My hunger felt endless. And it was enough to keep me distracted from what Gretchen said. Could I have really started a blizzard? Or give someone hypothermia whilst going in for a hug? Was that a possibility?
"You're freezing your utensil," someone said. I looked up to see Elda leaning against the doorframe. Sure enough, I glanced down to see that frost had come out of my hand and covered the fork I was using, and some of the potato I was sending upwards to my mouth.
"Sorry," I mumbled, dropping the fork and grabbing a new one from the table. Elda sat down in the seat next to me with a mug of tea in her own hands. Gods above, how much tea did these women drink in a day?
"How are you doing?" she asked, leaning back and crossing her ankle over her knee. She drummed her long fingernails against the handle of her mug.
"A little terrified if I'm being honest. I can't even fucking hold a fork without doing something wrong with these new...abilities. I have no idea how I'm going to handle being some spy in Hiraeth." I cut off a piece of meat with flourish and popped it into my mouth. It was delicious, but I felt too distracted to really enjoy it.
"Well that's what I came here to talk to you about." She stretched out her long legs in front of her, her booted heels clicking against the wood. "Have you realized I have yet to tell you what your job will be as a spy in Hiraeth?"
"Oh...I forgot about that," I mumbled, taking a long sip from my mug. I really hadn't thought about what my role as a spy would be. I had been much too distracted by this whole new world I was entering, with Elda, Anastasia, and Dimitri. Finally feeling like people cared about me again, that someone was taking care of me. And then of course, dealing with this new body and powers was distraction enough.
"You'll be a soldier in the army." I had been lifting my mug up to my lips but my hand stopped halfway. My fingers trembled and hot tea sloshed over the lip and onto my wrist. But I barely felt it.
"A soldier?" I gasped. "Elda are you crazy?" I set down my mug and ran a napkin over my skin. I then held onto the seat below me, my fingers biting into the wood, to steady myself. My whole body felt like it was trembling, like it would explode from anxiety at any second. My mouth felt dry, my head spinning.
"Eira, calm yourself," Elda said, placing a hand on my shoulder. She gave a pointed look downwards and I glanced down to see that where my hands were gripping the seat, sharp shards of ice had formed from between my fingers. And icicles were jutting down sharply from the edge of the seat.
"Shit," I muttered, ripping my hands away. The icicles fell to the floor as I kicked them off the wood, shattering to pieces. "I'm so sorry." I felt my chin wobble and I felt close to tears right then and there. I had no control anymore, I couldn't even feel stressed without some fucking fae magic getting in the way.
"It's alright, really, no one feels in control after their transformation. You're actually taking this whole process very well. Dimitri couldn't stop screaming after he turned. Anastasia clocked him in the back of the head with a frying pan to get him to shut up." She chuckled, taking another sip of tea.
"That seems like her," I said, letting a small grin slip onto my lips. I didn't feel like I was taking it well though. Sure, I might have looked composed on the outside, but on the inside I felt like a raging snow storm. My emotions were heightened and all over the place, I felt like I couldn't get a good grip on any type of calm. I was freaking out.
"You know, if you need to get your wrath out in some...aggressive way." Her eyes shot down to the melting ice. "There is a whole miles-wide forest out there, covered in vacant space with no one for miles." She raised her brows and I nodded slowly, letting her words sink in. I didn't feel like my powers were calling for an outburst. But then again, I had only had my powers for less than a day. I felt like I didn't know them well enough to evaluate them.
"I'll be fine," I said. She gave me a look. "Really, I will be. Now, you were telling me about being a soldier?" Not only did I want to veer her attention away from me and my unruly powers, I also wanted to hear how in the hell she was going to convince me to become a soldier in a fae army. That sounded like hell on a stick. I wouldn't fit in at all. They'd see right through my lies.
"Yes, now I know that being a soldier might seem...intimidating to you, which is understandable-"
"Ah, thank you for acknowledging the effects of your craziness."
She continued as if I hadn't spoken. "But you really won't be doing anything too...wild. Nothing really hard. You'll be a lower soldier, probably assigned with running water to captains or polishing armor. You won't have to fight in battles or kill, nothing gruesome like that."
"Then what's the point. Surely I can get more information out on the streets-"
"Not exactly," Elda said, looking at me through dark, lash-rimmed eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes. I wondered if her family had had the same intense gaze. "Gossip in the barracks of soldiers is actually some of the best. Among other soldiers, men and women don't feel enveloped in secrecy. They become confidants because they don't have anyone else to confide in. And also, gossip is a wonderful form of entertainment among bored soldiers. Not to mention the Colonel's have so much information passing between them either verbally, or through letters, that can somehow pass between needy fingers, without anyone noticing its even missing." She gave me a sly look. "There is a whole world of information in the battalion, all you have to do is look out for it. And that's really not that hard when it's floating all around you."
"You're putting a lot of trust in me," I said, pressing a hand to my forehead where I thought sweat would be collecting. Except there was none. I had forgotten my body heat ran cooler, it would take a lot to make me sweat now.
"Well, you're the only one we can put trust in."
"I'm your only spy?" I asked, gaping at her.
She laughed, slapping her palms against the table once. "Oh gods no, absolutely not. We have hundreds of spies working around the clock in Hiraeth, even some in the army whom I've sent word to about you. Meaning you'll have some allies in there," Oh thank the gods. "But your job is very important to us. We rarely have a fae of your...caliber in our hands, actually...I don't think we ever have. You'll probably get some more opportunities than some of our other spies. Simple as that."
I wanted to laugh. As if anything in the Killers of Kings was simple. "So, my job won't be too hard?"
She shook her head. "Nothing to put you in life-ending danger. Unless you're caught doing something stupid, independentaly, that gets you into life-ending danger."
I glared at her. "And if I do find information...how will I give it to you?"
"Oh right." She sat up straighter, clasping her hands in her lap. "Remember those allies I was speaking of before? Well...that's where they come into play. The Killers of Kings color is green. So, most of the allies will be wearing some form of green. For women, it's usually a green ribbon around their hair and for the men it's a green bracelet. You can choose of course, though I'd pick the bracelet because it's much more sturdy."
"So I just look for people with the green tokens?" I asked.
"Yes, and then if you're unsure...raise three fingers to your brow as if to wipe away a strand of hair. If they mimic the action then you can be sure they're a part of our rebellion." I nodded sharply. "Once you do find one of them you'll tell them what you've found and they do the rest. Eventually, it will get to the right people and you've done your job."
Sounded easy enough. Although I knew that when I'd get in there, it wouldn't be so easy. I'd be under the watch of full fledged, loyal-to-the-king fae. I doubted they weren't looking for spies amongst their ranks. "And what happens if I want to leave?"
"Well, I'll ask you to try and stick it out for as long as you can," she said. "Spy work is never easy, but its extremely valuable. The longer you stay, the more you're doing to end a very terrible war." She inhaled sharply. "But if you do want to leave, you find another one of those loyalists and you tell them you want to go. My spies in the army have been around for a very long time and will get you back to me. I can promise you that."
"You hold a lot of faith in them as well," I mumbled, rubbing my thumb against the rough, chipped part of my mug.
"I have to," she said. "Its a bit reckless, but I have to put all my faith into each and every one of my spies because they're doing lethal work for me. I have to trust that they wont rat me out or break during interrogation. That takes a lot of trust."
"How do you do it?" I asked. "Give away that much trust?"
"Alcohol," she said simply, chuckling. "I'm kidding. Hope. Lots and lots of hope. Hope is a dreamer's fuel, and this little rebellion we have going on is just one big dream tied together with a collective hope that we can make a change. Believing in that is what keeps me going." I just looked at her for a moment, taking in how much of a soldier she, herself, was. Even though she wasn't physically out on the field.
"Well thank you for trusting in me, Elda," I whispered. She grabbed my hands in hers, her skin warm against mine.
"I have a lot of hope for you, Eira," she whispered, as if it was some secret.
"And why's that?" I asked.
"Because," she said, leaning close so that I could see the dark blue flecks of color around her pupils. "I can't tell you're as much of a dreamer as I am."