‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙
"So what's the difference between a fae and a witch?" I asked, ripping into a chunk of bread. I popped it into my mouth and nearly moaned at the flavor. The bread was incredible, really. Tellie and I could never afford to buy goods from the bakery, but if we ever did, the bread there was never as good as this. This was sweet and flakey and practically melted in my mouth. I wondered if she used magic to make it taste that good.
"Oh, big difference," Gretchen said, shoveling more spider soup into her mouth. I tried not to gag. No one else was eating it, except for Anastasia, who ate it like it was the best thing she ever tasted. Figures. But Elda and Dimitri were simply turning their spoons around in their bowls, like I had been doing before. If Gretchen noticed she didn't say anything.
"Fae are able to simply manipulate magic, and its a magic that sits inside of them. It's theirs to control, unique and made for them," Gretchen said, popping what looked suspiciously like a little leg into her mouth. "But with witches, we get our magic from the world around us. From energy. We need something to channel this magic through, like blades, or spells, or amulets, or herbs, potions, sometimes even swords. Swords are always fun." She wiggled her scraggly brows at me and then picked up her bowl, sucking down the contents.
She spat out a bone. "Fae are much more aggressive magic users, less easily controlled. They don't need to channel through anything besides their own fingers. It's also much less natural, their magic, which means it doesn't need to confide to the rules of nature."
"The rules of nature?" I asked, ripping off another piece of bread. I was considering asking what her recipe was before we left. Heather loved to make bread, she'd probably love to try the recipe. But then I remembered that Heather was gone, as was Tellie. My mood deflated and I chewed numbly on the bread in my hand.
"Yes, the rules of nature," Gretchen repeated. "For witch magic, we must sacrifice something in order to use it. Like if we wanted to take away our menstrual cycle for one week, we'd have to experience an intense one full of cramps and buckets of blood the next month. Nature required a balance."
"Buckets of blood?" I wheezed, gaping at her.
Dimitri shook his head. "She's joking, she just means there'd be more than usual." He nudged my shoulder and I let out an uneasy laugh, grabbing my wine and taking a ginger sip. I had never had wine before, but it tasted...strange. And it made my head feel different after a few sips so I didn't drink any more.
"Gretchen, do you think you could perform the transformation tonight,?" Elda asked, her spoon stilling in her soup. I had never seen Elda go so still. In fact, the whole room went still, I could hear an owl hoot outside in the newfound quiet. Well, everyone went quiet except for Gretchen, who was now slurping down the rest of her soup loudly.
"Oh yes," Gretchen said. "I was ready right when you walked in, Elda. But your girl looks thin, I thought she'd want some food before I stretch her soul thin and slap it into her new body." She said it so simply that I couldn't help but let my jaw drop open.
"She's kidding now too, right?" I whispered to Dimitri. He glanced down at me, shaking his head. I feared I was going to vomit up every bite of bread I had consumed.
"Okay, well, I'm going to ask for everyone who doesn't need to be in my work room to....not be, and keep outside. You could take a walk or pick herbs while the process happens, I know the screams can be tiresome to some." Gretchen got up from the table and collected bowls and plates, whistling the entire time. I stayed frozen where I was, trying to keep my breathing normal.
"I told you it was going to be painful." Elda suddenly materialized at my side. "You don't have to do this, Eira." She was staring down at me, those wise, blue eyes seemed to be cutting into my very soul.
"I will," I said, clenching my hands together in my lap. "I can do it." Pride filled Elda's eyes and she squeezed my arm gently.
"I knew you had it in you." She grabbed the bread plate that was now full of crumbs, thanks to me, and joined Gretchen in the kitchen. Once the two women were away I turned to Dimitri.
"Is it as bad as it seems?" I tried not to sound desperate, but I couldn't stop that slight hysterical twinge from entering my voice, or the way it broke a little at the end.
"Worse, probably," he said, taking a sip of wine. "I turned half-fae, you're turning full fae. I don't know how your transformation will go." His words brought a newfound fear into me and I swallowed hard, trying to control my breathing. I felt like I was about to jump off a cliff. A very tall, very jagged cliff with nothing but abyss to jump into.
"Ready to go?" Gretchen popped her head out from the kitchen, those glasses steadfast on me.
I wanted to tell her 'no', but I really had to be ready, didn't I? Where was I going to go if I didn't do this? I didn't want to be Eira, the girl with no family who starved and was left alone to die. I was going to be something better. I was going to be a part of something bigger than myself.
"Yup," I said weakly. Gretchen gave me a big smile before walking over and taking my hand. I shot a look at Dimitri and Anastasia, who were still sitting at the table, sipping wine. Dimitri met my eyes and gave me a nod and a thumbs-up, while Anastasia simply stared, licking the wine from her lips. How ominous.
Gretchen's fingers were cold and firm around mine as she led me deeper into her home. Her cottage was very warm and comforting, with plants hanging from the ceiling and books scattered all about. There were bottles full of powders and liquids on shelves, and some stuffed birds and other animals lounging about in corners. Her couch was before a warm, glowing fire and had stacks of fluffed pillows and knitted quilts on it. It was how I imagined a grandmother's house should have looked.
She walked me deeper into the house, past the main sitting room and kitchen and to a door that was just beyond. "Here's where the fun happens." She whispered to me, giggling slightly. I didn't really have to ask what 'fun' meant. She opened up the door and the smell of different herbs assaulted my nostrils. I barely had any time to cough before she was pulling me through the door.
"Oh wow," I said, for the second time that day because it was an accurate phrase for how I felt. I turned around slowly, taking in everything in the room. It was larger than the other rooms, but so fully stocked that it appeared smaller. The walls were wood, the floor was smooth tile...which was odd considering it didn't fit the theme. There was a fire to the left of me, and next to it was a large metal...slab. It was rectangular and looked as if someone could lay on it. On the other side of the room was a large cauldron that looked like a bathtub, big enough to accommodate a human. And on the far wall there was an enormous shelf full of bottles containing different liquids, powders, and what looked like colorful gas, swirling within its glass confines. The shelf took up the entire wall and it looked like it'd take weeks to sort through all of the ingredients.
"Is that...is that a weapons wall?" I asked, looking at the wall next to the shelf to see she had swords, knives, and different blades and weapons all hanging on hooks.
"Yes, don't you have one?"
Gretchen asked, blinking up at me. I shook my head slowly. "Your loss." She shrugged and waltzed over to the cauldron. She turned on the faucet and water began to pour into it. So it was really just a big, fancy tub. Gretchen started humming and then practically skipped over to the large shelf. She pulled out an armful of different ingredients and brought them back to the water.
"Feel free to sit, although you're going to have to strip soon," she said, taking out the cork to a bottle with her teeth. She sprinkled what looked like a deep blue midnight colored liquid into the water.
"Strip?" I stuttered, heat flooded my cheeks.
"Yes. You don't usually get into bath's fully clothed, do you?" she asked. Well, she did have a point. Sighing, I tugged out a little footstool and sat down onto it. I wrapped my sweater tighter around myself and propped my chin onto my hand, trying to quell that nervous energy that was bubbling up inside of me.
"Can I ask what you're doing?" I asked, watching as she continued to pour different things into the bathwater. The color was now a dark blue and had shimmering silver streaks through it. It smelt divine, like mint and rosemary, although I doubted she had actually put those mundane scents into her magical potion.
"I'm creating a water that will help prepare your body for change. It'll coat it in a magic that will make it susceptible to my transformative magic. Your body will want to cling to your humanness, and we can't let that happen, can we?" She winked at me and I repressed a shudder.
"Is this...is this painful?" I asked, watching as she took out a large wooden spoon that was nearly the length of her body, and began to stir the concoction. More of that glorious smell wafted over to me and it was all I could do not to inhale as much as I could.
Gretchen cackled loudly, making me flinch. "Oh no. This is the easiest part," she said, continuing to stir. I nodded slowly, feeling fear began to gnaw at the edges of my sanity. I felt like I was marching to my funeral.
"Alright, dear girl, are you ready to get in?" Gretchen turned to me and I slowly got up from my footstool. She turned around to face the shelf so she was looking away from me and I was grateful for her consideration. I slowly peeled off my sweater and let it fall to the floor along with my tank top. I slipped off my boots and socks and then my pants.
"I can just...get in?" I asked.
"Yes, although I'll need to be there once you submerge fully," Gretchen said, she had pulled out some strange, circular bottle and was inspecting it.
"Alright," I mumbled. I took off my undergarments with some reluctance, adding them to the pile, before stepping into the water. The curse word that left my mouth would have had Tellie scolding me. This water was cold....like ice cold. I grit my teeth and lowered my body so that just my neck was above the waterline. The cold seemed to seep into my very bones, and I was instantly shivering, my teeth chattering loud enough that I could feel it in my head.
"Now, when I dunk you under you're going to feel a little disoriented but thats okay...you're just going to have to brace yourself and trust me." I glanced up at her. I barely knew this woman and now I was supposed to trust her? "I know you may think I'm a bit of a wackadoo, but I know what I'm doing." She gave me a smile and I felt a bit of that coldness inside of me fade. Maybe I could trust her.
"Just p...please, w....whatever you're d...d...doing. Get it done fast," I stuttered out through my chattering teeth. Gretchen grinned at me before hooking her ankle around the leg of the footstool I was sitting on before. She brought it over and sat down, hovering above me. She reached out and placed her hands on either side of my face, her thumb skimming my cheekbones.
"I don't think I've heard your name yet," she said, her brows furrowing as she tilted my head from side to side.
"Eira," I said, a little breathless. The cold water was starting to make my head feel foggy, making me feel sluggish. "My name is Eira."
"Oh you're going to be perfect. You two will be great together," she said, giving me a toothy grin. I would've asked what she meant but then she was dunking my head under the water. I barely had time to suck in a breath before I was thrust under the surface. Everything was black around me, and so...so cold. I had never felt a cold like this. It made those frozen winter nights feel like summer, it made me want to go back to the time I was caught in a blizzard when I was fifteen and nearly froze to death, because that would've been warmer than this.
I screamed under the water, or I thought I did. I felt like I wasn't in control of my body. The cold was ransacking me, taking away every coherent thought until all I could think of was it. It was freezing my blood, freezing my veins, reaching deep inside me to freeze my bones and the marrow inside. My entire body was spasming and I felt like my heart was trying to jump out of its confines.
Flashes of color passed behind my closed eyelids. I saw a pair of grey eyes, swirling with darkness. I saw wings...colorful orange wings made of flame. There was water, swirling around me like a whirlpool, and then a pair of hands, bloody, and trembling, holding a dagger. I saw a throne, growing with decay and rot. There was a crown, dripping with blood and covered in rose petals, dark as night-
My head broke the surface of the water and I gasped for air, not realizing just how robbed of it I had been. I coughed and choked, spluttering out water that had been trapped in my throat and nose. A pair of hands grabbed me and pulled me out of the water and I slammed into the tile, it was cold, but it was nothing compared to that water. I could barely feel it anymore.
"What are you doing to her?" I heard a voice demand. Dimitri. I cracked open my eyes to see his face hovering above mine. His brows drawn in with concern.
"I'm doing to her what I did to you. The ritual is simply more intense. To take away her feel of the cold I had to make her feel it for the last time." Her words were muddled inside my mind and I didn't understand them. I opened my lips to speak but no words came out.
"How did you know what her power would be?" Dimitri asked, brushing the hair away from my forehead.
"Her name was Eira," Gretchen's voice came from far away. She was moving things around, I could hear glass clinking. "I put two and two together." I tried to speak once more but I couldn't. My body didn't feel like my own, I felt like I couldn't control it anymore. Whatever was in that water had put me into shock.
"Bring her to the table, please," Gretchen's voice was fading now and my eyes had slipped closed once more, though I couldn't remember when they had decided to do that. I felt arms under my back and behind my knees and then I was being lifted up, up, up. I was pressed against something warm but it did little to warm the ice raging inside my soul. I felt so...frigid.
There was a rhythmic bobbing and then the movement stopped and I was being lowered onto a smooth surface. It must have been that slab of stone I had seen before. The table of sorts. There was more clinking around me and shadows flickered over me that I could see from behind my eyelids.
"You might want to leave for this part," Gretchen said.
"Why?" Dimitri asked.
"Because it's not pretty," another voice said. Elda. "I've seen every one of you go through this part and it never gets easier." She sounded grim. I felt a hand touch my forehead, play with my hair, caressing it. I knew it was Elda, but she had never touched me like that before.
"She's right," Gretchen said. I heard something unsheath, it sounded like a blade. I went rigid but my body was still too uptight. I couldn't move. I couldn't even open my eyes. They were too heavy.
"I'm staying," Dimitri said. There was a sigh and then a mumbled 'okay'. I heard some more clinking and then I finally wrenched my eyes open. Four faces hovered above mine, Elda, Gretchen, Dimitri, and Anastasia, surprisingly. They all looked fuzzy, and I couldn't focus on them for longer than a few seconds.
"Hold onto your humanity, Eira," Gretchen said, her face dominating my gaze from where I was laying. I couldn't ask why, the words were lodged in my throat. I was also frozen, so I couldn't move to see what Gretchen had grabbed and was now raising.
A knife.
"Hold onto yourself," she said. And then she slit my throat.
The night was cold. I remembered it from that day. We had eaten soup that night, it wasn't anything special, in fact I remembered commenting that I wished we had salt. I had heard other people talking about salt and what a delicacy it was. I hadn't known what it meant at the time, I was only six years old, but I liked how it made me seem smart. I liked how Mom would grin at me, and press a kiss to my brow as Dad chuckled and shook his head. That day wasn't a bad day, not at all, until the night appeared and the demons came dwelling.
The first knock nearly made the candles fall off of the mantle above the fireplace. Tellie and I were playing with our little dolls in front of the fire. We were playing warrior fae, basing the game off of what we heard the other kids say were hiding in the forest. Fae people. They were terrifying yet intriguing.
Mom was sitting on the couch behind us, reading a book. It was a worn book, one she'd read many times. Dad was at the kitchen table, working on a candle he was making. It was a hobby he did to get a spare coin.
When they heard the knock they both sat upright, it was the first time I had seen my parents look so afraid. Dad had paused what he was doing, as did Mom. And they both just looked at each other for a moment, and it felt like time froze. And in that moment a million words passed within that gaze between them.
And then the second knock came. It rattled the entire house and I squealed, rushing over to Mom's side. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. She felt so strong then, but now I realized she was trembling too.
"Come now, follow me. Come on, Tellie." Mom reached out a hand and grabbed for Tellie and then sprinted to the hallway between the kitchen and our bedroom. It was a small hallway, nothing special. But when Mom bent down and began to pry at the floorboards I knew it wasn't a regular hallway.
"Jonothan help!" Mom screamed. I had never heard her voice crack like that. My father rushed over and pulled out the floorboards in one go. He pulled out three and then turned to face us. Tears were shining in his eyes. I had never seen my father cry.
"We're going to play hide and seek now, okay?"Dad said. He put a hand on both of our shoulders. "You're going to hide under the floorboards and you're going to be very quiet until Mommy and Daddy come to find you, okay?" Tellie and I were clutching at each other now. I had my doll pressed to my chest. I hadn't forgotten it in all the chaos. For some reason, I felt like that mattered. It didn't.
"But Daddy-" Tellie started, but Dad pressed a finger to his lips, silencing her. A third knock came and with it, a frigid wind blew in and I felt something stir the air. It made my limbs tingle and a metallic taste fill my mouth.
"We love you both so much. Please be good," Dad whispered. He pressed a kiss to both of our heads and then picked us up one by one and dropped us into the space under the floorboards. It was dusty down there, dirty. I coughed at the dust and then remembered Dad telling us to be silent and quieted myself.
"Goodbye my sweet girls," Mom said, reaching a hand down to touch both of our cheeks. She had tears on her face and her lips were trembling. I had never seen my mother look so heartbroken. And then they placed the floorboards over us once again and we were encased in darkness. Tellie wrapped her arms around me and held me close. She wasn't crying. She was always the stronger sister.
The fourth knock wasn't a knock at all. It was the sound of the door breaking off its hinges and flying into the wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces. I knew because Tellie and I were watching through a crack in the floorboards. We could see everything.
Mom screamed, and I saw Dad push him behind her. "We have nothing here for you. Whoever you are, please go!" He had the stick he used to poke the fire with in front of him. He was using it like a knight would use a sword in the stories he read to Tellie and I.
"Liars. Where is she?" A dark voice asked. I had never heard a voice so scary. More of that metallic taste filled my mouth and another cold breeze flooded through. I shivered in Tellie's arms. She quieted my sobs.
"Please!" Mom screamed, throwing up her arms in innocence. It was then that I saw who had barged into my house. They didn't even look human. Three men, all extremely tall, wearing black armor, shining and accompanied with a glimmering sword at the hip. All of them had tall ears with pointed tips. There was a darkness around them I couldn't quite place my finger on. It just felt...wrong. Like death.
"Please, I'm with child!" Mom screamed. Tellie and I both looked at each other, confusion making our brows furrow. Mom hadn't told us she had a baby. I realize now that that was why she had been so tired the weeks before her death, why she got so terribly sick in the morning. Dad said she had gotten a bug, but it had lasted so long. She had been pregnant. Little did I know that my parents were planning on telling me and my sister the next day. They never got the chance.
"A girl?" the soldier in front asked. Mom nodded, her tears shining in the fire light. She was pressed to Dads backside, their hands were laced together at his side.
"Perfect," the soldier crooned. The next moment happened so fast I almost didn't register it. The soldier marched forward and sent his sword careening through Mom's belly. I saw it jut out the other end of her, shining with her crimson blood.
I didn't cry then. Didn't scream. I was as silent as Tellie. I couldn't breathe.
"NO!" Dad screamed. He clutched his wife as she slid to the floor, gasping. The soldier ripped his sword out with a sickening crunch that would be embedded into my memory for the rest of my life. Mom's gasp was more terrifying though.
Dad held Mom in his arms as her blood coated the both of them. She died in his arms, reaching up to place her palm on his cheek one last time before the life left her body and her arm fell back down. She left a bloody streak on his face.
"How dare you-" Dad started to shout, tears on his cheeks, but then the soldier was sending his sword through Dad's chest. I heard it scrape against bone and I watched Dads face pale and his eyes widen. When the soldier ripped out the sword he fell down next to Mom, her hand was still clutched in his. His eyes flickered over once to our hiding spot before they floated upwards and froze. Never to move again.
The soldiers left, and once they did the house went back to how it was before. The door was intact and the broken glass and wood was gone. Mom and Dad stayed though. Tellie and I watched as their blood spread outwards, soaking into the carpet and the wood beyond.
We waited for them to wake up. For them to sit up, and laugh, and come find us and pull us out from behind the floorboards. But they did none of those things. They never would.
That was when the cold set in. Ice formed inside my heart and had been brewing ever since. Jagged, frigid bits cutting into my soul. Little did I know how much power that ice would give me.
Fire. Fire. Fire. I had been embedded in ice and now I was being thawed by the cruelest flame. It licked up my body and down my throat. Crept down my ribs and into the space between, burning my lungs. Tendrils ran down into my stomach and then travelled down my legs. Flames curled up my calves and in between my toes. They avoided my heart though, the flames wouldn't dabble in my ice.
I screamed, or I thought I did, I didn't really know anymore. I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't think beyond this fire. It was sapping away at my entire being. Everything about me was being burned away. The softness of my skin was melting, the soft curve of my smile was burned away. The golden streaks in my hair were flamed to ash, the knuckles of my fingers snapped and popped back into place.
My bones melted into liquid and then were reshaped into something else entirely. The flame was stroking at my limbs, making them longer and more graceful. The fire was touching my arms, my hands, everything. I was entombed in flame, the ashes of my humanness floating up and dissolving into nothing but memories.
The little girl who held onto her sister's hand as she crossed the road, and enjoyed berries and sweet tea was gone. The sister who enjoyed making bread with her sister's girlfriend and laughed at corny jokes with the pair of them was gone. The girl that smiled, and laughed, and blushed, and giggled as all human girls should, was gone. Dissolved into flame.
But my heart remained the same. As frigid and entombed in ice as always. My soul was the only untouched thing, it remained as human as it was before. The only bit of mortal in me, trapped in an unfamiliar tomb.
I wished I could say I was unconscious for the rest but I wasn't. I felt as the flame touched every bit of me and changed who I was. Changed my very being. I felt it burn away who I had been before until every physical bit of human was gone. And I was different. I was reborn.
Then came the familiar ice to soothe all the burns away. Like the softest kiss. Like my mother's kiss. Like my fathers hug. Like their combined goodbye.