THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO ZOE AND THE BUMP ON HER HEAD </3 hope you're feeling better, darling :(
The artwork is by Diana ( @/haveya on Twitter) who is incredibly talented...
===
Louis sat in the back of the car, feeling numb. Neither him nor Ashe uttered a word as they drove back from the studio. Every so often, he would sneak a glance her way, only to be met with her long hair cascading down past her shoulders, hiding her face.
How had they ended up here?
===
When Niall had left, Louis had felt hopeless, heartbroken and betrayed. They had been through so much together, and he left, during one of the most important times in Louis's life.
He just left.
Harry had tried to offer him some comfort, sneaking a kiss during rehearsal, watching a romcom just before bed, singing sweet nursery rhymes to help him fall asleep, but it had done little to dull the ache in his heart, following his best friend's swift and unexpected departure.
Despite his low mood, the week had been going well. Him and Harry were in a good place, and the star seemed to be getting his life together slowly, but surely. He had even helped his two remaining contestants with their performances, finally fulfilling what he should have been doing from the start. Neither of them had spoken about the cocaine incident, but Harry hadn't offered Louis anymore, and there had not been anymore parties. He did not want to upset the star, whose eyes seemed to glime brighter than any star in the sky: green and bold in a sad and desolate land.
Ashe had commented on Harry's mood change, suggesting that there was something lifting his mood. Louis had smiled to himself and kept silent, trying not to overthink her words too much. Following Niall's exit, the two contestants had grown even closer, and spent almost every minute together, when Harry was occupied and they weren't rehearsing. It was nice to have her. She kept him grounded, despite the madness that was going on around him with Harry.
One particular afternoon, the two had been sitting on the living room sofa, their legs wrapped around each other, as they watched dreadful daytime tv. The fire was lit and the sun hung low in the sky, sending golden patterns onto the floor, from the window. There was a warmth in Louis's stomach and he turned towards his friend, only to be met with a semi serious expression.
"Do you know that there are people shipping you?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. Louis turned his attention away from the television, and tilted his head, in confusion.
"Who?" He replied, and she smirked, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief.
"You and Harry," she replied, chuckling.
Louis's eyes widened and his mouth widened like a fish out of water, gasping for air.
"What? Why?" He spluttered, a little concerned. Ashe shrugged, and looked back at the TV
"Because of his little speech last Saturday," She answered as if it was the most obvious question in the world. The lad from Doncaster swallowed and looked down at his hands. He could tell her. Ashe wouldn't tell anyone. They were best friends, but there was a small part of him terrified to face the truth, terrified to own up to what he was doing. What if Ashe felt as if it was a disadvantage? What if she thought he'd fucked his way through the competition?
No. He couldn't tell her. And so he continued to act oblivious.
"What do you mean?" He said, trying to keep his voice light. There was a slight wobble to it, but the blonde bombshell did not pick up on it. Instead, she turned to Louis and cleared her throat.
"That's what makes you perfect to me," Her British accent was scarily accurate and he burst out laughing at her Harry impression, shoving her playfully.
"Oh shut up," He tried to laugh it off, but thoughts ran through his brain. Had they been too obvious? Would Harry get in trouble? He swallowed, and smiled, praying it would not falter.
"If I didn't know you, I'd believe it too, after the way you eye fucked each other on the stage," Louis could tell that she was joking but it did not ease the tension and panic that infiltrated his thoughts.
In an attempt to act shocked, he exclaimed:
"He's married?!"
"And?" Ashe challenged, shrugging her shoulders.
"Married men have affairs all the time," That was true. Louis knew it was. Even if the marriage with Taylor was a complete sham, the two were technically having an affair. He swallowed, nervously. He felt oddly guilty, perhaps it was the lying to Ashe, or maybe it was something deeper.
"You're not seriously suggesting that me and H are having an affair?" He suddenly snapped, shoving her legs off of his. The conversation was beginning to irritate him, and he was worried that if his friend kept pushing, he would end up revealing too much.
"H?"
Like that...
Louis sighed and placed his head in his hands, feeling stressed, and a little upset.
"I mean Harry," He tried to explain, but Ashe could sense his frustration.
"Calm down, stupid. I just think it's funny. I know you're not having an affair with him, and even if you were, you're here because you're one of the most talented people I know," 'She wrapped his arms around his tense body, and he melted into her embrace. The two stayed curled up until the sun went down, and Louis returned to Harry's bed, in the happiest mood he had been in since Niall's departure.
===
The words still rang through his head, and him and Ashe sat in silence.
"I'm so sorry Ashe, but the judges have decided that you are going home,"
Louis was not sure how he was going to cope without her in the house. He really liked Harry. He loved him, but he was rarely around: constantly in meetings, and recording music, and his house was so big. He did not want his best friend to leave.
Almost everything that Louis had experienced since entering the competition had been with Ashe. The two had been inseparable, two peas in a pod (even if she had tried to kiss him once).
Harry was a forest, dense and intimidating, encompassing Louis and overpowering him with all his being. The feeling was incredible, if a little scary, but Ashe?
She was the sun.
She was bright and warm, and her hair shone like beams, brightening up his world and reminding him that even in the darkest forest, there was light. She let her rays cascade onto his world, and spread gold in every direction. Ashe was bold and free, And Louis was scared to face the darkness without her.
"Lou," She whispered in a shaky voice, breaking the silence. The Doncaster lad did not reply. He simply took her hand into his own and squeezed it, hoping that it would offer a little comfort.
"My bags are already going to be packed when I get there. This is the only chance we're gonna get to have a proper goodbye,"
Louis let out a whimper at that, and undid his seatbelt, crawling towards her. Both of his arms engulfed her small frame, and she chuckled, leaning into the touch.
"I'm gonna miss you so much, luv," He mumbled into her hair. It smelt incredible, strawberry surrounding his senses. He closed his eyes and willed himself to remember the scent.
"I'm gonna miss you too, Lou," She chuckled but there was a sadness in her voice. Louis tried to ignore the damp patch forming on his shoulder. He knew that she was crying.
"You gotta promise me something," She then said after a pause.
"Anything," He whispered, and it was the truth. He felt her smile at the genuine response, and he squeezed her tighter. She let out a sigh and pushed him away gently so she could look him in the eye.
"Don't get too caught up in Harry's world," Her ocean blue eyes were flooded with emotion and tears, and her face was serious.
Louis's own eyes widened and he gasped.
"What? I-" He panicked, pulling his gaze away from hers. She sent him a soft smile, that was full of warmth and comfort.
"Lou, it's ok. I know. I've known since you saw him and Taylor on the TV. Friends don't look at friends that way," Louis was not sure what to say. Watching Harry at that Premiere had been torture but he had been sure that he had hidden his feelings well. It was a talent he had learnt early on in life, due to his poor background. How did Ashe notice?
He thought back to their conversation a few days ago, where she had spoken about the Larry shippers. Had that been a test?
"Promise me?" Ashe asked him again, pulling the boy from his thoughts. He nodded quickly, unsure on what else to say.
"I will," He whispered, and the two returned to their embrace in the back of the car.
After ten minutes, they got the dreaded announcement.
"Miss Willson? Mr Tomlinson? We're here," The driver informed them, breaking the silence.
Harry's huge mansion, with its towering off-white gables, and decadent balconies loomed over them, its huge illuminated French doors acting as a beacon calling them home.
But only one of them would be going home.
"Goodbye Louis. Win this for me ok?" Ashe pulled Louis into a tight hug that seemed to last a lifetime, and the briefest of seconds all at once.
And like the sun, she was gone, leaving a dark smoky sky, and small lights flickering in the darkness.
===
The minute Louis stepped foot into that big old mansion, he crumpled to the floor, unable to breathe.
People had always compared him to the ocean, and like the ocean, he did not break quietly. Every atom within him sobbed, and groaned, and waves crashed against the cliffs, violently. His throat burned as he let out a silent scream, and the world seemed to mourn with him: the sky opening up and rain pelting down.
He was desperate to release an elemental rage on the world, desperate for his ocean to form a tsunami and destroy everything in its wake.
Louis Tomlinson was the ocean in the middle of a ferocious storm, and he was being swept up by his own tide.
Within the chaos and confusion of his thoughts, he heard a voice calling for him, begging him to snap out of his catatonic state.
"Louis, baby. It's me. It's ok. You're ok," a warm arm wrapped around the smaller boy, like a branch protecting its roots, and Louis leant into the touch, desperate for the forest to pull him out of the water.
He felt soft lips on the top of his head, and finally snapped out of the distraught trance.
"Harry," He sobbed, his voice thick with emotion and fear. The larger boy simply wrapped his arms tighter around him, and the two sat on the floor, hopeless. The only sound in the room was the rain pelting on those huge doors, and Louis's uneven breathing.
"Baby. You're going to be ok, I promise," Harry whispered in his ear. Despite his soul aching, a shiver still ran down Louis's spine as he felt the man's hot breath on his skin. He smelt sweet, and there was that constant hint of tobacco ever present on his tongue.
"I know. It just hurts and I'm scared," Louis confessed, burrowing himself deeper into his embrace, as if he was trying to dig himself into a safety cocoon, away from reality.
"Why are you scared?" Harry asked. His voice was soft, and it was comforting, like a familiar song playing on an antique radio. The sound made Louis its slave, and he was willing to do whatever it took for the DJ to play it on repeat.
"I don't wanna be alone," He confessed, and felt soft lips on his wet cheeks. He smiled, despite everything and leaned into Harry's crumbled figure, keeping his lips on his skin.
"With me you'll never be alone. I promise," Harry said sincerely. Louis turned his head, planning to plant a soft kiss on the rockstar's lips, but the protective branches wrapped tightly around him untangled, and left him cold and vulnerable. He watched the tall figure lean away and stand up, brushing his trousers.
Harry was still in his red Gucci suit from the show, and there was some dirt that had gathered on the sleeves of his bespoke blazer, probably from lying on the floor. He inspected the damage and scrunched his nose in a familiar habit. Shaking his head, he looked down at Louis, who was still a crumpled mess on the floor, and held out his hand.
"Come with me," He whispered, and Louis inspected his ring-coated fingers, before begrudgingly taking his hand, and allowing himself to be hauled off the floor, by Harry's strong grip.
"What are we doing?" He asked tentatively, trying not to draw attention to the fact that their hands were still intertwined. Harry's large, long fingers dwarfed Louis's, and filled him with warmth. He smiled, letting the feeling comfort him through his sorrow.
"We're gonna bake brownies," Harry said matter-of-factly, a slight smirk present on his beautiful face. Louis tilted his head in confusion and opened his mouth:
"I don't think-"
"Trust me ok?" Harry interrupted, squeezing Louis's hand, and trying to pull him towards the kitchen. The smaller lad's feet remained planted on the floor. How would baking make anything better? He wanted to trust Harry, but he hardly found the activity appropriate, following his best friend's exit. Harry seemed to see the hesitation written across his face, and chuckled.
Hey I'm trusting you to use the oven. I'm definitely taking a bigger risk here," He flashed his white teeth at Louis, and the contestant let out a small giggle, and his mind wandered back to their first interaction in the kitchen, where Harry had implied that Louis would burn his house down, if he had allowed him to cook.
"Ok," He sighed, and let himself be dragged towards the overly large kitchen. There was a pleasant silence shared between them as they moved through the house, and Harry's hand never left Louis's, despite the clamminess forming.
"Whenever I was upset, Gemma would always bake brownies with me. It became a bit of a tradition," He eventually said, as they entered the kitchen. His eyes were cast downwards and Louis smiled at him. He knew that talking about his sister was a big deal for the star, and he was proud of him for openly speaking about her.
"That's nice," He said, releasing Harry's hand, and stroking his fingers through his hair.
"Yeah," Harry said, finally looking at him. His eyes were wet and vulnerable. The sight made Louis want to wrap his arms around him, and protect him, just like Harry had done to him moments ago.
They needed each other, just as nature needed the ocean and the forest. Two natural wonders feeding off one another, dependent on the other's survival.
"My mum would bake as well. And she'd let me lick the bowl," Louis chuckled and Harry smiled, the vulnerability still present on his face, but the sadness evaporating.
"I can imagine that," He laughed, and the sound was music to Louis's ears.
He wished that he was a poet, or a great writer, like Shakespeare, so he could capture the magic of the noise in an everlasting love. He wished that he could tattoo it on his heart, and keep it on tape in his mind, so he could constantly replay it.
"We used to destroy the kitchen with the mess, but she always said it was worth it to see the smile on my face," He continued, hoping to recreate the laugh.
The words made him unfamiliarly nostalgic and he traveled back to their tiny kitchen in Doncaster. He could still hear his mother cursing when the floor hit the ceiling, or his sister's scream when she dropped the mixing bowl and cracked a tile.
I really miss her," He confessed, and Harry nodded, understanding.
"I miss Gems as well,"
Silence rang out between them, as both of their minds turned back time and remembered their lost ones. Harry was the first to snap out of it, blinking hard and fast, as if he was willing the tears away.
"Right," He said, clapping his hands together, and making Louis startle.
"Grab the butter, and the chocolate from the fridge. I'll get the flour, sugar, cocoa and eggs," Louis nodded, and followed his instructions.
The two got to work assembling everything that they would need, before Harry began to melt to chocolate over the stove. He insisted that the smaller lad stayed out of the way of the oven, and Louis did not complain.
Once it was done, he placed it in a mixing bowl, along with the flour, sugar, cocoa and eggs.
"Do you wanna mix?" He asked, holding a large wooden spoon in Louis's face, and he smiled gratefully. At least this was something that he could not mess up.
"Sure," he replied, taking the wooden cutlery, a little smug that he had been trusted.
He placed the spoon in the bowl and smiled. He planned to appear like a proper chef, and held the bowl firmly in his left hand, before pushing the wooden utensil around the plastic container. However, he had underestimated just how powdery the mixture was, and the flour and cocoa flew everywhere, seeming to coat every single surface. Louis gasped, and his eyes widened at the mess, and he swallowed, guiltily.
"Oh my god look at my hair!" The figure next to him cried out and Louis bit his lip, trying not to laugh as he assessed the damage. Harry's perfectly gelled, dark, chestnut hair was covered in white powder, and cocoa and flour dotted his face, like stars in the night sky. He looked absolutely ridiculous, especially with the pout present on his face.
"You look good enough to eat," Louis eventually cracked, Laughing as he tried to lick his face.
Harry chuckled as well, and tried to shove him away, ducking his head.
"Ew get off me you animal. Focus on your task and try not to make a bigger mess," He gasped, between chuckles. Louis laughed even louder, but was soon silenced by a playful slap on his ass.
The two continued to smirk at each other, as Harry mixed the contents in the bowl, until it turned into what resembled a brownie mixture. Despite the previous mess, he trusted Louis to pour the contents into a baking tray, whilst he sauntered over to the book shelf. Louis willed himself not to get distracted and he carefully placed the mixture into the oven. As he shut the door, music filled the room.
Knotting his brows in confusion, he turned to look at Harry who was rolling his hips to Etta James's I Just Wanna Make Love To You. His eyes were closed, and his hands were running through his flour coated hair.
"Harry. What are you doing?" Louis asked, swallowing. The rockstar's moves were oddly erotic, and it made his throat dry.
"Dancing," Harry opened his green eyes, and smiled as if it was obvious.
"We've gotta fill the time with something whilst we wait," With that, he turned around and started to shake his butt to the rhythm, slowly moving lower and lower, until he was squatting.
The sight caused Louis's eyes to widen and he cleared his throat.
"I can think of a few better activities," He mumbled, as he watched Harry grind against the wall.
"Huh?" The rockstar asked, oblivious to his accidental seduction of Louis
"Don't worry," The Doncaster lad mumbled, willing himself not to get hard.
"Come on. Dance with me," Harry then laughed, grabbing his hands. He was warm and clammy, but the smile on his face more than made up for it.
"ugh fine,"
The star smiled and grabbed the smaller lad's hips, willing him to loosen up. The whole thing was completely ridiculous and neither of them could dance, and yet it didn't matter. They were both happier than they had been in a long time, and seeing Harry's face light up with joy was more than enough for Louis to pull out his appalling moves and join him in making a fool of himself. Harry grabbed his phone from his pocket, and snapped a picture of the two of them, ensuring he captured himself planting a kiss on Louis's cheek.
"You're such a dork," Louis laughed, and Harry shrugged, continuing to dance, despite the song coming to an end.
The music changed and Etta James's At Last came on. The sound made Harry's face light up, and he held his hands out for Louis, expectantly.
"I am not slow dancing with you. That is too far," the Doncaster lad laughed, shaking his head. Harry did not take the news well, and began to pout. He looked utterly absurd and comical, with his bottom lip poking out, and big puppy dog eyes, and yet the face tugged at Louis's heart strings. Harry Styles knew that he was wrapped right around his fingers.
"I hate it when you do that," Louis mumbled, as he placed his smaller hands in Harry's larger ones, and allowed himself to be pulled along with the music.
At last My love has come along. My lonely days are over, and life is like a song.
Louis's eyes closed, and he moved his arms so that they were wrapped around Harry's middle. Harry sighed and buried his head in the smaller lad's shoulder, his long hair tickling Louis's cheek. The situation could not get more cliched, but neither could care less. They were too busy wrapped up in each other.
Oh, yeah, yeah, at last the skies above are blue. My heart was wrapped up in clover the night I looked at you
Louis's heart raced, as he allowed his feelings to completely take over.
A great forest surrounded him; a fortress of jade green petals dancing in the wind. Wild basil grew freely on the clumpy, mossy mattress of the floor and a vaporous mist hovered over the lush, green limbs above. Lustrous gold peaked through the branches, and warmth engulfed Louis.
His ocean tide was coming in, and dragging him closer to the shore, ensuring he made his way to that mystical and enchanting forest.
Louis Tomlinson was so in love with Harry Styles.
And I found a dream that I could speak to. A dream that I can call my own
Also lost in the music, Harry spun Louis around, head never leaving his shoulder. The two were intertwined, conjoined, and unable to ever separate, on a spiritual level.
I found a thrill to press my cheek to. A thrill that I have never known
Harry pulled away and grabbed Louis's hand, twirling him around like a princess. Louis laughed and stumbled a little, before wrapping his arms around the taller man's back, pulling him closer.
Oh, yeah, yeah, and you smile, you smile. Oh, and then the spell was cast, and here we are in Heaven.
Their eyes met in a clash of green and blue, and the gods smiled down at their beautiful creation.
For you are mine at last.
Harry's thick, sensual, crimson lips crashed against his own, and Louis took a deep breath, feeling as though all of the air had been pushed out of him. The kiss made him feel dizzy, electric, magical. He moaned and pushed deeper into it, opening his lips for Harry's tongue to explore every crevice of his mouth. His tremulously uncertain hands shook as they wrapped themselves around the taller boy's neck and pulled him even closer. He heard Harry groan at the feeling of closeness and Louis giggled a little. He felt Harry's large, clumsy hands engulf his lower back and he leaned into the way they spread across his muscle, caressing every inch of his back. He pulled away, flushed and looked down at his feet.
"Louis Tomlinson you scare me so fucking much," Harry whispered. Louis looked up to see the boy's figure hunched and closed off.
"Why?" He asked, confused.
"Because I would do anything for you," Harry's jade green eyes shot up and Louis swallowed as he tried to process what he was saying
"Why does that scare you?" He asked, a little confused. Harry shook his head, and his eyes dropped to the floor. His shoes, seemingly, were very interesting at that moment.
"Because I know that I'm gonna get hurt,"
"I'd never hurt you, H. You know that," Louis said, reaching a hand towards the taller man and cupping his cheek, lovingly. Harry nodded, and leant into the touch.
"It's not you I'm worried about," He sighed, and there was a sad silence shared between them. No matter how Louis felt about the boy, he could not forget.
Harry Styles was owned and trapped in a world of sorrow. They would never be free to love.
Sensing a shift in the atmosphere, Harry held out his hand, putting on an alarmingly convincing fake smile.
"Come on, the brownies are probably done. I'll even let you lick the bowl," He winked, pulling Louis towards the oven.
What were they doing to each other?