When Milo returned home, he went straight up to his room. He didn't want his family to see his breakdown. After crying for fifteen minutes in the airport parking lot, he forced himself to pull it together so he could drive home without tears in his eyes. The last thing he wanted to deal with was getting into an accident.
He froze in his tracks, startled by the pair of boots hanging through the slats at the end of the bed. Ellie laid on his bed, scrolling through her phone. "Hey," she said, setting her phone aside.
Milo's lip started quivering, his eyes filling with the tears he'd been struggling to keep at bay. He tried to say, "Hi," but his voice hitched and it just sounded like a drowning man's desperate gasps for air.
Ellie rushed over and hugged him tight, smoothing his hair. "It's gonna be okay, M&M."
Ellie led him over to the bed, where he collapsed into a heap of heartache and despair, letting it all out until there was nothing left to feel but a wearying numbness.
"How did you even know to come over?" Milo's voice was a harsh croak.
"Mercer thought you might need a friend."
Milo would have to thank his brother for that. Because as much as Milo had wanted to be alone when he got home, he was glad now that she was there.
Milo took a deep, shaky breath. "It's stupid to be this upset. It's not like we broke up."
"He's still gone. It's still sad." Ellie rubbed his arm and gave him a squeeze.
"Can we get out of this room? Go somewhere. Just being in here makes me think of him."
They had spent so much time in this room together, talking, kissing, joking. Then, after what happened this morning, this room was intrinsically linked with Judah for him.
Ellie patted his leg. "I think that's a fantastic idea."
As they were heading out, they ran into Mercer. Milo felt compelled to show his gratitude. He went over and hugged his brother. "Thank you."
Mercer patted his back. "Are you okay?"
"No," Milo said, pulling away. "But I will be."
Mercer looked from Milo to Ellie and back again. "You guys going out?"
"Yeah." Milo said. "We're just gonna wander around downtown. Try to take my mind off everything for a while."
"That's good."
"Want to come with us?" Milo asked.
"I'm actually going over to Alana's."
"Mercer. Come on. That isn't going to end well."
"Look, I appreciate you caring, but I'm fine." Mercer said. "Not all of us intend on making lifelong commitments to our holiday flings."
Milo rolled his eyes. "Okay."
Ellie hooked her arm around Milo and led him outside. "Don't worry too much about him. Some people just have to make the same mistakes over and over before they learn from it."
After rambling around town for a bit, Milo and Ellie stopped for an early lunch. Milo didn't eat breakfast, too distraught at losing Judah to even think about food. But his stomach seemed concerned with that plan, going on the offensive, reminding him that he needed sustenance.
As they were finishing up their meal, Milo's phone rang. It was Judah. Milo's heart beat faster at the mere sight of his name. Milo took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Hello."
"Hey, baby." Judah's voice made Milo's stomach do somersaults.
A fresh wave of depression swept over him. "Are you home?"
"Not even close." Judah sounded annoyed. "Apparently, my mom booked me on a flight with three layovers."
"Where are you?"
"I'm in the Las Vegas airport. Did you know they have slot machines, in the airport?"
"I did not know that."
"Yeah, and there's people actually playing them." Judah said with a laugh. Milo could just imagine Judah's grin and that dimple in his cheek. "It's crazy."
"Wait, Las Vegas?" Milo was confused. He checked the time on his phone. "You've been gone for like four hours. How are you only in Vegas?"
"Ugh! It took forever to board the first flight. Then we sat on the tarmac for like half an hour while they sorted out the traffic or something? I probably could've gotten home faster if I just found a car and drove the whole way. Hell, even hitchhiking might've got me there faster than this airline."
Milo forced a laugh. "Yeah. Sounds awful."
"I wish you were with me. It would make this sucky day a million times better."
"Same."
"I already miss you."
"I miss you, too."
They both went quiet for a long time. Milo could hear Judah's soft breathing on the other end of the line.
Judah broke the silence first. He asked, "You still there?"
"Of course."
"Tell me something."
"Like what?" Milo asked.
"I don't know. Something to relieve the boredom. Tell me a story about you. Something I don't know."
Milo thought about his life, trying to conjure some interesting anecdote, but he couldn't think of anything. He turned to Ellie. "Do you have any good stories about me?"
"Hmm." Ellie puckered her lips, thinking. Suddenly, she sucked in a breath. "What about spin the bottle with Wally?"
Milo raised his brows and broke into a smile. He hadn't thought about that in so long. He put the phone back up to his ear, and asked, "Do you want to hear about my first kiss?"
"Absolutely!" Judah said.
"Okay, so I was eleven." Milo said. "I was at this birthday party for an old friend. His name was Byron. He's not relevant to the story, I'm just setting the scene."
Judah chuckled softly. "Understood."
"Anyway, the party was in kinda like a game room in Byron's house, and all the parents left us alone in there to play games and eat the snacks they had laid out. Well, some of us got bored with Playstation and foosball after about an hour. That's when Hunter suggested we play spin the bottle, although we didn't have a bottle, so we used the spinner from Twister. And Hunter made the rule that we had to kiss whoever it landed on, even boys with boys and girls with girls. I think he just wanted to be able to kiss a boy if he got the opportunity"
"Was Hunter your first kiss?" Judah asked.
"No. We've just always known each other. The boy I kissed was Wally."
"Was he cute?"
"Yes." Milo said. "He looked kinda like Michael B. Jordan. He still does."
"And you wanted to date me over him?"
"He moved to Texas our senior year. And he was straight." Milo shook his head. "But none of this is important to the story."
"Sorry."
"Where was I?" Milo asked, thinking back.
"Hunter made a rule about boys kissing boys and—"
"Right!" Milo said. "So, we all sat in a circle and took turns. The first four or five kids all ended up with boys kissing girls, and vice versa. Then it was Wally's turn. And Wally was very popular. I mean, he even had a girlfriend."
"Ooh! Salacious." Judah said. "I had no idea I was dating a homewrecker."
"She was playing, too, and she had already kissed another boy. So, I guess they had an open relationship. You know, as eleven-year-olds do."
Judah burst out laughing. "I assume Wally got you, and then you kissed."
"You're half right." Milo corrected. "The arrow landed on me, and Wally was crawling across the circle to kiss me, but Byron's mom came in and made us stop playing before we could."
"Because two boys were about to kiss?" Judah sounded outraged.
"I don't know. She definitely didn't say anything about it, if that was the reason. Maybe it was just because we were kids."
"So, wait," Judah said. "You didn't kiss him? How was he your first kiss?"
"Well, Byron's mom sent us all outside to play on the swing set—probably so she could keep an eye on us from the living room where all the adults were. About ten minutes later, Wally pulled me to the side of the yard behind some bushes and told me he felt bad I didn't get my kiss when everyone before me did. So, he kissed me. I mean, it was just a peck, but at the time, it was perfect."
"Aw. That's so sweet. Wally sounds awesome." Judah said.
"He was—is. We actually ended up pretty good friends until he moved." Milo said. "Now, how about you tell me your first kiss story?"
"It wasn't that special. There was a girl I liked. I asked if I could kiss her. She said yes. We kissed. The end."
Milo scoffed. "That's a terrible story. I mean, how old were you? Where did it happen? What was her name? Did you go out with her?"
"Her name was Amelia. I was nine. It happened outside of school. It was snowing. And, no, I never went out with her. By the time dating became a thing I cared about—at, like, I don't know, about twelve—I had moved on. Madly in love with the girl who became my first girlfriend. Her name was Charlotte, before you ask."
Milo had a realization then. The separation hadn't been a tangible factor until today, so he hadn't given it much thought beyond how upsetting it was to be apart. "This is what our life is going to be like from now on, isn't it?" Milo asked.
Judah sighed. "It doesn't have to be. Not if you don't want it to be."
"What does that mean?"
"If you don't think phone calls and messages are enough for you, I will understand."
"It's not enough." Milo declared. "It won't ever be enough."
Judah's voice came out barely above a whisper when he said, "I get it."
"But," Milo interjected. "I still want it."
Judah's breath stuttered, sounding almost like a laugh. "Good."
Milo wished he could look into Judah's eyes and say all of this, but since that wasn't possible, he just rambled on. "I want as much of you as I can get until I have you standing in front of me again, live and in person. To hold. To kiss. And to do a lot of things that I am not comfortable saying out loud in a restaurant full of people."
"I see." Judah said. "Well, when I get home, maybe I can call you and you can go somewhere private to tell me all those things. And I can tell you all the things I've been thinking of doing."
Milo turned his face toward the wall so no one could see the flush creeping over his face. "I'd really like that."
"It might be late."
"I'll wait up."
"Oh, thank God! It looks like my flight is about to board. I'll call you tonight."
"Okay."
"I love you, baby." Judah said, a small crack in his voice.
"I love you."
"Don't you dare fall asleep and miss my call."
Milo laughed. "I won't. I promise. Now, go before you miss the plane."
"Okay, bye."
After Milo hung up, he noticed Ellie gawking at him. He shrugged. "What?"
"Did I just hear the L-word? And I don't mean the lesbian tv show before you make that joke."
"I wasn't going to. And yes." Milo nodded. "It happened this morning. He just said it when we were saying goodbye."
"And you said it back?"
"I did."
"Oh, M&M." She reached out to grab his hand. "I told you, you just have to let relationships take their own course. I mean, it must've been two months before you said that to Hunter."
"Three, actually."
Ellie stretched across the table and booped him on the nose. "I think someone has learned emotional maturity. And how to express their feelings."
"I think it's more like I fell in love." Milo said.
That made Ellie giggle gleefully. "I really hope you guys can make this work."
"We will." Milo said with complete certainty.