PART 3
Love is a sudden revelation, a kiss is always a discovery.
"There is one question you have yet to ask me." Capricorn told me, as we ate dinner later the next night.
"What's that?"
"Why he did all this. Grabenstein. Why you. Why your father." She said, simply.
It was important to me to know, but at the same time, it didn't change the fact that Grabenstein was responsible for my father's death by getting him involved in whatever it was. He was still going to pay.
"Okay, then I'll ask now." I humored her, since it seemed that she wanted to tell me.
She eyed me curiously. "You look like you don't even truly care."
I shrugged. "It doesn't change what happened."
"So you don't even want to know, then?" She raised her brow.
It was comparable to a friend wanting to tell you a story that you didn't seem interested in.
"Sure I do. It'd be nice to know. But if you're trying to dissuade me from getting revenge it won't work. My dad is still dead."
She nodded slowly. "I don't intend to try to dissuade you. I was just surprised you haven't asked yet, especially since it was all you wanted to know when I was holding you prisoner there."
"That was before my father got shot. After that, it didn't seem as important anymore." My vision became watery, and tears started to drip down my face. It was an automatic reaction to talking about my dad. For some reason, I felt incredibly angry right now. It was like a switch that just turned on.
"Okay, then I won't talk about it." She concluded. She put her napkin on her plate, making to get up from the table.
"No. Tell me then, damnit!" I pounded my fist on the table. "You brought it up, you mentioned it. Just say it."
"Selena, I didn't mean to remind you, I'm sorry... I was just trying to make conversation."
I closed my eyes tight, forcing more tears to come out. "Just...say it. You already opened it up."
And then visions of watching him get shot invaded my mind. I had been doing well with not thinking about it, focusing on training.
"It doesn't seem right, now. Because it involves... your father. I'm heartless, I didn't even think that it would dig up feelings of-"
"Just fucking say it, then! It doesn't matter either way does it?! He's not coming back whether you talk about him or not!"
I was angry at her right now for bringing this up so casually. Why did she have to remind me? Why would anyone think this soon after losing someone you can just bring them up in dinner conversation?
Well, if anyone wouldn't think anything of it, it'd be a trained killer like her.
She sighed. "Grabenstein used to work for your father. So did I."
What?!
I stared at her. "How come I never knew about you then?"
She gave me a somber look. She was trying to tread lightly, I could tell. I didn't appreciate it.
"You know how big your father's company was, Selena... does it really surprise you you never knew about us specifically?"
I shook my head. "Whatever. Continue..."
"Well, everyone at that house did. In fact, we were all quite close many years back. As you might imagine, we did the same thing we do now, only for your father."
These words hit me like a freight train, right in the gut. Dad used to hire... killers?
"You used to kill for him..?"
"Rival companies that were showing too much promise that might pose a threat to Weiss Enterprises. He hired us to eliminate key members of those companies, forcing their downfall and ensuring the success of his company. When you had the kind of money he did, it was barely an expense for him." She explained, and went on after taking another drink, "Of course, we couldn't be paid as killers on the payroll, in fact we weren't on the payroll at all. He paid us on the side, but not with extra money. He chipped away small dividends from legitimate employee's checks and deposited them into separate accounts for each of us. At least, for a while anyway."
I was in shock, I never expected to hear anything like this. But I had always been sheltered, and maybe this was the reason. Try as I might, I still couldn't bring myself to be mad at him for it. Yes it was wrong, but did he deserve to die for it?
"The more threatening the company, the higher profile the position of the person he wanted us to get rid of, naturally the more we expected to be paid. For the most part, we took out seemingly non-important members with jobs like treasurers and investors... the ones that wouldn't immediately be missed but would still have an effect on the performance of the company." She took another drink.
"But one day, he wanted us to kill the actual head of a major company. It would be a whole operation in itself, only one of us would actually take him out, the others would assist in infiltrating his mansion in different roles. Needless to say, it took all of us. We were promised millions for this job..."
I adjusted my feelings about my dad the more she talked. He killed people. He went to work during the day and arranged this stuff, and still came home to kiss me goodnight like nothing happened.
I felt betrayed. Maybe of all the people he killed he did deserve to die, but... none of that would be justified in my mind ever, because a daughter never deserves to lose a father. No matter the circumstances. End of story.
"We have our speculations about why it ended up being a set up, and why we were all eventually sent to prison for 5 years for breaking into the mansion and destroying property... but we never knew the exact reason. The point is, he fucked us over bad, and for whatever reason saw fit to get rid of all of us in one motion." She continued.
This was all a nightmare to me. I had thought that of course these people doing this to me were terrible people - and they were, they were killers... but at the same time I don't know why my dad would do that. I guessed I'd never know.
Another revelation was that Capricorn was part of the whole thing, and had equally been screwed over, yet was now protecting me - the one link to the whole thing. It didn't make sense. I thought she'd just grown attached to me and maybe felt sympathetic or something. I had no idea this had gone on, obviously.
"It sounded like a great plan on paper. All we ever wanted was an answer, and of course generous reimbursement to compensate our prison time that your father caused us. So we'd kidnap his daughter, and we'd force him to confront us, since he'd been a ghost that was hard to track down on a global level."
It felt strange to hear myself being referred to in the third person. Even stranger still, that Capricorn wore a look of indifference the entire time she explained it to me. I didn't know what prison was like, but it couldn't have been fun. And for five years? It was amazing she held her composure so well talking about it.
"So now... Grabenstein knows since you are his daughter you obviously will inherit the company. You clearly wouldn't be able to give us the answer we were looking for, but you would be able to arrange the payment. That's why he still wants you." She finished, downing the rest of her glass and getting up.
"And why don't you want the payment still? Why are you protecting me?" That was the million dollar question, literally.
She chuckled. "I had a change of heart. Especially now that your father is well... you know... it's kind of a dead end road to me. I will never be able to get those five years back, but the answer was the most important thing to me. The money is expendable. A couple million isn't hard to find in this business. And coming from you... it wouldn't be the same satisfaction, regardless. You don't owe us anything. Or at least... I feel you don't owe me anything. Others would disagree."
I eyed her suspiciously. "But you most definitely were taking part in the whole hostage thing for a few days, before you stopped. That was before... it happened, that you started being nicer to me. Why?"
She turned away and began washing her plate in the sink. "I'm still trying to figure that part out. I mean, I guess because you were just guilty by association and you were actually innocent?"
"You knew that from the start, I would think."
I pressed the issue. That was the question that still superseded everything else to me. It all made sense, why they did it, why they still wanted me. The one that didn't was this. Why she took me under her wing.
"Hmm." Was all she said.
I got up and walked over next to her. "You're not making any sense. This all made MORE sense before you explained all that to me. Now I'm just completely confused as to why you're giving me this special treatment. I don't understand your motives."
Not that I didn't like it, let me be clear. I liked how she made me feel, and I liked that she was being this way. It was just harder to accept now without an explanation than it was before.
She didn't respond, and even seemed to be still turning away from me as she did dishes.
"Well that's what I want to know. I don't care about whatever else you told me. As you explained, that's your life, not mine. What is my life now... is this. Us. Here. Whatever this is."
"Yes. Whatever it is." She echoed, then turned off the sink and went to the fridge and opened the passage to the Killzone. "I'm going to sleep, you're welcome to join when you are tired."
"And what if I don't want to sleep in the same bed as you now, knowing all of this?" I folded my arms.
She turned to the living room past the kitchen. "Hmm... Couch there, couch there, and couch there..." She pointed to each one.
That wasn't the response I hoped for. I didn't know what response I wanted, actually, or why I even had said that.
"I'm kidding."
The passage was opened, and she started going down the stairs. "I think you're even better at combat than you are at being funny."
Ouch.
-
I persisted asking once I laid in bed next to her. I didn't snuggle up to her like I had been. For some reason it seemed weird now.
"I told you, I can't answer it. Don't you think I would have by now if I could?" She blew me off once again.
Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head. "Do you remember the conversation we had back at the house where you told me you thought I was attractive?"
"Mmhmm. What about it?"
It was a bit awkward to talk to her since her back was facing me. I wondered if she was having trouble looking at me after all the beans she'd just spilled earlier.
"Do you still think so?"
Again, I didn't know why I was asking these things or why it was a priority in my mind, it just seemed like a good idea.
"Nope."
I frowned. "What?"
"Clearly in the time we've been here I don't think you're attractive anymore. It all changed so suddenly. Sorry."
"Are you-"
She turned over to face me, grinning. "Sorry, ask a stupid question get a stupid answer."
"I was serious, though..." I trailed off, looking dejected.
"I was serious, too. It was a stupid question. Why would that have changed, honestly?"
"Well, I dunno! I was just asking... geez..."
"Why?"
Why was I asking... I really needed to get a handle on my mind, it was making me do things I wasn't sure about a lot lately.
"I don't know. It just doesn't... seem like you still think so?" I was on autopilot once again.
She rolled her eyes. "So me kicking your ass all around down here doesn't make you think so, huh? What if that's the way I show it?"
I put a finger up, pointedly. "First of all, I've gotten a couple good shots in on you since we started..."
"...because I was trying to give you confidence."
"What? You're letting me do it?"
"Honey, please... if I wasn't you'd think you weren't improving."
"Well then I guess I'm not..." That was the opposite of a confidence boost. She wasn't very good at this.
"No, you are. Even still, you're never gonna get me, legitimately. I've been doing this way longer."
I raised my eyebrows, feigning admiration. "Your cockiness is kind of unattractive, sometimes."
She placed a hand under her cheek, propping her face up on the pillow a bit more. "And why would I care about seeming attractive to you? You said yourself back when we first had this conversation you weren't interested in girls."
"Oh please, you've been teasing me the whole time during training. You know what you're doing."
She smirked. "Have I now? Or maybe that's just your perception of it cause you want me to."
She was fucking with my mind, and having a fun time doing it, apparently. But I thought about what she said. Did I want her to? I didn't know. I never wanted to be teased by another girl before. This was... weird territory.
"No, that is not it." I said, not entirely convinced I was telling the truth.
"Then we are back to square one. Why would it matter if I still thought you were attractive then?" She was grinning while she was talking, as if she knew something I didn't.
I groaned. "I dunno. Ugh, never mind."
She shrugged. "Alright then."
No, not alright. You're supposed to persist about it... Dumb Capricorn...
I didn't really know why I was telling myself this, though.
"I... don't know how I feel about you. You saved me, cared for me when I was shaken up, brought me here, are helping to train me... and that's all stuff a really good friend would do I think, right? But saying you're attracted to me and sleeping in the same bed as me... that's... not." I spit out all of a sudden.
"Correction. You're the one that wanted to sleep in the same bed as ME. You said you didn't want to sleep alone. I wasn't aware me agreeing meant anything more than that."
"It doesn't?"
"Can you stop beating around the bush, Selena, and just tell me what's obviously on your mind right now? I can't stand dancing around the subject. I didn't like doing it at the house, but that was for a job. This is different."
Can you really beat around the bush about something you don't even understand yourself?
I sighed. This was so confusing. I didn't like not understanding my own self.
"Okay. Do you like me?"
"All those things you just mentioned I did and you don't know if I like you or not? Of course I do."
"I mean like...like me like me..." More autopilot.
She surprised me when she said, "I might." She was so casual about it.
That really threw me for a loop.
When I didn't say anything, she said, "Is that all?"
I took a deep breath. "I dunno. I might... like you too. But it's weird! Because... I don't know. It's a different feeling I've ever had about someone before. Cause like... you're a friend, but you're also like my protector, and at the same time you were my captor... I dunno." I was talking in circles, it seemed. The only constant was 'I don't know', which fit quite perfectly. Because I really didn't. But I wanted to.
"I get it." She smiled. "See, was that so hard?"
Um, yes?
I've never had something like this happen before. I didn't agree with myself until after I'd said the words. It was like I didn't even realize it's how I really felt. It was being... held back somehow in my mind.
"You get it... just like that?"
"My question is, do you feel obligated to because I helped you, or is it genuine? Either would make sense, I think." She scratched her chin.
"Why would you think I felt obligated? That's kind of sad..."
She reached over and brushed my cheek with the back of her hand. It was unexpected, and I could feel myself getting goosebumps on my skin from it.
I darted my eyes back and forth and laughed nervously. "Uhh... why did you... do that?"
She smiled sweetly. "Did you like it?"
Can you stop answering my questions with other questions, please?
"Umm, sure. It was... nice." I responded, hesitantly. What kind of games was she playing now?
"What did you feel?"
Another damn question.
"I dunno. It felt good?"
"Let me try something else."
"Wait, why are you doing this, though?"
"I'm helping you figure it out." She got up to a sitting position. "Sit up and give me your hand."
Well, alright then...
She took my hand and placed it on her cheek this time. "Does this feel good?"
For such a stone cold killer, her skin felt phenomenally soft and nice.
"Yeah... it does." I let out.
"How about this?" She took my hand and closed it into a fist then kissed the knuckle on one of my fingers.
Her lips were equally soft... I don't know why it felt so good for her to do it, but I didn't think it would feel like that if anyone else did.
I shivered a bit at the touch of her lips. "Yes, that does too."
She smiled. "Well, those are good signs. Are you ready for the ultimate test, though?"
"S-sure. What is it?"
"Close your eyes." She said, softly.
I did, but it made me nervous. My mind was racing at what was gonna happen, all until...
Her lips pressed up against mine. I opened my eyes in surprise to see that her eyes were closed, and subsequently closed mine again.
This was way better than that boy Riley that had kissed me during truth or dare that one time. Way better.
It was short, and when I felt her leave me, I left my eyes closed, thinking about what just happened.
"Goodnight, Selena." I heard her say, then immediately forced my eyes open.
"What? You can't just do that and then go to sleep!"
"I will ask you to do the same thing you asked me when you asked about me training you. Sleep on it." She said, already laying on her side with her eyes closed.
"Wait, no! I don't need to. I liked it! I liked it a lot!" I shouted.
"You should probably get some sleep, though. Don't think I'm gonna go easier on you tomorrow because of what just happened." She said, eyes still closed. She smirked after she said it though. She knew full well what she was doing.
And that was the night I realized... as I tried to sleep and played that kiss over and over in my head... that I was in love with a professional killer. Well, shit.