It was a crisp fall afternoon and you were in the passenger seat of the moving truck. You thought since quitting your modeling career you'd move from the big city and settle down in a nice quiet neighborhood. Royal Oaks Glen Oaks Oakwood Oaks sounded like a perfect quaint little suburban town to live in. Just outside of Los Angeles and away from the big city. You look at the houses go by and imagine what your new life will be like. You had enough money to last a lifetime and could afford to live in your house for the rest of your life. Though having a bit of fun money would require a part time job at least.
As you wondered what your new life would entail you saw your new house approaching. It was near the mouth of the cul de sac, decent sized, nice exterior, and most of all, away from the paparazzi.
You approached your new home and the truck parked in the driveway. You all hopped out of the truck and you put on your shades. You direct the movers where to put your furniture. You look at your reflection and notice your makeup looking a little off. You get out your compact mirror to start fixing things up when you hear a voice behind you.
"Hello miss," the voice says.
You turn around to face a smiling Rabbit.
"Ugh why do I have to be here?" An annoyed looking Duck asks the rabbit, rolling his eyes.
"Daffy, it's only polite to greet our new neighbor," the rabbit replied, elbowing the duck, Daffy, in the ribs.
"Is there a point to you two being here?" You asked in annoyance. You had better things to do than to mess around with these two animals.
"Oh I'm sorry, we don't mean to take up too much of your time miss y/n. I'm Bugs and this is Daffy. We just came to give you this muffin basket and welcome you to the neighborhood," the rabbit, Bugs, said smiling, holding out the basket.
"How did you know I'd be moving here? You're not paparazzi are you?" You ask suspiciously.
"No no no! Word just gets around fast and we were very excited to have a famous model moving in," Bugs replied, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Wait...she's a model???" Daffy asked in shock, he ran up to you and started kissing your hand.
"If I had known I'd have been a lot nicer, hey do you still have any connections? I've been told I look great in a swimsuit. You won't find many with a body as perfect as mine," the duck floated as he spanked his butt.
"Um...no. You're grossing me out actually. Well it was veryyyyyy nice meeting you two but...I'be gotta get back to directing these bozos. Toodaloo," you say sarcastically and wiggle your fingers patronizingly.
You slam your front door shut and slam the black ducks big fat toe in the door. You hear a loud scream from the other side of it.
"F*******K!!!"
You freeze and then realize what you just did.
"Crap.." you sigh under your breath.
You quickly walk over and open the door to see a crying duck and a surprised bunny.
"I'm so sorry I didn't mean t-"
"You SLAMMED that door on my vulnerable TOE!! You're a monster.." the duck says, rubbing his throbbing red foot.
You look at him and snicker. He really is a crazy duck you thought. The rabbit pushed the duck out of the way.
"I am so sorry.. he's kinda always like that" Bugs says glaring at Daffy.
"It's fine.. it's my fault, I should've paid more attention" you say, snicking at the duck.
You then look at the movers lifting up your very heavy gucci disinherited designer gold plated plasma tv and dropped on the road, cracking the screen in the process. You gasp loudly and cover mouth in shock, while bugs and Daffy just stand there in surprise. You run over to the movers and smack their heads in disbelief.
"YOU MORONS!! WTF?? DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY EXPENSIVE THESE THINGS ARE??" You scream at them and push them out of the way.
"Who's gonna clean this up?? You guys better! And you MUST repay me for that tv!" You tell and smack them again.
"Sorry miss.. it's just really heavy.." one of the mover guys say.
"And also, I don't think we can pay for that.. that cost more than like.. both of our salaries combined" the other mover says.
You roll your eyes in disgust.
"Do you think I give a crap? It's your fault! And glass is all over the street! It could pop a tire!" You pig squeal and smack them once again.
Then, out of nowhere, a big truck drives into the cold a sack. You can barely make out the driver inside. The car runs over the plasma tv and drives into the driveway of the house next to Bugs' and Daffys house. Your mouth drops out of shock as you witness your tv get crushed even more than it already was. The selfish driver gets out of his truck and he wasn't what you expected. You see a little man get out of his car. He was COVERED in hair, he has a huge mustache and he was wearing a large cowboy hat. He had a yellow scarf and a blue shirt, as well as jeans and cowboy boots. He looked ticked off and he walks over to you and the movers.
"What in tarnation did I just run over?? My tires almost popped! What the heck??" The loud mouth hairy midget man says in a fuss.
The mover guys both look scared to death and they start sweating like crazy. The little man begins walking over to the mover guys, but then stops as he sees you. He looks at you confused and then makes his way towards you.
"Now whooo in the heck-a-doodle are you??" The little midget hairy elf man says, still a little angry.
"I'm y/n, ex supermodel and your new neighbor," you spit in his face with disdain.
"Well gee little missy I ain't tryna step on no toes or nothin I just can't afford to get no new tires," the midget sighed.
"Okay well you still ran over my tv shorty," you spat at him.
"Well why don't we call it square and I'll take you out on a date?" He says batting his eyes and puckering his lips.
"Uhhhhh do I have to?" You cringe at the thought.
"Well how am I gonna make things square?" He grumbled angrily.
"How about paying for the TV YOU ran over!" You scream at him.
"Fine! I'll find a way to fix yer TV!" He growled as he hauled your TV into his house.
"No! PAY for-aw forget it," you sigh, face palming in the process.
"You still need to pay for MY medical bill," Daffy got up all in your face and sneered at you. "My foot could be BROKEN for all we know"
"Try wiggling your toes," you say, rolling your eyes.
"What like this?" Daffy asked as he wiggled each individual toe on his webbed foot.
"Yeah you're fine," you mock him as you push his face out of the way.
"Don't mind Daffy, he's a bit of a drama queen," Bugs mocked his friend.
"At least I'm a queen of something," Daffy said whipping his hair back, or what little he had of it.
"Well as fun as this has been you two really gotta go. No offense but you're kind of getting in the way," you glare at the two.
"Thank you for your time miss y/n,"Bugs said pushing the Duck away.
"Bye," you reply curtly.
"Now where was I?" You ask yourself as you face the movers.
Five and a have hours later..
All of your expensive Gucci stuff is finally all in your house and ready for business. You sued the movers that dropped your Gucci tv and you luckily got your money back. Though you still didn't tell that tiny hairy elf he doesn't need to fix it anymore, but you thought that he was being a rude Scrooge so you didn't bother to. You sit down on your Gucci designer couch and turn on your favorite show, Tit for Tat, starring Elmer Fudd on your brand new gucci tv you bought from the Gucci website.
"And now fow some funny famiwy home videos" Elmer Fudd says on the tv and showing some video of a kid being thrown into a kitty poop while screaming bloody murder with the classic laugh track playing in the background. You spit out your gums laughing at the poor miserable souls in the hilariously disgusting videos. You spit out your fiji water while you are dying laughing. They then hear a knock on your very expensive door (you had it remodeled).
You get up from your designer couch and walk over to the door annoyed.
"Don't knock too hard! You'll chafe the paint!" You yell in annoyance and flung the door open.
To your annoyance, it was that short hairy creepy midget from earlier.
"Ugh.. what do you want, you troglodyte?" You say as you spit in his beady eyes.
"Well I just wanted to give this to you.." he grabs something big and heavy on the side of the house.
To your surprise it was your old plasma tv, good as new. He even made the effort to put a cute little silk bow on it.
"I fixed your tv, nows I don't gots ta pay ya no more!" The tiny leprechaun says as a smile grows on his hairy face.
You push the tv away.
"Thanks but.. I've already got another tv.. it's even the latest model. I don't need this." You say as you wipe your hand on your pants from touching it.
You can see the smile fading from the little mans face.
"You means I spent all the hours fixing your crazy expensive tv with the anxiety of getting sued and sent to jail.. all for nothin??"
You roll your eyes.
"Yeah sorry" you say as you blow a bubble with your dubble bubble gum.
"Do I still gotta pay ya?" The little man asks with fear in his eyes.
"No it's fine." You say with carelessness.
There was awkward silence.
"Aren't ya gonna at least ask my name?" He asks with innocent eyes.
You sigh and roll your eyes.
"Fine.. what's your name?!" You say ticked off and aggressively.
"Well since you asked so nicely.. my name is Yosemite Sam. But you can call me Sammy if you'd like.." Yosemite says as he puckers his lips and makes kissing sounds.
You puke in your mouth and spit your wad of gum into his giant mustache as you slap him in the face.
"In your dreams weather boy!" You scream and you slam the door.
"AUUUGHHHH SON OF A B*********TCH"
Once again you accidentally slammed the door on the poor midgets whole foot and he lets out a blood curdling scream of pain and sorrow.
You were about to open the door until you heard him mumble and start swearing.
"That little ungrateful b****" he murmurs through his pain and tries to get his foot unstuck.
You hesitate but decide to leave the door shut out of spite.
"Grrrr.. can you at least.. open it a little..?" He says through his teeth.
You giggle and walk back over to the couch and continue watching Tit for Tat.
You laugh uncontrollably until Yosemite Sam finally un wedged his foot from the gucci door.
Your iphone 13 starts ringing and you roll your eyes. You just wanted to watch your TV show and relax. The phone id showed your mother calling and you grumble in annoyance. You cuss under your breath as you hit the answer button.
"Hi mommy," you said in a fake cheerful tone.
"Hi baby cakes, how's your new home?" Your mom asks cheerfully.
"It's great mommy, I'm enjoying it so much," you coo to your mother and hate yourself for doing it. You start chugging your fiji water as your mouth was going dry from the humiliation.
"I'm happy for you my little Angel. Oh and honey! I forgot to tell you but you know that nice young man I ran into at my work? Well I set you up with him on a blind date!" She giggles excitedly.
You spit out you Fiji water and start having a coughing fit.
"Honey are you ok?!?" Your mom asks worriedly.
"MOM?!?! Why did you set that up without my permission?!?!" You scream into the phone.
"Now y/n!! Don't get all mad at me! You're 27 years old and I STILL don't have any grand kids!!! You had a nice man as a model but you decided to break his poor little heart. Now you are GOING on that date and GIVING me grandchildren!!!" Your mom screams right back.
"Mom!!! It's not my fault Elmer decided to CHEAT!!! And besides he's got a great career now, he doesn't need ME anymore!!" You scream, throwing the remote at the TV, breaking it in the process.
"Y/n!!! I'll let the paparazzi know where you live unless you go on this date," Your mom threatens.
"Mom you bi*tch! Why would you do that!?" You yell, starting to heat up.
"Grand... kids..." she growls.
"FINE! Who is the little loser?!?" You grumble.
"His name is Pepé and you'll be meeting him at a nice authentic Mexican restaurant," Your mom boasts proudly.
"When?" You growl through your teeth.
"Tonight at 8, I gave him your address so he'll be picking you up," Your mom sneers.
"Fine...I love you MOTHER! Goodbye," you hand up and slam your phone on your Gucci table. You throw yourself on the couch and scream into your throw pillows. You really hated that woman.
You look over at your now broken tv and sigh.
"Ugh.. I wish I would've taken that frickin tv from that old hag.." you growl through or teeth and grab the now broken Gucci tv.
You walk outside and go over to Yosemite Sam's house. You hesitated to knock, but decided to get it over with. You ring the doorbell. It opens slightly, revealing the tiny man wearing his bath robe. You can only see his top half.
You both stare at each other awkwardly.
"Did you just get out of the shower..? If this is a bad time I can just-"
"No, it's fine.." Yosemite sighs.
He opens the door all the way, revealing his foot all mangled and covered in bandages.
"Is that from.." you cringed just thinking about it.
"Apparently you crushed a bunch of nerves in my foot and twisted my ankle.." he says as he clenches his fist.
"Oh.. uh that's pretty unlucky" you say as you pull over the broken tv.
"You can have this, Yosemite, I want the one that you fixed for me" you say as you push it over to him.
He stops it and pushes it back.
"Uh yeah sorry, but I'm good. I already gots a tv. You didn't want it so why should I give it to ya?" He says as he sighs. He's done with you right now.
"Listen.. can you just take this crap? I want my tv back!" You start to raise your voice.
"Ohhh you want a problem now?? I'll give ya a problem if ya really want it!" The little man starts to raise his voice as well.
You've had it. You pushed him aside and barged in to his house. It was really something, and quite messy. Then you saw your gucci gold plated plasma tv hanging up on the wall where his leather couch was. It was definitely no Gucci couch. And to your surprise the tv was playing your favorite show, Tit for Tat, with Elmer Fudd. He was doing a silly comedy routine where he was rating clowns from scariest to funniest. You had to admit, he has a gift of comedy and he definitely made you laugh a lot.
Yosemite Sam came running after you, clearly not in the mood.
"What in the h-E-double-hockey-sticks do you think you're doin?? Bargin into peoples houses like that.. who does that??" He growls and he's steaming up by now.
"Shhhhh"
He looks at you with anger.
"What did yo-"
"SHHHHH!! SHUT UP!" You push him as you're trying to listen to the tv.
The laugh tracks keep playing but then start to die down and pans to Elmer Fudd wiping his tears away from laughing.
"Wew dat was certainwy stupendous! I almost soiwed my pants! Hehehe" Elmer Fudd says as the crowd laughs again.
"Ok ok, enough wit da jokes, I just wanna thank someone that was reawy impowtant to me" he continues and his face grows a soft smile.
You pause and look up at the Gucci tv, it got your full attention.
Yosemite Sam was still confused out of his mind.
"I just wanna thank my ex, y/n, fow helping me get to where I am today. Even though we've been thwough some tough times you stiww bewieved in me. So thank you y/n. Even though ouw wewationship ended ovew whos gonna eat the wast gwilled cheese, I don't wegwet a thing" he finishes and the crowd ooed and awed and cheered and clapped and whistled and screamed and yelled.
Your heart sank and remember how good Elmer was to you. You look down in shame and cover your eyes with your hands.
Yosemite Sam was still beyond confused and he looked at you like you were crazy.
"What in tarnation.." he whispered to himself.
"We're you the little missy he was ramblin about on the tele?" He asks, still pretty ticked off.
You hesitated to answer but you just nod your head yes in shame. He looks away awkwardly and he doesn't know what to do now.
"Uhh.. do you.. need a hug..?" He struggled to spit it out.
You were pretty sad now but not that sad to get a hug from a hairy leprechaun. You gag and push him away. It then dawned on you what you were doing here in the first place.
"Oh yeah! Give me my tv" you growl at him.
He looks at you with no emotion.
"Get outta my house."
"I can't believe that no good frick on a stick kicked me out of his house while he still has MY tv! The nerve of some people.." you hiss to yourself as you start walking back to your house.
"Hey new girl, come over here!" you hear the familiar voice of the neighbor with a lisp that you met earlier today.
"
What is it Duck?" You rolled your eyes at him.
"I saw that little thing on Tits for Tots. You were Elmer's ex?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah...but lemme tell you. His little fight speech was bs. I saw him in bed with our maid getting fed a grilled cheese." You explained.
"So?" Daffy said, narrowing his eyes.
"They were both naked Dimwit," you glared right back.
"First of all its Daffy. Dimwit is my cousin," he started. "Second of all...you get me those connections yet? I'm in the mood for powdered sugar baby back ribs and I can't keep my diet up forever."
"Daffy I told you I'm done with modeling, and not to be offensive but your face is probably holding you back," you say in annoyance.
"What's wrong with my face?!!" Daffy cries in offense.
"You have a big ugly beak with a nasty wart on it. Not to mention you don't even wear clothes, besides that tacky choker," you scrutinized his every flaw.
"Well YOU'RE a massive b*tch y/n!" Daffy huffed.
"Thanks, that's how I survived the industry. Tata D*mbass duck," you giggle, sticking your tongue out at him.
You walk back to your house and notice something in your mailbox. It was a basket filled with homemade goods.
Ugh not another welcome basket, you sigh. You pick up the basket and look at the attached card, it read:
Hello neighbor!
I tried to give this to you before I had to go to work but you weren't home. I wanted to introduce myself and welcome you to the neighborhood. I hope to meet you after work and give you a big welcome handshake myself. I hope you enjoy the snacks, they're my grandmother's own recipes.
Yours truly,
Porky Pig <3
You stare blankly at the note and look over at the basket. You hated to admit it, but everything did look tasty. To make things better, you didn't have to constantly diet now that you didn't model anymore.
Well...one muffin couldn't hurt, you thought as you licked your lips.
To be continued..