I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my head went dizzy. I felt the room was being sucked into a hole. Everything around was blurry as my head got heavy with pain. I leaned for support on the sofa but a hand held onto to me. The voices in my head continued to give me a hard time.
" Are you okay ?" Clara asked, holding onto my arm. I nodded, closing my eyes to regain my vision more clearly.
" I think you need rest, Mia. It has been too stressful on you. Sit down here." She guided me to sit down on the sofa. I held my head to stop it from spinning.
" Do you need anything ?" She asked. I shook my head as ' No' but she didn't consider that answer.
She brought me a bottle of water and some snacks to munch on. I refused to eat but she stayed firm on her decisions. She made me eat up a few bites of the snack and drink some water too. Later that day, Tiara came back to consciousness and I was happy to see her awake again.
" Mom..."
" Tiara." I held her small hand in mine.
" Tiara, I'm so happy to see you awake." Taehyung kissed her forehead.
" Dad...I wanna go home." Tiara said in a weak voice. She didn't like the hospital environment.
" Yes, Dad will take you home." He kissed her hand firmly.
" Tiara, what happened that night ?" I asked since I never got a chance to ask what exactly had happened that night.
" You don't have to ask such things now." Taehyung snapped at me with piercing eyes.
" I was chasing that small kitten by the road," Tiara replied in a small voice.
" It's okay. The difficult time is over now." I smiled at her as I rubbed my thumb against her hand.
The doctor came in to check on her and told us everything is under control. She is doing better now. The lunchtime came in and I was feeding Tiara food as Taehyung and Clara were out. After her lunch, I was trying to convince her to take medicines. But the bitter taste is something she doesn't like. She refused to take medicines.
" Come on, Tiara. Be a good girl and take the medicines."
" Nah !" she turned her head in another direction.
" Come on! Don't be like this. You have to get well soon so you could go home." I said walking over to the other side.
" No, mom! I don't want it !" She refused.
" Its medicine, Tiara. They will make you better."
" No, Mom! I don't want to take the medicine !"
" Tiara.."
" MIA !" I heard Taehyung's voice thundered in the room. He walked over to me and snatched the medicines from me.
" If she says, she doesn't want it now then don't !" He sounded angry.
" I was just giving her medicines, Taehyung."
" You don't have to anymore. She is my daughter and I will look after her." He said loud and clear.
I nodded lightly before walking out of the room. I stepped out of the hospital building and sat by a bench in the garden area. The sun hasn't shone enough which had left earth a bit mushy. The bench, however, was dry after the last night shower. The wind was chilly and moist. I threw my head back and exhaled to calm myself. I tried to exhale all the negativity out of my body. I spent some time outside to refresh my mind before going inside again. Taehyung looked after all the necessities of Tiara now. I just sat afar and looked at them bond over the time.
Taehyung didn't want me anywhere near Tiara until Tiara called me out. He gave the responsibility to Clara in his absence and Clara would let me spend time with Tiara. It felt bad that to spend time with Tiara, I have to conceal and do it but that way, Taehyung would be calm and it would hurt him less.
At night, Clara took me along for dinner as Taehyung stayed with Tiara. We went to the cafeteria and got our meal. As we sat down on a table, I could tell that Clara wanted to speak to me about something. The first few minutes, we ate food quietly in not so quiet cafeteria.
" Mia.." she called me. I looked up from my plate.
" I'm sorry on behalf of Taehyung. He is just very disturbed now." She explained, referring to the Taehyung's behaviour towards me.
" Nah." I stopped her from going any further. "He has every right to be mad at me," I said in a small voice as I suddenly lost appetite.
" What ?" she looked at me, confused.
" I did very wrong with him. All he wanted was a happy family. Kids rushing to him when he comes home. He told me that he wanted to have at least five kids." I smiled to myself, remembering the old days.
" I took away his smile, his dream of having a happy family, his peace and his will to keep this relationship going." My smile faded as I realized the reality.
" You know he was always rooting for this relationship unlike me. All I did was ruin it with my insecurities, assumptions and false beliefs." I looked down at my plate.
" You know..." she grabbed my attention "...even after so many things, you still don't blame him for anything just shows how you invested in this relationship too," she said sincerely. I nodded lightly, looking away.
" People might've said so much about you when you got divorced but I feel that you might've got your reason to take this big step. Also, raising a child all alone is not easy." She smiled at me.
" I know," I replied.
" Tiara will grow up to be strong like you."
" If.. the custody goes to Taehyung..." I said in a low voice but loud enough for her to hear it. " ..I will be happy because Tiara will grow up under a motherly figure like you." I took a breath, trying to sink into the words that I spoke so that I keep reality on check..
" Even if it happens so, no one in this world can replace a mother. " Her words caught me off guard and I looked up.
" I mean, even if I become her step-mother in future. I will still not be as good as you. A mother is everything for their child. Support system, protector, the woman who sacrifice so much to give them every necessities and I think you did all of this. No one can match your love for Tiara. Not even me." She said it so easily made shook at first. I take a few minutes to process this until I break into a smile and thank her.
" Thank you for such words. I didn't expected it from you." she smiled at my words.
" You can blame the dramas for showing us as the villains." she chuckled. I agreed to her statement and let out a chuckle.
The dinner did end up on a light note and it wasn't that bad talking to Clara. She was a good, independent woman with her own choices and different way to look at the world. I didn't feel any awkwardness with her anymore. She has a comforting aura and understanding attitude. We walked back to the room. She opened the door and we both were exposed to a tiny family reunion. Mr. ad Mrs. Kim has been standing on the right side of the bed and Taehyung stood on the left. Tiara was happy as her grandparents visited her and bought her gifts. Clara walked inside to stand, next to Taehyung. Taehyung welcomed Clara as he kept arm across her shoulder. My grip on the lever handle tighten as the room filled with giggles and laughter.
There stood a happy family...
in front of me.
A family I wished for.
A family I promised to Taehyung.
A family I promised to Tiara.
A family I never had.
I stepped back, gradually stepping back from the threshold of the room.
' What have you done, Mia ?'
' You ruined a family that could be yours.'
' You have nothing.'
' You are nothing.'
' Have you seen how happy they are ?'
' You did made a big mistake.'
' and now you are crying for warmth.'
Voices in my head started speaking to me
and I listened to every one of it.
This time, they weren't wrong.
I messed up.
Real big this time.
' What are you waiting for ?'
' To mess up their family too ?'
' To break Taehyung into pieces again?'
' You should walk away, Mia.'
' Walk away. It's for the better.'
' You can give them a happy life.'
' Don't mess up this time.'
I took a few steps back from the room, turning away. I didn't realize but I took steps away from the room. Thinking, this was my chance to give my daughter a better life and make a good decision. I walked away without thinking much.
Away from Taehyung.
Away from Clara.
Away from a happy Family.
Away from my child, Tiara.