Having grown up in Candor, Lilith had learned from very early on what a believable lie looked like. She could even say she had once been good at making a few of those up, even if she always forgot a detail that would later destroy her own fictional stories. It wasn't until years later, after her father's suicide, that guilt had started flowing her insides whenever she said something that wasn't the truth. It made her want to vomit, and it made her sweat, and it even gave her migraines, on a few occasions. So, Lilith had stopped lying.
At least that had been the plan, up until Nate had spotted the gash on her forehead, the morning after Peter's attack. Eric had been right when he'd claimed she didn't need stitches, and she'd only been in the hospital wing for 20 minutes as the nurse disinfected the wound. On the way back to the dorm, Eric had told her that the less people knew about what had happened, the better. If someone were to find out the extent of her rule breaking, she'd be joining the factionless before being given a chance to explain, and that was something the girl didn't want. Anything but that.
Still, despite wanting to get the best ranking possible, Lilith just couldn't focus on her training, during the following days. They had done some more shooting practice with guns, most of the transfers seeming to have gotten better after Capture the Flag. However, Lilith had only managed to hit the target a total of five times in as many hours, which had earned mocking grins from Peter, Molly and Drew, that she'd done her best to ignore. Four had seemed confused by how she had gotten so much worse in the span of the two days, even approaching her at the end of a session to ask if she was doing okay. Like she had been told, the brunette simply smiled and nodded.
She had been aware that iniciation was turning the transfers into the worst versions of themselves, but she would have never thought that it would get to this extent. She never even thought of the possibility that one of the boys she had grown up with, someone she saw in the backyard of the house next to hers nearly every day, would descend to the point of hitting her with a rock. Peter's intentions hadn't been just to intimidate her, and she knew that if Eric hadn't gotten there when he did, the fighting would have lasted until one of them was passed out, or worse. Lilith was perfectly aware that she was in a state of denial, but she couldn't drag herself out of it, no matter how much she tried.
Knives flew on both sides of her as she made her way towards the target she had chosen, between Christina and Nate. Target practice had taken a different turn, that day, and instead of shooting at the targets, they were throwing blades at them, doing their best to hit the middle. It was a task that needed more precision than what they had been taught, that far, and Lilith wasn't in the right state of mind to focus on the area she was supposed to hit. Her knives consistently collided against the target, not sticking to it and clattering to the ground with a solid clank, that made her flinch every time.
Not even blinking, Lilith turned around after collecting her blades from the ground, gripping all three of them tightly in her hand. Christina's eyes met hers, a worried frown lacing her features, and Lilith was the first one to look away as she reached her spot, a few feet away from the target. Her heart hammered against her chest as she checked the clock on the wall to her right, sighing as she noticed that she still had to practice during another hour. If there was a day Lilith would have chosen to stay in bed and ignore the fact that she was alive, that was the one she would have picked.
"What are you doing?" a voice hissed near her ear, and Lilith almost jumped before recognizing Eric's frustrated tone.
"Just now, I was looking at the clock," she replied, pursing her lips as she aimed one of her knives at the target. Her hands were shaking, and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, before attempting to focus on the task once more. The blade flew out of her hand and hit the outer circle of the target, before falling on the ground once again. The girl clenched her jaw, "And now, I've just failed at knife throwing for the millionth time this morning."
"You're distracted."
It hadn't been a question, and Lilith found herself meeting Eric's steely gaze over her shoulder, one of her eyebrows raised as she slowly nodded her head, "I hadn't thought of that," she muttered, watching as his eyes narrowed at her response. Deciding that pushing her luck with Eric wouldn't help, she looked away, shrugging her shoulders, "I'm trying, okay? It's not like I'm doing it on purpose."
"I know you're not," Eric agreed, watching as she prepared her next throw, "But this is going to impact your place in the ranks, Lilith."
The girl couldn't find it in herself to reply to his words, instead exhaling through her nose and pinning her eyes to the middle of the target. Once he realized that she was done talking, at least for the time being, Eric began making his way down the line of iniciates, his eyes immediately moving to Peter, who seemed to be vaguely amused by Lilith's failure. She, however, was unware of the former Candor's looks in her direction as the leader's words echoed in her head. It still hadn't fully registered that her failure in the last two days would matter that much, even if it was obvious that it would, mainly now that they were reaching the end of the first phase of training.
Her second knife barely stuck to the target, and the corner of her lips twisted up for a few moments, before Eric's voice echoed throughout the room, and Lilith's eyebrows were furrowed once more as she looked at where the leader now stood, three targets down the line from her, with a very nervous looking Al in front of him. The boy seemed to be having the same issues as her, though his blades flew away from the target more often than hers did, and Eric seemed to have decided to pick on him for it. Her grip around her last knife tightened as Al missed yet another throw.
"What was that, iniciate?" Eric's tone was flat, as he folded his arms over his chest.
Al spluttered, "It-it slipped."
"Well, I think you should go get it," Eric shrugged his shoulders, before he noticed that the rest of the transfers had stopped what they were doing to look at them. Instantly, his features twisted in annoyance, "Did I tell you to stop?"
Christina turned to Lilith with raised eyebrows, her dark eyes showcasing pity for the taller boy, before she faced her own target once more, doing an almost perfect throw. Lilith's eyes remained on the duo for a few seconds longer, watching as they quietly argued, before she turned back to what she was supposed to be doing. She took a deep breath before aiming, her eyes finding the middle of the target. Her chin wobbled before she bit her lower lip, forcing all thoughts out of her mind. Her hand stopped shaking and she took full advantage of that, throwing the blade at the inner circle. It clashed against the middle circle, before clattering to the ground.
Lilith wiped her sweaty palms on her pants as she released a sigh, preparing to once more walk all the way to her target and pick up the blades. She had taken two steps forwards when Eric's voice was heard once more, this time as he adressed all the transfers.
"Everyone stop!" those two words were enough to make everyone freeze in place, one last sound echoing in the room as the last blade that had been throw hit its mark. Lilith watched as the blade rooted itself deep into the target, before her eyes moved to the leader, who still had his gaze fixated on Al, "Clear out of the ring. All except you," the transfers were quick in obeying, and Lilith found herself standing in the middle of the group, her arm grazing Nate's as she inched closer to him. Eric's posture was immaculate as he gestured towards the target with his chin, "Stand in front of the target."
Al's face visibly paled, and he clenched his hands into fists, before turning his back on Eric and walking the few feet that separated him from his target. Lilith watched with furrowed eyebrows, not quite understanding why Eric was doing what he was doing. If he was picking on Al simply because he was bad at knife throwing, she too should be going through the same thing. It hardly seemed fair, and the brunette was torn between protesting or staying quiet, watching as the events unfolded.
The boy had been standing in front of the target for a few solid seconds before Eric looked over his shoulder, to where Four was leaning against the wall, twisting a blade in his hands. The leader folded his arms over his chest, "Hey, Four. Give me a hand here, huh?". The instructor quietly approached him, raising the knife up to scratch his eyebrow, looking unimpressed with the whole ordeal. He gave Eric a questioning glance, and his blue eyes shifted to Al once more, "You're going to stand there as he throws those knives," he paused, "Until you learn not to flinch."
"Is this really necessary?" Four asked, his gaze flickering between the two males.
There were a few seconds of silence, and Lilith could see the fury blazing in Eric's eyes from where she was standing. Goosebumps formed in her arms as he simply replied, "I have the authority here, remember? Here, and everywhere else."
Four clenched his jaw, turning to face the target Al was still standing in front of. The rest of the transfers watched wordlessly as he aimed the first blade in that direction, and Lilith's heart hammered in her chest as she saw how Al's whole body shook as he simply stood there, waiting for his punishment to be over. Her gaze sweeped over to Eric, who had backed away a few feet, and was watching the scene with narrowed eyes. Almost as if he had sensed her looking, he glanced in her direction, noticing the distress flooding her dark eyes, before another voice was heard.
"Stop it."
The words had come from Tris, who was standing a few inches to Lilith's right, her cheeks turning red as everyone turned to look at her. The former Abnegation girl looked from Al, to Four, and then to Eric, her features hardening with resolve. Lilith frown deepened as she noticed that her interuption had only made the leader angrier. She briefly wondered if the fact that he was so angry wasn't her fault: she had been the one failing miserably at what she was doing and she had been the one who'd given him an attitude, when he'd confronted her about it. A voice spoke up in her mind, telling her that it wasn't her fault that Eric had chosen to pick on the other transfers, no matter what she had done. She believed it, but she still felt somewhat guilty as she watched Tris take a step forward.
"Any idiot can stand in front of a target," she was saying, "It doesn't prove anything, except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice."
Eric's eyes narrowed, but nothing else changed in the way he presented himself, "Then it should be easy for you, if you're willing to take his place."
There were a few seconds of silence, a low sigh escaping Tris' lips, before she pushed her way to the front of the group of transfers. Lilith's gaze was fixated on her friend, eyebrows furrowed in concern as she watched the blonde advance. A voice she recognized as Peter's hissed something to her, but the brunette didn't bother trying to understand what was probably a nasty comment, as she silently watched Al and Tris exchange places, the boy instantly looking relieved as he made his way to the iniciates.
Lilith's ears were ringing as she looked back at Eric, who had turned his back on them and was watching the scene unfolding in front of him. Four had been saying something to Tris before he aimed the first blade in her direction, but the former Candor didn't pick up anything that he said, too overwhelmed by the way her heart hammered against her ribs and how her lungs seemed to be filled with cement.
When Four finally threw the first blade, Lilith could only shut her eyes.
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Once more, Lilith found herself in the hospital wing, her right eye swollen to a point that didn't allow her to see anything through it, and her ribs covered in dark bruises.
She had never expected to win the combat against Edward, but she also didn't think she would end up passed out on the arena after four minutes, according to what Nate had told her, during his visit. The blond had been ordered to fight Peter, that day, and it had been a close one, but Nate had managed to send her former neighbour down, by pushing him and making his head slam against the floor a good number of times. Lilith hadn't been able to hold back a smirk, when Nate had told her about the combat.
Her friend had left a while before dinner was over, in order to still get himself something to eat, promising that he'd return in the next morning to accompany her to the training room. There were still two more days left of phase one, and Lilith knew that she had to give it her all, if she wanted a decent place in the rankings. Ever since Peter had tried to attack her, she'd been letting the event reign over her thoughts and steal away her motivation to do her best, but not anymore. Lilith was done allowing Peter to damage her chances of becoming a Dauntless member.
Pushing her food around with her fork, she leaned against the pillow behind her, trying her best not to spill the food on the tray she had been given. It wasn't the same food that they usually served at dinner, that she could tell from the way it looked and smelled, but she hadn't wanted to protest when the purple haired nose had handed it to her, looking like she'd burst if Lilith even said a word. So, the former Candor had resorted to taking small bites of the mashed potatoes and the steak, the only sounds echoing in the room being her fork clashing against the plate and the anxious tapping of the nurse's foot against the floor.
Her attention was drawn by someone speaking up, and her eyes darted to the nurse's desk, her features showing confusion as she spotted Eric talking to the female. The two exchanged a few more words before the nurse gestured towards Lilith's bed, and Eric gave her a nod, before he started making his way to her. The brunette would be lying if she said she wasn't intrigued by the leader's visit. He hadn't so much looked in her direction during the entire day, not even when she'd glanced at him after somehow managing to knock the breath out of Edward. He hadn't shown signs of even remembering she existed, and she assumed he no longer believed in her, after what he'd seen during the last few days. She couldn't blame him, but she refused to acknowledge that it hurt her more than it should.
When he stopped on her right, Lilith swallowed the food she had in her mouth, before sighing, "Do you mind moving to my left? I can't really see from this eye, you know."
Eric silently did as she requested, coming to stand on the left side of her bed. She didn't raise her eyes from her dinner to look at him, drawing lines across the mashed potatoes with her fork. As far as she knew, Eric didn't visit anyone in the hospital wing, much less the iniciates he seemed so keen on putting through hell. Her heart hammered against her ribcage as she thought that perhaps he was there to tell her that they had decided to kick her out for not pulling her weight, and the simple notion that she could become factionless made her grip around her fork tighten.
"Just spit it out," she spoke, through gritted teeth.
"What?"
She finally looked up at him, noticing how her words had only seemed to confuse him. Once more, dark circles rested under his eyes, contrasting with his pale skin and making him look older than he was. For the first time since she had met him, Eric didn't look particularly pissed off at anything. He simply looked tired, like he hadn't been sleeping at all, and Lilith wondered if he truly knew something about what Erudite was doing, for a brief second. Shaking her head, she pushed away those thoughts, before bringing some of the mashed potatoes to her mouth.
"Why are you here?" she questioned, her voice now softer than it had previously been.
"Siobhan was worried about you," Eric replied, folding his arms over his chest as he looked around the room. Lilith was the only patient that evening, and that was clear from the moment anyone walked through the door. She also knew that if Siobhan had been that worried about her, she'd come to visit her herself, instead of sending Eric. Still, Lilith chose to keep quiet, and Eric continued, after a few seconds, "Did you tell her about Peter?"
She shook her head, "I didn't tell anyone, like you said."
The bitterness in her tone made Eric sigh, and he moved closer to her bed, until his leg was less than an inch away from it. Silence reigned over the pair for a few seconds, before the leader sat down on top of her blanket, carefully avoiding Lilith's legs. She glanced at him in confusion, and he didn't look at her as he spoke, "I'm sorry. It's probably not easy to keep something like.. that to yourself," he started, lacing his fingers together on lap, "I thought it was for the best, but... not talking about it is clearly taking a toll on you."
"It's not."
"It is, you know it is," he finally looked back at her, and she stopped herself from arguing, "I.. I know I'm not your first choice for this, but I saw what happened. You can talk to me about it, and it's gonna stay between us. That much I can promise."
Lilith's eyebrows were furrowed as she stared at him, "Who are you and what have you done with the real Eric?"
He rolled his eyes, though a small hint of a smirk appeared on his lips, "Funny."
"Well," she started, cracking her knuckes, "Thanks for the offer, but I am officially over it. I never want to talk about it ever again."
"You're sure?"
"That I'm gonna kick ass during the last few days of phase one? Hell yes."
The two exchanged a smile, and Lilith felt her cheeks becoming warmer as Eric's blue eyes locked onto hers. Perhaps this was the nicer side of him that Siobhan often mentioned, when she attempted to convince Lilith that he wasn't all that bad and that they were friends for a reason. She'd never thought she would get to see it.
"I'd still like to make it up to you," he announced, after a few seconds.
The girl raised an eyebrow, "Okay?"
"Meet my by the train tracks tomorrow after dinner. I promise it'll be worth it."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
Oof hi.
My mental health has been spiraling and uni has been stressful af, but I somehow managed to get this ready to update, so here you go. For those of you who didn't see it and might be interested, I posted my Mandalorian fic last friday, so take a peep, if you're in that fandom!
Anyways, the full purpose of this chapter is showing the effect of Peter's attack on Lilith, because as tough as she is, she wouldn't get over it just like that, you know? At the end of the day, she's still a normal girl with her own expectations and Peter going against them was quite a shock, even if she knew he was an asshole. This whole chain of events is new in this version and I'm very proud of it! Also, I know a lot of you like Peter and would maybe be interested in them being friends, and all I have to say to that is that it's gonna be a long ass time before this book is completed, so anything might happen!
I hope you enjoyed, don't forget to leave me your feedback!