Since Chenle was now staying over at Jisung's house, it meant that the younger could never get away from the older.
It also meant that now, when Chenle didn't want to sleep and instead felt that it would be a good idea to stay up all night for absolutely no reason other than the fact that he could, he would whine and beg until Jisung agreed to stay awake with him.
It was that exact dumb decision on Jisung's part that had led to them having one of their usual everything and nothing midnight conversations, though typically Jisung didn't feel such a strong need to scream into his pillow and cry about how unfair the world was being to him.
"Hey, Sungie," Chenle said, nudging Jisung's shoulder with his own to catch his attention and also to check if the younger was still awake at the late hour.
Chenle was lying in Jisung's bed, unaware of the effect he was having on the other male. They were lying side by side, shoulders touching lightly and legs intertwined. His hair was brushing against the soft skin of Jisung's cheek, tickling him every time the older moved, but he didn't dare move. Even their hands were brushing, and if they were in a romantic movie, that would be the exact moment when Chenle reached out and took Jisung's hand in his.
"Hmm, yeah," Jisung said, his voice low and groggy, as he was quite tired.
"I think," Chenle started nervously, and then he stopped. There was such a long pause before his next words that Jisung wondered if Chenle had fallen asleep, or forgotten what he had planned to say, but at last he spoke, and it was nothing Jisung could have mentally prepared to hear.
"I think I want to start dating again," He said.
That managed to wake Jisung.
He was no longer stuck in his groggy, half-asleep, half-awake state. He was fully awake, his eyes wide as they fixed on a glow in the dark star on his ceiling, the edges starting to peel.
"Why?" He managed to croak out through his tight throat.
Once again, it felt as though there was a fist grabbing Jisung's heart and squeezing it like a stress ball, but instead of helping Jisung deal with the stress, it was only causing him more. It was a painful feeling, and paired with the tightening of his throat and hot tears brimming in his eyes, he found it difficult to speak.
"I've realised that I'm actually really happy for Haeun," Chenle said, "She's in a real relationship. I mean, I know that according to the whole school our relationship was real too, but if she didn't actually feel anything for me, I don't think it counts. She really likes Chaeyeon, and Chaeyeon clearly likes her just as much."
"But what does that have to do with you?" Jisung asked him, already dreading the answer, "Just because she's dating so soon after your breakup doesn't mean you have to do it too. You can wait, take your time."
"It made me realise that my only real relationship was with a lesbian," Chenle said, shaking his head, strands of dyed hair brushing against Jisung's cheek, "I've dated some people before her, but they were never serious. I want something serious with someone, and with someone who actually likes guys this time."
'I like guys,' Jisung thought but didn't say out loud.
"Do you think it's dumb, Jisungie?" Chenle asked, rolling over to face him.
Their faces were extremely close to one another, so close that Jisung could count every one of Chenle's eyelashes. There was only about an inch between their lips and Jisung couldn't help but think that the slightest accidental movement could end with the two of them kissing.
Was that the best thing to be thinking about while they were having a serious conversation? Probably not. Did Jisung know from experience that those sorts of thoughts would only cause him more pain in the end? Yes, he very much did. Did that mean that he was smart enough to stop repeating the same dumb decisions? No, it definitely did not.
"What?" He asked when his brain finally caught up and he realised that he had completely missed Chenle's question.
"I asked if you thought it was dumb," Chenle repeated, more vulnerable this time, "You know, with the whole dating again thing. I know that I'll probably get asked out by people who only want my popularity, but I really want to find someone who likes me for me."
'I like you for you,' Jisung wanted to tell him.
He didn't.
Instead, he mulled over his words, passing them over in his head to try and find the least obvious way to tell Chenle that he really didn't want the older male to be dating anyone, especially a random girl who hardly knew anything about him, who could never care for him as Jisung did.
"I think that it hasn't been that long," Jisung said after deciding that that was always a fine excuse, though perhaps a little overused, "And I agree with you that your popularity at school isn't going to help. Maybe you should stick to people you're closer with so that you know their intentions."
'Me, choose me.'
"That's genius, Sungie," Chenle exclaimed, reaching over to grab the younger male's arm, his eyes shining in the dark, hugging Jisung tightly.
When Chenle pulled away from the hug, he was halfway sprawled atop Jisung, and their legs, which had already been intertwined, were further pressed together. Chenle's body was so close to Jisung's that the latter could feel the body heat radiating from the former, surrounding him in the feeling of Chenle, making everything else around him disappear.
Time stopped around them.
Jisung was entranced. He watched the way Chenle parted his lips oh so slightly, his soft brown hair falling over his forehead, his cheeks flushed a rose pink, though it was all difficult to see in the darkness of the room.
Chenle's hands were placed carefully on Jisung's shoulders, but then they slowly started to move up until they were tangled in his hair. Jisung tried to take a deep breath, but he only managed a shallow intake of breath, his body reacting to Chenle's without conscious thought on his part, shivering at the intimate feeling, but even his reaction didn't stop Chenle, who looked just as entranced and caught up in the moment as Jisung felt, so much so that the older didn't seem to notice what he was doing, otherwise Jisung was sure he would have stopped immediately.
"You're right," Chenle whispered in the tense air between them, "I should just stick to people I already know, people I can trust."
Jisung's heart was racing, he was unable to breathe.
It was like every decision he had ever made in his life had been leading up to that very moment, and nothing else in his life would ever matter again, not as much as hearing what Chenle would say next. It was all about how he decided to react, what he chose to do.
Of course, since it was Jisung, being the nervous wreck that he was, he froze. He did absolutely nothing, said nothing. He let Chenle continue running his fingers through his hair and focused on keeping his breathing steady.
"Does that mean you have anyone in mind?" Chenle asked, and Jisung felt the spell break.
"What?"
Jisung sprang away from Chenle. He tried his best to ignore the empty pit in his stomach, the terrible feeling of disappointment that he felt when Chenle pulled his hand away from Jisung as though he had been burned and untangled their legs, moving away from Jisung with an unreadable expression as the younger did the same.
"What you said, that I should stick to people I know," Chenle replied. He spoke the words as though they were obvious, but to Jisung they had definitely not been obvious. "You have to know people I could date, right? You can set me up with one of your friends from the dance club, can't you?"
His eyes were shining like they held every star in the galaxy, and Jisung hated the way he felt for his best friend, hated that out of everyone he could have chosen to be infatuated with, he had to choose the one person he could never have.
- 🐥 & 🐬 -
𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠, 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑢𝑝𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑠?
𝑌𝑒𝑝.
𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑢𝑝𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑎 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒.
𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑖𝑓𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜'𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑦 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑡ℎ-𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑠.
𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑢𝑦𝑠~ 💖