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Yang Jeongin was busy enough playing the piano all day long since his recitals will be next week. He has been playing for ages, right when he still young and innocent.
It was a tough ride, but then again, he ñoved music. His fingers are often praised even for their delicate and long features. A pianist' treasure. They would wear gloves to protect their hands. He was practicing and went down from hus room for a water break, realizing that the jug is empty as he took a sip.
He notices loud noises coming from the street, what seemingly a car would do in front of their house?
He shrugs and goes upstairs instead and there's no way it was for them since the car didn't try to honk its horns.
Annoyed, the loud car is still heard up to the second floor. He went for the window and peeked at the source of the noise that came from across the street.
It was a cab, from the city.
Jeongin squinted to see the figure coming out of the car, black hair sticking out on the sides of the man's cap and the driver helping with a couple of suitcases.
Huh. weird.
He stood there, then Jeongin frantically hid behind the curtains and closed the windows as the boy standing outside turned around, noticing him as soon as the cab left. His heart raced for reasons he can't understand until he thought it through and then sighed at the realization.
Yeah, right.
That house across has been vacant for years, he already has lost count, rather, he doesn't wanna coubt. He shouldn't be stressed out.
"I should get back to work." He turned around and reached for the stool.
Jeongin brushed it off and sat in front of his keyboard and played for hours until he is satisfied. He just fell asleep on his bed right after his daily practice hours.
The alarms aren't always the best thing to wake up to every morning. It's very annoying, and loud yet he needed it, it is a necessity. He hid in the blankets in hopes to block out the noise coming from the device, then soon gave up and smacked it to be quiet.
It stopped, the ringing silence and the rays of sun slipping from the curtains told him that he should be getting up soon.
It reminded him of someone. That pesky loud, little thing.
He proceeded just like any other day, He sticks up to his routine unless it's Friyay where he gets to just lay down, snack, and watch movies. He hurried down to their breakfast bar to eat right after freshening up.
His mom might've already left. She isn't at home most of these days and it isn't a problem, as long as she's happy, it's all good.
Preparing his bowl and box of cereals for breakfast, he poured the milk after the cereals. He ate it heartily in front of the television, watching cartoons, morning segments, and what-not until the cereals are all soggy, throwing the remnants of the abomination of his breakfast and cleaned up the bowl in the sink.
He quickly turned the tv off and geared upon his tracksuit and double knots up for a morning jog.
He popped in his bean sprouts a.k.a. earbuds, blasting up a rock/EDM playlist that he doesn't know why he liked for quite a while now for someome who studies classical music and as he came out he noticed the window from the neighbor across, with a peeking boy which now panics and closed the curtains up.
Jeongin can't help but let out a wry chuckle at how he felt the embarrassment of that situation.
Jeongin did the same thing last week when that neighbor arrived.
The funny thing is, it may be intentional or not, that the neighbor and he seemed to share the habit of checking each other out through the windows for the last following days and is still making the same reflexes of hiding when they made eye contact.
Oh well.
It's a quiet and common life, nothing much happens, he'd want to go out of the town soon and be on his own, yet he can't leave his mom alone.
Days went by normally, with him practicing his piece for the recital, piano echoing through the night, it's fortunate that the neighbors aren't bothered by the sounds and rather, praised Jeongin for his talent, although his room is soundproofed, you really can't contain music coming from his bedroom.
And the rest of the days, he just enjoys the summer vacation.
Nothing too hectic, everything is fine.
Normal.
Boring.
One proper day, his mom yelled for him downstairs which is something out of the ordinary, It seemed urgent, judging by her tone.
Jeongin went down in a flash, wearing a white shirt and casual shorts. He was met by a grinning face as familiar as it can be at the back of his head, the man, doing a little wave welcoming him at the sight. His mom was just as excited.
Ah...of course.
"Hey. Innie."
The excitement upon the older's surprisingly deep voice rang through the kitchen. Jeongin thought cool. He doesn't have that deep of a speaking voice normally back then.
"Hi," Jeongin said politely, bowing formally, and raising his pitch a bit for a little enthusiasm.
"Uhmm, who are you?"
The kitchen dropped into silence.
Jeongin asked, tilting his head into the side as his mom pulled a shocked face as she laid down some of the cookies in a saucer to the table from a container that seemingly comes from abroad brought by this stranger due to the written words he can't understand. It looked delectable. the older fumbled through the cookies shyly.
Jisung flinched, looking to his sides and down, smiling looking all embarrassed, then rocking back and forth, clearly thinking how his childhood friend couldn't have known him.
Jeongin finds it cute.
Jisung still can't stay still when teased. They've been checking each other out for days now though. He does remember hum, silly.
"Baby, that's Han Jisung. Remember, your friend? Both of you were inseparable when you were young." His mom exclaimed.
"I know, mom, I was just teasing him." Jeongin smiled at Jisung, proud of himself.
Jisung gaped his mouth open with a how-dare-he as it dawned on him, Jeongin broking down to laughter and hurriedly gave Jisung a soft tackle as he sat beside him at the kitchen bar.
"Jisung told me he'll be at Helle University this coming period, from now on. You should help him get around, darling.''
"Alright.'' Jeongin bit on a cookie and let it hang on his mouth as he grabbed a drink. It's sweet. the cookies.
"Jisung's mom also called me, to check up on him, I'm glad you dropped by, hun.''
"No, no, no, thank you so much a
Aunt, I'll be in your care.'' Jisung was all flustered and bowed as Jeongin's mom went to pinch his cheeks.
"I am still unpacking and cleaning the house.''
"I'll let you borrow I.N. for the rest of the day. Help him unpack, I'll be out too. Just don't forget to lock the door.'' Jeongin's mom kissed I.N.'s cheeks and went for her coat and left just like that.
The two boys looked at each other and spurt out some giggles.
"Up to the room.'' Jeongin suddenly turned to Jisung as the door clicked. Jisung looked at him dumbfounded at the unnecessary suspense.
"Last ones gonna buy the snacks!'' Jeongin ran up with a head start making noises you couldn't comprehend with Jisung shouting from behind due to the injustice he faced.
False start.
Just like Jisung always does, but the other way round this time. Jeongin can't hear him properly as he's already at the stairs.
Jeongin flopped at the bed and Jisung came in huffing and panting at the bedroom's doorstep.
"You're buying me an ice cream.'' He chuckled beneath his breath.
"Fine.'' Jisung following, gasping for air, walking in like an old man, hunched and sat at the end of the bed.
"Nothing changed much, huh,'' Jisung said as he looked around Jeongin's bedroom, the very same posters are there. The games, books, everything, the only addition would be the keyboard that he hears almost every day.
"You changed.'' Jeongin muttered.
"Me?''
"Your hair suits you.'' Jeongin still remembered the Han Jisung during their high school having blue, ginger, and blonde in just a whole span of a school period.
"Ahh. Thanks.'' Jisung blushed and touches his black hair. Jisung had it dyed and fried long ago and is now back to natural, he wanted to keep it that way for a while.
"I'll help you with your house, let me just change up and take a shower.''
"Alright, I'll snoop through your things.'' Jisung teased.
"Whatevee, Hyung." Jeongin rolled his eyes and took his towel going to the bathroom. Soon he hears the piano keys playing. It's a lovely tune played by Jisung, they used to sing and play with each other a lot when they were younger, the piano isn't an exception to their toys. He's not bad himself, considering he is going at Helle. He plays very decently.
The melody sprouted this sinking feeling of sadness and yearning hearing the other play, that feeling he always had, swelling up. He almost forgot all about it but this time he just wanted the waters to wash it away.
The moment Jeongin finished, they did some small talks as to how it's been going for I.N. and how it's been for Jisung. Malaysia is nice and all. Jisung shared a lot of stories, about his father's business trips and Jeongin's upcoming recital.
All ready, grabbing the key, I.N. double-checked the door and went with Jisung, leading the way just across the street.
Most of the furniture inside is still covered. Dust and cobwebs covered the ceilings, familiar pieces of furniture. The glass door of a counter they accidentally broke when playing tag.
Ahh, memories.
"This'll be a long work. Let's start.'' I.N. said as he looked around and wore his gloves and hairband. He must protect his hands and the long black hair must not get in the way. Jisung nodded and went to get the tools.
Jisung hands in the rags and detergents. Bringing in the vacuum first and took out the curtains to change. The day went by without them noticing. They just blasted music, singing along with it, cleaning the day away.
A couple of minor accidents and breaking some things and laughing at it, sure happened. But they swept the place clean including the garage and the old car. It was a surprise it's still running when I.N. tried to move it.
They didn't know how they managed but the house is as good as if it hasn't been left for years when they finished around dinner time. It's satisfying to see something you worked with, produce the results.
"Have you gotten new bulbs?'' Jeongin asked the boy who's sitting beside him above the car's trunk.
A quick drive to the nearby market doesn't hurt, they parked at the massive parking space, they also got the chance to test out the old car, bought dinner and some grocery restocking altogether. Hitting not just two birds in one stone.
They did quite a lot today.
"Yeah. I also got some fried chicken.'' Jisung answers while scooping up a spoonful of chocolate ice cream and handed it back to Jeongin, they're both now eating I.N.'s prize, sharing the single spoon and the tub of the cold dessert.
"Let me guess, you've been doing takeout all this time, have you?'' Jisung winced at the correct guess from his old friend.
"Such a loser. I've seen your rubbish.'' Jeongin teased, His hyung who he adored, is a klutz and needs to be taken care of.
"I'll cook for you if I have the time. You should help me with the chopping though, so thatbyou'll learn.'' Jeongin said as he looked straight forward his legs playfully wiggling as he stopped teasing his hyung.
Jisung looked up to the younger beside, he's gotten so much taller. The child who weeps on him back then is no more. Jisung let out a soft laugh.
"Since when you became so cool?'' Jisung said in amazement.
"Since you left.''
Jeongin said it between a laugh sarcastically. Jisung knows it was an honest remark.
But something about it felt sharp.
It became quiet, the words slipped out of his mouth, Jeongin didn't mean it in any malicious way, It's just that when Jisung left he had to deal with a lot of things on his own.
He may have harbored hard feelings about it.
Jeongin looked down. He often relied on his best friend at tough times and you can't just look for a replacement when they parted in the past.
Jisung was clearly taken aback by what Jeongin said.
He looked at his Hyung who suddenly ate a whole large spoonful of ice cream, probably sulking, preventing himself to talk, and stuffed it between his cheeks. It was foolishly cute, He watched the older shrug as the brain freeze kicked in and I.N. hopped down and rushed for the bottle of water inside the car.
"Idiot.''
"...I'm sorry, Innie.'' The older laughed after gulping the water. Jeongin thought about what's the apology for. But maybe it's a general sorry for being an ass, a jerk, and an idiot altogether.
On their way home from the mart, I.N.'s phone beeped. He asked Jisung to look at messages for him as he was driving.
"Baby, mom will be home tomorrow. Eat your dinner alright?''
"It's auntie.'' Jisung told I.N. who's driving, he's the one who has the license.
"She said she's not coming home for tonight.''
"Ah, must be a date.'' Jeongin said.
"date?'' Jisung was confused, he didn't even see Uncle ever since he came back and he didn't bother to ask.
"Ah, right...I'll tell you all about it later.''
The eerie atmosphere never left them since he said the "leaving'' part. Jeongin and Jisung went inside the indoor cozy tent they've set up earlier, after changing all the light bulbs as the finishing touches, the tent, the one they found at the garage, the one they used to play with together back was set.
The one where they first kissed.
Using it may not be a healthy choice. Who knows, that tent has always been their safe place.
They shared the single blanket, sitting just right across one another, hugging pillows and cross-legged, then turned off the lights and let a single lantern lit up their space. Comfortable enough for both of them.
"This brings back so many memories.'' Jisung giggled.
"Just like the old days, right?'' Jeongin snickered as he grabbed the pillow, squeezing it. It was awfully cute, Jisung has always found Jeongin cute. He grew up already though.
Jisung propped up as he waited for I.N. to speak. The silence isn't awkward but they both know that there are things left unsaid. He waddled side to side until Jeongin held his knees and stopped him.
Jisung was making him dizzy.
Jeongin knows that it's the time like they used to do, they'll be having an open forum, heart, to heart talk, especially if they're inside the tent. The time for tent-talk.
"Well...''Jeongin wouldn't want to go into details since it's a very long story, too much had happened and he's already fine.
"Well?'' Jisung eagerly asked.
"Long story short, My parents were going through a divorce when we stopped communicating back in middle school."
He looked at Jisung, I.N. forcing a smile to translate that he is okay and switching back to a serious tone and continued.
"I'm alright though since time has already passed, so don't worry.'' Jeongin simply summed it up.
Jisung frowned as to how hurried that sounded but accepted it since it might be bothersome for his friend. It must've been tough. No, it's probably tough.
Jisung just bobbed his head, trying to listen to everything and not miss a single thing. Jisung wondered which and when, because they didn't stop talking when he was gone, they stopped talking even before his father took him abroad.
Jisung is dismayed that he wasn't able to be with the younger during those times.
"I kinda hated you for it.'' Jeongin said as he scooted and went close beside Jisung, leaning his head on his shoulder and they both rested their backs against the wall.
Contradicting but Jisung is still his beloved childhood friend and Jisung naturally held his arms around the younger when they rested on each other.
"It wasn't your fault, I know it's mine."
I.N. complained, his lips became so pouty as he rambled.
"It hurt a lot." The way I.N. said calmly where it seemed like it's nothing, speaks volumes.
Jisung looked distraught with the words, he looked down and fiddled with the blanket with his other hand. He didn't mean to.
"I'm sorry.'' Jisung shook his lowered head.
"It was weird, it's like you threw me away just like that. I know I did what I did. I get that it's my mistake and I apologized." Jeongin softly spoke and said what he wants to say. He's been carrying this burden and if they're gonna be friends again, Jeongin wanted to be completely honest. By means being of completely honest...
He would want to be able to pour his heart out...
They stopped being friends at some point before Han Jisung left for Malaysia. There should be no hard feelings, it's not that he can't handle it, there's just no way the separation wouldn't hurt him even if the relation between them would be just as brothers or friends.
"It's funng how that mistake, costs me a person. It took years for me to truly understand what it meant and the consequences of what I did."
They were so close.
"Yeah, I cling up to Liz during that time, just to help me with my confusion... I guess. I freaked out as you obviously saw.'' Jisung leaned his head to I.N.'s and rested, accepting his faults and it's reasonable for Jeongin to feel this way.
the word 'hate' burns, yet are deserved.
Han fully agrees with himself.
Jeongin just hugged his knees and curled up as he listened to Jisung's voice, he can still vividly remember how much it pained him to see Han all over the girl and purposely avoid him back then. It's not jealousy, it's the concern about his hyung's actions, it wasn't even because of love, that's the worst part. It's just an excuse.
It's still his fault either way.
He shouldn't have kissed him.
It had been a painstaking cycle of pretentious actions that masked their real intentions and emotions. They never got to talk when they still had the chance.
And it was a pity, at least Jeongin find out from his mom, that Jisung and his family moved on short notice for urgent reasons and that Jisung has no power over the decision.
Jeongin comforted himself with the fact that maybe it wasn't jisung's choice to not even say goodbye but he remembered they aren't friends anymore and he hopes that they maybe, just maybe they'd still be able to be the same again, maybe someday and when years passed they'll be like what they used to be, clinging into a childish hope that things last forever. It only became like a box stowed away under his bed.
"And as it turns out, I also like boys.'' Jisung spat out the words the Jeongin never thought he would hear from Jisung, disturbing him from the sea of his thoughts.
Jeongin looked at Jisung surprised, his once rested head now held up with big awe written all over his face. Jisung just shook his head up and down, Yep, he heard him right.
"I hope it's not weird for you. I even had a relationship back there in Malaysia, but we broke up. He said he can't stand the distance...fair point enough." Jisung then gently put his hands on I.N.'s head and put him back to his shoulders and I.N. didn't mind as he needs to process what he heard, first.
The closeness? they've been always like this though. It's normal for Jeongin. Even if they fell apart.
It may be just him who put another meaning to it.
Not that it matters.
"No, of course, not. Bruh, I'm gay as fuck.'' Jeongin answered quickly, he'd never find it weird. He heard Jisung exhale in relief, Jisung doesn't have to feel nervous, yet he can't help it. He rejected I.N. once even acted tough on it, he realized how petty he was.
"And you're already fine as you are, Ji.'' Jeongin patted Jisung head who hummed and seemed to enjoy it.
"Thanks. innie."
"I was with this guy, months ago. He was was tall, beautiful, caring, goofy, and sensitive. Hyunjin was a package.'' Jeongin continued, he wanted to share something as Jisung shared a bit of his, it's nice to know Jisung already experienced being with someone.
"Hyunjin, huh? I am jealous.'' Jisung teased.
"No, you're not. Also, there's a Chan, too, he's a whole lot older and sexy too.'' Jeongin looked smug as he rode on with the joke and they both ended laughing after I.N. did a little shimmy dance.
"My relationships, are more like a fling. They didn't last that long and I don't know... I just can't seem to be in a serious relationship." Jeongin explained and casually said as he brushed his thoughts away.
The way he can comfortably tell his friend these kinds of things after being out of touch for a long time was the comfort of a naïve familiarity.
"Kind of same, my relationship was more... of an exploration you see, and the sweet guy knew it deep down that I didn't love him the way he loves me and let me go.''
"That's kinda sad.'' Jeongin wondered how Jisung is, in a relationship, he couldn't imagine.
"What's his name?'' Jeongin asked out of curiosity, even so, he seemed like a proper guy. He can see how Jisung's tone changed when he talked about him for a brief moment.
"Lee Minho.''
Jeongin nodded, In the past, he would dream of being more than friends, he loves Jisung even though he hates him, if that even makes sense, he still does. All this time he might still be waiting for him.
"It is sad, but kinda beautiful too. He showed me a lot of things that I never knew about myself. Just like you did, which is also sad. Minho's awesome.'' Jisung shared, giving off a bittersweet smile at him.
It seemed like it's a peaceful cut off though. Jeongin was relieved in some way. Han Jisung seemed more mature in this part of life this time.
"Hmmmm...well, I don't have luck in men. I even destroyed our friendship back then, Ji. Turns out I'm really bad at those kinds of things. Relationship in general. Musicbis my hubby and wife now.'' Jeongin chimed in and reminisced his past, his partners, all being feverishly wonderful companions yet he felt like he's still looking for something. He felt responsible and he can't commit to it.
It's not that it didn't well, it's all fun while it lasted. Maybe he was so hung up with Jisung.
"No, It wasn't just you, I was a coward back then and didn't admit that I liked it." Jisung said apologetically, he can see Jeongin pout while perfectly comfortable on his shoulders. He pinched the younger's cheeks in hopes to cheer him up. He kinda knew how Innie felt for him, yet he didn't face it.
"Huh..." Jeongin sighed.
"You liked the kiss?'' Jeongin's jaw now dropped and laughed, when it suddenly came to him, he found it funny like he wanted to cry, it badly hurt him back then. He doesn't even know if he's supposed to be laughing right now but he did.
"Very much. That's how I find out I'm gay a bit later though. Don't laugh.'' Jisung retorted.
Jeongin just laughed it out and looked at Jisung who's frowning and almost throwing a tantrum as he finally admitted something that he couldn't say back then.
So that's where the ''you showed me things I never knew myself'' came from.
"I was scared.'' Jisung knew he hurt Jeongin and the fact that he even got the chance to be sitting in the very same place just like how they always have, he felt fortunate enough.
"I understand. Past is past. I honestly might still have feelings for you, but don't worry about it. If you're uncomfy i'd be happy tobget out of your way, just tell me so. I just wantee to warn you early on." Jeongin said in a more serious tone.
"I'm just happy to see you again. I missed this. This is enough for me.'' Jeongin said putting the distance that he has to give to not repeat the same mistakes.
Friendship is enough.
I.N. knows exactly that Jisung just panicked. He just didn't expect him to leave like that, he is thankful at first due to his childish anger, yet longed for him right after.
Jisung didn't show absolute disgust, they just avoided one another after the incident.
And it's alright it's been so long already. This is the time to let go.
He's being fully honest right now and this is the right thing, the teepee honesty rules shall not be broken.
"I missed you too. Yennie.'' Jisung looked happy at the younger, patting his head. Jeongin just wanted to treasure this time and make up for the lost times they could've spent supporting each other through and through just like they promised as little boys.
This is an improvement on his side. He finally felt like he could move on.
"I really really liked the kiss."
"If I could go back, I would have kissed you back.'' Jisung said in a straight face while running his hands to on Jeongin's cheeks rather longingly, he was a jerk.
Jeongin cocked his head up.
"It's my biggest regret.'' Jisung mumbled as his hand trailed down from Jeongin's hair to his cheeks. These rugged all the right strings and Jeongin felt like his cups is spilling. He held it for so long.
this is unfair.
Jeongin long stared at Han Jisung who's currently laid back on the wall, hands lightly cupping Jeongin's cheeks and waiting is ready to accept whatever response he'll get from Jeongin.
Teepee rule no. 1 - honesty
It doesn't have to make sense. right?
Jisung watched the other, look up, Jeongin's eyes getting watery, and exhaled.
"Are you alright?'' Jisung giggled, all red as his sight is also getting blurry, he can't help it if I.N. is crying.
Innie is crying again.
This has been long overdue.
"No.'' The younger has curled his smiles upside-down, cutely frowning, sobbing and pouty, all at the same time.
All to Jisung's surprise, Jeongin held Jisung's hand gently, the one that is cupping and rubbing his thumbs on the younger's cheeks, wet with tears. Jisung watched as Jeongin took his hand, removing it from his cheeks, and placed it down.
I.N. removed his hands from his baby bread cheeks.
Jisung exhaled, resting his head at the wall once again, blinking with tears at the thought that this is it.
He already said what he has to say and sniffed, there's nothing more he could do.
I.N. then slowly leaned in closer, grabbing Jisung's cheeks pulling him ever so slightly, the older tilting his chin with small and subtle movements for their lips to touch, kissing him like a piece fitting together and Jisung returning the kiss deeply, wrapping his arms around the other. Jeongin grabbed Jisung waist and lifted him closer and the older wrapped his legs around I.N.
"I've always been in with love you.''
-END-
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Thank you for reading. 🤍
much love,
Starlost💫