"is he still not back?" jaemin asked the red haired male about their third roommate after exiting the shower. the chinese was sitting in jeno's bed, staring at the door and waiting for the other brown haired male to walk back in so that they could talk things through.
seeing renjun shake his head, indicating a 'no', jaemin glanced at the clock on his desk that read '20:58' and went to sit down next to renjun on their friend's bed. the brown haired male placed his hand on top of the shorter's, catching the other's attention, and gave the chinese a small smile in an attempt to assure him.
"he's been out for almost six hours. i'm getting more worried. what if something happened to him?" the red haired boy asked, getting really worried about their friend.
jaemin just shook his head. "don't worry. jisung texted me earlier and told me that he accidentally interrupted his dad's dance class at limitless and stayed there for a couple hours until jisung finished what he was doing and picked him up. he took jeno back to his dorm room, and he's taking a nap there right now. jisung said he brought him dinner to eat as well."
'limitless' in the brown haired male's explanation was automatically implied to be the lower level, where the twenty one boys go often to hang out. it was the same place where jeno and jaemin were dared to kiss earlier during the break. it's been almost a month since then and jaemin doesn't remember going there since that day because there was really no reason for him to go there.
at least jaemin's explanation had helped renjun calm down and rest easy, knowing that his other brown haired friend is safe. although the chinese wanted for jeno to return back to the dorm room sooner, he took jaemin's words to heart and gave the younger the time he needed to calm down and get control of himself again.
"i was just... really worried about him. it was my fault after all," the chinese male said, leaning his head on jaemin's shoulder. the korean male didn't mind, although he did feel a slight flutter in his heart when the older did that. the brown haired male really needed to get his feelings checked, but this was not the time to do so. the main focus right now was renjun and jeno.
"honestly speaking, and as your best friend, it wasn't really right for you to be distant from him just because i saw you guys kiss accidentally. i understand it was an accident and it didn't bother me as much," jaemin was aware that he was lying when he said it didn't bother him, but he had only said it to help his chinese friend calm down. "but don't blame yourself for it, either. honestly, i probably would've acted the same way."
"jaemin," renjun called out, lifting his head off of his friend's shoulder and looking him in the eyes. "don't lie. i know it bothered you when you saw us kiss. you can't hide it."
jaemin cursed himself for being too obvious. he didn't want to show it, but it couldn't be hidden. the brown haired male himself knew how jealous he was and how he was upset to see his two best friends kissing. heck, he even spent days thinking about it.
but of course, he wasn't thinking about it because he was jealous of renjun having the opportunity to kiss jeno, although the other brown haired male himself also had that chance with the dare, but he had spent the time to think about him feeling left out after witnessing their accidental kiss.
these sudden thoughts brought him back to the long conversation he had with guanheng, about possibly liking both jeno and renjun, and how the brown haired male had completely denied those suspicious. however, he wasn't so sure of it now, ever since he had said it out loud.
"well, yeah... it did bother me," the younger admitted, knowing that he couldn't hide it from the chinese male. "but it's not like i'm going to hate you because of it. accidents happen and it would be insensitive of a person to cut off ties with someone because of it."
renjun nodded, knowing where the other was coming from, and now he could finally rest easy with jaemin's opinion of the kiss, knowing that it actually wasn't as big of a deal as he made it out to be. but after making that aware, he still had to fix things with jeno and apologize, and all of that started with the other brown haired male coming back.
the chinese male leaned his head against the brown haired male's once again, letting out a sigh while doing so. the room got placed in a silent ambiance as both boys let their thoughts run wild while waiting for their roommate to return. jaemin couldn't deny; he was also worried about jeno even after knowing about his whereabouts. it was or on aly just a crush thing: worrying about the person you like all the time no matter the circumstance.
"but were you jealous? when you saw me and jeno kiss?" renjun asked, breaking the silent atmosphere that surrounded the two boys. he didn't know why he suddenly asked that, but he was curious to know. after all, he was jealous when the two brown haired males were dared to kiss, although recently, he had been confused on who exactly he was jealous of.
letting out a sigh, the brown haired male that the question was directed to let out a sigh. "of course i was. i mean, i like jeno, a lot."
renjun could feel his heart ache in pain after hearing his friend say those words, but he expected it to be said. even renjun couldn't deny that jaemin likes jeno a lot because he does, and the chinese knows that. there was no hope for the red haired male for jaemin to say something else.
a question that renjun was asked earlier by jeno popped up once again in his mind. after spending a minute to debate with himself, he decided to ask, so he lifted his head from the younger's shoulder and looked at him once again.
"have you... ever thought of confessing to jeno? i mean, you've liked him for so long now. isn't it about time he knew?" the chinese male asked. "didn't you also plan to confess to him before the new year?"
the brown haired male looked towards his friend before faltering his eyes towards the ground and giving the older a response. "i was planning to, at one point. but i decided not to."
"why?" renjun knew it wasn't necessarily his business, but he couldn't help himself to ask. "what was holding you back?"
another sigh escaped from the taller's lips as he gave another response to renjun's questions. "i don't want to lose him. i don't want to lose what we have. i know he isn't that type of person... but after confessing, no two people can really go back to the way they were. i'd rather keep it a secret and guarantee that he would be with me as a friend than to risk the chance of losing him by confessing the way i feel for him."
renjun could relate. he felt exactly the same way as jaemin did, towards the said male himself. although it did hurt him to keep his feelings inside, it was worth the pain if it meant that he was guaranteed to still have the other in his life. confessing his feelings and risk losing one of his best friends was a chance that the red haired boy was not willing to take.
silence fell between the two boys for a good three minutes before jaemin had broken it by continuing to talk.
"i've actually been thinking about moving on from him. that way, my feelings won't interfere in our friendship, and i can stop giving myself hope for the little things he does," jaemin added on to his earlier statement.
that was a valid point. giving yourself false hope did hurt a lot, renjun should know. he and the korean male were in the same boat and the chinese was glad to have someone to relate to despite the pain that both of them are going through.
but there was also another thing, the thing where renjun may have feelings for jeno, too. jisung had mentioned it to the chinese earlier that day, and it was still floating around in the red haired male's mind, trying to get him to think about it. nothing was confirmed yet; he still didn't know if he felt the same way about jeno as he does for jaemin.
but one thing was for sure: it definitely was a possibility, and renjun was well aware of that.
letting out a sigh, the chinese male in the room continued their conversation, not letting it cut off. "what if jeno returns your feelings? what are you going to do then?"
if that were the case? jaemin would be the happiest man alive. even if they weren't actually together, the brown haired male would be very happy to know that his crush of many years finally returned his feelings. it would make him feel as if his confession was worth it.
however, the brown haired male knew that wasn't true and that the two of them were currently speaking hypothetically. "i don't know... i would be happy, i guess. but considering that i'm in a really weird spot right now and that i'm confused with my feelings, i don't really know how i would react to that."
hearing the korean male say that he was confused with his feelings made the red haired chinese also confused. confused about what? the way he feels for jeno?
that wasn't possible; jaemin had liked jeno for so long now that it can't be possible for him to suddenly be confused on the way he feels. the brown haired male seemed so sure about his feelings every time he would mention it, which is why renjun became confused upon hearing this come from the korean.
"confused about what?" renjun asked bluntly, not sugarcoating his words or indirectly asking.
"i don't know..." and jaemin was speaking truthfully. he didn't know what to think of with what guanheng had told him the day before, about him possibly liking both of his best friends. it was a difficult thing to process, and the brown haired male knew that. "recently, i found out about the possibility of me liking someone else in addition to liking jeno, and it just sounds so ridiculous that i don't know what to think of it."
renjun could definitely relate since he was in the same spot. "well, what do you want to think of it? have you been able to confirm it yet?"
the brown haired male looked towards the older and let out a sigh. screw the idea when he said that right now wasn't a good time for jaemin to check his feelings. his emotions were going out of control, talking about his feeling for jeno and everything. he felt that it wasn't right to only talk about his feelings for jeno, but also about his feelings for the chinese male right next to him. but that was clearly impossible since he didn't know for certain how he feels for renjun.
maybe he should take guanheng's suggestion and find proof on whether or not he does feel the same way for the red haired boy like he does for jeno. but that had to be now, or else jaemin doesn't know if he would have another opportunity to figure things out.
replying to the older's question, jaemin shook his head. "not yet."
the only way that the brown haired male actually thought about checking his feelings for the older was the same way that chenle had. it wasn't the best option, especially since it seemed way too early to be able to confirm something like this, but it was worth a try. after all, actions can say more about someone than words.
discreetly leaning closer towards the chinese male, jaemin asked the other a question. "do you think you can help me confirm it?"
"of course! i'm happy to help you!" all of that was obviously a cover for renjun, who felt his heart starting to hurt again after offering to help the brown haired male find out if he likes two people at once, with the extremely low possibility of it being renjun himself. a man could only hope, the chinese thought.
"what can i do to h-"
the chinese male's next words were cut off by jaemin, but instead of his own words being the reason, it was cut off by a kiss. renjun could only sit there with his eyes wide open, unable to process anything that was going on at the moment. the only thing he could feel was jaemin's lips on his and extreme happiness at the idea that his crush was kissing him at the moment.
it didn't even process in his mind that jaemin was checking his feelings for something by kissing him, and it didn't occur to the chinese that the brown haired boy was checking his feelings for the male himself. renjun didn't know how he had let that pass by him, but in the heat of the moment, all he could focus on was jaemin's lips on his.
recovering from the initial shock, the red haired male returned the unexpected kiss of jaemin, who only continued.
the korean male found himself losing all control. his feelings were no longer intact, especially since he was able to confirm the way he was feeling for the chinese male. it was amazing how it took a kiss between the two of them to confirm his own feelings for the older, but now, at least he had figured it out.
and even though sharing a kiss wasn't necessarily the best way for him to figure this out, it helped him conclude it all, so it was worth it in the end.
but that moment was cut short when the two boys, who were still caught up in their emotions, heard the sound of keys hitting the ground not far from the door of their shared dorm room. the red haired male opened his eyes wide, pushing jaemin away in the process and ending their kiss as he stood up from the bed to see who had entered into the room.
"jeno..." renjun whispered to himself upon seeing the shocked face of the other brown haired male. jaemin also turned towards the door to see who had came in, and immediately dropped his head towards the ground to avoid jeno's eyes after seeing it was his other roommate.
recovering from the shocking image that he had witnessed upon returning back to his dorm room, jeno only looked back and forth between the two boys, who were now looking down in shame and guilt. of course he had to walk in at the wrong moment, just as jaemin had, but this time, the brown haired male knew that what he saw wasn't an accident, making this situation completely different. "sorry for ruining your moment."
"jeno it's not what it looks like-"
but the korean male didn't hear the rest of renjun's words as he turned back around and left the room once again, closing the door behind him and not even bothering to pick up the fallen keys from the ground. he didn't even get to hear the chinese calling out for him from the front of their room as he sped down the hallway with tears filling in his eyes.