[MATURE WARNING: SELF HARM]
I stormed out of his room, dragging my trunk behind me. I didn't care that his face had dropped when I told him I hated him. Honestly, I just wanted him to stay away from me.
I was worse than I could ever imagine.
Tears streamed down my face with every step I took. I can't get his words out of my head.
You always need someone to depend on.
If we just so happen to stop talking to you for a day it'll drive you to kill yourself.
Maybe he was right.
The thing I worried about most is if we were still together or not. Maybe he wouldn't want us together.
Not that I cared.
I couldn't care.
I walk into Pansy's room with my trunk. Pansy had four beds in her room which I found pretty weird. It's been a while since I've been in there and some things have changed a bit. More like remodeling, but none the less, something changed.
I set down my trunk next to an empty bed. I sat down on the bed and cried.
I was so done.
Done with myself.
Done with Draco.
Done with death eaters.
Done with everything.
I wanted to get rid of this stupid mark. Ever since I've had it, only bad things have been happening.
Tears stream down my face as I look through my trunk for a sharp object.
I finally find a small hand mirror. I throw it onto the ground and it shatters everywhere. I look for the biggest price and grab it.
I lift up the sleeve with my dark mark and slice open a stripe on my skin. I scream out in pain. This pain was far worse than it was that night in the astronomy tower.
The dark mark somehow made all things worse.
I quickly walk over to the shower and turn it on. I fall down onto the shower floor, unable to keep myself standing from all of the pain. The scorching hot water burned my cut as the water trickled down my body. I cry out again, luckily no one was able to hear me.
I wasn't ok.
I ripped off my emerald necklace that he had given me and threw it towards the door.
I didn't want to wear it.
I threw my grey button sweater off and I saw the blood that soaked through my white button up shirt. The blood from my cut oozed out of my skin and dripped onto the shower floor.
I was crying but no tears were coming out. My throat was getting sore from my painful sobs. I rip open my shirt and throw it onto the ground next to me. I rocked back and forth hoping for the pain to leave my body.
"I don't want this!" I yell out.
And I didn't want this. I was a death eater. I got in a fight with my boyfriend. Everyone is going to hate me now because I'm a death eater.
I was a horrible person.
I tugged at my hair. There was a ringing in my ear. I didn't want to suffer anymore, but I didn't want to die. I started to hear voices. Whispers. They started saying things that I wasn't brave enough to tell myself.
"You're meant to be a death eater."
"You're better than all of them, just kill them."
"Crying makes you look pathetic."
These voices went on and on. I felt weaker with every word they spoke. I started to shake in fear. Was I going insane?
Then the door opened.
The voices went away as a figure stood in the frame.
"Moon, what the- Oh merlin's beard. You're one of them aren't you? Moon, it'll be alright. I'm here." Victoria muttered softly.
She turned the water off and lightly hugged me. I started to calm down a little, I was able to breathe a little easier. My sobs got quieter as she held me tighter. My body grew warm at her touch.
She took a deep breath and held my hand. "My father's a death eater. That's why I wouldn't talk about them. But I'll help you get through this. I'll keep your secret." She said softly. Her voice and her touch was comforting.
She held me again tightly, and after a few minutes I was better. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened.
I wiped my tears away and lay my head on her shoulder. "How am I supposed to heal the cut? I can't go to the hospital wing or they'll know." I explain softly. She pulls away and gives me a small smile.
"I know someone."
—
I'm sitting on my bed wearing an oversized shirt and sweats Victoria gave me. She put a towel under my left arm and wrapped a bandage around my cut. "When did you learn how to do this?" I ask. Her lips curved into a sad smile. "My mum wanted to be a healer, she died about two years ago." She explains.
My expression fades at her words. She had a dead parent too? "I mean I found out what pulls the carriages. I also know that I'll never get to see her again." Victoria said.
Her words sounded as if it didn't hurt. Maybe she moved on already. I should too.
"We'll always be here for each other right?" I ask, looking over to her. She nodded her head slowly.
"Of course we are, Moon. We're in this together."
It looked like she was about to say something but there was a knock on the door. Victoria shot up from the end of my bed and walked over to the door. "Don't be mad at me." She said worriedly.
Why would I be mad?
She opened the door and Snape walked in.
Snape?
I thought she hated him.
"What is the problem, Miss Newton?" He questioned. By the look on his face, I could tell he wanted to be anywhere else but a girls dormitory.
"We need you to heal a cut. It's too big for me to do it since I'm not that experienced of a healer." Victoria explained. He shot his face towards mine and gave me a disgusted look. "You could've gone to the hospital wing if necessary. What is the real reason I am called?" He asked strictly.
My face grows hot and I look over to Victoria who is playing with her fingers nervously.
I slowly look back at him and clear my throat. "We can't go to the hospital wing. It involves something else." I say softly. He made me nervous.
Victoria scoffs before quickly walking over to me and grabbing the bandage. "Let's just show you so you can get out of here faster." She spat. She carefully unwrapped my bandage. When the bandage was off he looked at it with wide eyes.
Just as I suspected.
Everyone's scared of death eaters.
I nervously bite my lip as he looks back and forth between my mark and my face. Snape then turns away, pulling out a small bottle and his wand. He hands Victoria the bottle and she walks it over to me.
"Drink. It'll heal you." She insisted. I stared at the bottle in her hands, confused I still took the bottle.
"What is this?" I ask as I hold the bottle up to my nose and take a whiff. It smelt like cat piss. It was horrible. They expected me to drink this?
"Don't smelt just drink." Snape said strictly.
I nodded and quickly drank the liquid, trying not to gag. After all of the liquid pours down my throat, I look over to the both of them.
"I need to go." Victoria exclaims and runs out of the room. Professor Snape then points his wand to my arm and starts to chant a spell. I don't know what he's saying and I can't understand him as I start to get drowsy. My eyelids felt heavier with each blink. There was a weird feeling in my arm, I couldn't describe it much. It was like something was being pulled out of me.
I turned my head to the side as he continued to chant, and somehow I fell asleep.
—
I wake up to the sound of someone banging on the door. I look down at my arm. My cut and all the blood was gone.
The banging continued so I quickly threw on a hoodie and headed towards the door. I opened it swiftly and standing in the middle of the doorway was none other than Draco Malfoy.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" he snapped angrily.
I didn't respond, just stared at him in shock. Did he care about me? No, of course not. He told me that I would kill myself. There was no way he truly cared about me.
He pushed the door and it slammed against the wall then he stormed in. He looked angry, but it was different. His eyes looked like they had been filled with tears all day. His hair was a shaggy mess. He still looked good, it was just different.
"Answer my damn question. Now!" he snapped.
I jumped at his words, my lip started to quiver again but I couldn't tell him the truth. I quickly and quietly shut the door hoping no one would know he was inside my dorm.
"I wasn't feeling well." I spit out softly. He rolled his head back as he combed his hair with his hand. He looked like a hot wreck. "Merlin's Beard. Tell me the real reason, Torres. I don't fucking care if I have to force it out of you." Draco said strictly.
I couldn't.
I couldn't tell him the real reason was because I cut myself.
His eyes grew wide suddenly. "Where?" He questioned. What did he mean? I looked at him in confusion. His expression stayed the same as he stared deep into my eyes.
"Where the fuck did you cut yourself. I don't care if I have to strip you down myself, I want to know where." He demanded.
"I bet you would like that don't you? You seem to love having sex with me. Why did you even come here, Draco? You very well know that I don't want to see you." I informed him.
His face hardened like I hit a nerve.
"You weren't in class. I'm sure you would've killed yourself after the argument we just had this morning. You haven't even gone down to eat all day. You're not going ok, you need help." He explained.
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. He didn't even care and now he was showing up like he suddenly did.
He probably thinks he screwed up.
Which he did.
"Do you even care? You just wanted to start an argument with me for no reason. I was excited to see you this morning and you decided to be angry with me because I accidentally ran into your parents." I say in defense.
I was tired of his shit.
"Of course I care. You just don't understand what my family is capable of, especially since the breakout. It's not this little thing that doesn't matter. Death eaters are a big thing, they're dangerous." Draco said strictly before walking towards the door.
"What does the breakout have to do with your family, Draco? Did they have something to do it?" I question. I was a little hurt.
I didn't think they were capable of that.
I don't even know why I asked.
"My aunt is Bellatrix Lestrange."
"Death eaters really are dangerous?" I question softly. He slowly backs away from the door and nods. "Not dangerous they're powerful, Moon. I can't tell you everything but I can tell you some things." He sighed as he walked over to one of the beds and sat down.
"You need to make it quick, I'm sure Pansy and Victoria are going to come up here soon." I exclaim, as I sat down next to him.
I still kept a distance from him.
He lets out another huff. "Don't be ridiculous. I told Blaise to keep them both busy in the library." Draco explains. I slowly nod, urging him to tell me about the death eaters. Of course it's not that I wanted to know, I had to.
"So death eaters are a group of very powerful witches and wizards. They all follow the same person. The dark lord. They don't like muggles or muggle borns and they use lots of dark magic." He says softly.
"What kind of dark magic?" I ask intrigued.
He looked a little uncomfortable but I couldn't stop there. I needed to know what kind of dark magic.
I was one of them after all.
He then shot up and walked over to the door swiftly. "I can't tell you the rest. Ask one of your friends." He said coldly.
He spoke like I meant nothing to him again.
"One of my friends? Draco you're my boyfriend. You can tell me anything, and I really want to know. Please I'm new to all of this stuff." I beg.
He opened the door slightly and turned back to me.
"Maybe if I cared, I would tell you." He spat.
And with that, he slammed the door and left. Most of my questions unanswered. I needed to know more about death eaters. It was crucial to me.
Especially since I was one.
Evil.
That's all I hear people say about death eaters.
And they might be right.