There Is No Coincidences in Life

Selfish Wish

I nod my head once then gazing at him who try to make sure that I lay comfortably on the sofa. When he finish, I close my eyes right away cz I know he will start complaining if I didn't do so.

My eyes may be closed right now, but I still have my ears to hear his walking steps. Before his presence fade away, I can feel his gentle pat in my head---which make me feel really happy. Unfortunately, the uneasiness keep growing inside my chest, make me unable to sleep.

That woman whose P'Tommy called P'New was his co-worker from five or six years ago. I am not clearly remember but I think they play as a couple in a short story and MV for Da Endorphine's song.

I admit that she is pretty. Eventhough p'New is nine years older than P'Tom, she still look so young.

"Understanding, compassionate, kind."

All of a sudden, I remember P'Tom's answer about his ideal type from an interview. And their interaction just now---P'New's smile and P'Tom's embarassed face---keeps bothering me over and over again.

Am I falling for P'Tom?

This strange feeling that keep growing inside my chest is really not my thing. But besides my jealoucy, I don't know anymore about my feelings. It feels so clear, yet unclear at the same time.

If I really fall for him, what should I do?

I think about the answer, but my messy head can't win over my sleepiness. Without realize, I sleep on the sofa.

***

I don't know how much time passes, but I can feel P'Tom's warmth in my head. Being in a different series and different field of work is exhausting. Our time together was limited and I can't see him more often like we used to.

I am happy that he can gain more confidence now. But sometimes I am afraid.

What if he doesn't need me to boost up his confidence again? Will he leave me to be with another person? For example, a beautiful woman like P'New?

"Nong, do you have a bad dream?"

P'Tom's voice bring me back to reality. When I open my eyes, he look at me with worry.

"Tofu, do you have a bad dream? You seem uncomfortable in your sleep. Should we cancel our plan? I will take you home so that you can sleep properly. We can go out together next time."

"No, P'. We shouldn't." I shake my head. "We know clearly that our opportunity to see each other keep decreasing because of our activity. So, today, I really want to be with you. Can I? Pleaseee."

P'Tom sighed. I know he is worry with me, but I really want to spent more time with him.

"Okay, I will stay with you. But, I'll take you home first."

I pout. "Alright."

"It's pretty late right now. Did you hungry? Should we drop somewhere first?"

"Not really, P'. But, if you are hungry, I can accompany you to eat."

"You seem restless, so I'll just order take away and we could go home sooner."

"Uhm."

P'Tom drive his car and suggest me to sleep in the back seat where I can lean comfortably. Closing my eyes, my hands squeeze the pillow---I keep remember about that woman and can't sleep along the way. Instead of sleeping, I keep thinking about my feeling towards my most precious 'brother'.

"Jimmy, we have arrived. Wake up for a while na. You can continue to sleep while we get into your room."

I rub my eyes to get rid of my sleepiness. When I fully awake, P'Tom already there to help me get out off the car, guide me to enter my condo, then let me sleep on the bed.

"P'."

"Hm?"

"Can you sleep here tonight? I don't want to be alone."

I stare at him, pleading. But instead of giving me a proper answer, he gaze at me while patting my head gently.

"Please, P'. I don't want to be alone."

"Alright."

"P' eat first, take a shower, then sleep here."

"Okay, but don't you want to have a shower first before sleep?"

"I don't feel like it, P'."

With his right hand, p'Tom touch my forehead---trying to check my temperature.

"You are a bit feverish. No need to take a shower then. I will help you with towel bath later."

"Uhm."

"Then, I'll take a bath first. You should sleep so you can do your work properly tomorrow."

Without saying anything anymore, I close my eyes, feeling P'Tom's warmth in my head. I like it when he rub my head gently, and I like it when he take care of me.

P', can you stay like this forever? Always beside me and take care of me?

I know this wish is too selfish. But, I really can't imagine if he is not there for me in the future. He is already becoming an important part of my life. And I know that it will never change. Never.