"Thanks for checking Vik, i know i can always count on you."
"And i can count on you V! hopefully next time i see you, you don't give me a heartattack, okay?"
"Will try!" I say as i close the gate behind me.
It's at that moment I realise Jackie wasn't inside Viktors garage anymore, he wasn't up the small stairs either. I scan the area and notice he's inside the little shop in front of Viktors garage. When i enter the shop my nose instantly fills with 4 different incense smells, there are multiple candles burning in front of a shrine and inside a little cupboard are multiple boxes with tarot sets.
I look over to the side and Jackie is leaned over the counter deeply listening to a lady with a friendly round face and blonde hair, he doesn't even notice I am back from Viktor. The girl is talking about spiritual signs, and how they're all around us but some people are just too spiritually blind to see them.
"ahem" I simply say.
"V! What'd Vik prescribe?" He says after being woken up from his trance.
"Oh he just told me to stay off gigs for the week, basically prescribed me a vacation."
"Cool, cool.. Uhh V, this is Misty"
"Psh it sure is Misty" I say waving my hand in front of my face. "Maybe lower the incense levels in here" I chuckle after my joke but notice no one else is laughing. "Only joking... I'm V, Jackies side kick."
"Hi V, nice to meet you. Jackie told me about your adventure yesterday, you do look kind of rough." She starts rummaging through a drawer and hands me a small bottle with herbs inside. "Here, it's a mixture of chamomile, kava, Lavender and indian ginseng. It'll help you clear your mind a little."
"Thanks? Do i just put it in hot water? like tea im guessing.."
"sure, you can use it however, you can wash yourself with it, smoke it, or make it an ornament and hang it above your bed. They'll work as intended."
"Oh okay, i'll figure something out and i'll tell you how i liked them. Jackie are you going home with me or are you staying here for a bit?"
"If you don't mind, i'll stay here V."
"No mind at all, you do as you please Jack. See ya." We do our handshake and i wave to Misty with the herbs.
Something inside me hurts, and it's hard for me to pinpoint what exactly is up. I haven't felt a hurt like this in a while.
As i'm driving I turn the radio off, I can't handle the loud thumping of Morro rock radio tonight. I notice my mind is wandering all over the place.
Jackie and I had always had a good relationship, but 2 years ago i miscalculated it all and went too far. I had gotten far too drunk and far too comfortable, I still remember sitting in his car next to him and as i tried to kiss him he pushed me back a bit too hard. It was my fault, but to the sweet old lady outside it looked like Jackie was abusive. She called the cops on us and "heroically saved me from this dangerous man". it was all over the news the next day and his mom had never been so upset.
After that day Jackie didn't talk to me for 4 months, I had been the loneliest i'd ever been. I had other people, but no one was as close to me as Jackie.
When I finally built up the nerve to call him 4 months later he sounded as relieved as I felt. We immediatly made up in the Afterlife that night and he told me he felt very bad about pushing me, it made me feel even worse because i couldn't even remember trying to kiss him, i just knew i had gone too far. We promised to never speak of it again and so we just didn't, hadn't even crossed my mind until now, driving in the very same car it had presumably happened in.
I finally got home and walked straight to my apartment, I didn't respond when coach Fred called me over for a simple one on one, I didn't respond when Barry called my name as i hurried up the stairs.
I closed the door and took a deep breath, tears started flowing down my cheeks.
My face hurt but my heart hurt more, I hated this feeling.
He didn't love me back and he never would. Why can't I just accept it the way it is.
The way he looked at Misty, it made me jealous, it made me angry, it made me feel all kinds of emotions.
Somewhere I was happy for him, he looked so at peace in that shop.
I walk over to my bed, still crying. I open the bottle and put my nose to the lid, it smelled very nice.
I lay my head down on my pillow, and I breathe.
ouch (angst)
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