SINNERS & SAINTS ⋆ nikki sixx

40. ✭ to wish impossible things

He couldn't pinpoint just what her question was about--he had accomplished several questionable things that could've caused a change in the way that he viewed himself over the years.

"What are you talking about?" He queried, a flash of discomfort rooted deep within his words.

Christine's line of sight was nowhere near his, nor would it end up coming close to being. She pushed her focus to the lush greenery surrounding the patio, feeling momentarily distracted by the colorful hues and flowers that decorated rose bushes and planters along the walkway.

Blossoming buds and vibrant verdures were a stark contrast against the looming devastation that would make Tommy and Heather's wedding day memorable for all of the wrong reasons.

Realizing that Vince wasn't picking up on what she was putting down, Christine tried to find the words with which to elaborate her inquiry without sounding too harsh on the blonde.

"How do you live with yourself, Vince?" She repeated herself. "After all that you've done, how do you manage to maintain such a cool, breezy facade? Because I have tried my damn hardest to make it seem as though I'm not currently sitting on a throne of deceit and dishonesty, lying to my husband and some of my friends because I'm petrified of the repercussions of my stupidity, but it is fucking hard."

He scoffed out, taking offense to her words, but he knew that there was truth in what Christine was saying.

"I cheated on Nikki once and ended up getting hooked on heroin because I thought that was gonna help me confront my guilt head on without actually having to face what I did. And then the second time was just a moment of madness. I don't know what came over me that day...maybe it was because we'd argued and he left me at your place with no way of getting home, but Tommy was there and--and I just wasn't thinking."

"And what about last night?" He asked cautiously, like he knew the reason but didn't want to hear her say it.

She, like whenever nerves had set in, began to fiddle with the diamond-encrusted wedding band that sat around her ring finger.

Christine felt as though she had taken a blow to the chest. Her heart battered so viciously against her ribcage, she was convinced that Vince was able to hear it thumping out of control.

"Last night I wanted it. More than anything," she finally admitted, watching his face fall completely. The shame and embarrassment that she proceeded to feel, amidst the deafening silence, was almost debilitating.

Usually, she didn't care about what people thought of her all too much. But when it was a friend, a dear friend such as Vince, seeing the look of disappointment slapped upon their face after admitting her most heinous doings stung a little bit.

"You don't need to say anything, because you pretty much got it covered last night when you called me a slut," Vince sighed out. He regretted that majorly. "I just want you to know that I'm going to come clean to Nikki, but I'm begging you not to say anything to Heather. She doesn't deserve it."

"Chris, you don't need to, " he offered a warm, reassuring smile--though laced with apprehension--trying to gauge a positive reaction. "If you're worried about me telling Nikki, then that's futile. I'm not gonna let slip, so don't feel like you have to."

She licked her lips, grimacing a little bit. "I do. He needs to know that his wife is a stupid slut," her laugh was completely humorless, but Vince knew that she was only trying to hold back tears.

"Okay," he uttered slowly, "and what about Heather? You said she doesn't deserve it but does Nikki? And what about Tommy?"

It had kept her up all night. It was all that she could think about all morning. Her mind had raced for hours as she tried to imagine the best and worst ways in which she could unload such a secret onto her husband, all the while he was sound asleep next to her.