Are you there John, It's me...Paul.

Are you there John? It's me Paul.

December 9, 1980

It's a monstrous thing death. You never really think about it until it takes someone you love. It has many forms, and can creep up on you at any time. Sometimes it's a fast occurence, and other times it slowly takes a person away.

Death was never a word I took pleasure in saying, especially not when talking about him. Ever since my mom died I tried to forget about death, though I knew it still existed. In John's case it happened quickly. Just a matter of minutes after the four shots rang, he was gone. Did I mention the whole world is mourning his loss? They say loss like he's just hiding somewhere, he's bloody dead.

They don't really understand,they lost their favorite singer or their idol! I lost my best mate, me brother in every way that counts!

We hadn't talked much the past few years, only the occasional phone call. But ya see that's me and John's way, we're both so damn stubborn. We were at each others neck, waiting for the other one to break. I just wish I cold talk to me pal one more time, tell him how much he means to me. You can't spend year after year seeing someone and not feel something for em. I love John, even if he was cynical jerk sometimes. He had a way about him, he could see right through people. There was no lying to John, because if you tried he'd call ya on it and you'd feel like shite.

During an interview he was once asked, how do you think you're going to die? He said, that he'd probably be popped off by some loony. Only John would predict his own death and be right about it. I wish he weren't right, though I think John would find it funny, and joke about being psychic.

Actually I know he'd find the situation funny. He always laughed at unusual things. Cripples or any type of disfigurement made John laugh. Sure this may sound mean, and it is, but John always had a sick sense of humor, one that got him in trouble numerous times.

He may not have been perfect, heck no one is perfect but he didn't deserve to go this way. Bloody hell, the guy didn't deserve to die at all, he should be here with Yoko, Sean, and Julian, the son he was just getting to know.

You should be here John! You were only fourty, you had so much life and music left in ya. Music the world will never get to hear.

It's rubbish all of it, and it still doesn't feel real, but it is. Nothing makes sense anymore, now that John's gone.

I love you so much John, remember that.