A Tale Before Bed

Right or Wrong?

Is it right, to say, you're stupid?

Is it right, to say, you're dumb?

Is it right to laugh at you?

Or is it right to say I have the right to laugh at you, to laugh at how dumb you appeared to me?

You'll never know the pleasure when I dug my nails into your arm.

I have to be honest, I hesitated a little.

You're my mom, I can't change that.

No matter how much I want to.

I can't say that I haven't regretted pinching you.

It's just you have dad.

And dad have you.

You guys will always support each other.

In the end.

I don't know what went wrong.

You say I'm selfish, I say you guys are too pushy.

But, there doesn't seem to be an end.

You say that no matter how much love you've put into me, no matter how much you cared for me, it's come to waste.

You're disappointed.

I say that maybe the love you had given me turned into something else. Maybe I still don't feel loved, I still feel like you're ignoring me. Especially when you turned and walked away the moment I started talking.

I'm sad.

You guys are always the talkative one, mom, especially, I don't want to call you mom anymore, but, I'll have to wait.

Till eighteen.

And as I said, you guys are talkative, you guys are master debaters, I talk slow, and..

Never won an argument before.

Okay, but maybe I have.

And you guys have each other.

Just like when I pinched (), () wanted to slap me, but in the end, you didn't.

I know because I'm your daughter, because you love me.

But, sometimes, I think, is it because you have more control over yourself?

And sometimes, I don't?

And you guys just seem to be able to put everything out on the table.

A gift that I don't have.

And probably never will have.

See, you guys bring out the fact that you love me and you controlled yourself from slapping me, but, have I ever told you that I tried as well?

It just didn't work.

Nothing works.

In some ways, I feel like Isabel, from Shooter, the difference is, it's just you guys know how smart asians can get, and you believe that I'm even smarter.

Sometimes it's hard, being your daughter.

Especially when it gets to curriers.

I know you guys respect my opinion, but that doesn't mean you guys can use that as an reasoning.

I'm tired.

Do you want to go to university or not?

Can I have a rest?

Do you know that while you're resting, others do work, and that other gets in the IB programme and you don't?

And it's hard because I know you guys are caring for me, and you guys want me to get into a better university. But, I'm not sure if it's right.

I mean, it could be.

When I finally say my true thoughts out loud,

you guys never,

Ever listened.

You just never took it in.

I honestly feel like you guys are pushing me too hard.

Pushing you? You never know how much asain parents back in China pushes you. If I don't push you now, how are you ever going to compete with them?

You're right, and I can't disagree.

Especially when you said I'm stupid.

Am I really?

And when you said you have the right to tease and laugh at me.

And said so what?

You deserved it

You deserved my teasing 'cause I didn't understand it the first time () told me.

Just because I didn't understand one question?

I know I hurted you, your arm, but, which one is more important?

Mental or Physical?

I'm not saying physical is not important.

I know it's wrong to pinch your arm.

Especially when you're my ().

But have you ever wondered where that came from?

That anger.

Deep inside me.

That I've never shown before.

Sometimes I feel like the scar I've put on your arm is ten times deeper than the ones you've put in my heart.

And, of course, you think the opposite.

In the end.

Who is right?