Scars are memories you cannot forget.

Chapter 1 - An introduction to my life.

Prologue 

There I was. Stood between good and evil. Samuel and Mother. This should be an easy decision. Pick Samuel! I wanted to. But for some reason I couldn't walk away from my own Mother. Not even after what she had done to me. It was like her eyes had paralysed me. There was nothing I could do.

Chapter 1. The start of my life.

It was the start of a new life. Or so I had hoped. We had just moved to a little town next to Birmingham. Though it was far from quiet. I wasn't used to this, being from the country side. But Mother wanted to move to a place where she could get as much attention, on herself, as possible. Mother was always selfish. Except when it came to Anna.

Anna; the five year old Satan spawn. Shoulder length, greasy, light brown hair. Brown hair ran in my family. Everyone has it. Except for me. I have dark brown, short and spiky, hair. Having it short gives Mother one less thing to hurt me with, and with Sophia gone, I needed everything I could to survive. 

It was the first of June, start of the blazing head and beach perfect weather. Sophia and I had taken advantage of the good weather, and gone to the beach. Just me and her. How I liked it. For some reason when I looked at her hazel eyes they always looked so full of hope and happy. I'd feel safe when I was with Sophia. Sophia insisted on taking a picture together, to commemorate our perfect day. We placed our faces together. Posed. Sophia pressed the button. But there was no flash.  Sophia had set the camera to video. Sophia always made this silly mistakes. But I always found them hilarious. We tried again and it produced one of our best photos, together. It was my favourite and I treasured it immensely. Sophia's long wavy brown hair was perfect, no hair was out of place. Her lips were perfect, Everything was perfect. Unfortunately the 'perfect day' had come to and end with the sun falling into the empty darkness. And so did my life...

A couple of days later Sophia and I were out shopping, in the town centre, whilst checking out the guys. We had seen a few good looking guys. Joked and laughed, like we always did. We always had such whenever we were together. It's like we were meant to be together. Too bad I prefer boys. Sophia and I always joked at how suited we were, and how if I was straight we should get together. Too bad that would've never happened.  We were walking along the middle of the centre when I noticed that Sophia was breathing a bit deeper than normal. I thought that it was just her asthma being harsh. So we continued walking along, joking and laughing. Sophia had stopped and leaned against the side of a shop, panting and gasping for breath. I kept worrying about her. I didn't know what to do. Then she collapsed. My heart sank as she fell to the floor. I had no idea what to do. I tried shaking her shoulders and shouting her name. Nothing. I tried screaming it. Nothing. I franticly search through her bag for her inhaler. Nothing. I kept shouting for someone to help. No one came to my rescue. I looked back at Sophia. She just lay there still. I felt so helpless I couldn't do anything but panic. Someone finally came over. Luckily it was a paramedic. I sighed a sigh of relief. She was going to be OK. The paramedic checked Sophia's pulse to make sure her heart was still beating. Nothing. She had died in front of my eyes and I couldn't of done anything. The paramedic just looked at my with sympathy. He had seen this many times before. I fell to the floor. Tears down my cheeks, making a puddle on the floor. I had just lost my only protection from life. That day was the last day I was ever going to look into those hazel eyes and feel safe.

"You always were the only protection I had. I don't think it will be long until I see you, again. Not if she has her way. You don't know how much I will miss you. Goodbye." With the last words said. I had thrown some dirt and a copy of our photo on top of her coffin, and watched the photo slowly descend into the darkness. With it landing on the coffin, I knew it was my final goodbye. By now I had cried enough for ten people. But the odd thing was that I was the only person there. I was infuriated. How could she have no one else? Why does she have the smallest tombstone? I had too many questions that wouldn't get answered. I scratched onto her tombstone "I've said my final goodbyes. I await to see you in heaven." Walking away, salty crystals in my eyes, unanswered questions on my mind. I hear the priest shouting my name. He catches up with me and hands me a letter. I felt so confused. I turned it round and it had "Max." Written on it.

I decided to wait until I got home to open Sophia's letter. How stupid was I?

As soon as I stepped through the front door, into our front porch, I could hear Mother shouting. "Where's that god damn fag got to this time? He's probably out with that slag friend of his." 

I hesitated to go through the door as I knew, as soon as I had, I was within her grasp. Reluctantly I braced myself and walked into the house. "And here he is. The queer himself. Where have you been this time, eh? Sucking some cock in a toilet for money? You whore. You're useless. I don't know why I even kept you." Normally I could handle something like this. It's normally a lot worse. But not today. I ran upstairs to my room. But there was no escape from Mother.

Moments after I fled to my room I hear her trotting up the stairs, like the lowly pig she is. She opened my door, I turned round to be greeted by a cold hard slap to my face. It felt like a bus had ran my face over, and reversed. I wish it had. At least I wouldn't have to put up with her any more. Recovering from the sting to the face I hear her shouting again. "You come in here like itsh you're own houshe. Well itsh not. Itsh mine and you will at least say something to me when you waltz in here" I felt another bus cross my face. This one drew tears and no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, they came flooding like a blocked dam. "Oh, look. The fairy is crying from a little slap. Make both our lives easier and end your life, you pathetic boy." She threw some lighter fluid, she normally used to refill the same light for years, at my face. "You're a pathetic excuse for a son. You're dad would disown you, if he was still here." With that last insult she went to go drink, more than she already had, and smoke like she always did. I didn't know what to do after that argument. If I end it now I could rejoin Sophia and get away from Mother, and her insults. That's when I remembered what Sophia had given me.

I sat staring at the envelope, admiring every little bit of it, knowing it was the last thing to remember Sophia by. I hoped that she was in a better place. I finally decided to peel it open and ruin its beauty. I slid my finger along the opening and pulled out the letter. It read: "Dear, Max.

If you're got this then that means my asthma has finally got the best of me. The truth is that I knew I would die of it soon. The doctors had been telling me for about a month that I wouldn't have much longer to live. So I had just been embracing my life with you, knowing I would go at any moment."  I struggled to read due to my tears staining the paper. The thought that I was ruining the last physical thing of Sophia I owned made me cry even more. But I carried on reading.

"If you attended my funeral then you must be wondering where all my family are. Well I don't have any. My parents died when I was three. I was took into care and juggled around foster homes for about 8 years. Then I had found a nice family, that I stayed with for about 6 years. I then moved out because I could never get to like them. No matter how much I tried I couldn't learn to love, or trust, them. I didn't want to get betrayed by them like my parents had. " The tears had ran so much that they were eroding a road into my face. All the tears were following the same route. I knew soon I would ran out of tears to cry.

"But onto you, Max. You were the reason I was always so happy. You were that spark in my eye. You made my days worth living and I'm sure, that you made my final days on this planet the most happy days anyone has ever had. Wow this letter has gotten soppy. So this seems like a good point to end it. I've got one last thing to say, and that's how much I'll miss you

Lots of love,

Sophia.

xxx "

I sat there. Staring into the letter, as if waiting for Sophia to pop out of it and give me a great big hug. No more tears were rolling down my cheeks. I had none left to cry.  Even if I tried. None would come. One good thing came out of this letter. I knew what I was going to do. I had to prepare myself by breathing in and out, very deeply. I pressed the bottle to my lips and sighed into it. With the last of my confidence I started to drink. It felt like swallowing a saucepan of boiling water. It felt like it was ripping out my throat, there and then.  I started going light headed. The last thing I remember was looking up at my ceiling and collapsing on my bed. I had hoped that Mother would find me dead, on the floor, that same night. But for some reason I had awoken in hospital, surrounded by a friend on either side of the bed.