Tomorrow Will Be Kinder {IHOFIL Sequel}

Chapter 16: "Love Is Such A Lonely Word"

Brie didn’t know what to say in response so she stayed quiet.

“I’m going to die someday, who knows when, and these people here- my family- will hopefully outlive me. I don’t think I could stand to lose anyone else.”

“Neither could they,” Brie breathed, hoping the words sought comfort in the blonde’s heart. “They couldn’t stand to lose anyone else. Look at them, tell me what you see because I see people who are broken and in some sick way, they’re happy. Tara and Michonne, they’re laughing, God knows why. This world can be good sometimes, it can.”

 >>>----->

Rick held his son, feeling the wet of his tears soak through his shirt. “It’s okay,” he tried to soothe, voice breaking as he did. “She loved you, okay? She loved you and she’d want you to be strong. Judy and Aislynn would want you to remember the good, not the bad.”

"She loved you too, dad,” the boy choked out, hands tightening around his father’s frame.

“Judy loved everyone.”

“I meant Aislynn.”

Rick swallowed, intaking a deep breathe. “She told you?”

“Yeah.”

“It didn’t mean anything,” he lied. “She loved you, she didn’t love me. Not like she did you, she talked about you all the time. She saw you in me, that’s why all this happened. I saw you in her, that’s why all this happened.”

“You’re a worst liar than mom,” Carl grumbled, the mention of Lori sending an ache through Rick’s heart.

“I’m not lying.”

The boy pulled back from his father like he’d been struck, eyes filled with fury. He had every right to be angry but this was an anger that no one could understand. One that had buried deep in his soul and refused to leave. His body was not a home, not a house, but somehow this madness had built a structure in it. “You took the only girl I’ve ever loved from me, dad,” he spoke but instead of his eyes matching the fury in his eyes, his voice was soft, heart-broken. “And she loved you more than she ever loved me. That’s not fair. Not when you had mom and then Chloe and then Aislynn, because she was mine and you took her from me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know but...” he sound defeated. “She was mine.”

“She wasn’t anyone’s,” Beth said, suddenly standing by the two men. “She was her own and we abused that, didn’t we? She’s gone and w-we used her in a way. We were selfish when it came to Aislynn and-and now she’s gone. We failed her.” 

“And Judy,” Michonne said, Tara tucked into her side.

Daryl sniffed and Beth turned towards him, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “I failed you because I didn’t bring her back. She was the last member of your family and I killed her. I left her behind and-“

“What?” Carl interrupted.

“You left her behind?” Michonne asked, mouth agap in shock.

“How could you do that?” Tara voiced.

“She made me.”

Daryl narrowed his eyes, parting his lips to say something but remained quiet.

“Is she alive?” Rick asked, head tilted slightly  to the side. “Is she alive, Beth?”

“Probably not,” she admitted, voice breaking. “She said they were going to kill her. I couldn’t do anything, trust me. She wanted me to leave, to escape. It was her dying wish and I just wanted to fulfil it. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Except lie,” Carl spat.

“If she comes back, who gets her?” Beth scoffed. “Does she stay loyal to you, Carl- her fiancé- or does she stay shacked up with Rick? Who gets her?”

Rick took a step back, swallowing the lump in his throat. It was out, the secret was out. Everyone knew and that only made it worse.

Tara and Michonne whirled to look at him, eyebrows raised.

“You and Aislynn?” the older woman asked, the disgust in her voice overshadowed by surprise. “You were together?”

“Did you have sex?” Tara asked bluntly, earning a disapproving glare from Michonne. “I’m just asking. Did you?”

Rick felt tears glass over his eyes when he nodded.

“Gross,” Carl said out-loud.

“The hell, man?” Daryl almost-shouted. “You fucked her?”

“It wasn’t like that,” he tried to insist.

Beth stepped forward, pushing through to reach the Sheriff, hands reaching around his waist, head colliding with his chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice so quiet it was hard to tell if she had been crying or not. “You lost your daughter and now Aislynn is gone and it’s all my fault. Both deaths are. I-I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.”

>>>-----> 

She laughed, batting at Carl’s hands as they ran across her abdomen. “Stop it!”

“Submit,” he said back. “Submit or I tickle your foot next,” he threatened.

“I submit!” she screeched, moving away, but the smile never faded or faltered, not even once. ”You’re so mean, sometimes,” she grumbled, leaning forward to press her lips against his. “But, I like it. What can I say?”

“You love it, you mean,” he corrected smugly.

She punched him playfully, giving a fake laugh. “I love ya, is what I mean.”

“I love you too,” he said, lips catching hers in a longer kiss, this time hands travelling as she pushed him down, leaning over him, giving a small moan into the kiss.

“If I ever stop loving ya, kill me, ‘kay?” she whispered. “I’m serious. If one day, I decide I don’t love you anymore, permission to put a bullet into my brain because I can’t ever live a life without loving you and kissing you here-“ she paused, lips meeting his neck. “Or here-“ she continued, lips sucking at his collarbone. “That isn’t a life I wanna live.”

“I promise. D’you promise?”

She looked puzzled, leaning down to press her lips to his. “Promise wha’?”

“If I ever stop loving you,” he replied. “Then kill me, right? If I can’t love you, I can’t live.”

“Yeah, yeah, you romantic,” she laughed.

“I’m serious.”

“I was too.”

“I don’t want to ever live a life without you, you know that? I can’t, I won’t. If you die, I’ll die too.”

She nodded, tears splashing down her cheeks. “Carl,” she hushed. “I swear to God, if I ever leave ya, shoot me. I’ll deserve it. If I ever give up on this, on us, then I deserve to die, ‘kay? Because what we have is more than I ever thought I’d ‘ave.”

“If you ever leave me, I’ll probably deserve it. If you ever give up on us, it’ll most likely be my fault so don’t think you should die if it ever happens. It won’t anyway, right?”

“Right,” she smiled. “I’d never leave ya, for anyone.”

“Same,” he replied, giving her a grin of his own.

“Never ever,” she promised.

“Never ever,” he promised.