Leave Me Bleeding [Winter Soldier] I

Memories Fleeting [Chapter 25]

                "The moment I saw you, on the carrier... I knew that I knew you," he said. "I knew that I couldn't hurt you, but I did. I did this to you. I'm so sorry."

                "Bucky..." Ophelia started.

                Bucky continued, his grip on her tightening ever so slightly. "I hurt you... I tried to kill you. I was just... I was told to." His breath hitched and Ophelia knew that he was crying.

                "Bucky, stop. You didn't know what you were doing... You couldn't see through HYDRA's lies, I've been there." She didn't mean to say what slipped from her lips then. "The only way you could hurt me is to never remember me..."

                "I want to," he said. "I need to."

                Ophelia slid down carefully, gasping in pain as she moved, and her head was rested on the pillow. Bucky shifted, adjusting to her new position, still with his arm wrapped around her broken body, he rested her head between her arm and her torso, his head upon her collarbone, one of the few places she was not bleeding or bruised. With her arm around his shoulders, she leaned her head down and rested it upon his. 

             Though they both lay wide awake, neither of them said anymore that night. Enough damage had been done, and Ophelia was positive that she had broken down a few walls. Her wounds would heal in time, and she would be able to help him more in his own healing process. Then, when she deemed him ready, she would bring him to Steve, when it was safe. She couldn't bring him into society any time soon; she knew so little about it herself, that she might even need Bucky –when he finally came around- to show her how the world worked.

***

                Dawn broke too soon, and Ophelia scarcely slept a wink. Bucky was still wrapped around her longingly, and she felt no better than the day prior. With Bucky unable to remember her at all, and her wounds preventing her from going anywhere too fast, she felt trapped. Though her goal was to help Bucky figure everything out and really bring him back from The Winter Soldier and from HYDRA, she had to think of herself too. 

             She knew that in the end, if Bucky could even remember her the tiniest bit, she would be okay. While she hated clinging onto this for her own well being, she had never been treated right in her entire life except by those who were not HYDRA. And Bucky was one of the only people who would understand what she had been through, and really be able to identify with her painful memories. Steve and the others, they had been good from the start, never having been tortured and forced to do horrors.

                The morning seemed to stretch on, but neither Bucky or Ophelia had to do anything but lay there. She had a mission, one that she shared with Steve, but knew that he could not yet be a part of. It was up to her to help Bucky remember everything, she owed Steve and Bucky that much. She remembered the idea of sacrifice once again, and thought about letting Bucky go and live his own life without her. She couldn't cling onto him forever, if he didn't remember her, she had to move on. 

              Then it occurred to her, of course, that Bucky could form new memories of her, rather than recall all the violent ones from their past. It was simpler, and he seemed as though he wanted that, but it would never be the same. The feelings she discovered in the HYDRA base nearly seventy years ago had opened her to a world of possibility, she had known Bucky was someone she wanted from the moment she met him. As time slipped by between them, she desired to be around him and even came to love him. 

               If he was going to love her, he had to remember when she fell in love with him.

                She knew that moment was when he let her go on the mountain after the hunt.

                The memory echoed in her head, 'Run, O!'.