Anxiety

     I take a lot of pills for a lot of different things. I take medication for depression, anxiety, sleep issues, voices, flashbacks, headaches, etc.... Sometimes the voices tell me to cut and sometimes they tell me to hurt other people and most of the time i don't really know why. I keep to myself a lot because it feels safer that way. I barley sleep anymore because i overthink a lot about what i go through and what i went through in my past.  The flashbacks get worse everyday, they get to the point were they go into to much detail that it becomes scary. I feel like crying and screaming but i cant seem to most of the time. I want help but im not sure how to really ask for it, and when i do finally ask for it i usually never take the advice given to me. I am afraid to let people to close to me because i don't want to get hurt again. I feel lonely and trapped in my own head and i just want to be let out. It gets scary, to be honest, i know there are people there who care about me and that want to help me but i seem to stay blind to that fact. I seem to apologize all the time but i don't seem to know how to change, i wish i could change.