Silver Night

Silver

     I wish it was easier for me to feel like I wasn't alone. All this time I've learned to never talk to anyone, for what? If I just would say hello once so often maybe a friend will come knocking at my very depressing door.

     Maybe even tell me how to act around other people. It's not easy when you grew up with your Uncle who completely hated you and was drunk all the time.

     I once had a friend, they hurt me pretty bad though. We used to be so happy, always hanging out and laughing as we watched her dad trip over anything really. Rocks, books, her cat, her grandma's cane, even once a tree stump. Those were the days before her new boyfriend moved to our school, after him she saw me as a rodent that she could just squish without feeling a thing.

     I have a good stable job now at least, the only thing is my Uncle takes half of my money for "rent" that he really uses to rent strippers. I wish I could say I hated my Uncle, he's emotionally manipulated me my whole life and I know it. Maybe one day, I'll be able to unchain myself from this hole of torcher. I want to talk to him about this and see if he stops, but a huge part of me knows....
                            
      He'll never change.

      Just like everyone else...

     I put on my black button up shirt and sighed. Time to go to work. I practiced my fake smiles as I looked at myself in the round mirror. I'm not that pretty, or handsome. I hate the way I look, even though I get complimented all the time. The only thing I'm really confident about is my blue intimidating eyes. I love the way they sparkle in certain lighting, and I love the shade of blue they are. Like the sky, sometimes they seem darker. Just like right now.

     "Silver?!" My Uncle yelled for me from the kitchen. I sighed. It's time to cook him food. I slicked a piece of my short brown hair behind my hair and fake smiled as I left the bathroom, mentally preparing myself for the screams.

     My Uncle was sitting on our old brown kitchen table and read his newspaper while sipping his straight black coffee. That's the way he liked it. No sugar. No milk. No cream. I don't drink coffee it hurts my stomach and makes me feel uncomfortable due to the many accounts of steaming hot coffee burning my skin as it's poured or splashed all over me.

     Once at school, I was pushed on the ground by some kids and they had burning hot coffee in a bucket that they poured onto me. When I think about it I still feel it.
 
     "Silver.... What're you cooking?" He asked looking up from his newspaper and spitting on the ground, making me feel nascious like I was going to throw up in my mouth.

    "What would you like?" I asked as he set his paper down onto the table completely. The cat jumped into the table and my Uncle got that pissed look.

     "Why is your damn cat on my freaking table again?" He grabbed the cat and threw it against the wall like she was a tennis ball.

     "I'm sorry Uncle." I said as I grabbed my cat to see if she was okay. "Blue didn't know better. She's only a kitty."

     "Kitty or no kitty keep that beast off of my table our I'll have both your heads stuffed on a pole on my front lawn!" He screamed pissed off.

     "Okay. I'll put her in my room." I sighed and carried Blue to my room. I sat her on my bed

      "Meow."

      "I know Blue. I'm still saving up though. We'll have our own place don't worry."

     "Meow."

      Me and Blue stared at each other for a second.

     "Are you hurt sweety?"

     "Stop sweet talking the beast and feed me you stupid, good for nothing, burden of a child!" My Uncle screamed from the kitchen. I sighed and kissed Blue's little forehead.

     "I'll be back, just stay in here, okay Blue?"

     "Meow." She purred up against my head and I smiled.

     If I don't have any person to be my friend I have my little Blue. I stood up and walked back over towards my Uncle. I picked up a pan and he sighed loudly.

    "If I ever catch you with a boy I'll gut you like the deer you are." My Uncle said out of the blue. I turned around and he was smirking. "You know, your parents would be so disappointed of you."

     Only because of your parenting skills. "I know, you've told me a million times."

     "Well maybe not your dad, that man was a fairy on his own." My Uncle sighed as his stupid smirk stayed.

      I felt rage go through my body. He's saying this just to piss me off. He knows my parents are a sensitive topic and he knows how much I hate his stupid homophobic comments.

     "Haha. Your mom hated him so much she killed him and then herself." My Uncle laughed as I fought every instinct in my body. Telling me to punch him in his face and end his stupid words from leaving his mouth. "Your Mama was a slu-"

     I grabbed my bag with everything in it I need for work and walked out of the kitchen. "You disgust me, you pig." I said calmly yet loud enough for him to hear clearly. I slammed the door shut and walked to work.

     As I walked down the street and people crowded me everywhere, I felt more alone than before. Each day, I'm reminded there are a lot of people in this world, yet here I am, not with a single one of them being my friend. Let alone caring about me. After all, who would care about a gay little selfish idiot like me? Not my own family even does. I guess I have high expectations for people to automatically love me, though I shouldn't.

      I'm alone. I'll always be alone.... No matter who I meet. I'll always be alone. That's the truth and I have to believe that, cause if I don't then I'll keep getting hurt.