you can try

confusion

on top of this roof we feel at peace. watching the stars, the eclipse, she's shivering as she beckons towards me, I pull her closer into me gently, unable to take my eyes off her, the moonlight illuminates her hair, shows off her eyes, making them glow in the darkness, she looks at me and we start to talk, about random things. but then, we talk about us. And then within a moment, her head is on my shoulder, her arms around mine, and I'm kissing her forehead, holding her hand.

"I love you Hannah"

She looks at me, and says "I love you t-

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*

I wake up startled, my alarm clock is beeping at me, I throw it across the room in anger. It was all a dream. Nothing but a dream. And now I have to go and face reality. So I get changed and go to grab the walkman that's playing the tapes, but it's not there?

"I'm sure I left it here?" I ask myself, throwing around pillows and sheets, utter confusion facing me.

And then I hear mom n dad call me down for family breakfast.

"Mom hasn't this run its course now!"

"Mom!"

She's not responding? So I go downstairs, maybe I left it at Tony's? I grab a piece of toast and I notice, it's all not been touched? This is weird.

They start to make conversation, but I notice that they mention going to Grandpas birthday, which was...five months ago?

"Mom he's already had his birthday? Don't you remember?" I ask, starting to worry now that she may have memory loss or something?

But she ignores me again. It's like I'm not here? So I give up and go to leave when finally she acknowledges me.

"Have a good day! Make sure to pick up that list of things on the way home!" Mom tells me

I look down at the list in my hands and I'm really freaked out. It's all things for Grandpas birthday, which happened 5 months ago. On...

No. This can't be happening!

I dash out of the door.  Running as fast as I can until I'm at school. I make my way into the building and go over to my locker when Bryce and the team walk past.

I see her. And i see me. I walk over to her and start talking to her, until she says nevermind I'll see you in Bradley's. And that's when I know.

It's October 9th...

I call her name as I watch her walk away but she doesn't hear me.

And I watch me, walk to next lesson. Unable to help her unable to say anything.  I can't move. I have to stay here. I have to watch her walk the corridor, I have to listen to her say she doesn't care about herself and that she's sorry, I watch her walk to the door

I try to run up to her and talk to her, but she's completely ignoring me? So I shout from the hallway.

I need to warn her! I need to try and save her!

"Hannah! Please don't go I love you! I love you so much!"

Her head turns, as if she's heard me. But then kids disperse out of their lessons and i lose her in the crowd. But then she pushes the door open and all my fears become reality.

"NO!!! Hannah, stay!" I scream desperately. My voice hoarse, and desperate.

Trying to run after her but I can't physically move. Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I watch her walk away. Unable to move. Frozen.

It all makes sense now. The tapes not being there. The walkman not being there. The same conversations at the table.

I'm reliving this day. Over and over.

There must be a way to change it?