All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 74

"Anything else?"

"No... just have fun I guess," I replied. "And try to relax..."

She looked away, pretending to look out the window but I suspected she was trying to hide a blush. I could see her holding herself slightly stiffly, almost like she was nervous. I hated that she obviously didn't feel completely at ease with me and I wondered why. Was she worried about being herself around me? Or was it just that she was still a little shy with me? Maybe she was just being polite, going along with the flow today, humouring me. Maybe she didn't really want to be here.

I tried to push the negative thoughts away, tried to find the confidence that usually came so easily to me. But it didn't with Abby. She was the only girl who'd ever had that effect on me. She left me uncertain, vulnerable even.

"Come on Van, where are you taking me? Are you gonna tell me?" Abby's voice interrupted my thoughts. Countryside was all around us now as we drove into Wales.

"It's a surprise, like I said."

I could see her looking intently at her surroundings as we drove, reading the road signs that we passed. Rhyl, Prestatyn, Colwyn Bay.

"I'd guess we were spending the day at the beach, but then you don't look dressed for the beach," she said thoughtfully. I could see her glancing up and down at me out the corner of my eye.

"Maybe we are..."

We drove past a sign for Llandudno and I saw her sit forward in her seat.

"Llandudno! Michelle told me Bob used to live there. It's where you guys all grew up isn't it? Where you met? Well, apart from Johnny of course."

She sounded excited, pleased with herself that she'd worked it out. I rewarded her with a nod.

"Uh-huh, my old hometown."

"Trip down memory lane, huh?" She said.

"Kind of," I replied. "You know I used to hate it, growing up here in bloody North Wales. It was fine as a kid, but then when I got older... as you can imagine trying to make it as a band here... it wasn't easy to get noticed."

"I get that," she said, looking out at the scenery. "But it's kinda beautiful don't you think?"

"Yeah, it is beautiful..."

I wasn't looking at the lush green fields that rolled past us though. Whilst Abby's attention was elsewhere I took my chance to let my gaze wander over her. Her dress had ridden up her thighs. Her skin looked so soft...

".... dead lucky really..."

I realised Abby was looking at me, waiting for a response.

"Huh? Sorry I... zoned out for a bit there. You gotta be careful on these windy roads..."

If Abby noticed my slightly flustered response she didn't let on, she just repeated herself. I was all ears this time, keeping my eyes on the road.

"I was just saying about growing up in Manchester. I hated living in a huge city. You were really lucky growing up here."

"I didn't realise you grew up in Manchester. When did you move?"

Abby had only spoken about her past once, the night she'd told me about her parents. It was the only time she'd ever really let me in. I wanted to know all about her, everything, the good and the bad.

"Oh... we moved when mum died. Eve said we needed a fresh start..."

She trailed off, looking out the window again. I could feel the sadness radiating off her.