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Oneshot

In the stage clothing - sleek design, futuristic-themed and a perfect match for their debut song in its blue and gold hues, two prince-like space cadets -, Shinji could almost feel like an idol. Almost: the gnawing anxiety ate him from the inside, made him chew his lower lip until it's a raw, bloody mess, and half of him hoped it didn't stain the outfit; the other half was ruminating the same thoughts, over and over and over until they all garbled together.

He wasn't supposed to be an idol; that was the thought resonating in his head, going round and round until the sounds of people milling around and making sure their debut would be a success fade away, morphed into a hazy cloud of fear.

Shinji's logic was clear: he had failed every trial his company, NERV Ent., had put him through, endlessly being passed by better trainees than him, ceaselessly seeing his friends debut, while he stayed behind training.

Everything changed when Misato, one of his many trainers, brought in Kaworu. He knew of Kaworu: he had been part, for a brief time, of a viral dance group. Shinji had seen his videos, had seen him move with grace Shinji thought impossible to have himself, and could barely believe that Kaworu was in front of him.

Misato had explained he'd been signed up to NERV and now they were on a tentative debut schedule, and Kaworu had simply smiled like he knew that they'd debut nonetheless, no matter what, more certain of it than anything else Shinji had ever been.

Now, here they stood: Shinji, nervously chewing his bottom lip, Kaworu looking distracted at the lights overhead, hearing, distant, the sound of Asuka and Rei's unit song - the two were solos idols usually, but since tonight was NERV's twenty-year commemoration show, they were singing together some cutesy song that fit neither of their images and had result in more fights in the training room than Shinji had seen before.

Maybe it was the pressure to perform as best as he could, which - that had never been his strong suit, had it? Shinji had always failed at a crucial step, misstepped, misspoke, failed to reach a note in the middle of a song. He'd then lose his train of thought, freeze up, and be rejected.

This time, though, things had gone right, and so far so good - but until when? Shinji had already been ready to debut so many times he lost count, and every time something had set him back. This was the closest to an actual stage he'd ever gotten, with everything so far seeming like a dream.

"Shinji." Kaworu spoke, soft, and his hands went to Shinji's face. His thumb passed by Shinji's lip, staining the white glove a slight red. "Don't worry."

"How?" He asked, baffled by Kaworu's calm demeanor, as if they weren't seconds away from going into that stage, or maybe hours - time seemingly did not pass behind the stage. "I'm going to fuck up everything, and then we will disband without even debuting properly, and I'm going to disappoint everyone, and, and -"

Kaworu gently pinched Shinji's cheeks, and the slight pressure brought him crashing down to reality, back from the cloud of anxiety and with his feet planted firmly in the ground.

"You won't disappoint me." He heard the fading notes of Rei and Asuka's song, heard the clattering of the staff coming to warn them they would be next as soon as the MC did the introductions, but they all seemed to be muted when compared to Kaworu's gentle voice. "And if we disband, we disband together. We can open a YouTube channel. Just because we didn't make it in one industry doesn't mean we can't make it in others."

Shinji gulped, throat parched. The hands on his face were warm, so impossibly warm. Shinji knew he couldn't, possibly, kiss Kaworu here - but the urge overcame him, crashing as a wave. Maybe later. Maybe, if Kaworu wanted it. Shinji had a feeling Kaworu would want it.

"Alright."

"Thirty seconds, boys!" Said Misato, and Kaworu took off his hands from Shinji's face. The red that stained his thumb was barely noticeable.

"Okay. Thanks, Misato." Kaworu chirped, polite, and Shinji echoed the same platitudes. The other boy offered Shinji a hand, and he took it. "Remember, I'll be there, yeah?"

Shinji nodded, looked into the stage, Mari doing a gag for a moment, giving the technicians a chance to change everything so that their stage would be ready to go.

"Sure." Shinji muttered, hand pressed tighter against Kaworu's. Kaworu smiled only for him, a blush creeping on his face, and Shinji smiled back, feeling himself relax.