Am I crazy? At times I'm convinced I am, not a dangerous crazy but a stupid crazy. The type of crazy that loves a person unconditionally even though they leave nothing but hurt behind. I feel stupid, the same kid thats been hurt a thousand times before and still is a hopeless romantic and a wisher. I blame my mom, she always talked about how the world and people can be so beautiful and kind, full of hope and love. My mom would always joke with me when I was younger because I always found a hope in everything even if I wouldn't admit it. Beginning somedays complaining about the world as I rush out the door quickly grabbing a coat and shoes just to see it. Those days were so much better when I was younger and tomorrow felt so close. Now it just feels like in order to reach tomorrow i have to jump hurdles and leap great bounds only to arrive by the skin of my teeth. I remember waking up so excited knowing I was growing older by the day because the dream at the time was just to grow up, to have my own place, make my own food, be independent. Now I'm 18, living in a basement with cupboards full of ramen, mac and cheese and the famous Hot Pocket. Living each day in the moment rather than sitting on a swing at my elementary school daydreaming about the future. Now the future is a terrifying place, full of debt, uncertain paths and a lot of anxiety. I'm so terrified of what's to come, in high school we were just told what to do, wake up at this time and do that but not like that but like this. Taught to be robots but asked to function like people, with personalities and to have our own thoughts. I'm not crazy, I'm just a robot. (01110000 01100101 01100001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00001101 00001010)
