Unlabeled [Baguio Series #1]

26

"At ipinaramdam niya kasi sa akin na hindi siya aalis, eh. Nagbigay siya ng assurance...na hindi niya ako iiwanan. Every time I am asking for assurance that he'll never leave...that he'll stay, lagi niyang sinasabi na dito lang ako, hindi ako aalis... It feels so...real. It feels so...sincere. Kaya hindi mo masisisi kung bakit umasa ako nang ganito sa kaniya."

Hindi na muna siya nagsalita matapos kong sabihin sa kaniya ang lahat ng iyon. He just watched me cry my heart out as I said all those words. He may scold me for everything, but he never judged me, that's why he's the best friend I've ever have.

When I finally calm myself down, he talked. "At...At least...you learned from him." He said. "At least he left you a lesson to learn. That, you made a mistake that you'll never do again in the future."

I chuckled. "Hindi na ulit ako papasok sa isang unlabeled relationship," I said. "Hindi ko na ulit hahayaan na kainin ako ng anxiety ko that results to bad behaviour with my job. I‟ll never be this marupok ever again." I laughed.

Naningkit ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko. "Baka naman nasasabi mo lang 'yan? Baka malaman ko na lang, inuulit mo na naman..."

I smiled. "We're never sure of anything that can happen in the future. Pero siyempre, if ever na mangyari ulit, at least alam na natin 'yung gagawin natin, 'di ba?"

Ngumiti lang siya at tumango, tsaka ginulo ang buhok ko. Lumabas kami ng kuwarto ko at sabay nang kumain ng almusal.

***

I can still remember when Gian told me a confession, that he's never sure of anything. That it was the worst side of him; na ngayon, pinapakita niyang sigurado siya pero ang totoo ay hindi naman talaga.

I ignored all those signs. All the words he said, na kailangan kong masanay na hindi laging okay o hindi laging masaya, na wala naman talagang sigurado sa kaniya, 'yun na pala 'yon. Pati 'yung pagsasabi niya sa akin na never be the person I am today for the people that I will meet in the future, kasi siguradong aabusuhin ako at ang kabaitan ko.

Siguro gano'n siya. Baka inabuso niya ako masiyado at aware siya doon, kaya binigyan niya ako ng signs na ganoon nga...na, huwag na akong maging ganito sa susunod; sa halip ay maging cold person ako the way he met me.

One of the things I can never accept is the fact that I let my guards down because I trusted him. I've build all those walls to protect me; so that people won't use me to their advantage. Pero para sa kaniya, ibinaba ko.

I became an open book for him, not knowing that the person is not a book lover; he never really cared.

Kasi kung may pakialam siya, he will give me reasons, not sorry's, right? Kung mahalaga sa kaniya ang pinagsamahan namin, he'll never let me beg for answers from him; he would never allow my mind to be filled with unanswered questions.

O wala talagang sagot sa mga tanong ko?

Na wala naman talagang dahilan ang pag-alis niya?

Na...napagtripan niya lang dumating sa buhay ko at umalis.

Pero ngayon kasi, for me, enough na 'yung sorry niya to answer my questions.

When he said sorry after I asked him why he left, parang doon pa lang, alam ko na...na wala naman talaga sa kaniya ang pinagsamahan namin. Na, isa lang ako sa mga babaeng naka-landian niya.

He ghosted me.

For some people, it is normal. Kasi lahat naman daw ng taong nakikipag-landian nang walang relasiyon, nararanasang ma-ghost. Sobrang daming tao na nga ang nakaranas nito, at alam kong hindi lang ako.